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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Help me read my cats mind….

6 replies

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 13/06/2022 11:40

I adopted a dear little approx 6 month old kitten from the Shelter last year. He had an unsettled start to life - he had 2-3 homes before the Shelter, then was in the Shelter cage for 2-3 weeks, then came home to me.

Right from the start he was fiercely independent - no safe room for him! He wanted to be out, exploring the entire house. He went under everything, climbed on top of everything - he knew every pocket of my house within a week!

He was a typical kitten - very scratchy and always wanting to play (I asked advice on him before):

www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_litter_tray/4373635-Help-with-a-scratchy-kitten

and as he got older his scratching settled down. However he still (at now 18 months), doesn’t want to sit on my lap or purr at all or ‘make biscuits’. He does do slow blinking, and always wants to be near me (he will find me wherever I am - even the bathroom! And follow me from rooms). He wouldn’t have loved to be at outside cat, but he couldn’t be at my house.

Fast forward - I got a new job that required several moves, so my parents offered to take my Dcat for until I got settled (probably 12-18 months). They are not ‘cat people’ but they do like animals and have an older, small dog, that I thought DCat might like (as I think he would like company). They are also retired, and home a lot of the time (as I had started to go back to work, and he was a bit lonely). Also, they live on a bit of land, so DCat has been able to transition to going outside from about 8-4pm every day, which he loves. He climbs trees, hides in the bushes, goes adventuring, but always fairly close to the house, as he likes to be near people. Since he’s been going outside he has stopped playing with a lot of his toys and is v sleepy in the house - it seems clear he needed more mental stimulation than he was getting and the outside trips are giving it to him.

He would love to be friends with their little dog, but she is old and the friendship attempts annoy her. She just ignores him.

Finally, my parents also have a big roaring fireplace (it’s winter here), and he loves curling up as close as he can to it, and sleeping in front of it all night.

He moved in with them 3 months ago. I visited him last weekend (3rd time I have visited), and each time he has come running over to me, and licked my hand several times on arrival. After that, he kind of ignores me but always stays close to people. Before, when living with him, he wouldn’t come running to me or lick me, but would always stay close.

My question is - I am so upset about having to have left him. I miss him so much. Intellectually I know this is the way it has to be for now, and I am grateful my parents can give him a good home, but I miss him. I also feel bad that I am yet another home he had that didn’t last after those first turbulent 6 months he had (albeit, he was with
me for 7 months).

I guess I am hoping to know he is happy, and that he recognises me and loves me. I wish he would purr, but he never has.

Can anyone set my mind at ease….do you think cats have long memories, or is he just looking into the fire and has forgotten all about his first turbulent year of life?!?

OP posts:
FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 13/06/2022 11:42

Photo tax!

Help me read my cats mind….
OP posts:
JoanOgden · 13/06/2022 16:41

Hello! You and your cat both sound lovely. And it is clear that a) he is happy living with your parents, and b) he still recognises you and is fond of you. So I don't think you should feel bad about anything.

Beamur · 13/06/2022 16:46

I think cats are far more resilient than dogs with regards to previous distress and rehoming. They seem good at making the most of where they are.
Sounds like your cat is settled with your parents and still happy to greet you.
I don't think you should worry. Licking is a friendly sign.

lljkk · 13/06/2022 16:46

Animals especially cats live in the moment. You pine for the past you had or wanted, he's just happy how he is.

Basilbrushgotfat · 13/06/2022 21:22

I guess I am hoping to know he is happy, and that he recognises me and loves me

He does. The licks he gave you told you so. Cats do have long memories, he loves you! He wouldn't have behaved that way if he didn't! As for purrs and cuddles, those will come as he gets older. Some cats take a few years to become lap cats, but they get there.

And all cats mellow :)

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 13/06/2022 23:00

Thank you everyone.

He seems very happy and content when I visit or in photos, and I know he is having the best of food etc. I just get quite upset when I see him, and I really hope he doesn’t forget me, or see me as one of the people who just passed him on, like the earlier houses and Shelter he went through from 0-6 months. He and I had 7 months together and he had every toy he could wish for, so I hope he remembers it fondly. Also he had met my parents quite a few times before the move, just due to general visiting (although Covid - so not lots of visiting). Therefore, they weren’t complete strangers to him. And he got to keep all his toys and bedding etc in the move. But as I said, moves and new places have never bothered him, if anything, it makes him happy to find a new place to explore.

I’m glad you all think the licks is positive. He doesn’t do it with anyone else. So maybe part of him does recognise that I am still his mother, and we’ll be together again, even if he doesn’t know the long term plans to come back to me.

Seeing him just makes me so sad - I’m happy he looks so content, but sad as I miss him!

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