Help with a scratchy kitten!

[FollowYourOwnNorthStar]

Hi Everyone, I have a an approx 8 month old kitten for the last 7 weeks. He came from a Shelter and had quite a few homes before that, so his first 1-5 months were quite chaotic.

He is fearless - from day 1 he wanted to explore the house, he constantly looks for adventurous high things to jump on and has never wanted to hide away.

He isn’t a snuggler, he will never curl up on the couch with me, but he always knows where I am and if I leave a room, he will too. He will play separately, but if he sits or lies down he wants to be within 4m of me or curled up at my feet. He doesn’t like being patted and rarely purrs.

I put a lot of this down to his early life. He was in several different homes where he wasn’t really wanted and then a Shelter (cage) for a few weeks. I thought he probably never had someone want to pat him, or have him snuggle up or felt safe enough to purr.

I’m slowly working on all these things.

But they big thing is, every time I go to pat him, he wants to bite/scratch my hands. My hands look awful - to the point people are commenting and getting concerned. I have been slowly teaching him hands aren’t toys, and directing him to scratching posts and other toys. He is also learning this himself and is now more gentle with his bite and his claws when we do play.

But it makes me sad to have a cat that doesn’t enjoy a pat, and sees every interaction as an attack (or playtime). After 7-8 weeks, he will now let me pat him prior to giving him wet food. Is that a victory and do I keep going, or do I have to admit I have lost the chance to socialise him to patting, as it should have occurred when he was younger?!?

Photo tax!

Persevere, he'll get there! I have a 2yo cat that I rescued at approx 5mo - literally off the street, so I have no idea of her past. However, I don't suspect she was with her mother for long as her bite inhibition was none existent! She 'chews' gently now as opposed to biting me, and is otherwise the sweetest creature, although not a cuddly lap cat either. Has your cat been neutered yet?

He looks comically annoyed in that picture! Cats, like people, are different with different personalities and they do like to be petted different ways- different strokes for different folks, as they say! Avoid the top of the head- lots of cats don't like being petted there- and try different techniques. A good rule of thumb is to let them come to you- hold out a hand and see if he comes to sniff it and rub against it, rather than going in for an unsolicited pat.

My boy was exactly the same as a kitten. He was a nightmare, ruined sofas and curtains and meant we had zero sleep.

This is him now aged 3. He's like a duckling and always has to be near me or sitting on me.

Is there any way you could rescue a second, older cat? Girl cat was a huge part of showing boy cat what's acceptable and what's not. She still puts him in his place from time to time.

I'd glove up.
snug wooly type gloves
Lots of sniffs of back of hand and talking to him
Can you pet him while he's eating without getting scratched?

Yes, he let’s me give him lovely long pats in the morning and just before food. In both cases he will lie on the ground and I can pat him head to tail in long strokes or behind his ears, but he gets tired of it after about 3 strokes and/or 60 seconds. I see this as progress, but even after weeks of trying I’m still only at these 2 times of the day. Any time outside of these two times an attempt at a pat is met with biting/grabbing/kicking and he wants to play.

I know he likes me, as above, he has to be in the same room as me, and rarely let’s me get more than 4m away, it’s just affectionate physical touch seems to be something he hasn’t had much of (which is a sad thing) so he see touching as always aggressive.

@FollowYourOwnNorthStar

Yes, he let’s me give him lovely long pats in the morning and just before food. In both cases he will lie on the ground and I can pat him head to tail in long strokes or behind his ears, but he gets tired of it after about 3 strokes and/or 60 seconds. I see this as progress, but even after weeks of trying I’m still only at these 2 times of the day. Any time outside of these two times an attempt at a pat is met with biting/grabbing/kicking and he wants to play.

I know he likes me, as above, he has to be in the same room as me, and rarely let’s me get more than 4m away, it’s just affectionate physical touch seems to be something he hasn’t had much of (which is a sad thing) so he see touching as always aggressive.

So cute though, he's obviously quite content!

If I were you, I'd stop pushing your luck with the stroking. Just one or two gentle strokes and then stop. Best thing when they are lying down like in the 2nd pic is to approach them from the back and not the legs/belly side.

One of mine won't tolerate belly rubs - he'd sooner take your arm off - but he's a loving softy otherwise.

Maybe invest in a long-handled soft brush and use that for a while, and next time you go to the vet's ask them to clip his claws.

Our little black ball of fluff was exactly the same, please don't worry!

He's now 17 months old and while not a lap cat he will headbutt you, purr, and loves a cuddle. He'll get there, just letting his inner panther out for now!

Also, try slow-blinking: Make eye contact and then slowly blink, he'll do it back to you eventually - it's a non-threatening sign of affection and was a turning point with our boy.

The scratching is communication. He doesn't want the amount of fuss you're trying to give him, so I think you need to back off a bit and let him come to you.

My oldest cat is a rescue and it took him about four months before he would tolerate even five seconds of stroking, so it sounds like yours is doing amazingly well considering his background.

I think it's important with animals to let them approach you for attention instead of you approaching them. Your cat knows you'll fuss him and if he wants that attention from you, he'll approach you or signify that he wants you to stroke him - you don't need to keep approaching him.

If he's happy to play near you and follow you around, he's clearly pretty happy so it may just be that he's not a cat that enjoys a fuss. Many cats are quite happy to just be fed and watered, lol.

My "non-affectionate" rescue will now approach me for fuss several times a day, wind himself round my legs and demand head-butts every morning :) but it's taken a good three years to get him to that level and he still only likes affection on his terms and for short periods of time.

Just be patient :)

It took my timid rescue 13 weeks to go in our bedroom, now she struts around with confidence. She was hand shy, scared of pump spray bottles and me coughing. She’s made massive progress but we’ve just been consistent with her.

I just wanted to say thank you for giving this handsome boy a chance and not giving up on him. 💕

Thank you for the good advice everyone. To answer some questions:

Yes, @Shmithecat2 the Shelter neutered him at what we think was 6 months old, just before I collected him.

@ThirdElephant I have tried holding out a hand and waiting for him to approach, but what he does is attack/bite it! The same if I am a bit more proactive and gently stroke under his ears or his back, he gets excited and immediately turns it into biting/play. I know it is in good fun, I can tell he isn’t malicious about the biting, and he genuinely wants to play.

I know that play fighting has a part in kittens/cats lives, but it is making me a bit sad that he seems to think the only way a human can interact with him is an an aggressive way (even if it is only a play/aggressive way) and not a loving way.

@JorisBonson I would love to get a second cat (especially as I worry about him being lonely when I’m not here, he is quite attached to me, even coming in the shower and toilet!) but I just don’t think I could do two cats. Especially as it is a lottery as to whether they get on or not…..

@YeOldeTrout yes, during wet food time he is so focused on the plate I could do anything to him! He also lies down on his back and presents his stomach for patting when I am getting his wet food ready. He won’t tolerate it for long, but he doesn’t attach my hand then. Maybe because he is so focused on what is to come!

@butterflyze the brunch sounds like a good idea. He attacks wands I have (with butterflies etc at the end) so I hope this won’t be the same!

@FluffEverywhere this is encouraging! And I will start trying the slow blinking today.

@icedcoffees yes, I think this might be it. He is very independent. From the first day I had prepared a ‘safe room’ for him and boxes to hide in, but he wanted none of it and wanted to check out the entire house top to bottom! I also think having so many people in his short life, maybe he learnt not to get to attached, to be independent, look after himself and not rely on a human. I know a lot of these are cat traits anyway! But the fact he follows me everywhere, and wants to engage with the play fighting, makes me think he wants more affection, he just doesn’t know how or what it could be.

Ah well - cats!

And thank you @BaggiesBride it was a big adjustment for us both when he came home, but we are learning. He has every toy imaginable and is on the best food, so I am trying to make up for the first 6 months of his life. I think his only wish would be to also go outside, but that’s not happening for now :)

You may find his personality changes as he settles down more. Like I say, my big rescue hated being touched at first - he would tolerate it from me but DH would get a swift scratch and a hiss for even attempting it

However nowadays he meows for attention and will actively seek it out, though it still has to be on his terms and he won't accept it for too long.

Weirdly though, he loves my 9yo niece and will accept fuss from her for hours

I am sure he will calm down.. Has he started attacking your legs yet? Our boy used to do that every time I walked by him, He'd attach himself to my leg! Only me though, not DP..!

Good luck with him and keep us updated! He will settle soon enough :)

It's not aggression - it's how cats play (but I know it doesn't feel like that in the moment!).
Very normal for kittens / adolescents (many rescues encourage people to take a pair so they can play with each other instead of hunting your feet).

Our current boy (we got a single as we have an older cat but I wish I'd got two) is 18 months and finally seems to have grown out of running up me and trying to sit on my head (using claws to hold on). Feet under the duvet are still not safe. I'm very grateful he never had a sneak attacking ankles phase as that is painful!!

Our old boy never really learnt to say when he'd had stroking, we had to regulate that for him as otherwise he would nip.

Long feathery toys on a stick are great for distancing hands from play too.

Kittens, like puppies, and human babies, chew, bite, scratch. He's learning. When he hurts your hands, give him his toys to play with.

Cats generally don't like their belly being touched, the area is quite sensitive