Cat hit by car. It’s not looking good - how do we tell 3 year old?

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Our lovely ginger cat has been knocked over tonight. Dp has taken him to the emergency vet but it’s not looking good.

He’s only 6.

We have a 3 year old who loves him if the worst happens how do we tell him?

Fuckssake he’s such a good cat. I can’t even remember if I’ve stroked him today.

Oh how awful! Maybe there is some hope, as the vets are so well equipped these days. I hope so

I’m so sorry. There is an episode of topsy and Tim where Mossy the dog dies. A bit different circumstances but you could watch that together and then say that your cat has gone to the same place as Mossy so they can be friends?

Oh I'm so sorry OP, that's just so upsetting. Poor little thing.

We sadly went through the same experience when DD was 2.5. DH and I sat her down together, removed distractions and just explained in simple honest language: "DD, we have some sad news, the cat was hit by a car this morning and he died. He won't be living with us anymore because he died. We are very sad it's ok if you are sad too."

What happened was she didn't really say anything straight away and then asked to watch Peppa Pig. It took several days and even weeks and months for it to sink. She talked about him for a long time afterwards and told people she had just met about her cat and how he had died.

I definitely favour the age-appropriate honesty approach. I think we can tie ourselves in knots trying to soften things for kids but it can often lead to more confusion anxiety.

I am so sorry. Cats are so lovely.

I'm so sorry OP - this reminded me so strongly of our own experience that I wrote as though your cat had been killed outright - I do hope it pulls through

:( I'm sorry OP. IME children of that age are very much as ChocolateGlory says: react as though they don't mind but process it over a longer period.

I hope your cat pulls through.

When we went through this with one child of a similar age I let her see the body, I explained and we petted the cat and we buried her and we both had a cry, seemed to work OK, she made things to put on the little grave and like a PP told everyone about her dead cat for a bit.
When my DC were a bit older we had to have the remaining and very old cat PTS at the vets and we let the DC come with us for the process, and again we petted the cat before and after death and then took him home to bury. I’d actually say younger was easier actually as with the older cat they were so matter of fact as to be practically mercenary. Mind you they had lost several family members by that point too, poor kids.

I hope it’s good news for your Kitty.

Thanks for the replies all.

Had an update from dp and cat is now able to stand and is in an oxygen box with a possible broken jaw. Though is panting. They are keeping him overnight and will do ultrasound and blood tests in the morning. So we will wait and see.

Dp came home a few mins ago telling me about the blood that was on the road while 3yo was sat with me watching the bedtime story 🤦‍♀️.
We have told him Dcat is at the vets because he was hurt by a car.

Ds definitely understood immediately and we have had some tears and he’s is saying he really likes Dcat and wants to stroke him. Etc.

sad times all round.

We will see what the morning holds. He’ll be an expensive little bastard if he pulls through for a £40 gumtree kitten. Worth it though if he can recover.

He's beautiful. Hopes and prayers for his recovery

Oh he's gorgeous, hope he pulls through 🤞

Poor little kitty. I really really hope he can pull through. Do you have a garden? Perhaps you could enclose it so he has the freedom to come and go from the house but can't get out onto the road.

If he doesn't make it I agree with those who say be direct and don't use euphemisms. There are books and children's TV episodes that can help children understand and come to terms with death.

Keep us updated, and everything crossed for him!

Keeping absolutely everything crossed for you OP.

Our cat broke her jaw. It happened when she stayed out one night. She had it wired and it was awful for a few weeks but she made a full recovery. Best of luck.

He's a beautiful boy. All our paws crossed for him.

He’s done the hardest bit and survived the impact. A broken jaws not a huge problem it’s tail end issues that affect them so hopefully it was a glancing blow & nothing more.

Mine didn’t and I’ll never forgive myself.

The vet has called. Looks like a broken jaw for sure - he will need tube feeding twice a day @Thunderface how did you find that with your cat?

He is getting some X-rays done tonight to check for punctured lungs as apparently his breathing still isn’t great but apparently no news is good news there so we just have to see if they call in the next few hours.

I think they also want to check his liver and kidney function but I’m thinking that might be blood tests tomorrow? Fortunately all his legs are working though that might be the only positive. I’m praying it’s just tube feeding and a few weeks of cage rest.

Can you go and see him?

Sorry to hear about your beautiful cat. I hope he pulls through

We didn't have to tube feed. Our cat was wired in the lower jaw/chin area. It was definitely a challenge. She had to eat soft, almost liquid food. She did lose quite a bit of weight.
She couldn't clean herself properly which was distressing for her.
She bounced back amazingly well once the wire was removed.

So sorry to hear that your poor cat has been hurt.

If the worse does happen then kids need honesty and simplicity.

'There was an accident and Dcat was hurt very badly. The vet tried really hard to fix him but he was too hurt and he died. It's ok to be sad, I'm sad too because we loved him'.

Having had to tell my 5yo brother that mum had died it really is important to not use metaphors or vague 'he's gone away to a better place' type messages, it's confusing and they can't apply any previous learned knowledge to it so they take the message at face value and want to know where that better place is, when they'll be back, when you can visit......l

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. We had to tell our 3 year old that our cat had been hit by a car and died in November. We sat him down together and told him simply "meowcat ran in the road and got hit by a car and he died" ds was very matter of fact and even wiped my tears off my face (couldn't help a few silent ones).

Should the worst happen dont be surprised if ds reaction is a bit off - mine went from being sad his cat had died to saying he was glad because now the cat wouldn't drink his milk 🤦‍♀️

He still talks about it and has asked for another - think we will look at rescues in the summer to see if they have any kittens but I didn't want him to think you can just replace instantly. He does bring up death and tells us he doesn't want us to die but I think that's also a relatively normal stage at this age. He will tell people quite openly about the cat and say "but we've got lovely memories of him". Just be led by ds.

However, saying that, things look like they might be cautiously positive for your boy? Fingers crossed for you

Hope you have good news of your lovely boy soon. He is a most handsome fellow.

So sorry OP.

The Blue Cross have a really useful guide on this if you Google it, but the main thing as others have said is age appropriate honesty and staying away from abstract concepts.

When dropping ds off at nursery today the first thing he told them was “we don’t have a cat anymore” 😭 hoping it doesn’t come to that.

We have told him the vet is trying to fix the cat but he’s been quite badly hurt. Lots of questions about hospitals this morning too.

Cat is uninsured so me and dp have agreed a 1-2k “budget” for him and are darkly joking about the coming kitten season. We will be devastated if it does come to that though.

I keep imagining I’m seeing the cat out of the corners of my eyes when moving around the house and the wind is rattling the catflaps.
Mostly I’m trying to keep busy while waiting to hear about the next call.

Best wishes to your cat OP, it does sound positive so far!

I'm so sorry and really hope your gorgeous cat pulls through.

I've been through this twice. First cat was 6 months old. She got herself home dragging her back legs behind her. 5 fractures to her pelvis. £2k and a metal plate later she was good as new, albeit she always had a very narrow, almost pointed, rear end - and she lived until she was 19!

The next cat was a 4 year old rescue, we'd only had him 4 months. It was too late when we found him. He was an amazing cat That hit us really hard. The DC were 3 and 5 I think. We told them honestly but simply what had happened. They were sad on and off for a week or so but got over it far more quickly than DH and I.