Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

I’ve got my cat back - how do I keep him and make it work?

38 replies

ProfessorInkling · 17/10/2021 07:59

My beautiful big cat has been missing for ages - taken in by a local woman who I guess he liked because she fed him. I’ve got him back because she eventually took him to the vets and he is chipped.

Vet advises that this woman, lovely and well-intentioned though she may be, does not see why she cannot have him. They said I should keep him in for at least a fortnight because if he goes back I might not see him again. They were very clear about this, she wanted to keep him and was disappointed that he is chipped.

He’s always been an outdoorsy cat though, it’s quiet where we live so have always felt okay with the cat flap open 24/7, I have two other cats as well.

How do I keep him in and make him happy? He was so pleased to see me when I collected him but he does not want to stay in at all. I’m worried he will break through the locked cat flap and that will be that. Any advice would be really welcome.

OP posts:
TenThousandSpoons · 17/10/2021 08:00

Do you know where the other lady lives?

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 17/10/2021 08:03

If possible you can cat proof your garden and get rollers on the top of the fences to stop him getting out.

I would keep him inside for a full three weeks/month if you can especially with the cold weather coming. She may have moved onto another cat by then.

Do you know where she lives? I would suggest kill with kindness, take an enormous bunch of flowers round with cards and pictures from the children and say how grateful you are that she found him and looked after him. You’re so happy he’s home.

Alternatively would you move? It sounds extreme but may be worth the peace of mind if you were already looking for/thinking about a new house?

gunnersgold · 17/10/2021 08:05

I'd find out where she lives and if he goes missing again go straight round and get him .. every single time! She should have got him checked for a chip! Is go mad if someone tried to keep my cat !

zafferana · 17/10/2021 08:14

I really hate this sort of thing OP and it seems depressingly common - that someone decides they want to keep your cat and so make a play for them, feeding them and making a fuss and cats are gits sometimes - a home is a home right?

If I were you, I'd call the police and get advice from them on what your legal position is. If your cat is microchipped, then he's yours and surely she can't just steal him? I can't imagine a dog owner being told that if their dog wandered off again and a neighbour claimed then that would be that. Anyway, make sure that the police make a note. Do you know who this woman is and where she lives? If so, I'd go and knock on her door and tell her that if your cat disappears again you'll be sending the police round to get him back next time.

And yes, I'd keep him in for a couple of weeks, if you have to put a piece of board over the cat flap. Cats, IME, have short memories (apart from for traumatic events), and hopefully with a bit of TLC from you he'll forgot this cat-napping bitch!

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/10/2021 08:36

Cats have really good memories so I’d cat proof, you can diy it with wire and metal brackets cheaply from diy shops or buy kits off amazon.

Someone tried to kidnap my departed Bengal once, dh saw her and stopped it but she was quite insistent he looked just like her Bengal boy who was missing. She had a cat carrier with her to box him.

TaraR2020 · 17/10/2021 08:40

As above.
Also, if he goes missing again I'd report to the police, they'll be able to find this woman easily enough.

Stickytreacle · 17/10/2021 09:26

I'd cat proof your garden, the sending of flowers etc. is probably the right way to go, but I'd be worried that she took it that you were glad she'd taken him in.
I think I'd consider sending a solicitor's letter stating that it is classed as theft to keep an animal without checking for a chip, and if he is detained by her in future then action will be taken.

The vets seem concerned enough to think she will do it again, and presumably avoid ever taking the cat to a vet in case his chip is checked.

Want2beme · 17/10/2021 10:31

That's a really tough one. Cats will just do what they want to do and just don't give a hoot. Apart from cat-proofing or keeping him in permanently, I can't think of another way.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 17/10/2021 10:34

@Stickytreacle

I'd cat proof your garden, the sending of flowers etc. is probably the right way to go, but I'd be worried that she took it that you were glad she'd taken him in. I think I'd consider sending a solicitor's letter stating that it is classed as theft to keep an animal without checking for a chip, and if he is detained by her in future then action will be taken. The vets seem concerned enough to think she will do it again, and presumably avoid ever taking the cat to a vet in case his chip is checked.
Is this true though? I thought cats can't be stolen in law?
EmmaGrundyForPM · 17/10/2021 10:36

I would take flowers to her and make it very clear that he has a loving home with you.

We have a woman in our village who puts out bowls of cat food in front of her house because "she likes to see the cats". Cats frequently go missing and are found outside her house. She always claims that she thought they were strays, but as she doesn't drive she can't take them to a vet. She knows perfectly well that they belong to other people.

At the end of the day, though, cats are fickle creatures and will go where they want.

Original poster
ProfessorInkling · 17/10/2021 20:44

Thanks everyone for the advice and support - OW made me feel a bit crap tbh.

I love all my cats very much but my roamer has always been adventurous and not always here - or sometimes he’ll come in and eat and sleep and then disappear for a day or two.

OW tells me she volunteers for a cat charity. She lost a cat recently and I guess mine filled that gap. But if she works with cats you’d think she’d have some ethics around feeding and keeping someone else’s cat?

He usually has a collar and I’ve probably replaced it half a dozen times this year. When he did begin spending longer away from home I started buying collars that say ‘do not feed me I have a home’. She will have seen this.

Anyway the wee shite got out last night because DC left the bathroom window open for about 10 seconds to evict a spider. DC v upset with self so what can I say - OW text me within a few minutes saying ‘I understood you would be keeping him in!’

Cat is pretty happy mostly and doesn’t seem distressed but we have had a poo and a wee in corners of the house, I have shown him his litter tray many times, hopefully he gets it 😬

OP posts:
urbanbuddha · 17/10/2021 20:48

Give him his favourite treats regularly. She's probably been doing this.

TaraR2020 · 17/10/2021 20:49

OW text me within a few minutes saying ‘I understood you would be keeping him in!’

Shock

It isn't any business of hers whether your cat is indoors or outdoors! Her only business is to mind her own and stop stealing your cat - I hope you told her as much (in politer terms)!

Brollywasntneededafterall · 17/10/2021 20:53

Well now you know he has a home please get your own dcat...
Cf imo.

legosunqueen · 17/10/2021 20:57

She's got a cheek! Just because he's out she has no right to take him in, I'd make this clear in a text & call the police

Brollywasntneededafterall · 17/10/2021 21:04

Google tells me this op..

I’ve got my cat back - how do I keep him and make it work?
Original poster
ProfessorInkling · 17/10/2021 22:32

Thanks for the backup! I can be really assertive but something about this made me revert to feeling like a child being told off.

OW doesn’t know that I know her address btw. I gave her mind as she brought DCat back - I asked to collect him but she said she’d drive round instead. She had him loose in her car!

Beloved beautiful boy is in the kitchen tonight with his pals, their selection of cosy beds, dreamies. Fingers crossed there’s no prison break overnight and also no poo catastrophe.

OP posts:
soddingkitten · 17/10/2021 22:38

OW doesn’t know that I know her address btw. I gave her mind as she brought DCat back - I asked to collect him but she said she’d drive round instead. She had him loose in her car!

She sounds absolutely bonkers. Who the hell drives with a cat loose in the car? If he got in the driver’s footwell all hell could break loose!

Original poster
ProfessorInkling · 18/10/2021 07:33

I couldn’t believe it! He’s so strong too.

No breakout and no poo catastrophe but he hasn’t used the litter tray which concerns me a bit. How do I encourage this?

It has a lid which I took off in case he wasn’t sure about going in. It’s in a quiet space with no one watching, etc.

OP posts:
Blankspace4 · 18/10/2021 07:35

That woman has a darn cheek!!!

Re the litter box yes maybe take the lid off and put him it it and maybe use the scooper the scrape about a bit. Is he only used to going (to the loo) outside?

Theunamedcat · 18/10/2021 07:41

Cat proof your garden

Get a cat harness and walk him around the garden you can even get like a leash system where they are tied to a stake in the ground so the can't go out of the garden

IslaPineappple · 18/10/2021 07:44

If she called and bought him back maybe you can tell her to leave him alone and let him out?

Original poster
ProfessorInkling · 18/10/2021 08:15

Thank you, we have a poo in the litter tray 🙏🏻

It was nearly under DDs bed but I heard him scratching and so did the marathon my-cat-is-going-to-poo sprint. Litter tray is large but I realise now it is not large enough

I did wonder about a harness but he’s got super human strength and might just escape.

Yes it’s a good sign that she brought him back. But when she did she gave a long lecture about not letting cats out at night. So I don’t want him to show up there late, and her think fuck it she can’t want him that much then. But it will come to that I will have to let him back out at some point and will tell her so and not to feed or let him in.

She was v insistent that I mustn’t think of her as a cat napper.

She should’ve stayed anonymous.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 18/10/2021 08:17

This is going to sound harsh @ProfessorInkling but I think you need to consider the welfare of your cat here. Your cat has chosen to not live with you - that sends a clear message he is unhappy at home. It's very unlikely to be because the other woman feeds him (I assume you do to) and much more about the fact he's forced to live in a multicat household with no core territory of his own. This living arrangement is incredibly stressful for many cats.

If she's a good person (and she does sound responsible) and he wants to live with her, then why are you forcing him to live with you? It's likely to make him unhappy and stressed in the longterm. It may actually be a case of if you love him, you should consider handing him over as that may be the best decision for him. Cats are interesting in that unlike dogs they are often able to choose their homes, and they will choose the home that best meets their needs. Forcing a cat to live in a place he doesn't want to isn't likely to be a pleasant experience for anyone.

However If you want to try and make it work with 3 cats at home, you'll need to ensure the environment is optimised - lots of 3D space and multiple resources see guidance here:

journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1098612X13477537

You also need to spend time on building your relationship with him - lots of play, affection and stroking. If he's bonded to you he won't leave.

Fundamentally it's very easy to blame her for 'feeding' him but the reality is that if he felt your house was home and was bonded to you, then he wouldn't choose to leave.

Original poster
ProfessorInkling · 18/10/2021 10:54

I can see where you are coming from of course, but I am not sure that it's applicable here.

I have three cats: one old boy who is a lovely docile soul and spends most of his time in my DS's room. And two brothers, one of which is my adventurer, the other a total baby who wants to spend his entire life on someones - anyones - shoulder/head/face - he cannot get close enough and always wants more.

They are all chilled, there is no hostility between them, and they are all very happy here. DCat is purring away at my feet right now. He is not trying to escape, but he is not and does not want to be a house cat.

OW is very close geographically and he has not been entirely absent but for the last few weeks. Coincidentally this is since her own cat died.

I don't think good people feed and keep other peoples animals for weeks on end without taking them to the vet to check for a microchip.

I cannot tether him to the house but give him away? No. My daughter chose and named him, he is part of our family. We love him and he is happy here.

OP posts: