Please help - New 6 month old shelter kitten

[FollowYourOwnNorthStar]

Hi everyone, I could really use some experienced words from cat owners.

I just got my (approx) 6 month old shelter kitten yesterday. He was in two homes and not wanted in each before being left at the Shelter. He was there 8 days (cold, 1m x 1m x 1m cage) and neutered the day before I collected him. I’m know they did try and play with him out of the cage for a bit each day and they said he was friendly, but I understand the limitations of the Shelter and he still spent long hours in the cage.

Even after all this bad start to life, he is lovely (will post photo). He is perfectly litter trained (even with different litter than the Shelter, and despite having bad diarrhea, he has pooped in the tray every time (except once when he had been 7 times in it already in a short period and it was full. Then he pooped on the towel next to the tray. So polite!)

I made the laundry a ‘safe space’ for him, with the tray, his food, toys and some beds, boxes and scratching poles etc and thought it would want to spend a day or two in just there after the operation and as it’s a new person and house.

He didn’t wanted to stay there and has wanted to explore my house from the start. I went in and sat with him for 20 mins sessions on the first day, but by midday it was clear he wanted to get exploring, so I’ve been letting him out in 1 hour, then 2 hour sessions, and he goes everywhere and when I say no (scratching something he should or jumping on the kitchen bench) he actually stops doing it.

He is such a good boy.

He is still doing nights in the laundry.

The problem is me. I find myself so worried he will poop somewhere he shouldn’t (either because he forgets where the litter tray is, or he is caught short by his diarrhea, or I read about cats who poop on your pillow as they are mad at you.

When he was exploring he was in everywhere (squashed himself flat and went under my treadmill! Did huge jumps and terrified himself and fell) and I was worried about his insides after the surgery, so I put him in the laundry again to protect him from himself. Now he has seen the whole house he seems to be calmer and just looking for sunlight to sleep in, but I worry.

I’m short - he is doing anything great, I am the mess that is worried about poop and smell (can’t open windows as he will jump out!) and litter tracking through the house and it is making me so upset.

And I don’t think he even likes me! We had one moment yesterday where he crawled in my lap and he put his paw on my hand and I was telling him we would figure out how to do this together. He may have purred then for a second, or I may have imagined it. He hasn’t purred since.

Please tell me it gets better? I was thinking I should take him back to the Shelter. They had a waiting list for him (there is a waiting list for all cats at the moment) and then he could go to someone who really loves him. I don’t want to do this as he is wonderful, I just didn’t think the start would be so hard and I would be so unhappy.

Just for info - I am in Australia in one of the Shutdown areas. Work and life is pretty hard right now. I don’t know if this is making the cat situation seem worse than it really is.

You only got him yesterday, take a deep breath and relax.
He sounds like he's doing fine. Give him time and you will both find your way.
My cats have never pooed on any pillows despite being frequently cross with me.

He should have two litter trays ideally

He sounds like he is fine and wants to be friends

Can I ask what your expectations were with a kitten?

He's only been with you for 5 minutes so try and calm down and take things slowly. You both need time to adjust to each other but you will get there

@Theunamedcat I was hoping for an older cat from the Shelter, perhaps one who’s owner had to go into Care couldn’t care for them anymore. However, cats are in such high demand I didn’t have a choice. I thought that as he was (they guessed) a 6
month old kitten, he would be a bit more mature and litter trained than a 3 month old. I expected I would have to spend time socialising him and playing with him and had bought toys and cat trees etc for him to play and jump on.

I thought he would sleep more (16 hours a day?) I thought he would need more time to recover from surgery and more time to get to know me and the house, so there would be more downtime. I feel like I am babysitting a toddler than I have to watch and walk behind every second. Is that normal after less than 36 hours? I am putting him in the laundry to give me a break at times.

Drop your expectations of him to immediately sit on your knee purring! This might help: icatcare.org/advice/helping-your-new-cat-or-kitten-settle-in/

He had 4 long stints in the whole house today, returning to the laundry for about 2 hours between each one, to make sure he is using the litter tray and giving us a break.

What you're describing is completely normal for a kitten and it sounds like you have been lucky and have got a very well-behaved and considerate one. Give him time, he has to get to know and trust you. I am a bit concerned by all your references to worries about 'poop' though. Cats are brilliant at finding their litter tray, even when they are tiny and I have never had a cat 'revenge poo' me - and I don't know anyone else who has either. However, as a cat owner, you are going to have to learn to deal with cat poo as sometimes when they are ill they will have accidents, they will also chuck up at times too. You need a good enzyme cleaner for when that happens and to accept that it's part of having a cat. You will find this is a tiny price to pay for the comfort and joy a snuggly cat will bring you. Also, don't worry about the purring, some cats have a very quiet purr at first.

Give it time but if you find your cat too needy maybe you need another cat!
We got a kitten (3 months) a couple weeks ago, and were torn about getting two, but stuck with one. We have dogs and it took about four days before he felt comfortable hanging out with them around, and even then I'd put him out of the living room if things were getting too intense. But he was very demanding, waking up very early and just wanting attention. We played with him etc, but felt he might be lonely being separated from us with the dogs in the evenings. So we got his sister a week later and they play so much and entertain each other. They are still demanding as you would expect kittens to be, but it's not full time.
The second kitty is getting used to the dogs (and they are adjusting too), and I'm getting used to their needle sharp claws as they climb up my legs when cooking!
Cats are pretty fastidious and if you did find you cat soiling outside his litter box regularly (and it's clean etc) then there may be a health problem.
But really it's too early - poor kitty has had huge changes and is trying to get to know it's new home and it will calm down as it grows up. But cats are social creatures and like being with their human family, not shut away.

Thank you @Chisandbiscuits yes, I think my attempts to read up on bringing a kitten home, meant I worked myself into a bit of a state. Whereas I have had olde cats before and wasn’t at all worried about a mature cat in my home.

@maofteens yes, I am worried I am shutting him away too much, but then I remind myself it has only been 2 days here and in the Shelter he was locked up for 8 days. He is getting more time out here, just gradually each day. I just didn’t think he would be this social straight away.

Take a deep breath - you're doing fine!

We've had 6 rescue kittens and cats over the years, some settled in quickly, and some didn't. All did eventually. Our latest cat came to us when a scared ex-feral kitten, who had never had any physical human contact. He's now 14 and is still a little nervous about everything. But he is very affectionate, even though he never got to grips with laps.

Cats are both curious and cautious. Let him go at their own pace.

@FollowYourOwnNorthStar

Thank you *@Chisandbiscuits* yes, I think my attempts to read up on bringing a kitten home, meant I worked myself into a bit of a state. Whereas I have had olde cats before and wasn’t at all worried about a mature cat in my home.

Sometimes too much info is a dangerous thing! If he is eating, sleeping, using his tray and isn't scared of you then he (and you) are doing well. Kittens can be a bit full-on at first and I agree with @maofteens that two kittens are usually better than one as they keep each other company but they are also really fun and the kitten stage doesn't last long. I miss my two being kittens. Make sure you talk to him often and stroke him as much as he likes (he will find a way to tell you when he's had enough). You'll soon get to know what he likes. For example one of mine loves being stroked on his face and head, the other one likes being stroked on her tummy. Just watch out for him chewing electrical wires (some show no interest but some do) and keep the lid to the toilet down. Good luck and keep posting with updates (and preferably a photo) if you need reassurance.

Honestly, your expectations of a 6 month old kitten are way off.

He sounds confident and well-socialised, so there's really no need to shut him away in one room if he's happy to be out exploring. Overnight is different, but if you're around during the day, let him out to sniff and explore.

He should have two litter trays - keep one in the laundry and find a space to keep another so he has plenty of choice. If he has an accident, just clean it up with a pet cleaner and move on. However, cats are very clean animals and typically won't mess out of their trays unless they're sick or stressed.

His bond with you will take time, just be patient. Allow him to approach you, make sure he has plenty of high spaces to climb and explore and just relax. He'll approach when he's ready.

And don't worry about the effects of neutering, OP. It's a tiny external operation for the boys. Mine didn't even notice they'd had it.

In your position I'd have given him full run of the house as long as he was comfortable and he'd be sleeping on my bed from day 1!

Bless you, you don't need to follow him around as long as your house is safe. He sounds as though he definitely knows where the litter tray is so just try and relax and let him explore and then come to you when he's ready. If you're following him around this will stop him settling to sleep. Cats do sleep a lot but he will still be finding a routine and if you're there he may be too distracted to settle down to sleep.

Have to say there's also nothing wrong with shutting them in a room overnight as long as they have all they need. I shut my boy in the kitchen overnight from day 1 (8 weeks) and he was completely fine. I knew he would wake us in the night otherwise as I'm a very light sleeper. When he was big enough he used to sleep on top of the fridge and did so until he wasn't able to jump up there anymore (he lived til he was 19!)

@felinelucky oh dear, I am doing it all wrong.

I want him on my bed, but as he has diarrhea, and I wasn’t sure how good he was with the litter tray, I thought it better to have him close to it for a few days so in all the upheaval of an operation, new house etc he didn’t forget where it was in the night. He had such a turbulent time before the Shelter. I didn’t know what to expect that he knew, and thought taking it slowly would be good for him. He has only been here one night (it’s now 11:20pm on the second night) and he has been very good, and I feel more confident now.

Thank you @Techno56 your words are very kind and make me feel I’m not being a terrible mother.

I am sure some of it is lockdown-stress related too, but I have been in tears about this all today, and your words were very kind.

I do remember being very anxious about where he was when he was tiny as I thought I might lose him inside the house. Rest assured he was fine and always turned up when hungry!

My kitchen sleeping boy used to come and ask to be put to bed if we stayed up later than usual 😁 totally unconcerned about being shut in, it just became a safe space for him.

Cats really are pretty low maintenance pets once they're settled so try not to worry. I do understand the anxiety of toileting accidents but they are usually very very rare, especially if you have two trays as suggested.

Can we see a photo?

We adopted our cat from a shelter, she was thin, feral and vicious. We kept her in a very warm room with her food and a covered tray. We spent hours with her just watching tv until she was craving our attention. After 2 weeks we let her out and have an affectionate but independent cat. Cats are fastidiously clean and hate to make a mess they can't clean up in a tray.

Of course! Photo 1 from in the Shelter:

Sorry if I missed it but has he seen a vet regarding his diarrhoea? Sounds like you are doing a great job but I would be worried about the diarrhoea in case he gets dehydrated and has a medical issue that needs sorting out.

And this morning in the sun (and not using his cat tree or his cat bed!) it has only been 36 hours so I don’t have great photos yet. He has been on the move non-stop! Even in this photo, he was rolling over, not sleeping in the sun.

@fairyhouse he has not seen a vet for it, however my mother and friend are vets and both have said this is normal and to be expected at this stage, both due to the operation (after effects), the car trip after being adopted, and the change in location and type of litter and partial food change. They have had to put up with phone calls from me describing frequency and even photos of it, so I feel in good hands.

However it does seem to be reducing in frequency and runniness, and given that he has been here less than 36 hours, they said this was exactly the timeframe they would expect.

Ah he's so beautiful!

He's gorgeous! Does he have a name?

When I got my kitten I was anxious, stressed and hyper- vigilant for the first few days. I even had a horrible night where the panic took hold of me and I spent all night worrying I had done the wrong thing getting her, that I should take her back and let her go to a good responsible person who would look after her properly. I was actually scared that my life was ruined if I kept her. Sounds extreme I know, but I think the worry caused me to be emotionally drained, to the point that I couldn't think straight.

Thankfully everything soon settled down, I love her to bits and can't imagine not having her 😀

If takes a little bit of time, that's all. You get to know and understand each other.