Please help - New 6 month old shelter kitten

[FollowYourOwnNorthStar]

Hi everyone, I could really use some experienced words from cat owners.

I just got my (approx) 6 month old shelter kitten yesterday. He was in two homes and not wanted in each before being left at the Shelter. He was there 8 days (cold, 1m x 1m x 1m cage) and neutered the day before I collected him. I’m know they did try and play with him out of the cage for a bit each day and they said he was friendly, but I understand the limitations of the Shelter and he still spent long hours in the cage.

Even after all this bad start to life, he is lovely (will post photo). He is perfectly litter trained (even with different litter than the Shelter, and despite having bad diarrhea, he has pooped in the tray every time (except once when he had been 7 times in it already in a short period and it was full. Then he pooped on the towel next to the tray. So polite!)

I made the laundry a ‘safe space’ for him, with the tray, his food, toys and some beds, boxes and scratching poles etc and thought it would want to spend a day or two in just there after the operation and as it’s a new person and house.

He didn’t wanted to stay there and has wanted to explore my house from the start. I went in and sat with him for 20 mins sessions on the first day, but by midday it was clear he wanted to get exploring, so I’ve been letting him out in 1 hour, then 2 hour sessions, and he goes everywhere and when I say no (scratching something he should or jumping on the kitchen bench) he actually stops doing it.

He is such a good boy.

He is still doing nights in the laundry.

The problem is me. I find myself so worried he will poop somewhere he shouldn’t (either because he forgets where the litter tray is, or he is caught short by his diarrhea, or I read about cats who poop on your pillow as they are mad at you.

When he was exploring he was in everywhere (squashed himself flat and went under my treadmill! Did huge jumps and terrified himself and fell) and I was worried about his insides after the surgery, so I put him in the laundry again to protect him from himself. Now he has seen the whole house he seems to be calmer and just looking for sunlight to sleep in, but I worry.

I’m short - he is doing anything great, I am the mess that is worried about poop and smell (can’t open windows as he will jump out!) and litter tracking through the house and it is making me so upset.

And I don’t think he even likes me! We had one moment yesterday where he crawled in my lap and he put his paw on my hand and I was telling him we would figure out how to do this together. He may have purred then for a second, or I may have imagined it. He hasn’t purred since.

Please tell me it gets better? I was thinking I should take him back to the Shelter. They had a waiting list for him (there is a waiting list for all cats at the moment) and then he could go to someone who really loves him. I don’t want to do this as he is wonderful, I just didn’t think the start would be so hard and I would be so unhappy.

Just for info - I am in Australia in one of the Shutdown areas. Work and life is pretty hard right now. I don’t know if this is making the cat situation seem worse than it really is.

He's absolutely gorgeous. All of my cats have been strays, and it takes time to get to know each other. They're not used to being in kind and loving homes. Persevere with him, he'll train you well and you'll be a verified cat-slave before you know it . Cats have individual, unique personalities and he seems like a real character and a great cat to have around.

He's gorgeous. You are doing just fine! He sounds like a lovely cat. It's lovely when they give you 'the paw'

It takes me at least 4 weeks to get used to new cats. I could’ve cheerfully set the Bengal free on the side of the road on the drive home after 4 hours in a car with him yelling at me non-stop. Then he had diarrhoea everywhere, tipped his box over and covered himself in it.

That was after we’d had to stop a mile from the breeder to remove sick covered towels because she’d fed him before we set off.

First & last thing I did for him was clean poo off his tail.

What a gorgeous boy! I hope you settle with him and get to enjoy him rather than worrying about him. He hasn't let you down yet! May you have years of joy together.

@GoodVibesHere this is exactly how I feel - I am so glad to hear from someone that it worked out for. I can’t tell you how much it meant to read your post and know that someone had felt like me. I feel like I am letting him down and that my life will be just be ruined if I keep him.

I am trying to breathe and remind myself he has done none of the bad things I was/am worrying about and just to take it as it comes.

We have just started our third morning together (after the second night). The diarrhea issue seems to be resolving/resolved, and now I am just wondering when I can introduce wet food, to supplement his dry food diet. I don’t want to upset his stomach again, so I might wait a week. I also need to transition him off the Shelter food and onto his new food over the next week, so I want to try and do it slowly to keep him stomach ok.

And thank you @Want2beme @Toddlerteaplease @Fluffycloudland77 @Pudmyboy for your encouragement. I really hope we can get along and find our way.

I’m encouraged his toileting issues seem to be improving. It’s stressful and frustrating to be dealing with that, and it upsets me as it shows he is obviously upset, and I am sure me be upset doesn’t help him to then settle.

Beaphur do a plug in pheromone diffuser, it’s £10 on amazon Uk which is half the price of Feliway & it’s bought my very nervous rescue girl out of her hidey hole while we’re banging about doing diy.

Have you had older cats before? I got a 7 month old black kitten a few months ago and was taken aback a bit by the sheer energy. By the end of week one I was not exactly regretting it but certainly had a feeling of my life will never be the same. But we got into our routines and settled down. Currently we are going through the teenage stage off out terrorising the neighbourhood for hours on end. Diarrhea is worth a chat with the vet though.

OP, just wanted to add that castration is such a small operation for cats they often don’t even need stitches. When my boys were done I tried to confine them to my bedroom for a couple of days but they were having none of it and were bouncing around like loons the day after. I wouldn’t worry about his recovery as I suspect he’s feeling completely fine now.

have you ever had a cat before?? He is only a bebby, he has been rejected so many times and you want to reject him again after only one day?
It takes cats ages to get used to a home and a new person, they are very much creatures of habit.
There will be tracking litter, and smells and shed fur.
It will take him weeks to settle in not a day.
When he finally goes out he can go in the garden if you have one in the meantime you will just have to put up with the litter.
He is a tender little flower and will need a tone of love after his dreadful experiences or he will end up traumatised.
He sounds exceptionally good given what he has been through.

Hi Everyone,
Thank you for all the words of advice, even if some have made me feel like an awful person.

To update you, I am at the end of the third full day. He spent 12 hours out in the house itself with me, and has finished exploring, but now finding his favourite chairs and sun spots and hides-holes. He always wants to be close to me, so follows me around the house. He likes to be patted, but hasn’t come to sit on my lap or my side yet, just sits about 30cm from me. I pick him up and cuddle him and place him in his various beds or cat trees and he likes that. I also play with him with balls and cat wands a bit (I should do more, but there is only so much time), and we took a little nana nap on my bed this afternoon, where he was properly asleep and relaxed.

He is still in the laundry at night, both to give me a break and because he still has diarrhoea, although the frequency has dramatically reduced. Again, my mother and friend the vet aren’t worried about this, and say it is what they would expect at this stage. He is eating and drinking really well (dry food only, until the diarrhoea is fixed).

So it is better, although I am still stressed about it and @GoodVibesHere described exactly how I feel. I am trying not to let him down. And it’s a huge improvement on our first day. He is very well behaved.

And even though he is probably getting more laundry time than everyone else would give their cats, it is still a lot better for him than the Shelter he was in before he came here! I keep reminding myself of that, and also that I will be a better mother to him if I get a break, and we can move to more house time

Do some people lock their cats in a room each night? Like @Techno56 did in the kitchen? I think I would like to this, but I want to be a good mum, and won’t if it is unfair.

I'm so glad things are going well. You are only 3 days in and already it has improved for you. It will get better and better as you come to know each other.

You are doing just fine. He is warm, happy, safe and well fed 😀

When I first had my kitten, for some reason ons of my main worries was 'what if she wrecks everything'. I kept imagining all my furniture completely scratched and ruined. I was full of 'what if's'. But in time I relaxed, and she's been fine. I now wonder why I was so het up. I think it was just my nervousness really, and my desire to give her a good happy home. You are not a bad person for having doubts and worries. Keep focussing on the good bits - the purrs, the playing, the increasing confidence.

Mine has the run of the house during the daytime. At night she is locked in the utility room. I did this from day 1 when she was nine weeks old. She seems perfectly happy, has never cried to get out. In fact I would say that she likes the routine, and even looks forward to 'bedtime' when I put her in her room and she settles down for the night. We all need time to ourselves, cats included! I go to bed around 10:30pm, and get up at 6:30am. When I come downstairs in the morning she greets me happily, and then has her first pouch of wet food. Overnight she has access to her dry food, water, bed, a couple of mice toys (although often the mice are still in the same place the next day, so I know that she doesn't even play with them some nights). What more could a cat want! If she was distressed by this then I'd think again, but she seems plenty happy enough.

Thank you @GoodVibesHere I am very grateful for your posts as they sound exactly like I feel, and I am so encouraged that it got better for you. I did was very upset and thinking yesterday that if I kept her my life would be a worse one/ruined. I was/am thinking she will ruin all my furniture and my house and I will just look around and hate it. It was feeling stressed and anxious like a house guest you always have to wait on and you can’t wait until they leave and you can relax….except the cat would never leave!

And I so want to be a good Mum, I have bought toys and beds and blankets and everything - it just had me in tears.

Do you know how long it took you? Any suggestions for balancing the desire for the cat vs the house?

I really like what you say about the nights in the utility room (I assume that’s a laundry room in the UK? Smallish tiled room containing washing machine, dryer, sink benches cupboards etc?) I have his litter in there, plus 4 food and water bowls on a tray (2 of each). He has a proper bed, and a second cardboard box and with blankets as a hidey-hole, if he wants it (but he is very social and doesn’t seem to want it). There is also a scratching post, some toys and I have some pet blankets on the tiles floor and counter to make it a bit warmer than cold tiles. He also gets a hot water bottle at night in the hideyhole, but seems to prefer the sleeping cube. The room is bigger than most laundry rooms, but still pretty small.

He is in there from about 8pm-8am for the last few nights, later I would like it to be 10:30pm to 8am. I feel a bit cruel, but I remind myself at the Shelter he was locked in his cage all day and definitely from 5pm to 9am the next morning, so having to be in a spacious laundry room for less time surely isn’t so bad?

Really he should be in your laundry room when you're asleep and free reign when you're awake. Im not saying this to make you feel awful but i dont understand you saying you need a break from him. He'll tire himself out if he's allowed to play and will naturally give you a "break" when he cat naps.

You can get mesh screens in this country called flat-cats. They use Velcro to attach to the window. I would imagine Aus has similar.

I would increase the time out of the laundry by half an hour a week to help you two bond.

Fishing rod toys called da bird are good for tiring them out too.

You sound like a good and caring cat mum who is just slightly overwhelmed at the moment. Completely understandable, especially when it’s your first experience of having a kitten.

You’ve been given some great advice and encouragement here. Just try to remind yourself that, the fact you are worrying about the kitten, means that you care. So please don’t fill your head with thoughts of being a “bad” cat mum.

My main advice would be to try to limit the time the kitten spends shut away. He’s had a tough time going through 2 homes and shelter already. Now is the time for him to slowly realise what a great pad he has now! I would let him have free reign of the house when you’re up, and only pop him away when you go to bed - I wouldn’t want him to associate you with shutting him away for regular breaks. You want him to think you’re the best thing since sliced bread - and that doesn’t mean you have to be with him all the time, more that he trusts you in giving him his “freedom”.

Maybe, when you put him away for the night, give him a few Dreamies - so that he associates bed time as getting a treat.

I honestly wouldn’t worry about the litter tray. Usually, once they know where it is, then they won’t forget. I’ve had to move mine a couple of times in the past (due to work being carried out etc). I’ve always just shown them where the temporary placement is and there’s been no problem.

You sound like you’re starting to bond already. Just remember, they’re not all lap cats. My departed boy was a complete snuggle bug who wanted to be velcroed to me. His brother, not quite so much! Am pretty sure that, in a few weeks time, you’ll be settling down to sleep with him curled up on the bed with you (ok, maybe a bit longer, git to get the kitten nighttime zooming stage out of the way first!)

Just keep posting on here whenever you need. It’s a rotten feeling when it’s all overwhelming, I remember feeling the same when I first got my puppy.

Glad to hear it's working out so far.

Regardless of what your mum and friend have said, I think it's generally a good idea when adopting a new cat of any age to have them checked over by a vet. If you don't have a detailed account of his medical history, he may also need worm and flea treatments, and to be vaccinated. If it were me I'd definitely want to get the diarrhoea checked out anyway. Also if you haven't yet arranged for pet insurance, now is definitely the time!

Thanks @violetbunny the Shelter de-fleas and worms them, and takes them to a Vet to vaccinate, desex and microchip them, and this is all compulsory before they leave. (As they can never know a cat’s history, they do it all).

I have the Vet certificates and they say another vaccination in a year. However as soon as lockdown is over, my friend and my mum (both Vets) will see him.

And I already have Pet Insurance! But thanks for checking.

In good news, he did his first non-liquid poop a few minutes ago. It was not as solid as it could be, but it was a massive improvement and can’t be called diarrhea anymore! So it seems it probably was just the desexing, the move to a new place, new litter type and the initial food change. Fingers crossed it continues to firm up!