I’m so sorry for your loss, such a young age. I wish I could offer you some concrete advice, but the grieving process is a bugger - it hits everyone in different ways.
The best I can offer is to say don’t fight it - if you need to cry, then cry, don’t bottle it up.
Internally, I wanted to swing for anyone who said “time is a healer“. But, I’ve gradually realised it’s true. The raw grief will pass, but you will still get moments where you catch your breath and feel the tears flow. It’s hard, but it is also a reminder of the love and bond you had.
One thing I did, which wasn’t easy in the beginning, was I chose a remembrance Rose bush for my boy. I’ve planted it in a prominent spot in the garden and around it, in the soil, are four solar lights in the shape of paw prints. Every night when I go to bed, I turn off the lamps and look out the window to see them gently shining.
I’m not good at posting links, but the Blue Cross charity have a bereavement line you can call. It’s difficult, because they can’t give you advice - they are only there to listen. But sometimes, when you feel you can’t express your grief to people irl, then it might help.
💐 for you