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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Our cat is dying but my DH wont accept it

46 replies

Originalyellowbelly · 22/07/2021 22:56

One of our cats has cancer, he has done really well but I feel is near the end. He is hardly eating and is just skin and bone, he sleeps most of the time and doesn't really go out much. He has such a close bond with DH but I can't convince him the kindest thing is to let him go, he keeps making excuses like the reason he's not eating is because the weather is so hot and he has always been skinny. How can I convince him it's time to say goodbye.

OP posts:
Rupertpenrysmistress · 22/07/2021 23:03

That is the worst part of owning or being owned by cat's. The last kind thing you can do is to let your lovely cat go, now before he is in pain. Anything else is just selfish for you and not in respect of these lovely animals that allow you to be part of their lives. Tell him he has to do it now whilst his lovely friend is ok.

Original poster
Originalyellowbelly · 22/07/2021 23:08

Rupertpenrysmistress I know this as I've always had cats but DH has never owned a pet before. It's heartbreaking but it's the kindest thing. DH just thinks I'm being nasty and DCat is still fine, I know the signs but he wont listen.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 22/07/2021 23:16

Oh this is a horrible one, isn’t it. You just have to keep telling him that he’s being cruel to the cat, that it’s the most horrible thing he could do to him in his hour of need. Could you say that you (both) were taking the cat to the vets for a third (superior) opinion. Surely he’d have to listen if a vet said the same as you? If he refused to take the cat to the vets I’m sorry but I’d be massively falling out with him. I couldn’t be with someone who puts their own feelings before the cat’s well being. My friend’s husband was like this with their ill, elderly dog. Luckily in her case their son was a vet, so he put the dog to sleep while her husband was at work and they pretended he’d just died naturally.

thefirstmrsrochester · 22/07/2021 23:21

As heartbreaking as it is, your husband has got to be fair to your cat, better to go a few days early than it is a few days late. Our darling boy went to sleep at the house in his favourite chair with me, one of the ds and lovely ladies from the vets all telling him what a wonderful boy he was, and he was purring so loud whilst the vets did what they had to do. Broke my heart but it was the right thing to do. Your cat who has given you and your DH love, loyalty and companionship for so many years deserves dignity and peace. Huge big hug for you and your DH, your cat will be forever in your hearts.

Original poster
Originalyellowbelly · 22/07/2021 23:23

Honeyroar I know it's horrible but I keep hoping DCat will just fall asleep and not wake up but bless him, he keeps on going. I'm going to see if I can get him a vet appt tomorrow for a check up and tell DH he must go with the vets advice which I know what will be.

OP posts:
Original poster
Originalyellowbelly · 22/07/2021 23:29

thefirstmrsrochester I wish we had a vet that would come here and do it, I think what is putting off the inevitable is the fact that vets are still not allowing owners inside with the animals so DCat will be taken in without us and DH wont be with him at the end.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 23/07/2021 09:13

Vets were still letting owners be with their pets for PTS even during lockdown. I think it was the only exception they made.

Toddlerteaplease · 23/07/2021 09:14

And if they don't. Then find a vet who will.

Newfluff · 23/07/2021 09:17

Ring around. Vets should be letting people in now there is no excuse. Ask on your local fb page, often people will know who will do home visits as well.

I'm so sorry, you are right, it's better a week too early than an hour too late.

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 23/07/2021 09:24

They weren’t here sadly, Toddlerteaplease. None were. Still not. It may depend where in the U.K. OP lives, might not be England.

They would however put an animal to sleep at the car so you could be with them. Not very private but better than leaving them alone I think. Have you asked the vet about options, op?

Is the cat in pain or just sleepy? Can it be made comfortable? I would insist to dp that you both ask the vet those questions.

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 23/07/2021 09:25

Vets here aren’t letting people in at all, newfluff. There aren’t any that will.

Newfluff · 23/07/2021 09:28

Apologies, was posting without thinking.

I'd still ring round, some may have slightly different interpretations of the rules, such as doing it in the car park. I am very sorry, its a horrible place to be.

Stickytreacle · 23/07/2021 09:29

I think I'd just take the cat on my own if he isn't prepared to deal with it. It isn't fair to expect an animal to have a prolonged decline and possible traumatic end because he can't let go, animals rarely die peacefully in their sleep, I had one die relatively quickly from a heart attack, it wasn't pleasant and I'd want to save that from happening. When he has time to reflect on how the cat has deteriorated he will realise how cruel he is being.

Hoppinggreen · 23/07/2021 09:33

I’m sorry OP but I think you have to be very direct with your DH.
You have to tell him that the cat is suffering and he is being cruel by letting it continue. He is keeping the cat alive for himself not the cat and that’s wrong.
We have let cats go too long because we didn’t want to let them go so I know how hard it is but pet ownership can be difficult, especially at the end and if you love them it’s the last act of love you can do for them

friggingnora · 23/07/2021 09:33

Our vet has started letting people in. We still ring from outside and they come out to you, but I have been asked twice now if I want to go in. And both times for very routine things.

Sorry to hear about your cat.

comebacksunshines · 23/07/2021 09:35

If you phone your vets and ask them to come out and PTS they will give you the details of a mobile vet that will visit, if they are unable to do it, or look one up on the internet. There are plenty now running businesses specialising it it.
Unfortunately it is something I have had to do recently and . I would highly recommend it, over a trip to the vets. These vets are highly skilled in what they are doing and the care and respect given to my own dear cat in his final moments, as well being able gently do to sleep in his own home, brings me a lot of comfort and has helped enormously with the grieving process.

FlowerArranger · 23/07/2021 09:38

I went through this with my husband and our - mostly his... - dog.

You need to call a palliative veterinarian who will come to your house, assess the cat's state, and persuade him to do what's necessary.

He will not listen to you, but I can almost guarantee he'll listen to a vet who deals with end stage care every day.

Cat's are so, so stoic, but it is clear from your description that the poor mog no longer has any worthwhile quality of life. He is being kept alive solely for your husband's benefit.

It's also good to remember that cats have no sense of tomorrow, no bucket list of things they want to follow before they go. Flowers

NotMyCat · 23/07/2021 09:38

My vets is allowing two people in for PTS

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/07/2021 09:42

God that's cruel, not letting people in for PTS
My vet let me go in for routine vaccination last week!
I'm so sorry about your cat. This is never an easy decision. My family have twice had animals that died before they were PTS (one on the day of the appointment) and both times they were left too long IMO. Dying in pain is awful. We wouldn't let it happen to a human (palliative care and pain relief is administered) but animals are often left to die of painful diseases because humans can't bear to say goodbye.

whineybing · 23/07/2021 09:43

We have had at least 7 vet appointments for our cat in the last 5 weeks with 2 different vets and they have let one of us in every time. One of the vets we had to phone when we were outside and they would let us in when they were ready to see her, the other is located in Pets at Home and we just walk in and wait in the waiting area.

I am sorry to hear that your poor cat is so poorly.

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 23/07/2021 09:45

Our vet allowed us to be there last year in lockdown. We even made enquires about having it done at home and that was also possible, although due to other circumstances it was done at the vets.

I’m very sorry you’re having to face this. It’s so difficult. x

GloriousGoosebumps · 23/07/2021 09:59

Vets are allowing owners to stay. Our lovely cat was put to sleep on 25 June and we stayed so he had familiar faces around him and talking to him. I hope it helped him.

viques · 23/07/2021 10:05

So sorry to hear this OP. Try taking some photos of poor cat, then showing them to your DH with pictures of the cat taken when it was in full health. I think he will be shocked at the contrast. Sometimes when we live day by day with something we don’t realise how much it has changed and find it easy to deny the evidence of our own eyes.

Original poster
Originalyellowbelly · 23/07/2021 13:57

I have finally persuaded DH to take DCat to the vets, he has an appointment this evening Sad

OP posts:
Iwastheparanoidex · 23/07/2021 14:00

Oh that’s so sad.

My vet wouldn’t allow me in in January when I had to have Dcat put to sleep and he doesn’t allow us in for appointments yet because I had ddog there yesterday morning