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Original poster

My cat just died naturally at home and I feel awful

53 replies

Jloco · 01/05/2021 23:44

This has just happened so probably won’t make much sense. My cat was 20 and a half, my absolute best friend and I don’t remember life before her. She’s been a bit frail but generally well enough but today she was incredibly lethargic and I could tell she wasn’t right. She’s had off days before but picked up. Everything was made more complicated by having friends round for a arranged in well in advanced get together. When they left, she perked up a bit and ate and drank some water and seemed OK so I thought I’d see how she was in the morning but she’s just died.

The last 2 minutes were horrific. I just googled whether it would have been as bad for her as it was for us and everything online says that yes, dying naturally is awful for them and they should always be PTS.

I just feel awful. At least she was at home surrounded by her family but I feel like after a lifetime of love, I’ve let her down at the most important time. Not sure what I want from posting this but I’m devastated.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 02/05/2021 10:04

@Mumoftwoinprimary

Your cat lived to a very old age. Was a bit lethargic on its last day but felt well enough to eat and drink up until her last few hours. She died in her own home surrounded by the people she loved.

That is pretty much exactly how I want to die.

Exactly this. And this is what I'd want for my cats as well.
Trinacham · 02/05/2021 10:28

I think that advice is surely for pets that are slowly dying of an illness, and owners that just can't afford vet bills, so won't take them when they really need it. After all, we don't PTS people. If it is better for animals, we aren't any different (although I know there's more to the moral side of things with us). Sounds like it was relatively quick for your cat. I don't think you need to feel guilty.

I had a pet (reptile) PTS that they couldn't find the vein, and that was very traumatic to watch, and i have ever since worried about whether I made the right choice that day. It's never easy.

MrsSnitchnose · 02/05/2021 10:36

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers My oldest boy is 15 and seems to be still healthy, apart from being a lot slower than he once was and sleeping most of the time. You couldn't have known the end was coming and as others have said, she was with the person who loved her most when she passed

CausingChaos2 · 02/05/2021 10:40

@Trinacham

I think that advice is surely for pets that are slowly dying of an illness, and owners that just can't afford vet bills, so won't take them when they really need it. After all, we don't PTS people. If it is better for animals, we aren't any different (although I know there's more to the moral side of things with us). Sounds like it was relatively quick for your cat. I don't think you need to feel guilty.

I had a pet (reptile) PTS that they couldn't find the vein, and that was very traumatic to watch, and i have ever since worried about whether I made the right choice that day. It's never easy.

We don’t PTS people but anyone who is knowingly dying at home is supported with end of life care. We managed my DGM’s end of life at home and for the last few days she was completely sedated. Lots of other drugs are used to combat the pain and agitation that is associated with end of life in people too. The OP did the best that she could for her Dcat but let’s not advocate dying at home for our pets without medical support.
ShipshapeShore · 02/05/2021 10:50

I'm so sorry. I can't see anything in your post that you could have done differently so please don't beat yourself up. Nature took over, and as hard as it must have been, she was in her home with her family which surely would have been a comfort Flowers

Echobelly · 02/05/2021 10:52

That's very similar to how my last cat went at 17 years. Tbh I was delighted I didn't have to put her to sleep and that she died at home with us there. She'd been basically OK but we knew a year beforehand that her kidneys were packing in so she didn't have that much longer. She still climbing about in the garden the day before.

There's nothing to feel awful about and if your cat seemed OK beforehand, she probably was. I think it's fantastic when they can reach a good old age and end their lives at home, but I am very sorry for your loss. Flowers

BorahT · 02/05/2021 11:26

Big hugs to you, my cat died yesterday too under different circumstances but just wanted to let you know you are not on your own ♥️

Original poster
Jloco · 02/05/2021 11:51

Thank you so much for your messages and kind wishes, it does help.

I think I’ll always regret her last day but hopefully in time we can just focus on the 20 years of happy memories. Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
trevthecat · 02/05/2021 11:56

I have no advice but wanted to share my condolences. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you both

Original poster
Jloco · 02/05/2021 11:56

@Mydarlingmyhamburger

What is it that made it bad op? Most elderly cat deaths involve the cat suffering in pain from some sort of illness for an extended period of time. Until the owner can no longer bear its suffering, catches and sticks it in a cage and transports it terrified to a vets practise. Where it gets poked and prodded and then gets a cannula rammed in its veins so it can be overdosed to death. Your cat went presumably quickly and comfortably at home
Please don’t read on if this is traumatic but for the last few minutes, she was howling and spasming, it was absolutely awful. If I’d have known that would happen I absolutely would have PTS but until then, she’d had a little bit to eat and drink and was just lying quietly. I just feel terrible.
OP posts:
Arbadacarba · 02/05/2021 12:00

I had to have my cats PTS but my elderly dog died at home and I worried about his last moments - but he died in my husband's arms in surroundings he knew and loved and I comforted myself with that.

There is no ideal way for a pet to die - dying naturally versus PTS each have advantages and disadvantages. My cats were PTS because they were obviously ill. My dog wasn't ill - he'd got home from a walk he'd enjoyed minutes before he died. From what you say, your cat was the same - not ill, just old, so there would have been no reason to put her to sleep.

She died in the home she loved, and you had her and loved her until the last possible moment Flowers.

Arbadacarba · 02/05/2021 12:02

she was howling and spasming

Flowers - that happened to my dog, but the vet told me it was just the reflex of his body shutting down and he wouldn't have been in pain.

ViperAtTheGatesOfDawn · 02/05/2021 12:03

So sorry Flowers

Whilst I strongly believe in better a week early than a day late, in your case your cat only suffered for 2 minutes after a lifetime of love, that's nothing to feel awful about, truly.

CovidCorvid · 02/05/2021 12:03

I suppose cats maybe don’t have much concept of death so hopefully she wasn’t aware she was dying....just thought she was in some pain which would stop at some point. And she’d have been comforted by you being there. And those couple of minutes would have gone quickly and quite possibly being less stressful than being put in a carrier, taken to the vet, poked and prodded.

I have had to have a dog pts twice and while one was peaceful, one wasn’t and the dog was thrashing around, I think with the stress of being at the vet and having a needle put in, etc. So sometimes pts isn’t the peaceful ending you imagine. 20 years is a great life.

freeandfierce · 02/05/2021 12:04

I'm so sorry for your loss. Twenty years is a long time! I lost my boy over Easter at 23, in list without him but I have so many amazing memories of his adventures and cheeky ways! He died in my lounge very suddenly, his breathing became very laboured and he went before I could call a vet. I know he would have hated being PRS at a vets, he hates his carrier, the car and the vet! Yes, he did struggle for a few minutes and j assume was in pain but he was in his favourite place, with me beside him. I felt guilty for a while but on reflection know it's the choice he would have made. Be kind to yourself, you gave him a wonderful life. Cats choose who they live with.

Trinacham · 02/05/2021 12:05

@CausingChaos2
I am aware of end of life care. I lost my dear dad to cancer.

I have had many pets put down and I do advocate it (in the right circumstances) perhaps i should have worded it better. The cat died quickly, meaning it didn't seem to me (I work with animals and so does my DH) like euthanasia was needed here (also just trying to make the OP feel better in this situation)..

lljkk · 02/05/2021 12:06

I once dealt with a run-over cat which has spasms like OP described before it died. Although probably less than 1 minute.

I'd choose the sudden death with short stress over the PTS after a day of medical treatment my cat got, tbh. We still don't know if getting my cat to vet sooner could have saved him, and he didn't like being at vet's otherwise. When a cat goes very suddenly then you know it couldn't be saved, at least.

Fundays12 · 02/05/2021 12:09

Mt elderly cat was very unwell and I was waiting at the vets to have her put to sleep as they had said it was the best thing for her. The cat took a fit in my arms and died naturally. The vet said it was more gentle to not give her the injection to put her to sleep when she fitted as she wasn't in pain. It was horrible to watch though and I was devastated.

Thehawki · 02/05/2021 12:10

Oh OP, death is natural and it’s okay that she died naturally. The last few minutes of her life were just that. A few minutes in a whole lifetime of love and happiness. She knew she was loved and you couldn’t have possibly known to make a different decision. Just remember that all that pain you’re feeling is because she was so very loved, and she knew it OP. She was safe and loved until the very end, which is more than can be said for many people. Please don’t feel guilty x

Arbadacarba · 02/05/2021 12:13

Covid is right - animals don't have a concept of death in the way we do. They have a survival instinct, of course, but they don't fear dying in the intellectual way that humans might.

Trinacham · 02/05/2021 12:29

@CausingChaos2
'but let’s not advocate dying at home for our pets without medical support.'

I don't think I did this. My words were 'pets that are slowly dying'. I guess I should have said, if it is known that the pet is in pain or going to die, also. If a cat is eating and drinking, it wouldn't usually be advice to PTS (again, I work with animals) unless of course, it has a known terminal illness, which will inevitably cause pain eventually and lead to death. I did say there is a difference between humans and animals but I was trying to make the OP feel better, as people do die naturally.

Just wanted to clear that up as I was worried it was misinterpreted and don't want to discourage people from taking their pet, in case anyone else misinterprets!

Ethelfromnumber73 · 02/05/2021 12:49

I've had 4 cats PTS and I'd say that the process of euthanasia isn't always quick and easy, particularly if an animal is old or already quite unwell. As others have said it would have also involved either a trip to the vet or a vet coming to the house. I think it sounds like your cat had a good last day and fairly peaceful death in her own home. My dog is booked in to be euthanised tomorrow and my dearest wish would be for her to die at home today. Thoughts are with you OP, it's so sad Thanks

GreyhoundG1rl · 02/05/2021 12:52

@Ethelfromnumber73

I've had 4 cats PTS and I'd say that the process of euthanasia isn't always quick and easy, particularly if an animal is old or already quite unwell. As others have said it would have also involved either a trip to the vet or a vet coming to the house. I think it sounds like your cat had a good last day and fairly peaceful death in her own home. My dog is booked in to be euthanised tomorrow and my dearest wish would be for her to die at home today. Thoughts are with you OP, it's so sad Thanks
Good luck (I can't think of a non offensive way to say that) Flowers Sorry about your dog.
DinosaurDiana · 02/05/2021 12:55

This must be very upsetting for you, but I’m sure it was best for her to just fade away at home. You haven’t let her down, you’ve loved and cared for her for such a long time 💐

Salome61 · 02/05/2021 12:58

So very sorry, she was so very lucky to have found you as a loving owner.

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