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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

I honestly feel like I hate my cat

39 replies

bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 06:20

I've had my cat for 9 years now. We got him when he was approximately 1 year old, and he was a rescue.
He has always been nocturnal. When we lived in our old house (the family home, pre divorce) it worked really well. It was a 3 storey townhouse, and late at night (I'm a night owl) I would let him out, and then first thing in the morning he'd be waiting by the back door for his breakfast. He'd eat and then sleep indoors all day. Perfect.
The children and I have been in our ground floor flat for over 6 years now, and he's just a fucking nightmare. I don't think I've had a full night's sleep because of him in that whole time. Unfortunately I can't have a cat flap here, but do leave the kitchen window open for him all night (very low, and easy for him to access, plus it's safe). He isn't using it, despite being able to get in just fine, and will whine outside my bedroom window until I get up and open the door for him ... which I have to do promptly, out of consideration for my upstairs neighbour. This can go on several times in the night, and he is very vocal.
I'm at the end of my tether. I'm a single mother of 3, who works full-time, and I need my sleep.
If I didn't let him out at night, he'd just cry all night in the living room, which is right next to my bedroom.
I am seriously considering setting up a cosy bed for him in our outdoor cellar at nights, just so I don't have to hear him, but don't know if that would be cruel.
Pets are supposed to add something to your life, but he just takes away from mine. My dog on the other hand, I completely adore.
I would never put my cat in a rescue centre, as I do love him on some level, so it's pointless advising me to do this. He is well looked after. But after being woken twice so far in the early hours of this morning, I felt absolute rage, and don't know if I can carry on like this.
The configuration of our flat, and him being active at night, simply isn't working. And his miaowing is like nails down a blackboard to me. I was at a friend's not so long ago (we're 'bubbled') and I was sure I could hear the cat, even though that was impossible.
I just don't know what to do - my kids would never forgive me if I rehomed him, but it's generally not their windows he cries outside!
His obsession with food is no walk in the park either. Hand on heart, I can say that I will never own a rescue cat again.
Any tips or advice for this demented cat owner?
Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 06:38

He is now 'kneading bread' on my legs, and all is forgiven. But I still feel like crying at the situation!

OP posts:
Wheresmyfuckingphone · 21/02/2021 06:43

Auto feeder? Cat tree?

Poppins2016 · 21/02/2021 06:48

Are you 100% certain you can't have a cat flap? It sounds as though the lack of cat flap is probably the main issue...

If you're renting, I've found landlords very obliging in the past when I've asked to put a cat flap into a door panel and then replace with a new panel upon moving out (for example). And/or if not renting, there's usually a solution for installing a cat flap even if it's not immediately obvious...

Original poster
bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 06:48

I wish he could talk to me. I have no understanding of cats, in the same way that I do dogs. I just don't seem to relate to them particularly well.

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 06:51

100%. I'm a homeowner, but if I were to show you a picture of our back door, you'd see what I mean. And if he won't come through an open kitchen window, then I'm guessing he won't come through a cat flap on the window either.

OP posts:
alanpartridgefromtheoasthouse · 21/02/2021 06:52

I agree you need a cat flap if at all possible. We have glass doors so had to get one put through the exterior wall. It cost £500 (!!) but it was worth every penny.

Could you leave your own bedroom window open if that's the one he's crying outside?

PracticingPerson · 21/02/2021 06:54

Could you explain why a catflap isn't possible, as if you own the house you could change the door?

Original poster
bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 07:01

It's a very old building, with the original windows, and my bedroom window only opens from the top. He wouldn't be able to get in.
Was told by a glazier that I couldn't have a cat flap, so would prefer not to dwell on that option too much.
Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 07:02

And I don't have the spare money to be changing the doors.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 21/02/2021 07:03

At 9 it’s very likely he’s got stiff joints. Cat flaps can go in walls.

Poppins2016 · 21/02/2021 07:06

@bloodyhairy

100%. I'm a homeowner, but if I were to show you a picture of our back door, you'd see what I mean. And if he won't come through an open kitchen window, then I'm guessing he won't come through a cat flap on the window either.
There are 'tunnel' cat flaps for thick doors (and even walls)! Etc... so I wonder whether that would be worth exploring. A glazier can also fit cat flaps into glass.

At 9 years old it's (admittedly fairly unlikely but) possible that your cat is feeling his age and doesn't want to jump through the window. My 10 year old cat will use windows but favours the cat flap or an open door, easiest option! Could you try making some sort of temporary platform so that he doesn't have to jump as far, just to see whether it helps?

JackieWeaver · 21/02/2021 07:08

I know this isn't what you are asking, but personally I would start with this -

His obsession with food is no walk in the park either

Since changing my cats diet to a high protein one, she is now content & sleeps well.

She has around 70g of biscuits during the day & 1 pouch at night before bed. That's it.

It is so much cheaper and she is a different cat, no more crying for food.

It might be a good starting point.

Poppins2016 · 21/02/2021 07:08

Cross posted! Ok, so cat flap options all explored... I'd try a temporary platform/"kitty steps" next...

Original poster
bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 07:10

Could you try making some sort of temporary platform so that he doesn't have to jump as far, just to see whether it helps?

That's a good idea! Thank you.
And good point about his ageing joints.
Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 07:11

@JackieWeaver

Please could you let me know what food you are using. Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 07:14

The easiest would be if I slept with the back door open, but I'm reluctant to do that, obviously from a safety point of view. And he has form for bringing in live rodents, which he doesn't usually do through the window!

OP posts:
Poppins2016 · 21/02/2021 07:14

One other thought, my 10 year old cat is now starting to spend much more time asleep inside at night... could you try keeping your cat in for a night or two, just to see if it makes a difference? Age seems to have made partying outdoors all night a little less enticing!

Original poster
bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 07:21

I'm guessing that's your cat's choice though, which makes things easier. It wouldn't be his choice, and he'd spend the night whining in the living room, which is right beside my room. There is nowhere else for him to go.
Let's just say that he's a very reluctant ager!

OP posts:
Doveyouknow · 21/02/2021 07:33

It might be worth trying to keep him in for a week or so. He might just adjust his routine after a while. Otherwise I would look at rehoming. He could live another 9 years and I don't think permanently broken sleep for you is sustainable for that long.

Poppins2016 · 21/02/2021 07:37

@bloodyhairy

I'm guessing that's your cat's choice though, which makes things easier. It wouldn't be his choice, and he'd spend the night whining in the living room, which is right beside my room. There is nowhere else for him to go. Let's just say that he's a very reluctant ager!
Yes, definitely his own choice (I have a cat flap that stays open during the night).

It's funny how cats are so different. I'm sure some people are probably reading this thinking your cat is unusually vocal and wondering why you can't put up with the protests... but my oldest cat is very similar, it's impossible to sleep through the meowing and yowling if we dare to keep him in against his will. The neighbours protested (affectionately) when we moved because he's such an excellent mouser and kept rodents under control. My other two cats just don't care if I keep them in, accept their fate and snuggle up in a cosy corner.

Fluffycloudland77 · 21/02/2021 08:35

A higher protein food is a good idea, they put cereal in cat food now and they can’t digest it. We used to use Arden grange biscuits which ours loved.

Ours was very vocal and loud, when they’ve gone you really miss it.

Original poster
bloodyhairy · 21/02/2021 08:41

I honestly can't imagine that for one minute, but thanks for the food info!

OP posts:
Babamamananarama · 21/02/2021 08:50

Can you try moving his feeding times so that he's not expecting a meal first thing in the morning?
If he was fed last thing at night instead it might encourage him to switch his activity up a bit?

Onedropbeat · 21/02/2021 08:57

We put an insulated car house by our back door for this very reason
Now if he comes back in the early hours he doesn’t wake us and just gets cosy until we get up and let him in for breakfast

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 21/02/2021 09:19

I don't think it would harm him to sleep outside in the outdoor cellar if he has a decent outdoor sleep box that is warm and cosy.
Could be he's just not the cat for you. Have you considered rehoming?
I've adopted 8 hard to home cats over the years, all of them a nightmare at first until I worked out what they wanted. Spraying, dumping on the new sofa, scratching, biting and so on. All calmed down eventually and went on to be soft house cats.
But one of them was just not happy with me and I had to accept that, I rehomed her with a friend who has 8 acres of woodland with his house in the middle where she is deliriously happy and spends all day all year round in the woods just coming home to sleep and have a cuddle with my friend.

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