I honestly feel like I hate my cat

[bloodyhairy]

I've had my cat for 9 years now. We got him when he was approximately 1 year old, and he was a rescue.
He has always been nocturnal. When we lived in our old house (the family home, pre divorce) it worked really well. It was a 3 storey townhouse, and late at night (I'm a night owl) I would let him out, and then first thing in the morning he'd be waiting by the back door for his breakfast. He'd eat and then sleep indoors all day. Perfect.
The children and I have been in our ground floor flat for over 6 years now, and he's just a fucking nightmare. I don't think I've had a full night's sleep because of him in that whole time. Unfortunately I can't have a cat flap here, but do leave the kitchen window open for him all night (very low, and easy for him to access, plus it's safe). He isn't using it, despite being able to get in just fine, and will whine outside my bedroom window until I get up and open the door for him ... which I have to do promptly, out of consideration for my upstairs neighbour. This can go on several times in the night, and he is very vocal.
I'm at the end of my tether. I'm a single mother of 3, who works full-time, and I need my sleep.
If I didn't let him out at night, he'd just cry all night in the living room, which is right next to my bedroom.
I am seriously considering setting up a cosy bed for him in our outdoor cellar at nights, just so I don't have to hear him, but don't know if that would be cruel.
Pets are supposed to add something to your life, but he just takes away from mine. My dog on the other hand, I completely adore.
I would never put my cat in a rescue centre, as I do love him on some level, so it's pointless advising me to do this. He is well looked after. But after being woken twice so far in the early hours of this morning, I felt absolute rage, and don't know if I can carry on like this.
The configuration of our flat, and him being active at night, simply isn't working. And his miaowing is like nails down a blackboard to me. I was at a friend's not so long ago (we're 'bubbled') and I was sure I could hear the cat, even though that was impossible.
I just don't know what to do - my kids would never forgive me if I rehomed him, but it's generally not their windows he cries outside!
His obsession with food is no walk in the park either. Hand on heart, I can say that I will never own a rescue cat again.
Any tips or advice for this demented cat owner?
Thanks.

😃 I don’t think dh could have imagined he’d miss it either but you do.

Obsession with food? Yelling? Marching up and down especially at night?

Is your cat hyperthyroid?

Annoying cat was annoying for years before she started to lose weight and we finally took her to the vet and discovered she was hyperthyroid.

One treated cat and two ashamed owners later, we realised she had been ill for prob at least 5 years and we had one mildly shouty cat who was just above averagely interested in food, not obsessed and actually really liked a lie down.

Alternatively I would also go with the 'feed better food' theory.

I am currently slave to Silky Cat who wakes up twice a day for food and otherwise blobs about. She has a high protein grain free diet and no desire to go hunting except for cuddles. She's not fat, just peak cat.

We were delighted to find there is now evidence that diet changes cat behaviour:

www.theguardian.com/science/2021/feb/11/meaty-meals-and-play-stop-cats-killing-wildlife-study-finds

Oh, you lot are just lovely. I wrote this when feeling so pissed off, and had expected judgy responses. Maybe on some level I was even inviting them, because I felt so bad about it all.
I'll be devastated when he passes, even if our relationship has been love/hate. And a part of the guilt will be down to me not being better with him. I have really tried to be more patient, but he's hard work, and that's just that. I would never consider rehoming him; I couldn't take the risk that he would end up somewhere less nice. And he does have a good life with us. Our pet, our responsibility. And it's been years now that we've had him. Ideally he'd have gone with my ex husband, but he wouldn't have stepped up, so it was down to me.
I am going to come away from this with a hard think. I've considered the ageing joints thing, but it doesn't add up. My bedroom window is higher up than the kitchen one left open for him. And he has no bother leaping on top of our garden shed for a sunbathe!
If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was trying to wind me up, but I know that makes me sound like a raving loon!
Thanks everyone, so much.

Does he have litter trays inside, or does he go out to toilet?

Out to toilet. He will use a litter tray though, say if we were away overnight and kept him inside.

No really useful suggestions but just wanted to say OP I really feel for you. My 21 yo cat died recently and although I was crying at the time (pts due to huge cancerous growth) my life is SO much better now. She used to yowl in a desperate voice all night no matter what we tried, constantly begging for food, not particularly affectionate, scratched the children so they avoided her. Her sister was awesome and funny and cuddly but not this one. Have never had a cat be so unlikeable in my life. We looked after her very well til the end but the house is so peaceful without her. The kids are making cow eyes about getting more but I'm not budging for a few years yet. I need sleep!

His obsession with food is no walk in the park either
I second a food higher in protein.

Also, is he wormed regularly? If you don’t use pharmaceutical wormers then there are natural ones you can use (vermX) but you’ll also want to do a worm count kit to check what’s going on. You can buy these online.

Another vote for checking him for hyperthyroidism and considering a cat flap through the wall, for example.

Get him checked for high blood pressure also - ours got very yowly before her diagnosis.

A little ramp or something might help him to get to the window.

Thanks everyone. He is snuggled up to me now
I'm dreading tonight though. It's my first day back to full-time at school (work) tomorrow, and I have to be on top of my game. We're in Scotland, so we're back a bit earlier than England I think.

Gosh, I make it sound like having a newborn again!

Most cats like to come and go as they please do a cat flap is a must unless you want indoor litter trays. My cats sleep in kitchen (with under floor heating on for them) and access cat flap to go out to toilet then straight back in. They come and miaw outside my bedroom door from 6am though because adult son forgets to keep kitchen door closed, so they come to look to me for food. I feed a tin of food at 10pm at night and leave plenty of crunchies and cat milk out which I think they snack on in the night.