New kitten and older cat hate each other!!!

[BotBotticelli]

It’s day 5. Keeping kitten in separate room with door shut but they can see each other through the glass. Doing the scent swapping thing and have Feliway plug ins.

But 3yo boy cat hates boy kitten 🙁🙁🙁

Growls at him through the glass.

Tried to do a gentle, limited supervised introduction yesterday and it didn’t go well - adult cat growled and kitten hissed/skittered sideways/looked unhappy.

Any other tips? Will time help? My mother unhelpfully said I will probably need to give up and rehome one of them 😢

Positive stories from people who’ve been through this before please!

Kitten is 9.5 weeks and older cat is almost 3. Both boys.

Pic of the kitten for attention (his name is Pudding).

They will properly get used to each other eventually but it doesn't always make for a happy household.

Feed them each side of the door, get closer when it goes well

My two were like that to start with but they did eventually get to be best mates. It’s still early days - give them time.

There's bound to be some hissing/growling at first. It's very early days. Has your 3 year old boy ever lived with another cat before? If not it's going to be a big change for him. He'll have gotten very used to being an only cat so you'll need to be very patient while you get him used to the idea of sharing his home. Keep doing the supervised introductions for now by letting the kitten come out of its room and explore while you're around to keep an eye out and also make sure you give your older boy lots of cuddles/treats/play time to reassure him he's still number one.
Good luck.

When introducing my cats it took about 2 weeks before they stopped hissing at each other. Then about another week before they would go near each other. Lots of treats and praise. food is a great motivator.

Our eldest cat is always a nightmare when we introduce a new kitten but does eventually give in and now they are best friends and spend all day sleeping together.

Just keep introducing them for a short time, and giving them both loads of positive attention (even if you feel really quite cross with your older cat for being so unfriendly) they need loads of reassuring that you still love them.

It can take longer than 2 weeks - don't give up, they will get there eventually. Keep up with swapping blankets too, that really does help.

Another trick is to put a flea treatment on them both so they smell the same - sometimes helps and worth a try.

3 weeks in..
We set up 2 beds, 2 litter trays, 2 food stations in dd's quite large bedroom (away from our ddogs!) put dkitten in her section. Dcat (8) hissed. Dkitten hissed back. Watched each other for the first week. No violence!! Slight interaction week 2. Start of week 3 sharing a bed!!
Maybe you have been too cautious op?

Hi, I've posted about this very thing a few weeks ago.. link here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_litter_tray/4081224-Resident-cat-showing-aggression-to-a-new-kitten
At 10 days in I was having massive regrets but followed the helpful advice on this post. I am now 5.5 weeks in and what a difference! They'll play and groom, and sit together. Give it time.. I was very impatient but slowing it down really helped. Plus adding lots of resources and showering your older cat with love.

I love that picture Santa! Two indignant faces 'What are you looking at?!'

Photo of dkitten whole heartedly swinging on dcat's tail was too blurred to keep!! She is a feisty little thing. Think tbh dcat just gave in gracefully!!
He has cheered up though and that was the idea!!

My older cat’s hatred for new kittens gave her a new lease of life. She spent ages lurking behind things in order to totter out and hiss at them. She got extra nice food too so win win for her.

It takes time.

We have three unrelated cats and we've never had any issues beyond the odd hiss and growl. They're all currently curled up together in front of the fire :)

@miccoops I had a look at your thread and found a lot of the comments rather disheartening. I am glad to hear things are looking better in your house now.

How many weeks was it before you could let the kitten out to roam around the house freely?? At the moment it feels like we are stuck in this situation where the kitten lives in the front room and the cat has the rest of the house. And I can’t imagine how we will ever mix them up 🤷🏻‍♀️

At the moment the kitten has his own food bowls and litter tray in the front room.

I don’t know if there’ll be a competition for litter trays even if/when we get the kitten out of the front room, because the older cat pretty much always toilets outside (unless he’s really caught short and shut in the house).

We are not yet trying to feed them in the same room or anything like that.

What do you think the best things were that you did 4 weeks ago, to ease them into getting to know each other?? Keeping them apart more? Or just biting the bullet and letting them get on with it??

Our cat is a grumpy lady (12) and really dislikes other cats. She started off hissing and growling at the kitten. 6 weeks in and they will walk past each other with a wide berth. We haven't fully kept them apart although kitten sleeps and eats (and litter tray) in DDs room.

Kitten has had two scratches, I suspect from grumpy cat, and is now respectful. Not so sure she's learnt the same lesson with the puppy who has been here 4 weeks. They chase and attack each other.

Puppy completely ignores grumpy cat as she sits and hisses/growls at her. Very sensible.

All I'd say is give it time and perhaps try letting them sort themselves out rather than intervention. Yes, we've had a couple of scratches but they've worked themselves out in the pecking order. I don't expect them to be best mates but to co-exist in a way they are ok with.

We have also had them in the same room and fed them dreamies together (at a safe distance)

@BotBotticelli Yes I know some disheartening early replies that got me in a tizz but also some good advice. I found slow the best approach so literally keeping them apart other than 5-10 play sessions with lots of treats. I stopped feeding together and still don’t - although they both graze from each other bowls. It’s only been the last week that they can freely roam the house without supervision.

I also made sure Leo’s entry to the house and routine was Undisturbed and he met pepper when he chose to.. she was in the living room or her base room and I left the door open a crack so he could chose to come in or avoid if he didn’t want to. I was always there to supervise.

I added resources - lots of water bowls, beds and scratching posts/toys. I’m Leo’s favourite person so even now he gets my attention when they are both together.

We had a very bad start and I was genuinely concerned and honestly they are now so lovely together and nose kiss/face rub each other. I just think it’s go slow slow slow and only move to next phase when things have calmed. I have a couple of feliway friends plugged in but not sure if they help or now!

It was around 2-3 weeks when it calmed so manage your expectations. One day Leo just stopped hissing and started playing a little bit and it slowly improved from there. Go heavy on treats and make sure big cat feels safe and loved.

Hang in there.. here’s a pic of my two now just chilling with the fire

Very early days, don't panic. Bear in mind that they may never be BFFs, but they will learn to at least tolerate each other in time. I've 6 cats, all came to us at different times. Some like others, some don't hang out together, some I hazard wouldn't care if they never saw any of the others again, but they all happily co exist.

Ours were similar ages when we got a kitten, kitten stayed in ds1 room with litter tray eff while we were out (adult cat could go out thru the cat flap and we didn't want the kitten going out a few weeks of hissing from older cat, kitten was just crushed he was like love me 'big cat', around three weeks in they were snuggling together - hopefully same will happen with your boys.

Thanks @miccoops - I will try to introduce 5-10 mins of treat-heavy mutual playtime once or twice a day and see how it goes. But otherwise will keep them largely apart. Hopefully if they just see each other occasionally and there’s loads of dreamies involved, they might mellow over the coming weeks.

It’s rather difficult for us because older cat is not a lap cat and have never liked being carried/cuddled (he’s a marvellous character and very affectionate in his own way - will come and seek you out for a vigorous head rub/loves having his ears stroked the weirdo! But it’s all very much on his terms and he’s fiercely independent to the point of standoffish).

So all the advice that says to “love bomb” your older cat is hard for us to follow because he wouldn’t really stand for that at the best of times 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

@BotBotticelli I think its about the older cat feeling his position isn't compromised. I always feed Leo first, give him a treat first, attention first.. whenever they are together.. and still do it now. When I did the short treat/play sessions I really made them all about Leo having a positive time when he was with Pepper. I went and got some high quality treats and new toys to play with him. All Pepper wanted was to be his friend... she totally adores him.

I think stick with your plan and once you have had a few good treat/play sessions then maybe make them longer, or have them share a bit more space.. but I wouldn't move them on too quickly. I wouldn't feed them together either. Our Vet said they should never eat together and cats prefer to eat alone.. which did mirror the advice on my thread too. It was a good few weeks before we moved towards then free roaming in the house. I still separate them now at bed time or when we are out.

@BotBotticelli it did take a good 2-3 weeks before Leo stopped hissing/growling/swatting at Pepper and I never thought he was going to stop but he did so keep the faith. Invest yourself in making it work and you'll get then there.

@BotBotticelli

Thanks *@miccoops* - I will try to introduce 5-10 mins of treat-heavy mutual playtime once or twice a day and see how it goes. But otherwise will keep them largely apart. Hopefully if they just see each other occasionally and there’s loads of dreamies involved, they might mellow over the coming weeks.

It’s rather difficult for us because older cat is not a lap cat and have never liked being carried/cuddled (he’s a marvellous character and very affectionate in his own way - will come and seek you out for a vigorous head rub/loves having his ears stroked the weirdo! But it’s all very much on his terms and he’s fiercely independent to the point of standoffish).

So all the advice that says to “love bomb” your older cat is hard for us to follow because he wouldn’t really stand for that at the best of times 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

How's it going Bot? I'm at the end of my tether with mine. My poor adult cat is so sad but also hangs out by kittens door and chirrups at it. I'm so confused and really panicking

@Belepheron how long has it been? Someone told me to think in weeks and months, not days. It was good advice tbh as it takes time. Leo honestly hated Pepper at the start and now they get on pretty well together but its taken 6 weeks to get here..

OMG Pudding......I'm dead!!

They will be fine. I've done this lots of times and the longest one was a 3 month standoff, my current 19 year old cat had a massive strop when the kitten arrived this was some years ago now and I had to keep them apart for three months but persistence won the day and by the end they were the best of friends. Keep going.

These are my cats now. I was Belepheron.