Just heard my cat has had weeks to live (lymphoma). I have a week's holiday booked. What would you do?

[largeprintagathachristie]

My lovely 13 year old cat has been diagnosed with lymphoma, with a 4-5cm mass showing on ultrasound in her stomach.

I knew she wasn't right, hence pushing for a referral from the local vet. But still it's come as a shock to hear that its weeks rather than months that she has left.

Meanwhile, from 21-28 August I'm meant to be on a seaside UK holiday with DP and SDCs. We've all been really looking forward to it. It would be our first change of scene since Covid .

I don't think I can go on the holiday with them, can I? If my cat has, say, four weeks left, that would be a quarter of the life she has left that I'll miss. (Of course, the minute I don't go she'll perk up and live for six more months.)

She's sitting next to me now and looks ok, if a little thin, and it's hard to imagine she will go downhill so fast but I gather that could well be the case. She's vomiting often. Her medication is now up to four pills a day. She's starting pill based chemotherapy today.

There are no other "cat people" in the household so they will think I'm bonkers, that I should go with them, and she'll be fine at the cattery. Relevant here is that she hates and gets very stressed in any kind of institutional setting. The specialist didn't recommend injectable chemotherapy because what he politely described as her "demeanour."

She has been a faithful and valiant friend, and for a long stretch of the past 12 years, it was just her and I. She likes to know where I am and is usually near me.

What would you do?

She must feel pretty rotten if she's vomiting a lot. I would also put to sleep sooner rather than later. As a PP said. Spoil her rotten then let her go. Cats are very good at hiding their suffering and better a week to soon than a day too late.

We always outlast our pets. That means we can can give them the best life possible, and also the best death.

All our cats and dogs have been put to sleep by the vet, when they reached the end of life and their quality of life was gone.

With my first old dog reached the end of the road , because I couldn't bear to lose him I kept putting off calling out the vet to put him down..When he came out a couple of weeks later he said gently "When you know its time, be kind; don't make them wait". I knew the last week or 10 days of the dogs , he'd suffered. I've not made that selfish mistake again.

    You will know when it's time.

Have the cat PTS and go on holiday.
Save poor thing a lot of pain.

So sorry about your lovely cat. I’ve a boy cat who looks just like her and I worry about what I will do in this situation if/ when faced with it.
I’ve always told myself that I will PTS rather than starting treatment that may be life prolonging but not life saving- the reason being that the effects of treatment may make him feel worse and we have no way of explaining to animals what we are doing, why we are doing it and why they feel unwell. On the other hand I love my boy so much I know I will want to do everything to keep him alive for as long as possible.
I really feel for your situation and it’s a heartbreaking decision to make. Could you get in touch with the specialist and find out what can be expected from chemotherapy and what the side effects are ? This may help clarify things in your mind a bit.
You know your cat better than anyone and whatever decision you make will be coming from a position of love. If you decide to PTS please don’t feel guilty. As I’ve often read on this thread it’s better a day too soon rather than a day to late.

I would pts, be with her at the end if that is possible. Having worked in a hospice I wish humans had the choice sometimes

Stay. Keep an eye on her and if she deteriorates further then take her to the vet's.

Even if she was put to sleep now, you wouldn't want to go away.

I'm so sorry. Been there and it is very sad, but you will be there on every step of her journey.

When my cat was diagnosed with kidney failure I took to giving her medication and daily IVs. Yes, we got a bit more time, but I regret it. She was still basically ok until the day she wasn’t, which happened on a Friday night. I couldn’t get her put to sleep until Tuesday. If I could go back in time, I would make the appointment to end things much earlier.

Part of why I didn’t is that I thought the vet would argue with me or judge me. Even when my cat was in agony, I expected push back from the vet. That did not happen. The vet was perfectly understanding.

My cat had the same diagnosis and I chose not to give her chemo as she really didnt like taking pills and I didnt want her and more distressed.

She was pts about a week after she had stopped being able to eat properly and for her I dont think it was a moment too soon.

If she perks up with the tablets then that's different, but I think cats do tend to hide a lot of discomfort. So sorry op.

I'd also put her to sleep. It doesn't sound like she's particularly well and best to do it a couple of weeks too early than a couple of weeks too late. She looks like a lovely girl

@largeprintagathachristie

My lovely 13 year old cat has been diagnosed with lymphoma, with a 4-5cm mass showing on ultrasound in her stomach.

I knew she wasn't right, hence pushing for a referral from the local vet. But still it's come as a shock to hear that its weeks rather than months that she has left.

Meanwhile, from 21-28 August I'm meant to be on a seaside UK holiday with DP and SDCs. We've all been really looking forward to it. It would be our first change of scene since Covid .

I don't think I can go on the holiday with them, can I? If my cat has, say, four weeks left, that would be a quarter of the life she has left that I'll miss. (Of course, the minute I don't go she'll perk up and live for six more months.)

She's sitting next to me now and looks ok, if a little thin, and it's hard to imagine she will go downhill so fast but I gather that could well be the case. She's vomiting often. Her medication is now up to four pills a day. She's starting pill based chemotherapy today.

There are no other "cat people" in the household so they will think I'm bonkers, that I should go with them, and she'll be fine at the cattery. Relevant here is that she hates and gets very stressed in any kind of institutional setting. The specialist didn't recommend injectable chemotherapy because what he politely described as her "demeanour."

She has been a faithful and valiant friend, and for a long stretch of the past 12 years, it was just her and I. She likes to know where I am and is usually near me.

What would you do?

The wonderful thing about being a responsible and kind and loving pet owner is that you have the power to have your beloved kitty put to sleep so she feels no pain. We can't do this for human beings but we can do it for our pets.

If she is vomiting she will be feeling awful. If she were mine holiday or no.. I would make the decision and stick to it.

I would plan it so it is stress free for her. Talk to your vet about the best possible way of dealing with it in a way that suits your head and her also. You can be kind even in circumstances like this.
I wish you well ( having been through this scenario a few times)

Agree with pp that cats hide a whole lot so if she's looking and presenting as unwell then the kindest thing is possibly to PTS now rather than wait til she's suffering, holiday or no holiday. I agree you can't take her and it wound be too distressing for her to go to a cattery in this circumstance. I wouldn't put a cat who had had a lovely and long life through medication.

As has been said on MN many times in these circumstances - better a week too soon than a day too late.

She has a large mass in her stomach and she's already vomiting often and has lost weight. There's no cure. I'm so sorry OP but if I was your cat I would prefer to be put to sleep in the next couple of weeks rather than drag myself through an increasingly painful and unpleasant time.

I believe that keeping a cat alive in these circumstances is selfish choice on the part of the owner.

My heart says I wouldn't go on holiday. You're not going to enjoy the holiday or be be much fun if you've just had a beloved pet PTS.

But I think discussing putting to sleep sooner rather than later with your vet is the way to go for your cat's sake. As they say, better a week too soon than a day too late.

We had a weekend away planned when it became obvious that our lovely cat was within days or (very few) weeks from the end. I had a chat with a vet friend and she said PTS sooner rather than later was the right thing for the cat. So we took her on the Friday lunchtime, came home and cried buckets, then went to our friends who looked after us immaculately. Coming home to an empty house was hideous, but it was the right thing. There was dignity all round.
There's nothing wrong with circumstances playing a part in your decision. The timing could be perfect - you have a few more days to cherish with your cat, you give her the dignified end she deserves, then you get some proper time to grieve and relax.

Who, in your scenario, benefits from an extra couple of weeks? Not you (having a cat close to the end means you'll be on tenterhooks the whole time), and not the cat.

I am really sorry to hear about your cat. This may seem an 'easy' response from a distance but if the chemotherapy is only going to prolong her life for a few weeks and she will likely be physically uncomfortable during that time , plus the uncertainty for her over the vets visits , it's probably kinder to have her put to sleep now .

I love my cat so much, I will be utterly broken hearted when she goes. But no, I wouldn’t put her in a cattery in these circumstances, and I wouldn’t go on holiday. (We had a ridiculous situation last year when MIL locked our spare keys in the house with the cat, and we flew back the next morning rather than have her only having dry food on a timed feeder/water fountain thing with no company.)

So sorry for you, OP.

Just given her her pills and neither of us enjoyed the the process.

Much food for thought, every one. Thank you. Wow this hurts.

@largeprintagathachristie

Thank for all your comments. Though I'm now crying! I had perhaps naively thought the decision on when to put to her sleep was a few weeks off.

She is my first and only pet I've had as an adult, and this bit of the journey is new to me. And hard. I know there is good advice on here.

I don't think I could put her to sleep in order to go on the holiday. That said, I take peoples' comments about whether she is suffering. She still seems to be enjoying things; purring on my lap, going out on patrol in her "area" but I'll monitor closely over the next week. The specialist vet didn't have the putting to sleep conversation with me apart from saying it would become obvious when it was time to have it. Also that she might deteriorate quickly if she has a stomach bleed.

I do absolutely need to be there when she is put to sleep so I can't risk being away from 21-28 August.

The non cat people in the household have pointed out that pets are allowed in the holiday chalet. That's ludicrous, right? She'll hate the change, she'll get lost if we let her out of the chalet, there will be dogs in the park, and she's vomiting every second day - in this scenario over the chalet's furnishings.

You aren't putting her to sleep to go on holiday though. You are choosing to allow her to die with dignity before the inevitable decline with all the pain and fear that that will hold for her.

I was in the same position once with a dog - he had been declining, he was nearly at the stage where I would have no choice, and I had a couple of weeks until a three weeks period abroad. I chose to book him in for a few days before I went, and spend our last days having as much fun as a dog of his age and condition (over 16 years, and he had a form of dementia) could have. Loads of fattening treat because who the hell cared if he put on weight? Some trips to favourite places. Building some great last memories. And now you are not the only one in tears and this was five years ago!

She has been loved, and it's the final act of love to let her go. Then enjoy your holiday as much as you can knowing that she has had a great life, and one day there will be another furbaby out there who you will love just as much, but differently.

My cat had intestinal lymphoma and started chemotherapy. It was really effective and she lasted another two years before it came back and I had to have her pts. Try the chemo, if it works then I think the effect can be seen very quickly, and you may be able to go on holiday but can you get a pet sitter instead of putting her in a cattery?

She is so beautiful. We fought hard to save our cat when he had acute kidney failure at one from eating lilys. I know it's a bit different at her age, but I look at him every day and love him so much. He's still got bad kidney function but does ok.

I think if I were you I couldn't leave the cat, however dp would be equally reluctant to go as he loves him madly. He's four now and not sure how long he has but he is so loved, as your cat obviously is. It's so hard you and family are not on same page, although I know how important a holiday is after Covid. It's such a bugger.

I'm sorry to you're going through this. The time would never be the right time. I've always promised myself that I would not put a pet through chemo or any other treatment that had the potential to prolong life but not remove pain. I think the greatest responsibility we take on as owners is to make the final decision at the right time for your pet. I still mourn my dog all the time after he was pts 5 years ago. He was absolutely my heart dog, my faithful friend and first true love. I had to make the decision for him when I saw the fear in his eyes as I came towards him with his medication, and I had to pin him to get him to take it. He was in pain, I refused to be the one who scared him 3 times a day.

I'm so sorry you're going through this

You aren't putting her to sleep to go on holiday though. You are choosing to allow her to die with dignity before the inevitable decline with all the pain and fear that that will hold for her.

I'm in tears just reading your post OP! As the above PP has said if you do decide to PTS you won't be doing it for selfish reasons because you're going on holiday. It would be what's best for your cat.

I would ring the vet and ask them if they think it is more humane to PTS or wait a bit longer. If they say wait then I would either no go on holiday or ask a family or friend to come and look after her. I definitely wouldn't take her with you or put her in a cattery as I think that is too stressful and she doesn't need any extra stress right now.

She is an absolutely beauty. I've never had a cat, but I've had and got dogs and rabbits. If she is vomiting every few days that's not nice for her. She definitely cannot be in a different place. I personally would have a lovely final day, and then pts. I had my dog pts when he was 15, we waited too long and tbh I felt so guilty for the extra pain he must have been in. My rabbit died in my arms, she was 7.
What I'm trying to say, is prolonging the inevitable will leave you with terrible memories. Guilt for not acting sooner. The image of her sitting next to you, purring etc, is the image you want.

Making the decision is the hardest thing but also the most important thing we can do.

I've had to do it for a dog and a cat of mine. Plus my mums dog when I was only 18yo because she went on holiday and he was severely ill.

With my cat I had to broach the subject of pts with the vet. They didn't mention it. She was 16yo, losing weight, abnormal bloods, fluid in her abdomen. They were all for expensive investigations. When I said at her age maybe its not right to do that they were in total agreement.

I had the same diagnosis for my 16 year old cat about 10 days ago. I brought him home on the day of diagnosis for all of us to say goodbye to him and see him one last time. Then I took him back the following morning and he was put to sleep. I wasn't allowed to be with him whilst it was done due to Covid. It's heartbreaking I know but the kindest thing is to have him put to sleep. It's selfish to delay it when he could be suffering. My cat took a very quick decline and it was 💔. Make the right decision.