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Original poster

Don’t like my cat anymore

45 replies

HarrietM87 · 15/05/2020 14:00

I feel like a terrible person so please don’t lay into me!

I have a cat who is 9 years old. Had him since he was a tiny kitten and for the first 7 years of his life absolutely adored him.

When I had my first child 2 years ago my feelings for the cat changed overnight - I was repulsed by him, didn’t want to touch him or have him go anywhere near the baby. I put it down to hormones and thought it would wear off. The really strong feelings have gone (after the first few months) and I now pet him and give him affection, but only out of duty really. 2 years on and I just don’t love him anymore and primarily see him as a nuisance. He tries to eat our food all the time so it’s a constant battle keeping him out of the kitchen and really difficult to manage now with a toddler. I’m pregnant again and worried that it will he even worse with the new baby. I feel awful about it because I used to adore him and it’s obviously not his fault.

I just wondered whether this is normal and if I’ll ever get my feelings back for him. My husband is not a cat fan but my son loves him (though I also have to constantly try to keep them apart as the cat can be unpredictable and not really a baby fan - don’t blame him for this!). I’d feel so terrible to rehome him but wonder if it would be kinder.

OP posts:
DesiDiva2020 · 15/05/2020 14:06

Nobody is going to want your 9 year old cat so if you give it to a shelter it will be euthanised. You need to accept your responsibility and stop being heartless. Poor animal

Ilovecats14 · 15/05/2020 14:06

I don't know if its normal for other people but I definitely did not have that experience. I've always loved my cats (elderly one and a younger one).

Ilovecats14 · 15/05/2020 14:07

Just realised I'm called I love cats 😂😂 tells you everything

Ritascornershop · 15/05/2020 14:08

That seems pretty odd. I’ve had 2 kids and never stopped loving my (adorable) cat. Unless you know someone well, and they say they want him, please keep him. It’s not his fault you’re fickle.

NekoShiro · 15/05/2020 14:09

Clearly something changed when you gave birth, I k ow some people go through a phychosis after birth, thinking people are gonna hurt their baby, someone qas convinced her baby was jesus reborn, so maybe you had something like that, just a sudden shift in thinking, mention it to your gp, I know it sounds like a daft thing but if you're gonna give birth again then maybe this time it won't be the cat you get a sudden dislike for, maybe it's your first child, partner, family member, or even yourself.

Original poster
HarrietM87 · 15/05/2020 14:11

Wow thanks guys...I said I feel terrible about it! And I really really do. I don’t think I’m fickle - I adored him for 7 years and I’ve spent the last 2 years trying to get those feelings back. I also said I don’t want to rehome him - I wondered if people might say that it would be better for him to go where he was wanted.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarrietM87 · 15/05/2020 14:15

I do think the trigger was giving birth, but I certainly didn’t have PND, never mind post partum psychosis! And even if I did, I surely wouldn’t still be in the grip of it 2 years later with no other symptoms?! Think it’s quite extreme to suggest I might suddenly hate my existing child but if I did I’d be straight to the GP.

OP posts:
LudaMusser · 15/05/2020 14:21

Is there a family member or a friend who would like to take your cat?

I'm fairly sure I have seen older cats advertised in the window at the Cat's Protection charity shops. Our cat has been with us since he was twelve weeks old, he'll be nine next month. We adore him and unfortunately his little sister vanished when she was one so he is even more precious to us now

He has struggled with getting used to our DD who is now fourteen months old and he used to just sit in the garden instead of coming inside. He's better now though and when DD is in bed he comes and sits with us again

Are you sure you can't change your feelings towards your cat? We will love our boy forever and a day

crustycrab · 15/05/2020 14:23

I think the world "repulsed" set them off OP. It's quite strong. No advice as I find all cats repulsive in general!

Original poster
HarrietM87 · 15/05/2020 14:25

@crustycrab that’s exactly how I felt at first - it was like a physical reaction in the first few months after giving birth. I think I felt that he was dirty or something. It was definitely hormone driven.

But as I went on to say, those feelings faded and I thought I’d go back to normal but instead I just kind of don’t like him much. Don’t hate him, just don’t love him the way I used to and whereas before I could put up with the annoying things he did, now they just annoy me. I know it’s all my issue, and not the cat’s fault at all.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 15/05/2020 14:28

I rehomed my cat to my brother and SIL when I had DS. I still loved her but not in the same way, so I get it. I wouldn't have rehomed her though if they weren't planning to get a cat when they moved in together, I'd have kept her and made sure she was still happy and cared for for the rest of her life. You made a commitment and even if you have gone off him you have to care for him.

If it's any consolation I got a cat when DS was 8 and despite being objectively much less pleasant than my old cat I adore him.

TheNavigator · 15/05/2020 14:29

Your feelings are bizarre, I have never heard of anyone hating a much loved cat after they have had a baby. When mine were tiny and I was tired I sometimes found the cat a nuisance - but I also sometimes found my husband/family/friends a nuisance! I've had 3 children and at no time did it stop me loving my lovely cat. Or getting another cat when she died - who I still find a nuisance at times, even though I don't have young children.

For a switch to go off so suddenly suggests your cat was a child substitute you no longer want as you have replaced it with the 'real thing'. Well, too bad. You made a lifetime commitment when you got the cat. Stick it out for the next 10 years or so and never ever get another pet.

gamerchick · 15/05/2020 14:29

I understand. My cat was accidental, I didn't like cats and still don't.

However I took it on and I'll see it through. As long as you're kind and see to its needs, I doubt it cares whether you love it or not.

LuluBellaBlue · 15/05/2020 14:30

I get this, because my dog can trigger this feeling in me.
I instead try to see what they’re mirroring to me - so why I feel this way.
What’s changed in me? What aren’t I looking at?
Then I remind myself to praise, reward, give attention, and remember mostly to love them.
Yes it can be re learnt.
It’s basically falling in love with your animal again :)
Think of watching a child and animal bond, and see their friendship and love grow.
That always inspires me

Lemonpink88 · 15/05/2020 14:33

Hi OP yes defo sounds hormonal reaction at first but then maybe as it was so strong it’s taking time to settle. I was a bit like this with my dog after I gave birth, just saw them as danger I guess. I have overcome it but am very protective of them not being alone with ds. Like you I’m due second baby next month & a bit worried il be funny with the dogs again, I won’t rehome them tho they are part of the family & wev made dog friendly areas in our house & garden so I have space from them - can u do that with ur cat?

Original poster
HarrietM87 · 15/05/2020 14:37

@TheNavigator he wasn’t a child substitute - I’ve always loved cats and been a massive cat person, since I was a child. And I got him when I was in my early 20s and had absolutely no interest whatsoever in babies.

Just to be clear, I have cared for him well for his entire life and continue to do so. I recognise that he’s my responsibility and have no intention of abandoning him.

My question was about whether these feelings are normal (it seems not!) and whether they might go away with time. And also if it would be kinder to the cat to rehome home (it also seems not).

Thanks @LuluBellaBlue for the most helpful response so far.

OP posts:
tillytoodles1 · 15/05/2020 14:37

I hate it when animals are unwanted once a baby arrives. I've had rescue cats , one was nine, after the owners made excuses why they could no longer keep the cat. The baby's allergic to it is usually the excuse, but to suddenly dislike the poor cat and want to rehome it at that age is cruel.

Original poster
HarrietM87 · 15/05/2020 14:40

Thanks @Lemonpink88 he does have lots of space - house is fairly big and he has free access to a big enclosed garden which he loves spending time in, so he’s not under my feet all the time (except when he sees an opportunity to steal my lunch!). He used to spend a lot more time with me than he does now, but I think that’s more because I’ve got a child now than because my feelings have changed. I still make time to pet him etc and model good behaviour with him for my son.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarrietM87 · 15/05/2020 14:41

@tillytoodles1 I haven’t tried to rehome him. Wish people would read my posts. I can’t control my feelings - I did suddenly dislike him - but I have done my best to treat him the same as I used to. I don’t think I’ve been cruel to him.

OP posts:
blackwellsj · 15/05/2020 14:43

Just want to let you know that you are not alone with this. My DD is now 4 and around the middle of my pregnancy I developed exactly the same feelings towards our two dogs.

Unfortunately we have since lost one to cancer which obviously did upset me but I have never managed to get the same kind of feeling back. I've always felt ashamed about it, try not to be too hard on yourself.

Lemonpink88 · 15/05/2020 14:47

@tillytoodles1 I don’t think OP wants to feel this way. I adore animals & never understood people rehoming them until it happend to me. It’s not a nice feeling at all

BEANBAG765 · 15/05/2020 14:51

@HarrietM87 it happened to me and our dog.
We did not rehome her but 10 years on my feelings for her never came back. I feel sorry for her and she deserved so much more.
Perhaps you could try to rehome privately as rescue might not find it possible.
Your cat still has perhaps 10 more years ahead of him and deserves good life.

madcatladyforever · 15/05/2020 14:53

If you live near Somerset I'll have the cat. I adore kitties and could do with another one.

madcatladyforever · 15/05/2020 14:54

But then I've always preferred cat to babies - I had one baby and I've had 6 cats which says it all really.

BEANBAG765 · 15/05/2020 14:54

And this has nothing to do with animals becoming unwanted after a baby.
I love animals. We had hamster in the years. Now we have a cat but my feelings for my dog never returned.
I was just so busy that not having time made me see her as another burden.

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