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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

Feel so sad and guilty

29 replies

MissingEsme · 31/12/2019 19:16

First time post. Just need to get this out. 6 weeks ago I had to have my 6 year old little cat put to sleep. 3 weeks before that I found a lump on her neck that seemed to grow bigger overnight. Vet removed lump and I stupidly thought that it was all sorted. I was devastated to hear my little Esme had an aggressive cancer that had probably already spread. I was heartbroken. She was to me in perfect health eating purring sleeping. I couldn't watch her deteriorate so I made the agonising decision to put my little girl to sleep. My best friend brought her to the vet and then buried her in my garden. I'm disgusted with myself that I couldn't even do that for her. I'm wracked with guilt that I made the wrong decision. She was fine, I could have had longer with her but selfish me didn't want to see her go downhill. I'm writing this with tears streaming down my face. How I would love my little Esme back. Thanks for reading x

OP posts:

nowlistenhereyoutome · 31/12/2019 19:21

You saved her from suffering. That is borne of love.

And she will have known that.

Sometimes we have to make the call. Our hearts break but it is the price of love. You did the best for your girl.

ch3rrycola · 31/12/2019 19:22

No you did the right thing for her.
I'm very sorry you lost her at such a young age.

Original poster

MissingEsme · 31/12/2019 19:25

Obligatory picture. Day after her surgery

OP posts:

BlueMoon1103 · 31/12/2019 19:26

That’s so sad OP. The choice you made meant she didn’t have to suffer though, didn’t feel any pain, didn’t slowly deteriorate being unable to do the things she loved, didn’t have to go through potentially painful and unsuccessful treatments and she wouldn’t have understood why she was suddenly so ill, think how scary and sad that would have been for her. You made sure her last days were comfortable and happy and she was with you, her human, her favourite person in the world. She wouldn’t have known you didn’t take her to the vet and it’s probably better she wasn’t able to feel your sadness and anxiety at the end, that would have made it worse for her. You did the right thing, hugs

SecretWitch · 31/12/2019 19:30

Sorry you lost your sweet girl💐

May I show the other side of the coin?

My unbelievably lovely black cat was diagnosed with kidney disease. We struggled for months to get medicine down him as well as a drip everyday for hydration.

I looked at him one day and realised it was enough for him. He looked so thoroughly unhappy. Our vet took him right away to be Pts. I was heartbroken (and in ways still am)

I wish I had let him go far earlier. I was looking at pictures of him then in his last month and was shocked by how thin he was.

I will never do this to another cat again.

Sending warm hugs to you from Tabitha and her cats.

ipswichwitch · 31/12/2019 19:32

You’ve saved her from pain and suffering, and she has been well loved.

SecretWitch · 31/12/2019 19:33

Here is my lovely Shadow in his healthier days..

Boristhecats · 31/12/2019 19:34

This is what I would do. I wouldn’t wait. I wouldn’t try this or that or something else. I wouldn’t want my gorgeous boy to have one day in more pain than he ever needed to just because I wasn’t ready for him to go.

VimFuego101 · 31/12/2019 19:36

There's nothing selfish whatsoever about what you did, it was a very kind thing to do to save her suffering.

Single2catsand1daughter · 31/12/2019 19:38

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You did the kindest thing. Xx

Original poster

MissingEsme · 31/12/2019 19:40

Thanks so much for your kind words. I am relieved she didn't suffer. I can't believe she's not going to come in the cat flap.
She was the gentlest quietest most undemanding kitty I ever had and I loved her with all my heart. So sorry to all of you who have lost your precious pets.

OP posts:

Fluffycloudland77 · 31/12/2019 19:51

You did what was best for her, she was such a young cat too but that cancer was just sheer bad luck.

I’m 6 weeks down the line from losing mine & it gets easier.

I’d still give anything to have him back.

Original poster

MissingEsme · 31/12/2019 20:17

I've been following your story Fluffy. Its heartbreaking. I too have gone through the same nightmare as you on 3 occasions. Luckily one of mine survived, Esmes brother Charlie. Yes, time takes the rawness away. I have to believe they are gone to a nicer place where raindrops are Dreamies ❤

OP posts:

Fluffycloudland77 · 31/12/2019 20:30

Dh never believes Bertie was Mumsnet famous.

I honestly believe we’ll see them again.

SecretWitch · 31/12/2019 21:28

@Fluffycloudland77, I believe it too.

viques · 31/12/2019 21:38

It is the cruellest truth about responsible pet owning, but the kindest decisions we make for our pets often are the ones that are the most painful and difficult for us emotionally. Take care of yourself, you showed your little girl true love and care in making that hard decision.

Justaboy · 31/12/2019 21:42

Similler thing happended here but there are many cats down the local animal shelter who would love a loving mum:)

And one lucky little lady cat has found a new home and mum :)

OneMoreForExtra · 31/12/2019 21:50

They say better a week to early than a day too late. You've just done a version of this. I couldn't stand to let my girls go and I know for a fact their later lives were painful and anxious compared to their healthy times. You lived her and she was happy- that's really all that matters

OneMoreForExtra · 31/12/2019 21:50

*loved

Cherrypies · 31/12/2019 22:23

I know exactly how you feel. Back in April 2018, I welcomed two brothers. They settled in well with all the family including the dogs.
March 2019, the tabby and white was run over, it was touch and go, but he made it.
Two weeks ago, noticed the black and white boy, not eating well looked poorly. Took him to the vet, thought was a uti, so shocked to learn he had a large lump in his tummy. Scan, blood tests and biopsy, lymphona. Put to sleep.
Last week noticed the tabby and white not eating too well and breathing very fast.
Took him to the vet, scan, blood tests. He has lymphona too, several lumps around the heart and lungs. Cant believe, still very shocked. Found very hard to comprehend.
Especially as he had mri scan as result of the accident, no sign of it then.
The lumps are not very big at the moment, so he is home on steroids, but they will only be effective for a few weeks at most and we will have to say goodbye soon.
The vets cant believe it either, so unfair, you get people who just dont care about their animals and they get years with them.These boys were/are 2 years, 3 months old.
Shattered.

Original poster

MissingEsme · 31/12/2019 22:36

So sorry for you cherry. What a cruel twist. If love could save our pets, they'd all be back home with us x

OP posts:

Fluffycloudland77 · 31/12/2019 22:38

Oh god that’s harsh Cherry, your poor boys.

HighOnStilts · 31/12/2019 22:42

You've done the right thing OP. I'm so sorry you're racked with guilt, it's totally understandable.

We had our family dog of 17 years put to sleep a few weeks ago, was there with him when he was put to sleep, I've been having flashbacks about it ever since and I it made me feel like a monster that I could decide to end his life just like that. He completely lost movement in his back legs and the vet said there would be nothing they could do. It's an awful feeling but I promise each day gets a little bit easier. Sending lots of hugs! X

Boozeless · 31/12/2019 22:44

You clearly loved your Esme very much. I lost my beloved Princess this year too, to a nasty lump. We mourned her for a few months before welcoming our beautiful new kitten into our family, who although can never replace her, has helped to ease the pain.

Cherrypies · 31/12/2019 22:45

Thank you
The boys xx

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