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Original poster

Not coping with loss of 3 year old cat run over

37 replies

Ozzie9523 · 14/12/2019 18:34

I’m struggling so much since my 3 year old cat was killed last weekend. I haven’t stopped crying for 6 days - last thing at night, first thing in the morning and all through the day. Husband now saying he thinks I need to see someone. Last night I emailed the pet insurance co with the news, I’d had a couple of glasses of wine and just after that I became so hysterical I thought I’d have a panic attack. I just can’t believe he’s gone and when I remember he had my heart just goes, I thought I was having palpitations last night. I have never felt raw grief like that and I thought if I had loads of pills to take to end the pain I would have done. I’m married with two children and two other cats so I’ve shocked myself by feeling like that. But he was my special fur baby and I can’t get over the shock of how he went. It doesn’t seem real and I’m so heartbroken 💔💔💔 I cant believe it’s ever going to get better 😔😢

OP posts:
BlueMoon1103 · 14/12/2019 18:39

I’m so sorry OP, pets really become pet of the family, I’m dreading losing any of my cats xx

Honeyroar · 14/12/2019 18:43

I’m really sorry for your loss. Pets are like part of the family, plus yours was young and died suddenly so it’s a nasty shock.

People can be funny in how they expect you to grieve. My mum told me she hoped that I could put the loss of one of my best friends behind me once the funeral was done and that she was surprised how badly it had affected me!

It could be that the stress and bustle of Xmas means you’re tired too, so it affects you even more. Cry, give yourself a bit more time. If YOU feel like you’re not coping and need to speak to a counsellor then that’s not a bad thing. Are you worried about how you are?

Megan2018 · 14/12/2019 18:45

You just need time. We lost a 3yo to poisoning on New Years eve almost 4 years ago. Some days it still overcomes us, it was horrific and not something we’ll ever get over. At the time though it was weeks before we could behave normally. People grieve differently, there’s nothing wrong with how you feel.
In contrast we lost my old cat a few weeks ago, I miss her enormously but the grief has been very different as it was “her time”. With the young one the emotional response was massively different. Ride it out, you will mend.

Megan2018 · 14/12/2019 18:46

Sorry, forgot to say how sorry I am for your loss too.

Honeyroar · 14/12/2019 18:49

Yes I think you’re right Megan. We lost a hugely loved dog a couple of months ago, and while we were devastated he had cancer, we had a final week with him where we spoiled him rotten before he was pets, whereas we lost our other dog suddenly two years ago and I found it much more upsetting at the time.

ClientListQueen · 14/12/2019 18:55

Take your time. I cried solidly for 3 days when my horse was found dead, and by crying I mean so much that my teeth hurt, i would be making a cup of tea and not realising I was crying. My legs physically went from under me when I found out and that's never happened before
I got people saying I needed to see someone and needed counselling but I didn't - I had her for a decade and she was with me through all my previous grief and heartache. I always went to her when I was upset, and now I couldn't and I had to figure out a new way to deal with it
That was August. I feel... ok now. I don't want to think about her because it upsets me and I certainly don't want to go near a horse but day to day I am ok

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/12/2019 19:04

It will be 4 weeks on Monday when we lost our cat. He was my furry raison d’être and our lives have lost their colour now.

I still cry every day, I won’t forgive myself for not cat proofing the garden & I still leave the kitchen light on every morning.

It takes as long as it takes.

Vinorosso74 · 14/12/2019 19:07

Cats Protection have a grief/bereavement helpline (I think only daytime) and Blue Cross do. I'm struggling to get links for you so apologies but there are people you can talk to.
When our old girl was PTS the vet said not to underestimate the grief from losing a pet which is so true. I was really upset but as she was older and in poor health I could deal with it However, losing a much loved animal at young age is completely different. Do let your grief ou-most of us on here have lost beloved pets; call the helplines; bawl your eyes out perhaps someone at your vets could help. Do talk about it though.

Blahblahblahnanana · 14/12/2019 19:14

Cats are part of the family. You need some time to grieve just like you would if it was a family member or friend.

I lost my baby boy (cat) 12 years ago in similar circumstances and still get upset now. My cats from now on will be house cats as a result of what happened to him, it was heartbreaking and I had to take time off of work when he died.

mycatsbetterthanyours · 14/12/2019 21:53

I massively underestimated the level of grief I felt when we had our girl PTS about 2 months ago. She was 17 and it was a considered decision that it was her time. It still hits me like a truck sometimes so can imagine I would be a wreck if it wunexpected.
I lost one of my best, human, friends to cancer about 4 years ago and my grief was on a par with that.
The short, and probably unhelpful, answer is that it takes as long as it takes. Just take it one day at a time and the pain will lessen.
But, insofar as you can measure normal, you're normal.
It may be unpopular but, two days after losing our girl, I was at the RSPCA looking for another cat. The next day we adopted a 5 year old boy who had been there for 6 months and had had two failed adoptions. He has helped enormously in filling the huge cat shaped hole. He's completely different in a lot of ways to our old girl and we love him for that.

Toddlerteaplease · 14/12/2019 22:00

I was going to suggest the CPL bereavement line as well. They also have a memorial board that you can post your memories on. I did that when Fatty was PTS. Getting Cheddar very soon afterwards really helped fill the ginormous shaped hole that she left. But that might not be right for everyone. Also maybe turn off Facebook memories and Time hop if you have them. As I found photos coming up really hard. Hugs. Op, it's awful.

gwhizz75 · 14/12/2019 22:10

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

I agree with some of the previous posters - losing a cat suddenly, and especially a young one, makes it even harder to deal with. We lost our 18 month old cat in October and I still have moments where I just dissolve into floods of tears. In some ways it still doesn’t feel real. We lost our 13 year old boy to cancer last year which was also quite sudden and unexpected, but somehow less painful as I guess you know it could happen when they get to that sort of age.

Give yourself time and be kind to yourself Flowers

mycatsbetterthanyours · 14/12/2019 22:40

Oh god yeah, turn off time hop. The day after our girl was PTS a whole bunch of photos showed up and I was a wreck (again).

TrainspottingWelsh · 14/12/2019 23:31

You aren't expected to cope, you're grieving. I've always had lots of animals, and the subsequent devastation when they're gone. But some types of death are so much harder to cope with, and some losses leave a bigger hole.

There's no right way to deal with bereavement, and even on an individual level we don't always grieve every death in the same way.

I don't think it helps that society as a whole doesn't recognise the loss of a pet as a real bereavement, there's an expectation that we'll be fine after a few days. When of course that couldn't be further than the truth.

fluffy I know you'll probably ignore it, or think I'm just saying it to make you feel better, but don't blame yourself, not cat proofing your garden isn't something to be guilty about.

I do exactly the same, I once convinced myself that if I'd got a vet out twice a day for a routine check up the out of the blue heart attack could have somehow been foreseen and prevented. I know it's often natural to punish yourself, and focus on 'what ifs' rather than the bleak future of living without them. But what I'm clumsily trying to say is that you don't deserve to feel guilty on top of the grief.

Shinesweetfreedom · 14/12/2019 23:36

I feel your pain.
I am sorry for your loss love.
Please go easy on yourself x

Aloe6 · 14/12/2019 23:37

Sending so much love to you Ozzie Flowers
The pain in your post is tangible and I wish I could bring your boy back for you.

Tartyflette · 14/12/2019 23:58

I feel your pain too, Ozzie , I grieved for months after we lost our beautiful Tartycat on the road. It was such a shock and so visceral at first. it did gradually ease but the early stages are raw.
I still miss her, she was so sweet-natured and gentle and funny.
I'm sure you will have some lovely memories of your lovely boy to treasure, it sounds like he was truly loved.
Flowers

catlovingdoctor · 15/12/2019 00:15

Hi OP, it's so hard. I lost my boy 3 days ago and it's still very raw. He was 16 and became poorly very suddenly and we decided it was best to end his pain. Its just a horrible shock. I agree with other posters that we have to accept we grieve in our own unique way. Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family. X

BovaryX · 15/12/2019 07:49

Ozzie
I am so sorry to hear that. It must have been so upsetting for you, especially because he was so young and it must have been a terrible shock. I think your grief is a demonstration of how much you loved him. The only thing I can say is that he will have known how much you loved him during his life and that is more than many cats have.

Fluffy I am so sorry for your loss too. One of mine disappeared for three weeks and I was distraught, I can imagine the pain you feel and it’s awful. He will have known you loved him and I hope that helps a little bit. Kind thoughts to all

Broken11Girl · 15/12/2019 08:04

Oh love Flowers I'd feel the same, have 2 feline overladies. You probably do need to see someone, what you said about the pills is a bit concerning. Can you see your GP? Go to A&E if you're unsafe. And Samaritans exist, but you know that, sorry to sound patronising. Pet bereavement is not trivial, you need to grieve 💕

Chopsuey1 · 15/12/2019 18:31

Im so sorry OP. Im going through some grief myself (my cat went missing 2 weeks ago). Its incredibly hard. Im crying all the time. Im also getting some counselling. I think an unexpected loss of a pet is particularly challenging oppose to losing a pet through illness or old age. I have a loving family and children but still feel very alone and empty. I think sometimes as a mother we have very different relationship with our pets. My cat was my quietness and stability when my children are utter chaos and madness.
Please look after yourself and get some professional help during this grieving xxx

whatalovelytub · 15/12/2019 18:42

Oh no I feel for you so much.
Our 3 year old died suddenly in June and it was made worse by the fact that he cried under a bush for a whole day before anyone found him (I picked him up and he just went pretty quickly after that, staring into my eyes).

I sobbed so much at the emergency vet they wanted to call someone but I felt I was being silly so brushed it off. Horrible to say but if my other cat died I'd not be so bad. This one was special and I don't think I'll ever forget him. Still get a feeling like I've been punched in the stomach if I see his picture.

It may not be a bad idea to speak to someone? Occasionally feelings can get 'transferred' and the loss of your cat might be a subconscious reminder of something/someone else you've lost.

Imonlydoingwhatican · 15/12/2019 18:53

Sorry op.

My first cat was sadly attacked luckly the owners of the perpetrator took him to the vet so we got to say goodbye. But it was devestating for months, even now 4 years later ita still hard. 2 months ago we lost his soul mate (she adopted us die to be hos friend) very suddenly she passed in our arms. Again devastation, my only comfort was that they were together again as she greived as much as we did my dog was her best mate and she still looks for her.

My mums cat who was 15 died this summer too, as well as her dog who was 13 left us a few months later. Its not easy you will see places they used to sleep and remember. Sending you love xx

Fluffycloudland77 · 15/12/2019 19:28

@TrainspottingWelsh

I know, but I feel so guilty the most precious thing in our lives was out there when I could have made more effort and kept him safe.

Ironically this is the safest place he’d lived, traffic wise. We only stayed in the last house just over a year and we monitored him so closely there.

I got complacent.

mycatsbetterthanyours · 15/12/2019 21:06

Honestly, hindsight is marvellous. And thinking 'if only' is torturing yourself and therein lies madness.
You're grieving and unfortunately you have to go through the process until you accept.
Just hold on to the fact he was happy and loved and free. What more could your beautiful boy want.
One day you will be able to think of him and whilst you might tear up a bit, you will be smiling at his memory.
Its hideous in the meantime though...