Not coping with loss of 3 year old cat run over

[Ozzie9523]

I’m struggling so much since my 3 year old cat was killed last weekend. I haven’t stopped crying for 6 days - last thing at night, first thing in the morning and all through the day. Husband now saying he thinks I need to see someone. Last night I emailed the pet insurance co with the news, I’d had a couple of glasses of wine and just after that I became so hysterical I thought I’d have a panic attack. I just can’t believe he’s gone and when I remember he had my heart just goes, I thought I was having palpitations last night. I have never felt raw grief like that and I thought if I had loads of pills to take to end the pain I would have done. I’m married with two children and two other cats so I’ve shocked myself by feeling like that. But he was my special fur baby and I can’t get over the shock of how he went. It doesn’t seem real and I’m so heartbroken 💔💔💔 I cant believe it’s ever going to get better 😔😢

Dh likes the katzsecure system so I think we’ll be going for that one when the time comes.

Not for months though as it feels like cheating on his memory now.

Cats are just the best @Ozzie9523 allow yourself to feel the way you do, it's normal when you love something so much x

Thanks so much for all your kind messages. I’ve come to the conclusion that alcohol and grief don’t mix at all so that was a mistake last Friday which I won’t be repeating. A friend recommended Rescue Remedy which I’ve tried today. I’ve only cried four times so far today so that’s a huge improvement compared to the last 10 days. I’ve honestly never felt so absolutely heartbroken. My husband is still shocked at how it’s affected me and I am too. I do think it’s the shock of how he went too. And wondering how long he’d been there when we found him dead and whether he’d suffered 💔 Just seems so unfair, he had his whole life ahead of him. I love my other two cats very much (one is his sister) but not in the same way, he was special. Followed me everywhere and was very talkative. Sometimes I complained about it and nicknamed him ‘miaow-a-lot’. I’m writing a journal which is helping, remembering his funny little ways as I worry I’ll forget them. I am going to ring one of the cat bereavement helplines. Thanks again for your kind thoughts xx

I did get complacent too Fluffy. Used to panic hugely if they darted out of the front door but over the last year or so it became so difficult keeping them away from the front with kids coming and going, deliveries, Tesco shop arriving etc. I figured they only went as far as the front garden. Of course I bitterly regret that now and my other two are now locked in and having short supervised visits to the back garden whilst we decide what to do about cat-proofing x

We’ve paid a heavy price for it, they didn’t deserve what happened.

I lost my beautiful baby boy 11 days ago to a road accident as well and like you OP I've been crying non-stop. I opened the door to a Sainsburys shop and he darted straight out into the road. He died in my arms a minute later. He was only 9 months old. I cant believe I'm going through this again as 18 years ago I lost my first brown burmese boy, only 2 years old, to the road and felt ready to get another brown boy, only to have the same happen. It took me about 2 long years to be able to think about him without crying and I expect this to be similar. This boy was the cat love of my life, I feared the loss of him because I quickly realised he was special like my first boy and its actually now gone and happened - I still cant quite believe it. I am broken broken broken . OP, just know that you aren't alone in this and that there isn't anything "wrong" with you. Like you I'm keeping a journal and jotting stuff down as I remember it as I don't ever want to forget him and his funny little ways. Keeping him close forever.

I’m so sorry, he was so young to lose.

Oh gosh Burm that's so awful, I am so sorry. Early days for us both, praying the pain eases a bit with time xx

I am saying this with the utmost sympathy for you all, but please do consider cat proofing your gardens or installing a catio for your remaining/ future cats. It isn’t cruel, your cats will still be able to live life to the full and be happy.

I have a friend who lost multiple cats to the same road before she finally decided to keep her next one as a house cat (she’s in a flat with no garden). The cat is fine and flourishing. It’s heartbreaking that after the first loss to the road she kept letting them out and there was more unnecessary and avoidable loss.

I really am sorry for you losses, and sorry for the cats who’ve been taken in the prime of their lives too. It is a different type of grief to losing a pet to old age/ health problems.

I would love to cat proof our garden Aloe6 - its tiny but mature and lovely and borders a park, so lots of birds, squirrels etc - no doubt the cats would still be very happy with all of that going on. We rent however so wouldn't be an easy option - besides the initial cost, it would also be difficult to "make good" any damage caused to the fence when we leave and have to take it all down again. I've looked at a catio and that is an option but it would have to be a very small and oddly shaped one as we have a small raised deck coming off the back door and would need to find one that fits. My boy was hit by a car by "door dashing" out the front however - the cats don't have access to the front of the house as we are in a London terraced house and I guess the lure of the unexplored was just too much for him. He had been doing this horrible door dashing thing for about a month and I had a terrible sense of doom about it - difficult to control as I am a childminder so with the coming and going between myself, my own children, husband, deliveries and parents dropping off/collecting the door was constantly opening and closing. Entire downstairs open plan and would have had to lock him in the bedroom 7:30am to 6:30pm to keep him from doing it....never had a "door dasher" before (literally appearing silently from nowhere and shooting out into the street like a rocket!!) - luckily my other two cats are not interested/easily controlled, but am looking into how to prevent this for any future kittens. Ozzie how are you today? I cried pretty much from the time I woke up this morning to about 2pm, then on an empty stomach had three quarters of a slab of chocolate and most of a wedge of some very expensive marzipan that was meant for my Christmas cake, followed by a Nescafe capuccino sachet thingie and now have a stomach ache from hell which is actually good as its distracting me from crying anymore. Might try that again tomorrow

I was at work today so had to just get through it. My colleagues are very sympathetic thankfully. I had two hours sleep last night. Now on train home and feeling tearful again, probably because I’ve held it in all day. Mine are ‘door dashers’ too, frustrating isn’t it when they’ve got a lovely back garden. I’d always grab them if I caught them but other times I’d be busy doing other things (shopping deliveries etc) and would think they’d be back soon once they’ve realised there’s nothing to look at out the front. I so wish I hadn’t become complacent. Hugs to you Burm, and doesn’t this suck a week before Christmas. I’m going through the motions for my 7 year old but inside just want to go to bed and cry x

Sucks big time!! Got a couple of weeks off, my mum and stepdad have come to stay (haven't seen them in two years!) and was so looking forward to it..its all gone to shit now Hugs and strength to you too Ozzie x