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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

My boy is being PTS tomorrow. Devastated

32 replies

differentkindofpenguin · 17/09/2019 19:26

He's had a good 14 years, enjoyed a good health, incredible appetite, and terrorised a great many small furries. He has bullied many neighborhood cats, dogs, children, and allergy sufferers ( always making a beeline for them when he treats most of humankind with disdain)
Last couple of months he has stopped eating, vets can't find any obvious reasons after an examination and bloods. I decided against scans as he hates the vets, and I don't think I would put him through anything like chemo. Mirtazepine and steroid injection made no difference. He has lost almost 2kg in weight, he's weak, sluggish and stopped grooming. Vet said he had until tomorrow to show an improvement, otherwise it's game over.
I know he is at the end of his life, I'm a pragmatic, practical person. As a nurse, I have cared for hundreds of dying people. I've been sad but never cried.
The furry git has had me crying my eyes out for days now. I have cried at the vet, vet receptionist, my work colleagues. I've just told the kids ( 6 and 8) and they are devastated. My little boy just asked if we can have a gravestone to remember him.
Our garden is not a suitable for a burial. What can you do for a little tribute, but without too much expense? How can I help my kids through this? They've never seen me cry before!
Sorry for venting, it's helpful to put my thoughts down.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 17/09/2019 19:30

I'm sorry, it's very hard.

Will you have him cremated? I have my old boy's ashes in a box, I'll bury the with his sister when her time comes. Could you bury ashes in your garden?

differentkindofpenguin · 17/09/2019 19:31

Maurice. After the amazing Maurice. Although he's more of a Greebo

My boy is being PTS tomorrow. Devastated
My boy is being PTS tomorrow. Devastated
My boy is being PTS tomorrow. Devastated
OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 17/09/2019 19:34

Awww. Have you a pic you can post?

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 17/09/2019 19:34

Aw isn't it hard at the end. I had my old boy pts a few months ago. We brought him home and had him cremated. We also ordered a special photo book off his life since he was a kitten as a tribute to him and got some of our favourite photos and new frames around the house so we can see him all the time

MrsBertBibby · 17/09/2019 19:34

Oh you did!

Lovely boy.

differentkindofpenguin · 17/09/2019 19:36

How much will it cost MrsBert? Garden gets very flooded in the winter as drainage is bad, standing water there quite often.

OP posts:
dazzlinghaze · 17/09/2019 19:36

Oh, I'm really sorry, OP. He's a beautiful boy. If you can afford to have him cremated you could do that and spread his ashes in his favourite spot in the garden.

Regarding your DC I would just let them know you're there to talk about him if they want to. Again, I'm so sorry. Thanks

TheLongRider · 17/09/2019 19:38

Be kind to yourself, you're doing your best for him. Flowers

It's a better way to go than many humans get at the end of their lives.

Allow the kids to talk about him and plan the funeral. It's ok to say to your kids that Mummy's feeling very sad and she might be upset but it isn't a bad thing. It's ok to be upset when such a big part of your life is gone.

Cats are never "just a cat", they have such personalities and they can leave such a hole in your heart. I have fond memories of many of my childhood cats.

Kyriesmum1 · 17/09/2019 19:38

@differentkindofpenguin we have sadly lost four of our beloved cats. The first one we buried and I vowed we would never to that again as it was bloody traumatic, all the kids around me sobbing. The other three we've had cremated and put into an urn. They cost £120 but we can take them with us to our new house unlike poor biffy so we have brought a cat ornament in sleeping position as a tribute to him.

So sorry for your loss, it's so hard when they are a family member! It takes a while but it does get easier! I cried to my work colleagues and to my gp!!

Lots of hugs for tomorrow xx

MustardScreams · 17/09/2019 19:38

God the end is so rough. My old cat was 19 and she was so ready to go, but it didn’t make it any easier.

I had her cremated, it was around £70 if I remember correctly (around 4/5 years ago). I bought a carved wooden box and she is on the windowsill she always used to lay on and watch me work.

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 17/09/2019 19:39

We have kept our boys ashes in th house. My DC didn't want to bury him in he garden in case we ever move house!

TheLongRider · 17/09/2019 19:41

Toddlerteaplease had some of her cat's ashes turned into an ornament. Someone else here has pawprints.

MrsBertBibby · 17/09/2019 19:42

I really don't recall, I'm afraid, but your vet can tell you easily. If the garden really isn't ok, you can just keep the box. I think a lovely framed photo is the nicest tribute.

differentkindofpenguin · 17/09/2019 19:54

Kids have asked for a photo of him in a frame, so we will do that.
Mustard, your post actually made me laugh. I imagined putting a box of his ashes in his favourite spot- I would have to move it on top of whatever I'm doing at the time!!! Or park it where his food bowl lives

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 17/09/2019 20:17

I would have to sprinkle them on my keyboard.

Toddlerteaplease · 17/09/2019 20:18

@TheLongRider I was just coming on to say that. Not something I'd usually do at all, but it just felt right. I also took their paw prints and had a key ring made from them.
Handhold OP it's horrible. But I find having a plan of what I wanted to happen really helped.

Toddlerteaplease · 17/09/2019 20:23

The rest of Maia's ashes are still sitting in their box. I said I'd wait till I bought my own house to scatter them or do it on my friends garden. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Ot feels right having he in the house. Will probably wait and scatter her with her sister when the time comes.

differentkindofpenguin · 17/09/2019 20:23

Thanks all, I knew lovely cat people of Mumsnet would help me 🥰

OP posts:
differentkindofpenguin · 17/09/2019 20:28

A lovely friend volunteered to do a nice canvas picture for us.

OP posts:
HuggedTheRedwoods · 17/09/2019 20:29

What a sweet looking boy. I'm so sorry for you, its so awful to go through this even when its the kindest thing for them at the end. Flowers

We had to let our old boy go back in spring and I've still got his little cremation box on the window sill - I often pat it when passing! This isn't my forever home so I didnt want to bury or scatter him here so still thinking about what to do next. Something I've considered is putting a special little plant or shrub in a container and scattering or burying his ashes in it, maybe that could work for you too?

TheCanterburyWhales · 17/09/2019 20:37

Aw bless you OP. He looks lovely. It's so very hard isn't it.
Flowers

Whistle73 · 17/09/2019 20:56

I'm so sorry. My old boy is 15 and he's slowing down now but I hope he still has a couple of years left Sad

Could you plant a tree for him? You could even keep it in a pot so it could move with you.

Something with beautiful autumn colour that would remind you of him at this time every year.

Silver birch trees are black and white and have lovely yellow leaves right now.

differentkindofpenguin · 17/09/2019 23:40

Whistle that's a beautiful idea, thank you! I hate seeing him so sad. Been regaling the kids with stories of his youth

OP posts:
TrainspottingWelsh · 17/09/2019 23:53

I’m so sorry op.

In addition to the other keepsakes what about sprinkling him in all his favourite outdoor places?

Vinorosso74 · 18/09/2019 07:50

So sorry. This is the most heartbreaking and hardest part of having pets Flowers
We have a wooden sleeping cat casket with our old girls ashes in. You can get small engraved stones which you could put in a pot with a plant?