Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

If your cat could say something to you, what would it be?

56 replies

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 22/08/2019 13:53

Other than "you expect me to eat this rubbish?"

The other night, in bed, I farted and Ashycat looked at me as if to say

"Don't ever complain about my litter tray again. Ever."

OP posts:
Reythemamajedi · 23/08/2019 13:07

Cat 1 Get rid of the others and just have me
Cat 2 I don't want to use the cat flap, I like the front door, why do you take so long to open it
Cat 3 yes, I am the most handsome boy ever
Cat 4 I prefer daddy
Cat 5 nothing-too stupid to have a thought
I have too many cats

Allergictoironing · 23/08/2019 20:37

Girlcat - "stop mucking about on the PC & come and watch at me sitting just out of reach staring at you"
Boycat - "luffs mama, tummy tickles & chin tickles please"
Boycat - "Eek you're scary & trying to TOUCH me!" (runs away)
Boycat - "Mama don't go to work, mama don't leave me, mama don't go to work....." meanwhile following me about the house. He does this now, the crying is pitiful Sad
Both - "Help! someone at the door, must run & hide"
Both - "How DARE you let someone else in the house, going to run away & hide"

WalkofShame · 23/08/2019 20:55

White one: Fuck you.
Tabby: I loooovvvveeeee yoooouuuuu

GiggleMcDimples · 23/08/2019 21:00

"Turn your back and I'm stealing your ham!"

Melfish · 23/08/2019 21:02

Fishcat has a few on rotation:
Hurry up and open the door. Yes I have a catflap but don't want to use it.
Feed me.
That's not your bed, it's mine. Now move up until you're almost falling off the bed.

MaidenMotherCrone · 23/08/2019 21:14

Mine has already told me I'm a massive disappointment and regularly quotes Chapter and verse from How not to be a disappointment to your Oriental Cat (a guide for slaves).

Mog cat repeats the word food a bit like Hodor. She's not the brightest but she gives good kisses.

tirednhungry247 · 23/08/2019 21:21

Stop getting dressed in front of me
Those things on your chest are so saggy you could tie them in a knot

tirednhungry247 · 23/08/2019 21:22

That smol hooman better not put my tail again
Why doesn't it stand on 2 paws like you?

cleverknot · 23/08/2019 21:26

I AM being perfectably reasonable to meow & rub myself all over you for 20 minutes until you feed me. Of course I may well puke up half of it on the landing 3 minutes later. Why are you upset about this?!

DarkNoise · 23/08/2019 21:27

Gimme more food. Now. Gimme more food. Now. Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.Gimme more food. Now.

steppemum · 23/08/2019 21:33

GET RID OF THE DOG.

UtterlyPerfectCartoonGiraffe · 23/08/2019 21:43

DCat has mastered “hello” (well, ha-woah, but close enough). He definitely tells me he loves me, and he loves having conversations even though he’ll only say “yeah”. But mostly he follows me around the house asking “Where’s dad? Where’s dad? Where’s dad?” He’s obsessed with DH Grin

TrainspottingWelsh · 23/08/2019 22:33

The sun has expanded cat 3’s otherwise limited vocabulary.
‘I’m a million years old, look at me lying here in the sun too weak to get off the roof and come in to eat. Bring a ladder, and climb up like a twat with a bowl in one hand and serve me where I lie’.
‘Yeah, good food but it appears it was a false alarm, I’m just going to leap down like a kitten now I’ve eaten and go and patrol my ‘hood. Laters fool’.

stitchwitch84 · 23/08/2019 22:55

"I have not been fed since before I was born!!!"

Mostly.

Also, "WHERE ARE YOU WHERE ARE YOU WHERE ARE YOU oh there you are I didn’t want to see you anyway."

Small tabby: "Pick me up and turn me upside down again and I will kill you and your children and eat your eyes for my supper. Also, where is my supper?"

Bunnyfuller · 23/08/2019 23:04

I’m mewing because it pisses you off.

Now fucking feed me. Whoops, just punched the dog in the face because I can.

Woolly17 · 23/08/2019 23:16

Boy cat: Pet me. Pet me. Pleeeease pet me. Do the scratchy thing. Don't stop. Pleeease pet me more.

Girl cat: I'm busy.
Give me that turkey - yes the whole thing.
Behold my hunting prowess puny humans.
I tolerate this. Barely.

AfterSchoolWorry · 23/08/2019 23:19

Gimme ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. Ham. It's time for ham. Mammy, ham. Ham..Ham. Ham.

AfterSchoolWorry · 23/08/2019 23:19

Ham.

Catname · 23/08/2019 23:21

Cat 1: "feed me, feed me, my bowl is empty and you are starving me". I turn his half full bowl around "oh this is delicious, much better than that stuff you gave me before"

Cat 2: "Tickle my tummy, tell me I'm your favourite, pay attention to meeee"

Cat 3: "Turn on the tap" walks away, I turn off the tap, comes back "turn on the tap"

Cat 4: "Why can't I bring my meeces in? No, I won't drop it for you!"

Cat 5: "What are you doing? What are you doing now? Now? And now? What are you doing?"

Kleptronic · 23/08/2019 23:34

'Fuck off with the stroking and feed me'

steppemum · 24/08/2019 12:29

well at 4 am it was
FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME.

despite me knowing there was a bowl full before bed.
Finally at 6:30 I got up to feed him, and discovered, yes, half a bowl of food.

So he stood on the floor next to the food and said

FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I looked at him and walked off.
5 minutes later bowl was empty

lavenderandthyme · 24/08/2019 21:10

This is so funny. Cats are such strange creatures.

lavenderandthyme · 24/08/2019 21:13

Why have you caught my mouse and let it free AGAIN!!! I was having so much fun torturing it!

actuallyquitesmall · 24/08/2019 21:23

About half an hour ago it was "I'm a bit peckish so I'm going to sit on the arm of this chair and stare at you lovingly. Oh - hang on, I don't really like saveloy and chips with tomato sauce all that much actually. I shan't bother with you then".

NeedingAdvice29 · 24/08/2019 21:24

“Why the fuck haven’t you fed me yet?” Or “Why the fuck is the tiny human trying to pet me again?”

Cat is excessively antisocial. She hates being touched and glares at everybody all of the time unless you’re about to feed her - at which point she magically transforms into the most loving and affectionate ball of sweetness (unless you take too long!!)

Or if you’re sleeping she’s lovely then too. Comes and lays on my back or side doing that weird clawy/purring thing. But so help you god if you move - got a rather nasty bite off her when I tried to roll over!