My cat is faulty

[Vinorosso74]

After hassling me for food all day our lad has brought back of piece of overipe banana and left it just inside the back door. He can't catch birds or squirrels (thankfully) but banana????

The fearsome hunter brings home his....prey?

Imagine the scene - big fat pigeon at the end of the garden. Cat1 is in the middle of the garden, slowly stalking said pigeon, very carefully number wiggling so as not to set off the massive bell around her neck. Cat2 is at the side of the garden, also crouching and intent on catching ..... Cat1. Stupid idiot cat ignores the massive pigeon 3 feet away from Cat1 and launches himself across the garden to land on his sister.

They're all faulty if you ask me.

My cat once brought back mouldy spam from someone's bin 🤢

You know they all do these things just to lull us into a false sense of security.
In reality they are all plotting...

My cat has never brought me anything. But I think he hates me anyway. He wants me to die so he can have DH all to himself.

Only things my acts have come back home with are a frozen dead mouse and a big ball of green wool.

My cat once bought in his first mouse. ( he is 11 ). It was still alive. He let it go. When it ran away my cat got scared of it and ran off. Scared of the mouse he bought in. 🙄

All my animals are faulty I'm sure. One of my cats (or both? Had 2 at the time) used to bring me worms in. I'd often find a worm or 2 on the floor, often dried up if it was left too close to a radiator. I always thought it was because they liked to play with pipe cleaners.

My cat brings back leaves - full of triumph she announces her imminent return as she crosses the neighbours' gardens, presumably so that the celebratory crowds can assemble in praise and adoration.

She places the leaf down before me and then falls beside it in extreme exhaustion, to make clear the scale of this success and the testify to the amount of fight and skill required to capture this lead, which clearly put up quite a fight: a fight insurmountable by all but the finest and most skilled of hunters.

At this point, I must shower her praise and affection (and belly strokes). She shuts her eyes, partly through sheer exhaustion, and partly in recognition of the praise with which she is lauded.

Sometimes we then repeat the exercise. Again and again. Sigh.

She also brings home hair bands. I think some woman removes them and puts them on the windowsill at night or when showering. My cat half-inches them and brings them home. When I have a good collection I shall have to advertise anonymously on the local neighbourhood email list to return them.

I raise you pond plants stolen from the neighbour's pond, dragged across the road, through the cat flap and left in the bedroom.

We all clearly have some weirdo cats in our homes!

My darling cat dragged me in a fully-wrapped cheese and ham panini. He somehow managed to drag it through the cat flap and up the stairs before depositing it on my bedroom floor.

Still, a panini is better than the dead rats he leaves me as gifts. Or the neighbour's rabbit that he killed

One cat never quite got it. She brought me a sprout, a skipping rope, and a Barbie head (I never did dare ask the kids next door about that one)

The other cat had better taste, over the years he brought me a packet of bacon, a cooked pork chop, and a large piece of raw chicken. I never dared ask about that one either. He was also fond of bringing live frogs and toads in, which were usually discovered in the morning swimming round the water bowl...

My cat would always bring in live mice. Then run away from them once he got them into the house. I would try to catch them and pop them back outside-he would then go sit with them but never try to re-catch them or play with them. It would look like they were having a chat before he let them runaway.

The picture is of one of the times he sat there wondering what to do with the mouse... 😀

Mine brought home a collection of mini plant pots, the kind of size for seedlings or tiny cacti. And less appealingly bits of really big birds. The cat was about 6 months old and would appear dragging a seagulls wing or half a pigeon, having carried it up and along an 8' wall and down onto the shed, onto the patio, across the kitchen and (unless stopped) up into his top level cat tree platform.🤢

Snails. Lucy used to bring me snails. Or frogs. But usually just a snail.

My Siamese brought back some fresh uncooked sausages clearly just about to go on someone's BBQ!

He brought a whole chicken carcass in through the cat flap, a love grass snake and a baby rabbit which he just let hop around the kitchen!

He died a couple of months ago at 17 years old 🐱

I got given a bird last Saturday morning, first thing.

It was my birthday, so I was really very touched.

Mine are definitely faulty. They couldn't catch a cold!

Dcat with his favourite swag....

Baby partridge was probably their biggest coup. Still alive. Luckily ds1 was available and managed to catch it and release it far away.
They look soooo adorable but they are deadly if you are small and furry or feathered.

velvet assains

My mums cat used to follow the binmen and steal the carefully knotted bin liners they used to leave on each houses front mat. We had 9 one day.

assassin