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The litter tray

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Original poster

Son and DH wants cat but...

88 replies

Weightsandmeasures · 19/01/2019 18:14

Hi all

My son and DH would like to get a pet cat. They love cats. I don't. My main concern is germs. I know cats are clean and clean themselves regularly but they do roam about outside, walking in all sorts - people's spit, dog poo, etc.

We agreed to buy a cat around spring time and I am dreading it. I have OCD regarding germs but I don't want my condition to deprive them of a pet. I grew up with pets. The rest of my family love them but people spitting in public and mess all over the place was not typical where I come from. Here in the suburbs in London, people are not averse to spitting all over the sidewalk, snort, dog poo, and the rest.

My question: are there any products on the market that cleans the cat paws as it re-enters the house through the cat flap?

Any tips or advice that would reduce my worry would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 19/01/2019 20:12

To be honest this sounds like it would be really tough for you, but I'll suggest this anyway - do you think it would help if you had a room you could retreat to that was cat-free? We don't allow our cats upstairs (have a door that splits the house in two). Maybe you could keep them out your bedroom to at least give you a cat free space?

DumbledoresApprentice · 19/01/2019 20:17

Having read your update OP, I think a cat would be a total nightmare for you.
It’s a shame for your family members but you’d spend your whole life on edge worrying about when the cat might next vomit up a hairball or wipe its shitty arse along the floor because it’s got a poo stuck to its fur. It’s not fair for your DH expect you to live in constant anxiety because he wants a pet. I’m a cat lover and was without a cat for years because DP wasn’t sure he wanted one yet. Everyone in the house has to be on-board.

Wolfiefan · 19/01/2019 20:31

That is really severe. It’s unfair on you and your family to have to live like that. Please seek help. And no to pets for now.

Original poster
Weightsandmeasures · 19/01/2019 21:15

Thanks all. You are all right. It would not work. As much as I want them to have a cat as I know they would love it, I probably would be a nervous wreck.

I know it is irrational but it would be near impossible as I am right now to turn a blind eye or suck it up.

It's a shame.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 19/01/2019 21:17

But please do seek help OP.

elle1111112 · 19/01/2019 21:19

It's funny how differently peoples OCD manifests. I have OCD, I have a cat but don't think I'd ever have a baby because the idea of sick and poo I don't think I could cope with it.

Stormwhale · 19/01/2019 21:20

I wouldn't recommend it to be honest. I have a cat, I don't have ocd, but often find myself stressed with the hygiene and cleanliness side of being a cat owner. Sometimes she treads in her poo then walks it everywhere and she kicks litter out of the the tray every single day, multiple times. Her poo smells too, which is not fun with my pregnancy sense of smell. She leaves fur everywhere, dirty marks on corners of walls where she scent marks and scratches on the furniture. She pukes sometimes, and it has been in gross places before like in my shoe, or from the top of her cat scratcher/climbing thing so splattering everywhere on the way down. She likes sitting on the window sills, and leaves fur all over them which I have to clean off a couple of times a day.

I struggle with all that, and I don't have OCD. I would really think about if you could cope.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 20/01/2019 11:53

Oh and the fur - it gets everywhere!! It even coats the seats of my car! All my clothes are covered in fur and thinks come out of my washing machine furrier than when they went in. I'm extremely relaxed about cleaning but even I find myself getting a bit stressed out about it sometimes

Well yes, with not one but THIRTY cats ... :)

Original poster
Weightsandmeasures · 20/01/2019 16:40

I've broken the news to them. They understand.

Shame that my son can't have a pet.

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 20/01/2019 16:55

Well, it is a shame but he must know how hard you’d find it.

And most families have to compromise somewhere along the line.

Wolfiefan · 20/01/2019 16:56

But your child will be affected in so many ways if you don’t seek help.

elle1111112 · 20/01/2019 17:04

But your child will be affected in so many ways if you don’t seek help

Why have you commented the same thing 3x?! And it's not as simple as "seek help", I have OCD, have been to the doctors and there is no funding for concelling??

OCD isn't curable. It's something that can improve but it cannot be cured I have read every book on OCD and have used the tools to improve and I am still someone who couldn't be around sick/gets grossed out Very easily. This will not change for me so guilt tripping the OP about an incurable condition is downright nasty.

Sparklingbrook · 20/01/2019 17:17

I think you have made the right decision. You would not be able to deal with the litter tray in the house.

It is a shame for your DH and DS, but better for them that you are well.

Wolfiefan · 20/01/2019 17:17

“My GP once recommended some sort of medication but I declined. I've had it for so long that it does bother me too much. Out it public, I've become adept at not touching train poles, door handles, etc. Shoes never enter the house, hands are washed immediately upon entering, and clothes are taken off and placed in a place where they can't contaminate other clean clothes.”
Read what the OP said. Treatment not sought. Avoiding touching door handles at any stage and never letting shoes in the house is not normal. Sounds much like kids aren’t allowed to wear outdoor clothes inside. All of this will have an affect on their own MH. No. You can’t wave a magic wand and cure it. But you can’t just leave a MH issue untreated if it affects your family every day.

drspouse · 20/01/2019 17:21

How did you cope with dirty nappies and baby sick, out of interest? Baby food in hair? Poo on clothes including yours?

elle1111112 · 20/01/2019 17:26

@Wolfiefan

Yes but medication is not particularly useful for OCD and can have awful side effects. It's not like depression where you can boost your seretonin levels. You don't know anything whatsoever about the condition. It is much closer to tourettes as an illness than it is to depression. It's more of a disorder. Yes I'm sure it could help OP to see someone but again there is virtually nothing on the NHS so just saying "get help" isn't useful unless OP can afford it.

I'm just saying as someone who HAS it and has had it for 10 years, who is a member of a lot of support groups, it's very ignorant to just think people can get help and be cured. OCD is a lifelong condition. It's not the same thing as anxiety/depression so stfu trying to make her feel guilty.

TheHobbitMum · 20/01/2019 17:27

A Guinea pig (as suggested earlier) would be a terrible idea! They need so much care and the poo is horrendous! One of my boars is older now and needs his anal sac emptying manually, the OP wouldn't be able to face that Envy

Singlenotsingle · 20/01/2019 17:27

Why not look into hypnotherapy? You can get therapy for fear of flying, fear of spiders, so why not fear of germs?

elle1111112 · 20/01/2019 17:33

Also @Wolfiefan I'm someone who won't have children because of OCD, and the fact it's extremely hereditory and also I couldn't deal with the sick etc.

So you, someone very ignorant on this, screaming "get help get help" just shows your ignorance on the subject. I have had help and that's helped me with compulsions but that isn't going to take away the disgust part of the OCD. No amount of counselling will do that. Would you tell someone with tourettes to stop twitching and get some counselling? I'm sure counselling could "help" but it's not going to change the disorder.

Wolfiefan · 20/01/2019 17:51

You have no idea of my background or situation.
You don’t have kids. The OP does. Failing to try and get help and support for your MH Issues when they impact on your family like this is selfish.

Original poster
Weightsandmeasures · 20/01/2019 18:10

I don't see my OCD as a mental health issue. It's just part and parcel of my life and my routine in public has become second nature. I'm well equipped with wipes, tissues, etc. When I get home, my routine for me is simple. Perhaps more washing than average but nothing stressful.

It would however stress me out if I'm unable to manage germs coming into the house. That would be a whole different ball game and I would want to stress out a cat our my family as I know the behaviour of the cat would keep me on edge.

I had no problem with my son, changing nappies and all the rest that goes with it. He knows the routine of shoes off, hands washed, outside clothes taken off and put away from clean clothes in a separate place. DH does the same. It's just how we live.

As Ellie said, OCD can manifest itself in all sorts of ways. Doctors can be quick to prescribe medication but I felt it was unnecessary because I'm not walking around feeling anxious or stressed.

My son holds railings in public, etc and I let him. I just make sure hands get washed thoroughly when he is about to eat or when we get indoors. I on the other hand, I can quite easily get from A to B without touching railings and door handles. If I do, I have antibacterial wipes.

It's hard to explain.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/01/2019 18:16

It’s not normal or healthy or fair on your family. It’s selfish not to try and address that.

Original poster
Weightsandmeasures · 20/01/2019 18:35

Wolfie, you're assuming they have a problem with it. They don't. It's not onerous nor poor advice to wash hands before eating when out and about, leave shoes in the front porch, was hands on entering and change from outside clothes to inside clothes.

If it bothers them, they've never said anything. My son has grown up with this routine and it's just something he does.

However, whereas they may not think about or notice the "risks" of and multitude potential for germs, I do. That's my OCD. Their brains don't see what mine see.

I know your advice is coming from a good place. I genuinely don't stress out my family on a day to day basis with this. I really don't need treatment. If it took over my life or made it difficult for me to function, then yes I would seek treatment.

I asked about the cat because I could see the potential for me being unable to manage the cat coming in with dirty paws, poo, etc. I suspect that with the cat, my son wouldn't be the one cleaning up the mess. He sees a cat as a cuddly pet and companion. He hasn't considered the mess that comes with it and would be too young (8yrs) anyway to be the one taking proper care of the cat's needs.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/01/2019 18:58

At 8 your child may not. But as time passes and maybe friends want to come home? If you can’t have a pet or wear outdoor clothes indoors then it is ruling your life.
I think it’s unfair to impose those conditions on them.

drspouse · 20/01/2019 19:36

Do you let your son play at other people's houses, do gardening, go to the park, climb trees and play in the woods, go on Cub camp, paint and cook? Do you allow him to have friends round? What if he accepted food from a friend while you were at the park or wanted an ice cream or a burger from a van?