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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Our lovely cat has been run over and killed. How do I tell the kids? :(

26 replies

BirthdayKake · 08/01/2019 13:12

I can't believe it. He never goes far. We rescued him in September, and he was THE most loving cat. Even my best friend (a vet) said we're very lucky to have a cat like him. The children adored him, and they're going to be back from school later. I don't know what to say :(

They're 10, 7, 6 and 2.

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Justtrying · 08/01/2019 13:24

Massive hugs Birthdaykake. Sit them down with a drink and biscuit and tell them the truth. I had do do this last year with my DD aged 7, when her much beloved dog met the same end chasing a rabbit.

Expect tears and lots of questions. Even tantrums some days and even weeks after.

It really helped DD to do a memory book with photos of them together at happier times. Oh and let school know too.

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 08/01/2019 13:29

Thanks so much Justtrying. Sorry about your dog, that is awful :(

I didn't think of telling school. Will do that ASAP. Thank god we have lots of pictures.

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Skyejuly · 08/01/2019 13:30

:( big hugs x

Luckingfovely · 08/01/2019 13:32

So sorry for all of you x just be honest and gentle and there for lots of hugs.

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 08/01/2019 13:32

They're going to miss him so much

Our lovely cat has been run over and killed. How do I tell the kids? :(
OP posts:
Original poster
BirthdayKake · 08/01/2019 13:33

Thank you x

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WH1SPERS · 08/01/2019 13:34

You say “ I have some very sad news - Sooty is dead. He was run over by a car and he died “.

Expect lots of anger as well as tears. And detailed questions - how do you know, where is the body, can I see him, can we bury him the in the garden, do cats go to heaven, can he still see us, etc etc

It can help to think through some answers . It’s also ok to say if you don’t know.

Yes tell the school. Teachers and classmates will be understanding .

I’m sorry about your pet and glad that he’s had a loving home for the last few months of his life.

Wasafatmum42 · 08/01/2019 13:38

(sad) blimey that's awful xx

paap1975 · 08/01/2019 13:42

So sorry for you. It's OK for you to be upset when you tell them too.
They might want to see the body. You'll need to decide beforehand if that's advisable or not. When our cat was killed by a car he had no visible injuries, but that's not always the case

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 08/01/2019 13:42

Thank you @WH1SPERS. I've got a couple of hours to prepare.

I've taken him into the Blue Cross to be cremated. We couldn't have buried him. My friend picked him up for me while I waited nearby in the car and there was a lot of blood. I really, really hope it was quick. He was only 16 months old

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Original poster
BirthdayKake · 08/01/2019 13:43

@paap1975

When I was a child, our kitten was run over. She looked perfect apart from a tiny drop of blood on her nose.

Unfortunately this time he was mostly covered in blood. My friend picked him up for me and she said 'you wouldn't have wanted to see that'. So I definitely couldn't let the kids see

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WH1SPERS · 08/01/2019 13:52

You need to prepare yourself to tell the children that the car squashed him so he had to go to be cremated straight away.

That doesn’t mean you can’t have some sort of ritual to remember him, if that what you and the children want.

Read a poem about cats, let someone say why your cat was so special to you, tell a a happy memory , buy a special plant to put in the garden to remember him , put a photo of cat under / beside it, light a candle.

If you have a faith you can pray and thank God for the happiness he brought you etc etc

I would give suggestions and let them children work out what they want to do.

Let the children do some extra chores, pay them a little money and then they can donate it to the cat rescue charity where you got him, in his memory .

Rituals and “doing things” can help with the grief.

paap1975 · 08/01/2019 14:21

So sorry he was a a bad state. Let the children have a ceremony if they want one. I've been known to stage a full funeral for a goldfish before. It was for the son of my friend. My dad even dug the "grave". Whatever helps really

Jux · 08/01/2019 14:36

Tell the truth, don't gloss over it. Allow them to mourn, be upset, angry etc. It'll be hard.

So sorry you've lost your cat, they are part of the family and should be treated as such in death. Flowers

GOTBackThisYear · 08/01/2019 14:44

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with everyone here, just be truthful. It's a sad but all too common thing with cats. They dash out into the road so fast, the majority of drivers don't have a chance of stopping.
I almost ran my own over but luckily I was already on the brakes because a large bird (that she was chasing) had flown in front of me. I braked because I'd rather brake automatically and then find out it's a bird than take those few seconds to figure out what it is and it's actually a child or something.
I actually opened my window and gave my at my very sheepish looking cat a bollocking much to the amusement of a very bemused looking passerby. My girl knew she was in trouble Confused

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 08/01/2019 14:45

When my friend's dcat met a very very sorry end I got her dd a dcat bracelet (cheap off ebay) and framed some pics for her.
Sorry about your beautiful puss
Xxx

ApatheticPathetic · 08/01/2019 15:06

So sorry to hear this sad news :(

It may not be the most popular opinion but I'd consider getting another cat quite quickly. The house will feel so empty without a pet and it really helped me grieve by having another companion (and I was in my late teens!)

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 08/01/2019 16:55

Thank you everyone.

I've told them. The middle two girls cried and had lots of questions about cremation and how did he die etc. The eldest (a boy) didn't seem too bothered at all. I think he's putting on a bit of a front because he was very close to him. The youngest clearly doesn't understand at all. She interrupted me a few times to ask me to put the TV on...

DH said straightaway no more cats, because we'd have "blood on our hands". The kids asked straightaway if we can have a new one but I said we can't risk another being run over and being upset all over again. They were disappointed but seemed to accept it.

We do have lots of guinea pigs that we used to let run around the utility and the kids loved that, but that became the cat's room and we haven't let them in much at all since September so maybe we could start doing that again.

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WH1SPERS · 08/01/2019 19:52

Sounds like it went as well as expected. Be prepared that they may ask you all the same questions again, probably at random times when you are least expecting it. Or for fights / arguments/ tears over nothing .

WH1SPERS · 08/01/2019 19:53

BTW asking detailed questions about the gruesome bits is very normal for this age. But can be hard for adults to deal with .

Original poster
BirthdayKake · 08/01/2019 20:15

@WH1SPERS thanks, you're probably right. I don't think the tears are quite over yet. And yes the 6yo was asking lots of things about whether his head came off etc! I told them he looked fine

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WH1SPERS · 08/01/2019 20:25

That’s the kind of questions I mean. Did his bones burn up in the fire ? Could you see his brains squished on the road? Etc etc

Just to reassure you that it’s normal. Your kids are not weird.

Mine usually asked when I was driving them to school, as I negotiated a tricky junction I’d get “ how did X die again ? “ .

Sigh.

user1468942365 · 08/01/2019 20:29

I'm so sorry for you all. No advice, just kind thoughts xx

Vinorosso74 · 08/01/2019 20:55

How sad I'm so sorry. He looked a sweet little cat. I agree with letting school know just in case they are upset/out of sorts.

LIVIA999 · 08/01/2019 22:27

When ours died recently I bought him home so the children could say goodbye. He looked fine so obviously I could.
We took some snippings of his fur and kissed and cuddled him and then the kids chose trinkets to go with him in his grave. My little girl chose her Snuggie that she'd had since she was a baby so we lay it under his head. We wrapped him in some lovely material and buried him in our garden. I found my older DD had written him a Christmas card.
We made a box with memories.
They cried for a good few days and although they still miss him they've coped pretty well.
His cat brother is still bereft but that's another story.