Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

My cats sudden death is breaking my heart

31 replies

Ailime · 08/10/2018 09:14

I lost my precious cat to a brutal death couple days ago. She died the same way i've had nightmares and phobias of. She fell from a window sometime in the night or early morning. There are so many questions about how it could happen because i ALWAYS locked the window the way that my cats cant get out of it. I feel like i am to blame but also i know myself and i certainly know i locked it. When i was young my cat had already fell from a window but she survived without injuries. That happened on my brothers watch in a much lower building. I became so obsessed with keeping her safe after that... i thought i could keep her safe... but on friday morning i got a call and they asked if i had a black n white cat with a pink collar... they said she was laying down on the pavement. I just collapsed... i just broke down to little pieces. When i got down and touched her, she was cold, hard and wet from the rain. We didn't get to say goodbyes... i didn't even know she fell...

My cat was 8 and a half years old. She was always on my lap and she had a beautiful personality. She kissed me all the time and curled up on my chest everytime i would lay down. The last time i saw her was right before i went to bed. She was laying down and just looked at me with her beautiful green eyes. Then she jumped of the bed and went her own way... i wish now i had took her in my arms..

Right now i am in a awful place. I cant function. I cant even open the curtains because it kills me to see the windows. I cant go out the back door at all because i cant forget the image of my loved one just laying there..

I also have a older cat, she is 14 and she really needs me. She has always had a cat companion and now she is just lost. Lost like me. She keeps meowing and wont eat unless i give food to her catbuddys bowl too... she is waiting for her to come home and it breaks my heart.

I feel like my friends and family dont really understand me. My cats are a part of me and when they go, everything just falls apart.

What can i do? How can i live? I already have severe depression and anxiety but this just makes it all so painful... i am so sorry for my darling cat... i just want to apologize and take her home...

OP posts:
silkpyjamasallday · 08/10/2018 09:20

I'm so sorry OP, I think you need to accept you need some time to grieve even if friends and family don't understand. Maybe see your GP and get some medication for your depression and anxiety if you don't have some already, it may take the edge off until you are better able to cope on your own. Dealing with loss/grief and being severely depressed is too much to try and shoulder on your own. I'm so sorry again, and sorry I can't help more. I know it's hard but in time you will be able to look back on the lovely times you had with your cat, and know that you gave her a wonderful life full of love - which is more than many pets get.

easternedge · 08/10/2018 09:22

She was so loved and that should be a comfort to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Maybe in time you could consider rescuing a cat? Thanks

Original poster
Ailime · 08/10/2018 09:30

At some point i think i have to get a rescue cat. My older cat really needs a companion and just cant be the only cat. And i dont know how to have only one cat because i've always had two... i just feel guilty of letting down my precious cat when some new cat arrived our home. I have so much love to give and now i am just in pure pain because this had to happen. My poor little baby...

OP posts:
tierraJ · 08/10/2018 09:32

So so sorry to hear this. My sisters 4 yr old cat died suddenly recently & my beautiful cat died of cancer in February so I appreciate how bad it feels.

You will get through it but they always have a piece of your heart xx

tierraJ · 08/10/2018 09:37

After my Millie died in February I got a rescue cat straight away but it took me a while to bond with her.

However she proved to be a challenging cat to care for which took my mind off Millie & now my new cat is very loving towards me.

Don't rush to get a new cat, I think maybe it was too soon but I'm glad I've got her now.

My old cat helped me through tough times so I was really attached to her.

But the new cat gives me a reason to get up in the morning even when I'm really depressed as she loves her food & playtime.

Pets really do help with mental illness I've found.

Tinty · 08/10/2018 09:47

I am so sorry OP, I lost a loved cat, my DD's first cat. We had him 19 months and he was knocked down. We haven't let our other cat out since. We all grieved for TintyCat for at least a year, for 3 months I couldn't even think about him without crying, we still talk about him a lot, it has been 2 years since we lost him.

We got another cat a year later for company for our other cat and he is much happier with a friend again.

I think you just love them so much it takes a long time to get over. We can think and talk about him now and remember how loved he was.

Original poster
Ailime · 08/10/2018 09:49

tierraJ

I am also sorry for you loss... the bond you can have with a cat is so strong. Maybe someday i will get over this... and remeber the all the joy she brought to my life..

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 08/10/2018 09:50

My cat died in August. I got a new one 10 days later. I wasn't going to get one so soon, but the right cat came along. Getting her was the best thing, she's a totally different personality and really helped fill the gap left by Fatty. I was so used to having two cats. One just felt odd.

BackToTheFuschia7 · 08/10/2018 09:53

Oh how awful. It’s no wonder you’re struggling- what a traumatic way to lose your pet. Pay no attention to people who don’t understand, she was a member of your family and it’s normal to grieve her loss. You mentioned you already have severe anxiety, could you visit your GP for some medication to support you through this crisis?

I wouldn’t rush and get another cat straight away. Your remaining cat will be adjusting, I don’t think it’s best for her to have to share her space with a new, strange (to her) cat right away. Especially as she’s in her golden years.

Original poster
Ailime · 08/10/2018 10:00

BackToTheFuschia7

I know...the way it happened was just traumatic... i cant cat over that day. I feel like was taken from me. I have been screaming and crying constantly and just cant let her go. We have already buried her and had a memorial for her but i cant let go.

I dont think i will be getting a rescue cat for now... i just feel it would be wrong. I also do feel like me and older cat need someone here but the new cat wont fill the void... and i am afraid i would fail her too... and maybe by getting a new cat my old cat would get too stressed... i dont know anything anymore.

OP posts:
BackToTheFuschia7 · 08/10/2018 10:17

Be kind to yourself Ailime

It has only been a couple of days, in time you will be able to look back on happy memories with a smile, but for now it’s a matter of riding the waves of grief. The pain you feel now is testament to how much love you shared with her.

I am very pro rescue and I think it would be great if you could offer a home to a cat in need in the future. You are obviously a very dedicated owner. But there is no rush, there will always be cats who need a new home (sadly). For now, focus on supporting your existing cat and looking after yourself. There is usually some friction and stress when introducing a new cat to the household, I don’t think now is the best time for you or your remaining cat. Take care.

MrsPawsitive · 08/10/2018 18:33

Oh, Ailime, this is very sad to hear. Cats are so good at making themselves part of our lives that it feels like our world has turned inside out when they leave us suddenly. Your grief is very natural. Give yourself time to let your pain subside. I hope when the timing is right that your other cat will be open to the possibility of a new companion cat sharing your home.

Original poster
Ailime · 08/10/2018 19:46

Does anyone here have any tips for how i could comfort my older cat to cope with all this? I haven't cleaned and i have kept everything the same so that my darlings scent would still be here. She seems very upset and hardly eats...

OP posts:
recklessruby · 09/10/2018 14:14

Sorry for your loss OP. My Rubycat was killed on the road just over a year ago.
I was literally in agony. I could feel the pain in my chest and couldn't stop crying.
A year later I have another cat who is beautiful and loving and is young so needs me a lot. It's helping.
Only time will ease the raw pain you feel. I felt guilty too as it was me who let her out even though I did it every day.
She was 8 and a half too. A beautiful tabby.
We had our older cat at the time but shes since passed.
Older cat needed a lot of attention and did go off her food for a week. She was grieving too.
She picked up once we d introduced the kitten and became motherly towards her.
Sadly she died from kidney failure this July.but she had 15 great years with us.
All you can do is allow yourself and your cat time to grieve. I promise it gets better after the first year has passed. I now still miss my rubycat but know she had a good life with us and can talk about her and remember the funny things she did.

Original poster
Ailime · 09/10/2018 18:02

recklessruby

It really touched my heart when i noticed you answering to this. I decided to write here after i've read the story of your cat. I understood everything you said, the pain is so hard to get through and the guilty thoughts just are destroying me. I am so sorry also about your older cat that passed away. I fear that my older cat is facing the same soon... so afraid now. Feels like everything is out of my control. It feels comforting to know that there are others who are affected so strongly after their pets pass. Maybe someday i'll be back on my feet and ready to give a loving life to another cat.

Thank you for writing honestly of your story, it made me feel less alone.

OP posts:
Want2beme · 12/10/2018 21:33

So sorry this has happened. The pain is unbearable, I know. Spend lots of time with your older cat and she'll feel better soon knowing that she has you Flowers

Milkandcornflakes · 15/10/2018 14:09

Dearest OP..i was in tears reading your post..i feel your pain.i lost my old ginger boy in July and the pain was excruciating..i wanted to die snd i meant it at the time..i couldnt imagine life without him..i cried so deep for 3days could barely sit down and the house was empty..i never felt love like it..i had him for 18years..i had him cremated and thought having his ashes at home would make me feel close to him but its the opposite..its painfull to see..i deal with it by pushing thoughts of him out of my mind..hes seen me through years of cancer.divorce..bereavements and diagnosis of my sons disability..it does get easier with time..i cant think about more cats/kittens at the moment but i can understand why people do get more pets x

Original poster
Ailime · 15/10/2018 21:08

Milkandcornflakes

I'm sorry about your cat too. It's really hard to think about bringing a new cat to our home. She was so important to me. My cats also have been there for me during hard times and i feel like they just kept me fighting. I feel so depressed and empty all the time. Our home is just too quite and empty. Don't know how "fix" things... it almost feels like she took my heart with her. I wish i could accept what happened..

OP posts:
user1471458525 · 15/10/2018 22:12

So sorry. Have you called the Cats Protection - Paws to Listen grief helpline? 0800 024 9494. They may be able to help you through. The pain must be awful. I am so sorry

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 15/10/2018 22:36

I am so sorry to OP my heart is breaking for you, I can tell you are really struggling, please don’t go through this alone, I was going to suggest as the poster above has done that you contact the Blue Cross pet bereavement helpline 0800 096 6606, they are open 8.30am until 8.30am, please call them. I’m glad you have found a tiny bit of solace in this thread and you are obviously a wonderful cat mum, your cat must have felt so loved, never forget that Flowers.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 15/10/2018 22:42

8.30 am until 8.30 pm that should say.

LanguidLobster · 15/10/2018 23:51

Ailime so sorry. She loved you and you loved her. We can't always shield those we love.

She'll be waiting for you patiently over the rainbow bridge and she forgives you.

Original poster
Ailime · 16/10/2018 06:00

Unfortunately i can't call to that helpline because i actually live in Europe. That is one of the reasons i looked for help from here because i feel like people see my grief as a joke around here... it's almost like you should not be sad at all. People are really cold and distant here anyways..

OP posts:
recklessruby · 16/10/2018 09:53

I know how you feel. We all do here
I live in England and felt ashamed to show my grief as people didn't understand and just saw a middle aged woman crying over a cat. My cat, Like yours, was a very loved girl who got me through a massive depression.
Do you have friends irl who understand? My best friend was a brilliant support and often just held me while I cried. You need time to grieve for someone you really loved.

LanguidLobster · 16/10/2018 14:00

@recklessruby that's so true, people here will understand

Swipe left for the next trending thread