What helps when your cat dies please

[FatBallsAndSunflowerSeeds]

My other thread Constipated cathttp://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thelitterr_tray/3233360-constipated-cat

Our cat was put to sleep suddenly yesterday as she was found to have untreatable cancer throughout her stomach. Her body is still at the vets. I have contacted a local pet crematorium but they're not open today. I think I want to see her first and have her ashes. I couldn't face putting her in the ground plus we have foxes.

Please tell me what has helped you cope. I feel like I'm going mad, dh and ds are also devastated. I woke up during the night and started having a panic attack but managed to stop it. I'm dreading tonight because I won't be able to sleep again. Everything is worse in the night and I have anxiety about death anyway. I sleep alone because dh snores.

Her name was Minnie and she was lovely. We had her for 9 years. She was my dad's cat and when he died she came to live with us. When she'd been living with us for a few weeks she went missing and we were so worried- a few days later we went to check at my dad's house (about a mile away) and she ran down the garden meowing and hungry. After that she stayed very close to home, rarely even leaving our garden.

I can't bear to think I'll never rub her ears and hear her purr again.

I was very lucky to have him for most of those 20 years. He was about eighteen months when he turned up in the back garden. I've had 2 Dcats that've reached 20. But I've also had Dcats who've died young. They bring us such joy, and much sorrow when they go. Hope you & DH have a better night tonight.

OP, I've wondered why I could feel so much grief over the recent loss of one of our elderly cats? I think it might be because, unlike many humans I've known, cats give us unconditional love. Every day our Chessie had this funny little trill that said I'm happy to see you! She was a dignified old lady whose affection for us made us feel special. Of course she had us totally wrapped around her paw.

It is some consolation when you know you gave your lovely cat a wonderful, happy life, I agree. Hopefully with time the pain eases while the happy memories of her little ways stay with you forever in your heart.

We're going to see her this afternoon. Knowing she won't chirp hello like she always did when I touch her is killing me, I feel constantly sick. I want to smell her, I loved her smell, but I don't know if she will smell different now. I just want it not to be true so much.

I'm on my own at the moment, have to sit outside when I feel the panic coming.

There are some good resources about panic on the Mind website here. In particular, you can trick your brain into calming down by deliberately slowing your breathing (concentrate on the out breath, as though you're blowing on a candle that's slightly too far away, to make it flicker). Focus on your actual real surroundings - what can you see/hear/smell/feel?

The smell of a cat is a really evocative thing. Fortunately for us we still have his brother, and their shoulders always smelled the same - also the same as my granny's cat from years ago. It's very likely that if you had another cat of similar breeding in the future you would be able to reclaim that smell as it is a mixture of pure catness and sunshine and your house and the diet you provide. So although you can't smell her today, you may be able to smell her again in the future, if you ever feel ready.

Hope things go well today and that it's as peaceful as it can be.

That actually really helps to know I can smell the same smell at some time, thank you. I'm doing that breathing.

Huge hugs OP.
My wonderful cat died 17 years ago. He was an angel. I went through some difficult times and it sounds silly, but he helped me so much.

I still have his ashes in a box. I have his picture up and every morning my DD (she’s a baby - obviously never knew him) says good morning to him. I talk about him loads to my husband.

The grief you’re feeling now will become bearable. For now just keep taking about your cat and let yourself cry.

You will never forget her. My cat is still present in my house and you can do the same.

We have our girl back home with us now, in a lovely box frame with a brass nameplate and a photo of her. She sits on the fireplace with a candle beside her and a nice card we received from the vets.

Going to visit her in the 'kennel of rest' was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, I didn't want to go in and be faced with the reality of her death. As I sat outside in the car struggling I suddenly thought to myself, I am doing this so she can come home for ever. Just get through this and she will be home. And it gave me strength to go in and say goodbye. She looked as lovely as ever curled up in a little bed. We all (dh and dsons) told her we loved her and missed her, stroked her, felt her little paws, kissed her and I buried my face in her fur as I always liked to do. She didn't smell bad but she didn't smell like my Minnie any more. There were scissors and little bags provided and we all took fur trimmings. We stayed with her for a long time, sharing memories and funny stories of her. It was the best thing we could have done. We all agreed that afterwards we felt calmer, peaceful, grateful we had that time to spend with her.

In the crematorium were leaflets for a local cat rescue and I picked one up. I think I want to help an older cat as a tribute to her.

I still feel terribly, terribly sad but with less of the desperate panic I felt before. All the support I've had in real life and on here has helped me enormously and I feel so sorry for anyone going through this alone. So thank you all yet again for being so lovely and understanding

I find the Rainbow Bridge very comforting. I'm going to have all my pets racing to meet me.
www.google.co.uk/search?q=the+rainbow+bridge&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#imgrc=_Jt748C318-RAM:

I would love to believe in life after death, that has been on my mind a lot this week. I want to believe in the rainbow bridge but as a lifelong cynic and atheist it's hard!

I joined a rainbow bridge Facebook page but had to hide it after a day because the stories were heartbreaking

Well, I'm an aetheist and cynic too, but it's a lovely image!

How are you getting on today?

I'm not too bad thank you MrsHathaway. I do still have thoughts like 'this time last week she was in her basket about to go to the vets' which make my stomach clench but I am beginning to accept it now. I think having her ashes with her picture have helped, as I've had to keep seeing it and facing that she's gone

I can honestly say this last week is the worst I've ever experienced. I'm normally a pragmatic, not overly sentimental person and I can't believe how much it has affected me. But I am beginning to look ahead to happier times now and feel grateful for having her. For a while I couldn't imagine ever enjoying anything again.

Time helps. I took my two boys to the vet knowing what would happen each time, and held them as they died. They are buried in the garden, as is my girl cat.

One of my current two boys is slowing down....he'll be 15 this year, and I am beginning to wonder how long he'll be around for. However, the pain of losing him will not outweigh the pleasure of having him around and ensuring he has a good life.