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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

I don't want to give my cat up.

34 replies

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 21/03/2018 10:30

We adopted Casper back in January, but it became very clear very quickly that he wasn't suitable for a home with children. He bites and scratches all of us, and unlike other cats I've had it's unprovoked and without warning. My DC learnt very quickly not to go near him - they're frightened of him - but he would still sometimes jump out and bite them as they passed him. He seemed to get particularly territorial about the stairs anf would attack them as they went up or down.

We contacted the rescue who were very apologetic and said they would rehome him and we were welcome to chose another of their cats. They've now got someone who's interested in meeting him and possibly adopting him.

Thing is - I've grown to really love him, in spite of his behaviour. I think it is getting better, albeit slowly, and I think it'll get better again once he's allowed out (he's desperate to get into the garden, and I think a lot of the biting is frustration-based). And when he's not biting he can be so lovely. When I come in the house he comes straight over and demands to be picked up for cuddles. He gives me kisses, he loves strokes and attention, and he's very "talkative."

He's very much become "my" cat, which is part of the problem - he was supposed to be a family pet. I know him going to a child-free home is probably best for everyone, but it's breaking my heart.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 21/03/2018 10:33

I'm so sorry. How old is he? Our torties were like this as kittens. Is he neutered? How about rolling a toy down the stairs to get him off them? It's so difficult as you want everyone to be happy. Cat included.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 21/03/2018 10:39

He's 18 months, and yes, he's neutered. He hasn't actually down the stairs thing for a while - as I say, I think he is getting better - but the damage seems to have been done as far as the kids are concerned, they're really scared of him. And I don't blame him, he bites HARD (these are not love bites!) and it hurts. DD says she loves him but would rather have a kitten that doesn't bit her. DS is only 3, and says he wants "a grown up to take Casper away because he's naughty and bitey and scratchy."

I was planning on letting him out for an explore as soon as the weather improved but don't feel I can now in case he runs off and I have to tell the rescue I've lost him.

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Toddlerteaplease · 21/03/2018 10:53

My parents Cat was quite aggressive when he was being kept indoors. (They were told he was an indoor cat.) once he was let out, he calmed down and the aggression disappeared. I'd let him out and see what happens.

thecatneuterer · 21/03/2018 11:14

How is he with other cats? If you could get another placid, cuddly one for the children to pet and keep him as well (presuming the children would just learn to ignore him) then that would be the best of both worlds wouldn't it?

Although if they're too frightened to even walk past him then that wouldn't be a solution.

thecatneuterer · 21/03/2018 11:15

I also think he might be better once he starts to go out.

Wolfiefan · 21/03/2018 11:17

Can you cat proof the garden?
Do you play with him? At that age they can still be very kitten like!
Toy on a stick or ball means he won't get close enough attack you!

Aprilmightmemynewname · 21/03/2018 11:18

I kept my awful dcat til his last days!! No regrets!! We had 6 dcats at one point, he tolerated them though ddog was terrified!! He had the whole hearth rug and ddog wasn't allowed on at all!!

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 21/03/2018 11:38

Thank you for all your suggestions but I think I am out of time. As I mentioned the rescue have another potential owner lined up, and I'd be surprised if they don't want them once they see him. He's a very beautiful boy.

I don't want to give my cat up.
OP posts:
flumpybear · 21/03/2018 12:14

We had a fat fluffy cat who was neutral a bit late and he had the same
Behaviour and I was about 14 at the time, I was scared of him! I put it down to hormones as he eventually settled down and he b came my favourite of all cats - however it did take a few years to get there!

Fluffycloudland77 · 21/03/2018 12:41

He’s less likely to run off if it’s chilly surely? Before it’s warm and the world is full of fledglings & baby mice.

Just let him out, ours is always in a better mood when he’s been out.

Rudgie47 · 21/03/2018 12:57

Take him out on a harness and lead, I do that with one of mine,I have a Mynwood cat harness. Its very comfortable and nicely made.The only thing is its boring going out in the garden with a cat all the time.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 21/03/2018 13:41

Well it's a lovely day here so I've let him into the garden, he's having a good explore. Figured even if he's leaving us (new potential owners coming to meet him on Friday Sad), he should still get a chance to explore outside.

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theunsure · 21/03/2018 13:53

For a rescue cat 2 months is nothing, my last rescue took 2 years to stop biting and attacking. She is now amazing and very gentle but it has been a lot of work and we are child free.

It might be too hard to rehab a cat like this with children around so it would not be the worst thing to rehome. I suppose it is what is best for the cat that matters the most, even if it is tough for you. I'd never be able to give mine up so I do sympathise!

My parents took on loads of cat rescues when I was a kid - I got scratched and bitten a lot but was taught how to gain their trust. My parents were of the tough love school though and there was no way they'd have given up on any of them just because we got attacked. Weirdly though I don't remember us ever becoming scared. I do remember my brother screaming because one had jumped off the window sill onto his head and had her claws dug into his temples. Cat was just removed and my brother told to get on with it (he was about 4). We're both cat people now so it clearly did us no harm. But I guess if your little ones are already scared it is tricky.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 21/03/2018 13:59

Casper in the daffodils:

I don't want to give my cat up.
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flapjackfairy · 21/03/2018 14:07

I am going to go against the majority here and say that if another family has been found you need to do the right thing by everyone and let him go. I know it will break your heart but you have to protect your children above all else. They are only little and think how you would feel if they are badly injured or scarred by the cat.
I love cats but at the end of the day your kids safety is paramount.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 21/03/2018 14:09

That's pretty much my position @flapjackfairy. As much as I love him, I love my kids more. And DD really wants a cat she can cuddle with and have sleep on her bed, and I don't think Casper is that cat.

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flapjackfairy · 21/03/2018 14:32

It is sad.it would break my heart too but i would see it as being in everyones interests . The cat may well be happier in a child free house also. X

Rudgie47 · 21/03/2018 14:49

I'd keep him and get the kids a lapcap.That cat is beautiful and will love you.

Tika77 · 21/03/2018 14:53

He doesn’t sound like a good match for your family. I wouldn’t want my kids to end up hating cats for the rest of their lives. I do like the attitude of the charity though.

HuskyMcClusky · 21/03/2018 15:01

I’m with Rudgie. Can you have two cats? He’s so lovely. Sad

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 21/03/2018 17:05

I'm worried if we get a second cat he'll be aggressive towards it.

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LanguidLobster · 21/03/2018 19:25

Casper's beautiful.

It sounds like you don't have enough time now to sort it out and see if he would bond with another cat if a family are interested in him.

Want2beme · 21/03/2018 20:03

He is lovely. What a shame. If he has an opportunity with another family, then it might be best to let him go. I've had my fair share of challenging loopy cats and I've loved it, it all adds to their amazing contrariness, but I can see that if he's not settling in with your DC's, you're worried about that. Let them meet him and see what happens from there. It's a very difficult situation for you, cos you love him Flowers

MsMims · 21/03/2018 21:46

Oh no Sad

Please don’t let him go. It sounds like he was highly traumatised and is finally starting to feel safe and secure. That photo of him on the rug is just gorgeous - he looks so relaxed. You may be surprised, the vast, vast majority of adult cats wouldn’t be aggressive to a kitten, even if they’d object massively to another adult cat. If you can keep him, it’s better for him to stay where he’s settling than upheave him again.

Cailleach1 · 21/03/2018 21:52

He does look 'assertive'. One of my previous cats would have the eye out of your head if the light caught a certain way. He had been born to a feral mother and we found him as a kitten in the garden of a derelict house.

He was so loving and affectionate at the same time. It was as if he had moments of lashing out. Maybe a glint here or there. Co existed very nicely in a parallel way with toddler and boy. I emphasised frequently how the cat had to be left alone or he'd lash out. At that stage, we had a huge garden beside farmland and he had a heated integral garage for beddie byes. Previously to starting a family, he lived cheek by jowl in what ever house we were renting. He was my cat really and trusted me. Very suspicious of my OH. Bad side is I was responsible for putting him in the carrier, taking him to the vet, giving tablets and flea treatment.

He lived to 17 and was as mad as a hatter. The most loving little dote you could imagine. But we had the space to allow everyone to go their own way and he could easily avoid any children.

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