How do I know if/when DD is ready for us to get a family cat as a pet???!!

[JessiCake]

She is rising 5 and adores animals, cats and dogs in particular (obviously...) but for space/practicality reasons DH and I are decided that a cat is a better choice for us.

DD is ramping up the pressure (well, of course she is, she's 5...) and continually asking 'when' we are getting a cat or dog.

But obviously I'm aware, as she is not, what a responsibilty a pet is, how long they live, how much they need to become a part of the family.

DD is an only and is going to stay that way so a pet really would be a lovely thing for her (for us all) to have, that said she is very very used to it just being the three of us and I worry that she's still too little to comprehend how much a pet (even a cat rather than a dog) is going to be a constant 'presence' in the house. We looked after a dog for a friend for a couple of days recently and naturally once the initial excitement had worn off DD was quite put out by having an animal sort of permanently 'there' if you see what I mean.

Now obviously if it's OUR animal rather than just a borrowed one I'm hoping for some lovely bonding and a making of a place for that animal in our family.

But still. Is 5 too young?

I don't worry about her actually 'taking responsibility' for the cat ie feeding it etc as it will be mine and DH's too; it's not meant to be DD's pet for her to 'look after'.

Complicating this is the fact that I myself have never owned a pet (apart from an ill-fated attempted adoption of a stray moggy when I was 13) and historically am rather afraid of cats. I do feel I'll feel very differently about a cat that I own and get to know - DH's ancient old cat was lovely and I still miss her - but still, there's that fractional hesitation on my part on the confidence front.

Sorry, this is random and waffling! Obvioulsy nobody on t'internet can tell me whether we should get a cat or not, you don't know me!!!

But in our circumstances, what would you do?

DD is about to start school so we would wait at least a few months for that to happen, no matter what.

Oh and I am home all day working from home so said cat will have company.

I suppose my biggest fear is that Cat arrives, DD isn't that fussed/not that eager about having it around and that it would feel like a mistake. We would never ditch Cat so then we would have a pet for donkey's years that DD doesn't particularly care for (even if me and DH adored it!!)

Does bonding sometimes take time?

Thanks experts!

Not too young I would say. My ds was 5 when we got a cat in similar circumstances - he'd been asking for a couple of years by this point! I think really he would have liked a dog, but there is no way I have the time to commit to looking after a dog properly.

We approached Cats Protection and they did a 'site visit' (popped into the area, not our house) just to make sure it was reasonably safe, then recommended a cat rather than a kitten as already litter trained and less likely to scratch.

Obviously the cat has ruled the house ever since! She is not overly friendly (she isn't a lap cat, for example) and I think ds found it difficult that he had to leave her alone and let her come to him - but that's no bad thing for any child but particularly an only, which he is too. She will now even sleep on his bed sometimes, which he adores, or sit next to him on the sofa.

I think it highly unlikely that DD won't adore the cat when he/she arrives, but I think you do need to see this as a pet you are all getting, and something you all want.

I think 5 is the perfect age for a cat.

trib thank you

That's exactly the kind of helpful advice I was hoping for!!

Hm, though now you say your cat has ruled the house... that's possibly my main doubt!! DD likes to rule the house (I'm joking, mostly, but she can be a bit of a diva!!) and might not take kindly to fluffy competition!

That said, that probably wouldn't be a bad thing for her in the long run...

It's very much a cat that we all want. DH would get one tomorrow, he adores them and has owned in the past. I have very very very slowly but very surely come round to the idea. And DD THINKS she wants a cat, she just isn't truly aware of the level of comittment.

Hadn't even thought about scratching! That would really dampen DD's enthusiasm though to be fair she has been scratched by rabbits and still loves them. It would make her wary though. Do kittens scratch quite a lot? (total novice...!)

troodie - thank you too. I certainly knew DD was too young when she first started asking around 2 years ago. At 5 and starting school it is starting to feel much more of a possibility.

You need to get a cat because you want a family pet, NOT because your 5 year old wants one.

Thanks for your post, ijustwanna - I thought I had made clear that in all honesty the only thing STOPPING us from getting the cat is my 5 year old's rosy-tinted vision of what it would be like...?

There's no intention whatsoever to get the cat just because my 5 year old wants one.

Hence why I'm on here asking about it and why I'm doing a lot of research and why I'm continually repsonding to my 5 year old wth explanations about how it would be if we had the cat right now - 'so imagine if we had a cat now, while you're trying to paint, and the cat knocked your paint pot over...'

That kind of thing.

Sounds like a cat rather than a kitten would be better for you. You never really know for sure what you are getting with a kitten, but a rescue cat should have it's personality pretty much formed so you know what you are getting there. You say you can be a little afraid of cats, well with a rescue you can be sure you get one that you AREN'T afraid of because you've met it as an adult.

Plus cute they may be, but kitten scratch, bite, climb everything (rather than just some things )... Then they grow up into a cat anyway after a few months.

Thank you allergic!
Yes I think even prior to this we had been thinking of a cat rather than a kitten. Hadn't ruled out a kitten but I'm certainly tempted, as you say, by the idea of 'knowing' the personality more in advance.
Hugely appreciated thank you

Five is fine, that is old enough to be gentle and to do as she is told.

5rivers thank you - yeah she's gentle with all animals (and smaller kids) actually, obviously she'd need to learn a bit of patience, as a pp has said, about letting the cat come to her rather than bugging it... I think that would be a skill she would aquire pretty swiftly.

We've always had cats and our DD is an only and will stay that way. She's now 7 and w got a bitey, scratchy, pouncy ball of black fur a year ago. The kitten was 14 weeks when we got her and DD was terrified for the first few weeks of being nipped and bounced on. We have older cats who accepted the kitten no problem.

After a few weeks with plenty of play ( mouse on a string) and learning to stroke the kitten and the cat getting used to us, DD and cat are now a ferocious team. The cat sleeps on her bed and only DD can cuddle her without getting mauled.

Lovely lovely pics thank you LongRider!
And a lovely story to accompany them!!
Thank you and so happy to hear of a Cat/DD success story.
Not so wild about idea of DD being the only person Cat will go to though I was hoping for cuddles...

we already had cats, but got 2 kittens when kids were 3and 5. Kittens were lo yt? S of fun. The cats all prefer adults, but will sit on kids' beds and chase toys etc. They'd love the cats to sit on their knees, but I think.thryre sit too squirmy. I had a cat at 5 and it took a few years before she would sit on me. Ds and Dd would like a dog and a rabbit instead, but that's not going to happen.

Do you live near a main road? That would be my biggest concern when getting a cat. That and neighbours. Unfortunately some people really don't like cats. Not very nice but should be considered. If they are likely to be a problem, can your garden be contained?

troodie - not near a main road, no, and we would do work on the garden beforehand to make it 'contained' if you see what I mean.

Neighbours on either side are pro-animal people.

However (and again forgive me for being novice!) we were thinking of trying to get a 'house cat'. DH still very badly scarred by his beloved cat getting killed by car almost 20 years ago :(

I think within obvious reason of letting it out and about in garden to explore we'd be hoping to find a cat that was happiest not roving too far from home.

Is that doable?!

Nothing to do with age really. She needs to be able to understand how to be gentle, what looking after it really means (even if she doesn't), and to a certain degree the cat's body language eg when to back off.
Obviously you'll need a cat with the "right" personality.
We got a cat when our daughter was 5, after years of nagging. After the initial fuss, she was somewhat indifferent for a while but maybe 18m later she is now completely in love with her.
We helped this by giving daughter jobs eg feeding her, playing with her etc. She's also helped to train her. We have also trained the cat to sleep on daughter's bed (without daughter knowing we were training) and that has delighted her and reinforced her positive associations and encoiraged her to take on responsibility.
Bizarrely there has been the odd little bit of jealously and we did have to work on helping them both to understand the pecking order.
Our cat is laid back and affectionate but can be skittish and timid.

Puffin thank you!

I'm thrilled you posted that actually as to be, with my DD's personality, jealousy doesn't sound bizarre to me at all!

Yours sounds like the ideal outcome and something we would try to emulate.

I can totally see DD not being that bothered at first and yes, even being jealous.

What I would then want, however, is for her to overcome that (with help!) and bond with the cat on their own terms. What I don't want is to end up in a situation where it's me, DH and the cat versus DD, who doesn't like it and wants it to go away again!!

Very very heartened to hear that with work and time and sensitivity, that kind of situation can be avoided.

Thank you.

Sorry, Puffin, can I just ask - were you an experienced cat owner before that? You sound as if you knew a lot about how to train cats etc and how to help kids and cats get on? Or were you just an expert on your own DD and did you read a lot around the subject of cat training?!

Some cats are house cats by choice. You can cat proof a garden to stop them getting out if they decide actually they do want to go out.

Don't worry about them ruling the roost, they do it very subtly.

Feeding gourmet on demand? Fine.
Getting up before 7am on the weekends to let puss out? No problem.
Buying new mousies regularly because another ones lost? No bother.
Turning music down because the cat doesn't lik dhs guitar? Yep, that's fine too, he's never once switched his guitar off for me but if the cat wants afternoon snooze in the room he's not even supposed to go in its just fine.

You get to the stage where cooking fish at 10pm is perfectly reasonable without really noticing. The big eyed look with a hard done by miaow is devastatingly effective.

We have always had cats but our old cats did not like the children. However we got two kittens when the boys were 4, 6 and 8 years old and they have a lovely relationship with them. The Cats are now fairly independent so are not too fussed if the boys play with them or not but when they were little the boys treated them as very precious toys. I think 5 is a great age and even if your Dd's interest comes and goes the cat won't care as long as she has build up a positive relationship with it. If you do get a kitten (or two) then make sure it is handled lots and lots and very gently as how it is treated in the beginning is so important. My friend got a cat for her children but she was a bit wary of it and so were the children so whilst they weren't cruel and the cat is happy and well cared for they never put the effort in to 'socialise' it so it is a very antisocial cat and she regrets getting it. I think she thought that cats are always 'lap cats' but this is something you develop not a natural instinct.

Thanks Fluffy I love your post!!

I'm used to a (less-subtly) demanding diva so I think I would bed to Cat's whim's pretty quickly!

Oh and again this is probably a stupid question so sorry. But is our home big enough for a cat, especially if we assume it will mostly be inside it rather than roaming the streets? We're just in a standard small London terrace, kitchen and living room (small) downstairs and then two floors upstairs with four bedrooms, one an attic conversion and one a tiny boxroom?

Our garden is small (standard by London standards!) but lots of nice trees, plants, grassy bit, patio bit etc.

Given that I'm home all day for company, does this sound an OK set-up for a cat? We've spent so long thinking about dogs (and eventually been put off the idea because of a relative lack of space and the fact that DH will only contenance a Labrador which we really dont' have room for ) that I've just sort of assumed our set-up is decent for a cat.

But I may be wrong?!

Just to say when one of our cats got hurt he had to be a house cat for a while. He was not fussed and actually started to enjoy it however our other cat has to go out each morning as she refuses to use a litter tray so she would make a terrible house cat!

If the tail is wagging, don't try stroking!

There is a hierarchy in our house with DD at the top of the pile, then DH, and I am tolerated by LongGirlCat. I think that's because I don't let her get away with anything and I'll take a biting if I have to do anything to her.

An older soppy beast of a mog rather than a young kitten can be a great addition. You have the benefit of knowing that their personality has formed and you're past the worst of kitten training. If you get one from a rescue they should be able to find a cat that suits you.

I have fond memories of a white and black mog called Soapy. I was your DD's age and he was my cat. He went on walks with me, slept on my bed, would comfort me when I cried and would intervene when my brother and I fought! He was fantastic.

Cats will decide who their human is going to be. You may still end up with cuddles!

Ours is a house cat.
Originally it was because someone does mean things to cats around here (far too many go missing), then it became apparent she does not like (is afraid?) of other cats which is a pain because there are loads around us. Then she had to have some serious operations which means she can't climb that well and is sometimes quite unsteady on her feet. She's not in pain or anything and jumps around the house quite happily but she climbed out a window and onto our extension roof once. You could see her trying to climb down but her legs don't work like that so she couldn't and we had to rescue her.
Sometimes she does want to go out but then a noisy car or unexpected movement terrifies her.
I think she would like to have the option to go out but she cant.
Many cats prefer to be indoors and there are lots of studies which suggest cats are generally happier (and safer) when kept inside as long as they are appropriately stimulated.
Ours is a rescue and was maybe 2 when we got her. She'd had a few different homes, had possibly been a stray and had been in at least one rescue centre and had, had two litters. :( It took her a little while to properly settle with us and she was fairpy aloof and stand offish for a while. Then suddenly she became a proper fussy lap cat! It took her a while to get used to a noisy, over excitable child but she doesn't bat an eyelid anymore.
She has never scratched furniture (other than by accident when she falls off (see earlier comment about being unsteady) but we still have scratches on the arms, back and seats on our leather sofas just by her walking on them. Some are fairly noticable. She also stretches up the side of one which has resulted in scratches as she "walks" her front legs up it.
We've also ended up with little oily/greasy patches on our cream walls where she rubs against. No amount of cleaning seems to be able to get rid of it and it looks awful.
And hair. She's short haired but there is still hair everywhere.

Rescues sometimes have cats that can't go out for one reason or another, and if you're willing to cat-proof your garden your set up sounds perfect.

Don't overthink it too much! All 5 year olds think cute kittie = playtime and are somewhat outraged when the cat itself thinks differently, imo, but the cat soon trains the child our youngest skittish boy let my similar-age DC pick him up and dangle him in the air for a welcome home cuddle earlier which he'd never have tolerated this time last year - everyone adapts and moulds to the personalities with time & patience. Cats are good for teaching patience!