How do I know if/when DD is ready for us to get a family cat as a pet???!!

[JessiCake]

She is rising 5 and adores animals, cats and dogs in particular (obviously...) but for space/practicality reasons DH and I are decided that a cat is a better choice for us.

DD is ramping up the pressure (well, of course she is, she's 5...) and continually asking 'when' we are getting a cat or dog.

But obviously I'm aware, as she is not, what a responsibilty a pet is, how long they live, how much they need to become a part of the family.

DD is an only and is going to stay that way so a pet really would be a lovely thing for her (for us all) to have, that said she is very very used to it just being the three of us and I worry that she's still too little to comprehend how much a pet (even a cat rather than a dog) is going to be a constant 'presence' in the house. We looked after a dog for a friend for a couple of days recently and naturally once the initial excitement had worn off DD was quite put out by having an animal sort of permanently 'there' if you see what I mean.

Now obviously if it's OUR animal rather than just a borrowed one I'm hoping for some lovely bonding and a making of a place for that animal in our family.

But still. Is 5 too young?

I don't worry about her actually 'taking responsibility' for the cat ie feeding it etc as it will be mine and DH's too; it's not meant to be DD's pet for her to 'look after'.

Complicating this is the fact that I myself have never owned a pet (apart from an ill-fated attempted adoption of a stray moggy when I was 13) and historically am rather afraid of cats. I do feel I'll feel very differently about a cat that I own and get to know - DH's ancient old cat was lovely and I still miss her - but still, there's that fractional hesitation on my part on the confidence front.

Sorry, this is random and waffling! Obvioulsy nobody on t'internet can tell me whether we should get a cat or not, you don't know me!!!

But in our circumstances, what would you do?

DD is about to start school so we would wait at least a few months for that to happen, no matter what.

Oh and I am home all day working from home so said cat will have company.

I suppose my biggest fear is that Cat arrives, DD isn't that fussed/not that eager about having it around and that it would feel like a mistake. We would never ditch Cat so then we would have a pet for donkey's years that DD doesn't particularly care for (even if me and DH adored it!!)

Does bonding sometimes take time?

Thanks experts!

We'd both had cats growimg up but thry were just sort of in the background iyswim. I'm more a dog person and husband is more a no-pet person (but he does love the cat now!) so were ignoring daughter's requests! Then we heard about this cat and it was two roads away and we felt sorry for it so...
A lot of the jealousy was probably partly our fault eg if daughter was getting OTT with the cat we'd tell her off or ask her to stop but then reward the cat for tolerating daughter. There were also times when we were maybe playing with the cat and daughter had to wait for our attention. This also contributed to a bit of confusion about hierarchy. When we realised that, we were able to adjust our behaviour and it quickly settled down. That was also partly where the getting the cat to sleep on her bed etc came from. Daughter is responsible for feeding the cat so the cat follows her around at food time which daughter loves. So I think we're much more balanced now!
She was already house trained and that has never been an issue.
Luckily (?) our cat is incredibly motivated by food so training was reasonably easy (still trying to get her to "fetch" toys though! Haha!) and keeps her mind working and gives something for daughter to do with her.
Daughter would have liked a kitten but we were nervous about socialising a kitten given that she would spend a long time alone. We also wanted to know what we were getting so to speak. We needed a tolerant cat that would move away if it needed space rather than attack iyswim. Obviously we have/are teaching daughter to listen to the cat so she isn't forced to do either but, well, she was 5.
Our house is a two up, two down with a kitchen/bathroom extension. We leave all the doors open and right now the cat is running from the front of tge house, jumping over the sofas, running to the back of tge house, then running up the stairs, crashing about in our bedroom then running to the sofa again! So that and playing with her means she gets plenty of exercise.
Haha! Sorry I'm telling you my life story! Haha!
I would say get good insurance. We weren't going to get it but she has needed a fair bit of vet stuff including a couple of operations which we would have had to have seriously thought about if we didn't have insurance.
Also, make sure it's chipped.
A lot of vets do offers on the yearly injections so check that out.
Oh and don't think a house cat makes you immune from fleas!

When you or your dd are responsible enough to make sure it doesn't shit in your neighbours garden.
Imo it's about responsibility with cats as they are a bloody nuisance.

In some countries indoor cats are the normal thing, and some are quite happy living in smaller flats etc. As long as they get decent play time to burn off energy, and they are fed appropriately for lower energy lifestyles, a house like yours should be fine - they will exercise charging up & down all the stairs!

My 2 are indoors only, and seem pretty OK with it and are certainly very healthy. One of the great things about going to a rescue is that a decent one will only let you adopt a cat that suits your needs - or more to the point where your needs suits the cat!

So if you want an indoor only cat/cats, the rescue centre will ensure they only introduce you to cats that will be OK indoors, or need to be. And they will only introduce you to cats that are tolerant of smaller children in your case.

I will admit to being very impressed that you have clearly thought things through and are trying to cover all the bases before getting a cat - I know of so many people who just get a cat THEN realise that maybe they should have thought about various factors, which is a bit late.

We adopted 2 cats in October, around the time of DD's 7th Birthday (but not as a Birthday present). We got a Mum and her Son, the Mum was a year old and her Son 5 months.

We were advised these would work well, they were both young and still playful but had outgrown the totally bonkers kitten stage.

DD had been asking for pets for years. Initially she was thrilled, then she got very disappointed (after about 3 weeks) as they weren't living up to her expectations - eg they weren't lap cats, they were still timid etc. She then got a bit jealous as I was playing with them, sitting with them etc. Did make me question the whole exercise to be honest .

Eventually everyone got used to everyone else, the Cats came out of their shells and started to engage plus DD realised that she needed to get to know them, like with new people.

We live in a Victorian terrace, with a tiny garden. They go out but aren't seemingly that bothered about going far and only laze about (tbf we only let them out in the day time). They have their own favoured bits of the house and spend huge chunks of the day lounging around. They go bananas for a bit, but seem to find the stairs and the hallway fine for hunting ping pong balls!

I do most of the 'work' but that's largely down to being in the house most. It's not that taxing and DD does help out. We also got her some simple Cat books to read so she gets to understand why they do things. I also recommend Jackson Galaxy on You Tube - he's brilliant at helping you understand cats so you can pick up on cues for things like avoiding scratching during stroking etc.

I will say I was a firm Dog Person, have been very surprised how much of a Cat person I am now.

I don't think cats take up so much attention that DD, at 5, should be put out.

Feeding etc only takes a couple of minutes, DD can be 'in charge' of play. The only thing to watch is if the cat is on your lap, then make sure it gets moved to accommodate DD.

Absolutely agree with get an adult cat. You'll also know when you meet the right one. Our DCat wasn't apparently all that playful and not fussed for children but loved us all (including DDs then 2.5 and 6) on sight.

My parents had a rather grumpy rescue cat from before I was born but we got 'my' cat when I was 4, he was so lovely and it inspired my lifelong love for cats.
I think it's a good age because she's old enough to be taught how to be gentle with the cat and young enough to find everything they do fascinating or hilarious.
I think worst case scenario, she may end up feeling less excited than she was and end up a little indifferent, I can't see her resenting the cat or anything!

Thanks again everyone!

Really has been good to get all your perspectives, and sum total of them all seems to be that we should forge ahead with this

So we're going to wait until DD has settled into school, get the hassle of Xmas out of the way and then start the search early in the New Year.

Oh god sorry one final question - I feel like this has gone on forever . We are going to get a small extension done, probably summer 2019 but very small chance next summer instead (2018). Are cats OK with building work or would the poor thing absolutely HATE it? It's my only concern, if we did have to bring the date forward to summer next year, that I wouldn't want to have a pretty brand-new cat around wondering what the hell it had got itself into...

Well - cats are genetically speaking not big fans of change, no. And indoor cats during building works would be tough to manage, I think, if they weren't very well established already.

OTOH, some cats are very robust & chilled, and would be fine, and you'd adapt and find ways to manage it. People with pets have building work done all the time.

So, depends on your level of risk you generally can tolerate, and whether you're just looking for reasons to overthink it & off getting the cat? You can always put off the extension once you have the cat, of course!

genetically speaking!

generally speaking, of course!

My youngest was just 7 months when we got our cat. My eldest was 5. Both kids adore her and have learned to be gentle from the outset.

We went for a 2 year old rescue cat as a kitten in the mix would have been too much. She's both fierce mouser and snugly lap cat.

You could always put the cat into a cattery during the renovation.

I had resident cats before DC. Cats accepted the offspring. As time has gone by we've welcomed kittens. We by default now have two mature rescue cats, DC have accepted the changes. If you want a kitten or a cat go for it.