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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

I can't stop crying

77 replies

MyCatIsTryingToKillMe · 30/03/2017 10:17

My beautiful, funny, soft hearted cat has just been run over and left to die in the road while I took my DS to school. Came back and found him in the road outside the house still warm. Thank god DS didn't see him but I don't know how I'm going to tell him later, he will be devestated, he adores him.

OP posts:

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 30/03/2017 11:57

Oh, OP,

So very sorry to hear. Unexpected death, in those circumstances, makes an already hard situation that much more so.

He was indeed a beautiful cat.

How old is your DS?
Depending on age, I'd keep the explanation brief and factual, and stress that it's very normal to feel sad/ shocked/ angry/ upset that he never got to say goodbye properly. That you do, too, and that shows how much your beautiful cat was loved and cared for, and part of the family.
(And that his brother will be feeling confused, too, so in need of extra TLC)

Perhaps together choose a lovely (container?) plant in his memory, as a place where your DS can feel close to him (ashes in compost, maybe?)...he could help make a little name/ date slate.
Scrapbook of special, happy, downright funny or odd memories of what your cat got up to? Drawing/ poem/ framed photo for his bedroom?

Never easy, with kids and pet attachments, is it?

Best of luck x
Also, for you, this book may already be well-known to many MNers; never fails me as a comforting re-read after losing a beloved animal companion...

TheDogsMother · 30/03/2017 12:04

I'm so sorry, what a terrible shock for you. There's no such thing as 'just a cat'. They are part of the family and part of your lives. Perhaps there is some useful advice online about how to break this news to your DS.

PiesDescalzos · 30/03/2017 12:04

I am so sorry for you op this is heartbreaking. How could they be so heartless to drive off and leave him.

Xxx

TheSmallPrint · 30/03/2017 12:08

Thank you Kiroro, and everyone else too. These little furry friends become part of your family so quickly its heartbreaking.

TheSmallPrint · 30/03/2017 12:10

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap he's 9 but a very young 9 and very sensitive. He adores the cats even though we didn't have them from cute kittens. Thank you for your advice, it's all really helpful, some good ideas. I will take a look at that book too.

GreenPolishToGo · 30/03/2017 12:17

I am so very sorry about your beautiful cat. Judith Kerr's "Goodbye Mog" is another comforting read for DCs.

StandAndBeCounted · 30/03/2017 12:19

Hi OP,

I'm sorry for your loss. It happened to me too except somebody put her in a carrier bag at the bottom of our drive :( But I could see where she'd been hit on the road.

I had a DC aged 5 at the time. Don't know if this will be any use to you, but 18 months before we lost that cat we'd lost another to old age. My daughter cried for about a year (no exaggeration) about the first cat and I just couldnt face telling her we'd lost another so I just didn't say anything, for a very long time. And then when she started to ask questions I said I wasn't sure where she was, perhaps she'd wandered off somewhere, someone else was maybe feeding her. I have never told her the truth and that was 4 years ago. She coped much better thinking she had just run off somewhere than she did with the death of our first cat

DramaAlpaca · 30/03/2017 12:21

So sorry to hear this. What a gorgeous cat he was.

TheSmallPrint · 30/03/2017 12:36

StandAndBeCounted I'm so sorry you had this too. I thought about doing that but I know he will keep looking for him and hoping he'll come back if I tell him he's just wandered off. I think I need to tell him the truth but just not the details. And cuddle him a lot. I've got to go to his school this afternoon to see his work (open afternoon before Easter break) and he's really looking forward to me going in. I'm going to have to hold myself together until we get home, wish me luck.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/03/2017 12:41

I'm so sorry, he's a beautiful cat. What a horrible shock for you.

Oliversmumsarmy · 30/03/2017 12:47

We lost one of our kittens last year (23months old) when some one ran over her.

30 mile per hour speed limit with people doing so far over the speed limit they cannot stop at the t junction
It is nearly a year since we lost her and I think of her everyday.

We now have 5 indoor cats where we throw catnip parties and playtimes on a regular basis.

What a lovely cat I am so sorry

Snugglepalace · 30/03/2017 12:57

I'm so sorry. We lost 3 of our 4 cats to the road, 2 were brothers (only 8 months old) within 4 months of each other, it's heartbreaking. I've vowed not to have anymore cats until we live somewhere quieter.

lilyroses · 30/03/2017 13:00

I'm so sorry big hugs x

TheSmallPrint · 30/03/2017 13:39

Wouldn't it be lovely to be able to let them out without worrying about roads. I don't even know why he went over there, we have a huge garden and lots of gardens behind us for him to explore.

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 30/03/2017 13:46

Oh bless you, OP,

What a horrible day it's turning out to be for you, now having to hold it together at happy school event. You'll do fine, I'm sure. Good luck.

When you're home with DS (or even parked up somewhere quiet, before you reach home, if you think pre-warning him is wise? He might be one of those kids whose first instincts on getting in is to hunt the cats out for a cuddle?), you could maybe try:

"DS, I've got something very sad to tell you.
Earlier today, (cat's name) was hit by a car out on the road.
The vet told me he thinks it happened so quickly that (cat's name) wouldn't have had time to be scared or feel much at all, before he died..."

Basic, factual, but slight bending of exact truth to allow for any sensitivities.

If he asks more detailed questions, then follow his lead/ your judgement.

(And remember you are 'allowed' to cry with him as well, whilst explaining, if that's what you need to do...so often we feel it'll upset kids more to see adults distressed, but actually it gives him the strong message both that you'll take him seriously and understand just how he's feeling about his beloved cat).

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 30/03/2017 13:52

To add, the reason I suggest even mentioning the car accident bit at all, is that you may get an awkward situation with a well-meaning local telling your DS how very sorry they are to hear about his cat being run over...

Happened to my friend, whose 8yr old had simply been told their cat had died 'naturally', and led to a lot of upset.

BiggerBoatNeeded · 30/03/2017 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSmallPrint · 30/03/2017 14:17

All your lovely words keep making me cry again.

Thanks Zuzu, sensible advice. I don't want to lie to him so will say it as you have put it, and answer any questions as best we can.

TheSmallPrint · 30/03/2017 16:48

Well that was awful. Poor DS has sobbed his eyes out and is now smothering our other cat with love and cuddles. I have let his teacher know too, just in case he gets upset tomorrow at school.

floraeasy · 30/03/2017 16:53

Oh, you poor souls!

So sad for you both.

ToothTrauma · 30/03/2017 16:55

I'm so sorry. It's awful. He was beautiful

TheSmallPrint · 30/03/2017 17:04

Thank you all for your kindness today, it has helped enormously.

Got to go back to the vet tomorrow to let them know what we want to do. I have agreed with DS that we bury his ashes in the garden and plant a flower there and make a little cross with a picture and a heart. He's focused on a plan now so a bit calmer. He's saying he doesn't want to go to school tomorrow but I think he needs to go and be distracted by his friends.

KoalaDownUnder · 30/03/2017 17:10

Oh no. Oh, you poor thing. 🌷💐

Your beautiful, darling boy had a good life with you. It's still utterly heartbreaking though.

I really am so sorry. X

Gcg90 · 30/03/2017 17:14

I just had to join because I can't believe how similar our situation are and it's a relief to know you aren't alone.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your cat is a beauty.

Sadly, one of mine were also run over and died on impact, yesterday morning. He was my baby. Had him 7 years from a kitten along with his sister. He was docile and lovely. He loved to be picked up and fussed over. He would always want my attention and did anything he could to get it.

It broke my heart and I'm in despair. I went to work today and held it together but the second I walked through the door when I got home, I was in floods of tears again. Crazy how hard it has hit me and I don't feel I can talk about it with people because most will see it as 'just a cat' sadly as you said yourself. It's awful that there is this stigma and whereby people can run over and kill our little babies and not even stop!

I feel your pain and I'm deeply sorry this also happened to you.

CoolCarrie · 30/03/2017 17:21

So very sorry that is terrible news.
We lost our beautiful Daisy in the same way, just outside our gate. I knew something was wrong when she didn't turn up for her breakfast that morning, looked and looked for her and our next door neighbour had found her and took her to the vet, but it was too late. Our ds was very upset as she used to sleep on his bed and was a very vocal miss, especially when hungry

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