Mr C Christmas stocking

[Lanaorana1]

So I've bought his Tesco value cider. Naturally enough as I was walking home Amazon man rocked up in the street and I was obliged to make the last 300 yards in full view of my smart neighbours clutching tramp cider, Marboro red and a very large bag of so-called catnip.

We've had the catnip break in already, and the frenzied rolling and yowling. Where do I hide it? and his drink?

He is very, very purry. Fluffy tummy has been offered twice since I sat down. I am worried.

Your cat drinks cider? I live near a cider factory - maybe this is where mine disappears to when he's out?! I did the stocking shop a week ago, shopping bag was raided before I'd even unpacked. Catnip turkey, still attached to backing card, covered in cat slobber....

Do you have a safe? If you do, make sure his big innocent cat eyes aren't watching when you open it. Failing that, stick the 'nip in the freezer. Doling out small amounts as and when. You could even divvy it up into little "baggies", and be firm about his daily/weekly use.

Tramp cider shouldn't be a problem, unless he's very determined and dexterous.

Fags? No idea what to do about that, apart from persuading him to switch to Silk Cut. If he's resistant to that suggestion, Marlboro lights.

Weeds, I had similar when ordering a couple of beautiful hand made cat toys stuffed with The 'Nip. I was woken to the sound of MCat ripping plastic. Even though for some unknown reason, he's shit-scared of any kind of packaging. Not this time though.

All brilliant advice, with the warnings on what happens if you don't follow it beautifully illustrated in action by Weedscat.

Mcat, bless his furriness, he loves a bit of scented cardboard. Fat kiss to the fudgesome fellow.

The freezer is a fine way forward. I can always pretend the sausages in there at the moment are 'herb-dusted' if anything gets loose.

Mr C is being very, very nice to me. Blinky eyes and tail round my neck. He's even let me MN and not switched the screen off, little lamb.

If you'd said "it's for the cat" it would've sounded even worse.

Reminds me - back in my younger more provocative years, my house got raided for drugs. They found nothing, until a young and eager P.C. found a bag of 'nip, stashed away so the cats couldn't find it. "Aha!" he exclaimed, whilst brandishing the bag of catnip.

:) M that is the perfect story from a shameless cat addict. And look at me enabling you...

Fluffy any excuses would have been useless, you're right. You would have thought the heavily scratched arms, lacerated nose and scruffy animal-hair-covered clothes would have marked me out as a Respectable Doting Spinster, but on reflection I look more like a homeless than my clients at the Sally Army do.

Where can you buy 'proper catnip'?? Or a cat nip plant? I haven't tried it with my lot...

I get mine on amazon, dried catnip. Looks like oregano.

Oh ta.. Must get some to see if my lot like it...after I have googled it's safe for heart conditions!

Mr C is still wedged to my side. We have got through a lot of chewsticks.

In the meantime, just made a massive leap on the tech front - from beloved 2.99 Tesco dumbphone to a smartphone in order to chronicle my pet's daily life adequately.

The man at EE was v helpful, esp after I said 'I don't care what it costs, all it needs to do is ring people up and capture the texture of cat fur in winter light'.

The ringtone is Big Daddy Kane, 'Warm it up', which, as M knows, features the well-known 90s Baltimore rapper Mr C.

They could use that as a selling point. "Captures cats fur in winter light"

Can't beat an iPhone.

I know Fluffy but I am skint re job loss. Have you ever thought of entering pix of you-know-who to a pet photo comp? He is bound to win.

What is the cider for? I bought one of those tins full of Dreamies a few weeks ago for my two for Christmas but couldn't resist the fluffy tummies so the tin is now empty. Will need to go and get some more stocking fillers!

No, he has that many nose & ear scars I'd end up under investigation for abuse.

Fluffy show the SW a pic of DH - game over:)

Cider is for Mr C's Xmas lunch. He was a stray, so he likes a bit of a tipple at Xmas to remind him of his time as a traveller on the open road.

That'd definitely get me arrested. Am a rose amongst thorns.

My DM used to give her D parents dog cider to get her some quiet time with her bf.

F we'd give you an alibi

Dear me, that's TERRIBLE re the cider. Apparently drunken pets are a problem for vets at Xmas, however.

Sheep and horses wait for windfalls in orchards to ferment so they can have a cocktail party, it's a well-known feature of country life. Monkeys love a drink too.

I saw a documentary where they said some monkeys just can't stop themselves, others know their limits.

I'm the former.

I have known various dogs and horses that drink beer, but I'm in the heart of cider country and not come across any video drinkers! I know pigs love fermenting apples though. When I was a kid you could buy apple or milk fed pork, fattened on by-products of the cider and cheddar industry. Don't see it any more.

Apparently hedgehogs like fermented fruit too.

According to Gerald Durrell.

And wasps! But wasps are angry drunks, and they buzz away looking for someone to start on.

Loving the ringtone for the new technology, L!

Oh, and I entered both the MCats into the "Next Face Of Aldi Cat Food Competition", utterly convinced one of them would win.

It's soul destroying if they don't.

LittleM should win, he's so quirky looking! Mcat is gorgeous too. My boy wouldn't win anything, his winter ruff is slowly consuming him and he doesn't really have much face at the moment!

M Little M is the true winner, as is M Cat. These so-called experts know nothing.

TBH, having been on many a food shoot, I can't see any cat remotely enjoying it. Especially when perfectly decent food is covered in glycerin and takes 6 hours to light properly while everyone hangs around getting sore feet and ravenous.

However, if we did a Litter Tray calendar, they could both be stars without the bore of a studio....