How do you begin to deal with the guilt of having to euthanise?

[Littlemissindependent]

I posted yesterday that I'd had to have my beautiful 3 year old girl pts. It was very sudden and unexpected and while I know it's only been a day I'm really struggling to cope with the decision I made. My hearts broken at the thought I may have made the wrong decision and ended her life too soon. She went so so peacefully in my arms but I just can't process that she's gone. She's been buried in my back garden under a rose bush and I've barely slept all night for feeling sick at the thought of my tiny little baby outside in the cold. I'm aware how stupid that sounds but I can't help how I feel. Stupid irrational thoughts in my head like what if she wasn't really truly gone when we buried her? I just don't know how to cope. I know her quality of life had been poor for the past few weeks but I genuinely hoped it could be managed with meds and I wouldn't be in this position for another few years. Just feel so broken.

So sorry Autumn

Autumn,

Really struggling today. I think I've accepted that she's gone, but I can't help hating myself for feeling I made the wrong decision. Feel sick with guilt. She was so young and until 6 weeks ago, so full of life. How the hell did this happen? I keep trying to remind myself that for the past 6 weeks she had no quality of life but it still just feels wrong. What if I've made a massive mistake? I just can't deal with it. Sorry to keep rambling on here but nobody irl gets it at all. I just hate myself so much for what I've done. And I miss her so so much it hurts.

Don't be sorry. You did the right and loving thing for her. Remember that cats have no foreknowledge. She was miserable, without a decent life, and then that misery stopped. It was a good thing to do.

As a vet, I have seen plenty of animals that I have truly felt sorry for. The pets like yours who have been loved and cared for and are then humanely euthanised are not on that list. You have nothing to feel guilty for, your cat is at peace, and you loved her until the end and beyond.

Out of interest, Wets. How do you cope yourself? I guess that you must know at least some of the animals you have to euthanise? I can't imagine it's easy.

"Wets" I hope you don't mind but I've pm'd you

You just have to tell yourself you made the right decision at the right time. I've broken down God Knows how many times today at work and having to put down 3 bowls tonight instead of 4 set me off again but I made the right decision for him.

I feel your pain today

cozie the pets that have had lovely lives are easy to pts, because I know they have had a peaceful life and end, there are much worse things for an animal than to drift off into death after all. In fact there are often animals I wish I could pts, to end their misery. It's a really kind act.

The cases harder to cope with are the cruelty cases, or the ones you help who then go and sit in a kennel for years waiting to be adopted, or go back to crap owners. We get a lot of domestic violence cases and I often have to try and convince the owners to talk to me and tell me what their partner did to their animal and what they do to them and their children. There's a lot more to it than just the animals.

I can't figure out how to get my PMs in the app? Any suggestions?

I feel your pain too, OP. I lost my beloved cat just over a year ago and while I knew we did the right thing, I still feel the guilt and the whole she left in our lives.

My puss had non regenerative anaemia, most likely caused by leukaemia (not to be confused with Feline Leukaemia virus, which she was vaccinated against). She was treated, and responded well initially but then collapsed and the vet found her red blood cells were almost non existent. Combined with her poor blood test results, it was time to let her go. She lived with us from the age of 13 weeks till she was 14 years and 4 months.

We had a double whammy though as a week after having puss put to sleep, my other cat was in for her vaccinations and was found to have a suspicious lump that we hadn't felt on her. She went in for surgery which was complicated due to her age (15) and in trying to get clear margins. She recovered slowly, and we almost regretted the surgery as it seemed to take a bit of her personality away too. She's survived a year, and is 16.5 now with no further lumps found so far. We are guarded but hopeful.

My DD who is 9, has never got over the loss of the cat though - she is still bereft and we are thinking of arranging some counselling to help her get through it.

You will have made the right decision, OP.

Do you get cross at owners who have missed seemingly obvious signs from their pet though? I think I am guilty of this, and I feel like the vet was slightly cross at me at the point of euthanasia. I blame myself terribly for not being more awake to what my lovely cat was going through, and I wonder daily whether the vet thought I acted completely irresponsibly. She was utterly loved though, utterly and completely, and I am devastated that she isn't with us now.

Wets

I don't think you can get PMs in the app - you have to go to the main site on a browser and access them there,

Meemolly I think I'm having the opposite problem to you. I'm petrified that I made the decision too soon, rather than too late.

Better a tiny bit too soon than too late, Littlemiss. (And I speak from personal experience, there.) Besides which, it's such a big decision to make - and a heartfelt one - that I doubt it was too soon at all.

You have loss talking there.

I had a pet euthanised, at home. I was sure it was the right time for him then. I have since questioned my decision and wondered if I should have given him more time, there was no way of knowing if he was in pain. I doubt he would have had much longer as he had a tumour.

More recently I had to say goodbye to my much loved cat, our vet had ignored the signs and let us continue although I was expecting to be told it was time, I had also called the out of hours vet who showed no interest whatosever and said to see how he was the next morning. I chose a different practice for his last journey, one where there was kindness and compassion, and I wish so much that I had done it a week earlier instead of trusting the others.

You see, whichever way it goes, the guilt is there, it is part of grieving and it hurts. I am sorry for your loss.

We have recently lost my beloved 6 year old cat, all very sudden although he wasn't pts, I just found him passed away. I'm 4 weeks down the line, and still don't feel like I can cope without him. Totally feeling your pain here and sending hugs.

Before this though, we have had to have 2 cats pts both very different circumstances. First, about 7 years ago we had to have our 5 month kitten pts, after a terrible accident at home. She was brain dead, and although she felt no pain (so I'm told) choosing to pts was the kindest thing to do for her. It was 3 days after Christmas and left our family reeling. It was however the kindest thing we could do for her.

Second of all, about 4 years ago, our 16 year old family cat, had been getting progressively unwell. I think we all knew that any trip to the vet would end with her not coming home. In hindsight we should have gone sooner and it still pains me that we let our own grief stand in the way of doing what was right for her. When we took her we found that she had end stage bowel cancer, and she was pts on that day. It wasn't fair to make her suffer on until we felt we were ready, because in all reality you never are ready.

By the sounds of it, you did what she needed you to do. And for thank she would be grateful.

Sending hugs.

I am so very sorry for your loss and can't add anything that anyone else hasn't already said. You did the right thing. A life of poor quality is not the right way for a pet to live their life.
The guilt we feel after making that decision only proves how much we love our pets. I really hope you manage your (unwarranted) guilt and that you come to terms with your decision.

My cat was in an RTA 5 weeks ago and I still feel sick with guilt of the thought of him suffering and torture myself with the "what ifs...." and there are many.
I still sob whenever I talk about him and a lump in my throat as I type this.
I totally get where you're coming from and it does get easier.

I can't bring myself to bury my boy in the cold, wet garden his ashes are
In a little wooden box at home and will be staying there for the foreseeable future.

Big hugs op

OP

I also suffered from guilt that I did it too soon. In our case she was 20 and the problems were mounting up and I didn't want her to die in crisis and great pain, and alone. All good rational and kind thoughts, but still the guilt! It was more of a burden than I imagined ahead of time. I feel guilty because at the last moment I chose to sit with my son (who was distraught) rather than be with the cat when vet administered the injection.

I think it's completely understandable to feel guilt - it's a big responsibilty. Your guilt is because you loved her and you were tasked with that responsibility because you loved her.

It will pass.

I still haven't scattered the ashes, even though we have got through it to the extent of getting a new rescue cat.

This site is so lovely - you can talk to us whenever - we get it.

It is so hard. We took my dog - it was the right time, he had heart failure, he couldn't lie down properly because his chest cavity kept filling with fluids. I thought he'd go three separate times that week, but whenever I called DP to come and say goodbye, he perked up as soon as DP was almost home and would have his meds and settle down.

We took him in the evening and although he was struggling at home, and lacking a lot of the energy and personality that made him him, he sparked up again as soon as he got in the vets. He peed on their Christmas tree, barked at all the cats, couldn't have looked anymore full of life. He had a good fuss from the receptionist.

I sobbed so much whilst they were prepping him that they stopped and said I could take him home, if I wanted, if I wasn't ready. I didn't, because he was ready. I don't think I ever would have been. DP's mum cleaned away his bowls and leads before we got back but I found it really hard having them and him gone. It was hard.

It's a bit less hard, now, it's nearly five years later. His anniversary is soon and we'll eat something he loved that day and look at photos of him and generally remember him, and it will hurt a bit but I'll know that it was the right time for him.

It sounds like it was the right time for your cat, too. She'll have known you loved her and you were there with her, and that's a nice way to go.There's always guilt, unfortunately - guilt that it was too soon, that it was too late, that you couldn't stop her getting ill. It does fade. Look after yourself

I'm not normally a Poem person, but my vet sent this to me after our cat was PTS:

If it should be.....

If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep;
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle can't be won

You will be sad, I understand;
But don't let grief then stay your hand.
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years;
What is to come can hold no fears.
You don't want me to suffer so
The time has come, please let me go.

Take me to where my needs they'll tend,
But please stay with me until the end
To hold me close and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you will agree,
It was kindness done for me.
Although my tail its last has waved.
From pain and suffering I'm saved.

Please do not grieve that it was you
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years;
Don't let your heart hold any tears

NotYoda that poem is beautiful but has me sobbing my heart out again.
Alternating between feeling numb and feeling sick at the moment. Irrational as it may be, there's a voice in my head screaming that I made the wrong decision. How did my beautiful little cat go from happy and healthy to being pts in less than 2 months? My vets sent me a card in the post yesterday which was lovely of them but just set me off again.
On top of that, my other cats all seem to be very confused and out of sorts, any my 19 year old cat has deteriorated drastically since Willow went. I fear that in the next couple of weeks I'm going to find myself in this situation again.
Constantly trying to reassure myself that I did the right thing, she's not suffering anymore and that I'm not a bad person. But it just doesn't seem to be helping. I miss her so so much

Oh I cried every day for a couple of weeks. I cried again today. Give it time. The guilt will subside. The vet would NOT have euthanised Willow without good reason. It's just our burden to have to take that decision. Emotions aren't rational though, and at the moment you are absorbing the lost and thinking it could have been different. That's normal. Don't feel bad about crying. You loved her.

...It's just our burden to have to take that decision....

Yes. I'm afraid so.

Littlemiss

My last boy died in under a minute.