What would your cat google if it went online?

[DrAdmin]

I recently googled 'what are dew claws?' and I thought Jess might google 'what are thumbs?' if she could go online

What about your cat?

Search history:
"Cardboard"
"Can you get cardboard delivered?"
"Croissant delivery"
"What is wrong with the dog?"
"Am I dying? Dog keeps sniffing my bum"
"Cardboard box funny videos"
"How to say "feed me" in human language"
"How to keep dog away from litter tray"
"How do humans clean their bums?"
"How to tell a dog that they smell and need to clean themselves more"
"What is Human doing with my poo?"

where's the zip on my fur coat - i'm too warm!

Our cat would bypass Google and log straight on to DH's Amazon Prime account where he would order a set of wire cutters so he could get to and then eat the one remaining baby chick in our chicken run. He already ate 3 before battened down the hatches.

Think mine would stare at the google homepage for 10 minutes, the say 'meh' and then walk off

''How to get free empty boxes''
''What is the quickest way of getting sharp claws once they've been cut?''
''Why does my human not eat grass like I do?''
''Why do humans shut the bathroom door?''
''Why does my human stand under a stream of water every day?''
''Cat carrying box collection and disposal service''

Catnip online shop
How to make ham
Why do humans not have proper fur
Prosthetic thumbs
What are dogs most frightened of

oh - or straight to youtube to watch Bird Table videos!

Following on from Google, MN threads started by cats:

"I think I have a hairball. Should I go to A&E?"
"My kittens keep getting fleas they've picked up from next door's kittens."
"I think the tom cat over the road fancies me."
"The owner of the house keeps telling me there's no chicken, when I can see chicken on the table. This is gaslighting, isn't it?"

How to turn the tap on.

Why do humans pick us up and kiss us all the time?

Old cat 'how to make humans give away kitten?'

Kitten 'how to make old grumpy cat play with me?'

How is my human able to unzip her fur and take it off
Why do people keep standing on me
How to get in through door when bug curtain is up
Why is weather at front of house always same as at back of house
Best flower pots to sleep in
Youtube videos of Star Trek episodes
How to reach shelf with Dreamies on

oh and

Is water in toilet safe to drink

How to get rid of annoying tiny person?

My cat is an arsehole! So hers would be:

How to kill the bastard cat next door, who keeps trying to play with me?
How to kill my owner? she keeps pushing me off the work tops, stands on my tail when I get under her feet and try to trip her over.
How to kill the 3 year old that keeps putting a box on my head and running his cars into me?
How to get through 3 stair gates in ninja stealth mode?
How to get fed every ten minutes?
Weight watchers for felines
Why can't I poo on the garden under the swing where the 3 year old plays?
Why does weetabix make you puke all over the kitchen floor?
What are opposable thumbs and where can I get some?
Butt lickers to rent, mine tastes like poo!

She really is a nusence, but just one of the kids really, just like a teenager.

Where do humans put the mice/birds they take away from you?
How to train human to stop moving me out of my chair so she can sit in it?
How can I sit next to the fire without overheating? (Note licking til I look like I've been bathed doesn't work).
How can I explain to human that I don't want to sit next to her, I just want her to wiggle her fingers so I can pounce on them?

Also: my owner tells me I'm overweight, and I'm not allowed to take the other cats' food - how can I explain to her that it's their fault for walking away when I stare at them?

How to order tuna and chicken online. How to grow opposable thumbs to open packets of tuna and chicken.

Boy cat: Amazon prime - bulk order of dreamies and then onto Asda for a bulk order of cooked chicken

Girl cat 1 would want to find a cage to put girl cat 2 in

Girl cat 2 would want to watch a film about butterflies and how to catch them

Girl cat 3 wouldn't be on google as she's now spent four days under DD2's bed. (new cat)

BorpCat1: "why are humans so stupid", "how to train your human", "where to find ham in the wild"

BorpCat2: "meow"

Is it wrong to purposefully vomit in the only carpeted room when the rest of the house is tiled...?

The psychology of humans. The one that I own is a complete mystery

How to remove the lid from a tasty jar of coconut oil?

Where is the comfiest place to sleep whilst managing to hide from the little person who is obsessed with my tail?

How to climb inside your human so that you are the closest to her you possibly can be.

Cat sized crossbow hire, or dog assassins.

If I keep digging furiously in my litter box, will I reach the center of the earth?