Anything we can do to help our cat be less of a bastard?

[SharingMichelle]

He bites and scratches if anyone goes too near him. All kids have scratches, scars and scabs all down their legs / backs.

He lies in wait and pounces, and draws blood.

He pretends that all that is behind him and comes for a cuddle, and then turns into a razor-wire bear-trap when your guard is down.

He attacks and bullies nice cat constantly and I'm genuinely worried she might leave home.

He provokes unstable dog who then attacks him.

He charges around the house at night, smashing things and savaging toes.

He swipes the back of the cleaner's legs.

He smells.

He has questionable toilet habits and often walks poo around the house.

He wails and howls if you put him outside. If you shut a bedroom door he leans on it and yowls until you open it. He can keep it up for over an hour.

He gets stuck up trees. I have to use oven gloves to get him down because obviously he tries to savage me as I rescue him.

He costs a fortune at the vet because they have to sedate him to do anything.

He refuses to use the balcony to come in and out of the house (I think he might be afraid of heights).

He steals food. If I do fish or chicken we just have to accept that we have to shout over him yowling at the back door throughout the meal. If we let him in he crashes onto the table and makes off with food from our plates.

He refuses to give up his litter tray and go outside like nice cat.

I am horribly allergic to him and sneeze and snot my way through every day, taking antihistamines every day.

He is a weird combination of desperately needy, he refuses to be alone, but then is vile and violent to everyone around him.

But we do love him. We have to, because he is our cat. We can't get rid of him. We're stuck with him. Genuinely looking for serious suggestions as to how to make him slightly less awful to live with.

He's 1 year old. He's been snipped. He's got very dodgy eyesight.

OK so he's not feral.
I've got a few ferals and successfully tamed and integrated them into our cat family. Very affectionate, lap cats. Love them.

Try the zylkene, it chills them out. It could be that he can't take a lot of stimuli before being overwhelmed and lashing out.

Try limiting fuss to his cheeks & loads of talking. The children's high pitched voices and erratic movements probably stress him a bit. Adults have lower voices and we don't tend to make sudden movement.

If he's not great at grooming you could do a quick once over with a damp flannel. Then he might wash himself.

Right so you are prioritising this cat above:

Your children feeling safe enough to walk into a room without being attacked and injured.

Your pets who are already in your home, were there first and see it as their safe sanctuary.

Your first cat who has settled and now may well run away and be at the mercy of the vagaries of the outside world.

I sincerely hope you are properly cleaning the bite and scratch wounds this cat is inflicting upon your children otherwise they could end up with a serious blood infection.

Your children and other animals should not have to live with scars purely because you can't see what is staring you in the face which is that this cat cannot live in the current environment. This cat is lashing out in fear, it is not happy, does not feel safe either inside or outside and is making everyone else unsafe because of it.

Not every cat, or indeed animal, can be 'saved'.

I'm not a cat hater, I've had several cats rescued from very, very dodgy circumstances and, although they had some issues, none behaved remotely like the cat you are describing and if any of them had and were putting the comfort, safety and well being of my family or other pets at risk I would have had no hesitation in having them put to sleep. I wouldn't even attempt to re-home them as the behaviour being exhibited is not behaviour that can be cured, it is the behaviour of an animal either in severe pain or terrible distress or both.

Oh bore off, the op wants to try and help the cat. I'm sure she knows how to dress wounds after having kids anyway

Bore off yourself Fluffy.

Helping one cat to the detriment of her children and other pets is beyond ridiculous, and having children is no guarantee of special knowledge if it was I doubt her children would be in the position whereby they are regularly attacked by this cat.

My cat had a 6 week course of anti-anxiety/anti depressant medication and it turned him from a lunatic pissing needy yowling animal into a relatively balanced one.

Medication is worth a try.

Bit of germolenes special knowledge eh? It's a cat not a tiger.

Mumsnet is supposed to be supportive.

I did not know you could give cats anti-depressants! Perhaps a course would work.

See, if that was my cat pissing shitting and attacking all over the place, it would be gone. I wouldn't want my kids to feel scared and unsafe in their own home.

Mm a cat bite from a cat that smells and isn't clean needs more than 'a bit of germolene'.

As for ' Mumsnet is supposed to be supportive', how about being supportive to the children and pets the OP already has that are being used as fodder in this quest to 'help' the other cat?

Indeed Thingibob but if the cat is as described by the OP there is no way she would be able to get a course of anti-depressants into him.

I cannot understand how anyone would be supportive of someone expecting their children to put up with the following (taken from OP's posts):

He bites and scratches if anyone goes too near him. All kids have scratches, scars and scabs all down their legs / backs.

He lies in wait and pounces, and draws blood.

We really do need to do something. Youngest is in tears on my knee as I write this- she walked into the kitchen and he launched himself at her legs, biting and scratching. Drew blood in 4 places.

Do people seriously think that is acceptable?

I am with emotions. I had a housemate who had a cat that used to attack me and it was one of the reasons I moved out. I wasn't badly hurt but it was hard to relax. Your kids can't do that.

Huge thanks to those of you offering support and helpful advice. I genuinely appreciate it and I'm hearing what you're saying, and I'm thinking about it all.

Regarding the kids; yes, obviously it's not ideal. That's why I posted looking for support and help to try and make it better. I didn't realise I should have simply "done the humane thing" before looking for ways to help both him and us.
To be clear:

1. There are no rescue centres where I live.
2. There are no farms or "more suitable homes" for him.
3. There are no vets who would put him down. Not that that is even an option. Can't believe I'm having to defend this.

So, I'm trying to ignore the pearl clutching, and I'm thinking about the cat's stress levels as a few posters have brought it up.
We have a huge, rambling house with 100s of hidey spots if he wants to be alone. the other cat disappears for much of the day and I've no idea where she goes sometimes. He also has his favourite spots - a couple of chairs where he likes to snooze and no one disturbs him. He has a special water filter thing he likes. He has top quality food in a safe spot to his liking. He is healthy and well (good relationship with the vets from whom we adopted him). He doesn't much like the other cat or the dog, but they tend to avoid him and there's loads of space. He has free access to outside, he comes and goes as he chooses but mostly likes to be inside, plus he has a litter tray inside. Outside is a big garden and unused rough ground that is safe and protected. He hunts lizards and mice with varying success. There is always someone home, all animal lovers, if he wants company or a cuddle. The kids are naturally wary of him, but will cautiously play with him if he's in the mood (ribbon on a stick or laser pointer sort of games). All of that sounds okay to me, but please tell me if I've missed something obvious.

He genuinely doesn;t seem stressed to me. He snoozes, he hangs around, he jumpsup for cuddles, he plays with bits of carpet fluff. It's all pretty normal until he ruthlessly attacks someone, and then it's really bad. He's a big boy and he does some damage.

His eyesight is obviously a possibly cause of his aggression. I've brought it up with the vet before, but they say it's not as bad as I think it is. From watching him around the house and garden I think they're wrong about that.

TBH friends are more scared of him than my kids are (though youngest is pretty unhappy today). At the risk of further provoking the pearl clutchers, my kids are used to having damaged animals in the house. They know the rules.

I feel like I've fallen down a rabbit hole a bit with this thread. All I wanted was some help managing my cat. Now I'm feeling defensive and it's all a bit wrong. Those of you saying things like "if you actually care about your childrens wellbeing..." are not really helping tbh. Of course I fucking care about my children.

Getting tablets into him not remotely an option. He would probably eat chicken laced with something though, eg capsules I could open.

Thingie - you made up the "pissing shitting" bit, but thanks.

emotion - did you seriously just refer to my children as "fodder"?

You can open the zylkene capsules and sprinkle the powder on his food

(btw, he's just jumped up and settled down on my chair behind me. I think he knows I'm talking about him).

You are a saint & in the circs described I would probably put him down. In UK there are feral colonies he could join (volunteers still feed the cats, and without testicles he wouldn't need to fight).
Which is irrelevant...
I had a feral cat from about 5-6 wks & he wasn't like that. Very dim (due to malnourished youth) but not savage.

Can you get hold of those drugs others talked about? What have you got to lose?

Can you love bomb him. when he does accept cuddles?We have a cat who could be nasty who is coming around... slowly, over yrs. Ours is a sucker for a blanket & a lap. Other times We hold his claws tight & tickle his tummy into resignation (mixed growl response). He lashes out hugely less than before, love bombing has made a big difference.

We got GPAWS trackers on ours, have had fun seeing what they get up to.

Could you tire him out with play so he doesn't treat your kids' ankles as prey?

Apart from the walking poo around the cat we got when I was a teenager was like this. No vet ever believed he had actually been neutered until they'd checked for themselves. He was an only pet and there were no small children, so that we just waited him out. To the end of his 17 years he remained tetchy and woe betide any other animal that entered his territory, but after a year or so he had at least stopped randomly attacking everyone who moved, and when he was in the mood cuddles were lovely.

Zylkene capsules can be opened and mixed in with food, ours never noticed them. I've never tried to get mine to take a pill.

Come to think of it neither has the vet. Everything comes with the advice "you can crush it in his food"

He's a bit feisty though.

I'll post a pic tomorrow Polter. It's late here and my phone's not charged. Please don't expect a majestic beauty!

Next step: zylkene capsules. Will keep you updated (post here is slooow though so won't be immediate).

Beautiful Fluffy!!