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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Please help, rescue cat HATES us [sad]

55 replies

milkmilklemonade12 · 15/01/2016 21:01

We adopted 2 cats in October, aged 9 and 8 (northern and daughter). The mother is chunky, loving and just a real lap cat. She's a beauty. Her daughter is just as beautiful, but she hates us.

She yowls really badly all the time, and literally only stays to eat, yowl a bit and then she literally screams to be let out. We took her to the vet as I was worried the yowling meant pain. Well that was a game in itself; we took both actually, to be weighed and have a registry check over as we hadn't been before. Getting mum into her carrier was a bit of a struggle, but fine. Daughter screamed, hissed, spat, yowled for hours (during and after) and scratched my husband really, really badly. We coaxed, bribed, spoke love lovingly and in light voices the whole time. DH didn't even shout in pain even when she bit and then scratched so badly, he was so conscious of not stressing her out. We put feliway in the box and her favourite blanket, toys and treats too. DH's hand still not healed completely several weeks on. Vet said nothing wrong, just vocal.

Fine, but since then the behaviour has become more like that of a feral cat. She yowls if we go near her, she's out 23 hours a day, she'd rather be in a freezing cold garden/alleyway then in the warm with her mum and us.

I don't know what to do. I feel like she hates us, and I'm starting to stress about summer holidays. How on earth we will get her into her carrier to be taken to the cattery is beyond me. We can't even get near.

The mum seems pretty indifferent to it all, she stands at the flap and calls for her in the evening, daughter comes in, bolts food, yowls and runs off again.

I can't honestly think of what we've done so wrong, since mum loves us and even tries to sleep with us! DS is nearly 6 and keeps well away from daughter, and there's someone home full time. We've tried feliway plug ins, catnip, toys, leaving her alone, lots of play and attention, I can't think of anything else...

What can I do? This is really stressing me out and I'm so sad she hates us Sad I wanted to give her a better life but it hasn't worked, has it?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 15/01/2016 21:33

Haha Iguana we do that! I thought I was the only loon to half close/blink my eyes. I don't also do a slow mo kiss in the direction of my cat. Oh no. Not me!
It's official. I'm a crazy cat lady!
Grin

Original poster
milkmilklemonade12 · 15/01/2016 21:33

Treats she just sort of snatches and runs away, about 50% of the time. The rest of the time she leaves, and we're exploring various brands.

Fresh catnip, that's a plan; I've only used dry so I'll look into that. Where could I lay my hands on that?

gunpowder yes, I've a feeling this is the way it's going... Either that or she's found another family and she's just coming back to touch bases with mum?

OP posts:
abbsismyhero · 15/01/2016 21:34

i bought a plant off ebay xx

Original poster
milkmilklemonade12 · 15/01/2016 21:34

If I leave food outside though, how can I prevent other animals from eating it? I don't want her to go hungry.

OP posts:
abbsismyhero · 15/01/2016 21:36

looks like they only have the seeds on ebay at the moment but you could still grow them it grows in the house fine and it shouldn't take too long

PolterGoose · 15/01/2016 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

abbsismyhero · 15/01/2016 21:38

252235089840

or i could have spelt it wrong Blush here is an item number for a plant

PolterGoose · 15/01/2016 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
milkmilklemonade12 · 15/01/2016 21:38

abbs yes that should be fairly easy. I also saw cat grass in my local pets at home store. What is that? Is it similar?

OP posts:
Original poster
milkmilklemonade12 · 15/01/2016 21:40

Thank you for that abbs you are kind Flowers

polter we have a shed which is relatively new. I wonder if I cut (another!) cat flap, but in there instead. I wonder if she'd be more relaxed?

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 15/01/2016 21:43

Zylkene capsules off amazon sprinkled in her food? I think their still bonded if mum calls and she comes in.

Gunpowder · 15/01/2016 21:48

Our semi-feral one would come to the door to be fed with her sister (although if you made any sudden movements/noises she would scarper. We had to do ninja flea treatments. I think because she was quite feral she was (mostly) good at seeing off other contenders for her food when it had to be left outside. It's really hard when they don't give much back, hope you can turn yours around.

Original poster
milkmilklemonade12 · 15/01/2016 21:50

gunpowder I've been managing to dose her monthly with advantage 40 spot on treatment, as you literally just squish it on and it's not hard, I just hope that'll be up to standard.

OP posts:
Wombat87 · 15/01/2016 21:58

My friend had a homeless cat who stunk. But loved coming round for tea and snugs but obviously couldn't stay in the house as the 2 resident cats didn't agree. At night he slept outside in a mini dog house. Had a cushion and small water bowl. She was in a forest area/countryside. The foxes didn't really bother with the cat Smile

sianihedgehog · 15/01/2016 22:01

Meowing a lot sounds like the opposite of a feral cat - cats really only meow at humans. Is she fixed? It honestly sounds like you're describing a cat calling for a mate. I used to have one who made similar calls to call her kittens (and her humans) when she'd killed a toy. She sounds like she might just not be much of a lap cat, really. That might change with age, though, lots of cats mellow when they age. My genuine ex feral is currently snoozing next to me on the bed.

Penfold007 · 15/01/2016 22:24

Sorry have no advice re cat carrier but have the scars to prove I'm useless. Would a neighbour put food down?

Original poster
milkmilklemonade12 · 15/01/2016 22:48

Yes she's been fixed, the shelter confirmed that. To be honest though, it did cross my mind because the only other cat I had that hated being picked up etc was pregnant. She's not super old though, maybe she still fancies a quick risk - free bonk now and then? Wink

OP posts:
abbsismyhero · 15/01/2016 22:56

for the cat carrier i would recommend a thick pair of gloves the type you use for woodburners and open fires and just be firm my cats would get stressed more if we struggled to put them in the carrier so i used thick gloves and got it done in one swipe less fuss less bother and no blood it was easier on them if i wasn't flinching thinking i was going to get bitten/scratched etc

your right making her a shelter outside might be a compromise for now but in the summer you will be invading her space if you use your own garden so it would all kick off again and runs the risk of her running off for good

abbsismyhero · 15/01/2016 22:58

did she have other sibs or kittens in the rescue? vocalisation can be caused by grieving

Nodowntime · 15/01/2016 23:11

Our (rescue) cat lives outside/garage in the winter, her bowl is in the garage, when we go away we leave a bowl of food and set up an electronic timed feeder which can release food for 48 hours, so someone only needs to come and refill it every 2-3 days. It never even occurred to us to leave her in a cattery(she is actually very quiet and placid, just scaredy and solitary), we knew she'd die of nerves on the way there probably!

Anyway, what's the problem with leaving the cat to her own devices, if it's happy being feral, and you've got one lap one, that's not too bad.

Nodowntime · 15/01/2016 23:17

Our cat wouldn't scratch on purpose, but would instinctively, scared of carriers and any transportation to death, I thought everyone knows to put on heavy duty gardening or biking gloves :) when doing any kind of manipulations with cats, even nice cats.

Themodernuriahheep · 15/01/2016 23:38

Like another poster as children we had one lap cat and one wild, in this case brother (lap) and sister ( wild). We just had to accept it. We knew the wild one wax in good health, got food and drink, and was fine.

But have you thought of planting catmint? Most cats love to lie in it in the summer..

HaveYouSeenHerLately · 15/01/2016 23:54

Wrapping the cat in a towel works to contain the thrashing claws. I've heard that putting the basket on its end and putting the cat is in also effective when dealing with rapid escapees Smile

Do you have a greenhouse in the garden? I have a plastic 4-tier one that my visiting stray loves going in. I leave it partially unzipped so he can climb up in. I've lined the shelf (one up from the ground) with cardboard and carpet for a bit of insulation. He loves it in there, rain or shine. I keep meaning to put a hooded cat bed in there for a bit of extra cosiness but there's not much space. When the sun shines it heats up beautifully and you can see the cat basking Grin
They are a bit prone to toppling in the wind so I recommend weighting the bottom securely and wiring the back to something.

I'm not very clued up on cat behaviour. I know feliway made our old foster cat go beserk, it really did not suit her.

Would a cat food-maze or treat ball trick her into spending bit more time in your company? Not sure it's worth the outlay (for the maze) if she's indifferent but the balls are pretty cheap and stop mine from gobbling treats too quickly Wink

Does she have any high surfaces/ cat tower she can jump up on. I heard some cats prefer to be up high?!

goshhhhhh · 16/01/2016 09:10

We have two cats since they were kittens (brother and sister). Anyone would think the girl was a rescue . She comes in the house but has little to do with us. We've had them about 5 years. Recently however she has started letting us stroke her and sometimes sleeps on the bottom of the bed as long as we don't pay her too much attention.
I'm not sure what to suggest other than patience.

fenneltea · 16/01/2016 13:47

I think that if you allow her out all the time then you'll never end up with a friendly cat.

All the ferals that I've tamed have been confined to a single room which they then see as a place of safety. It can take a long time, but they've all come round eventually.

October is not that long in cat terms, I've had one since September that is only just venturing out of his room now.

I'd honestly try confining her for a bit, expect the working to happen at first to be out, but then I'm sure she'll settle better.