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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

Had to have my cat put down on Saturday - still feeling traumatised

62 replies

hudyerwheesht · 03/08/2015 14:42

He was old and had health problems and I suspected this was on the cards at some point but I only took him to the vet to get a better idea of why he had deteriorated a bit in the last week and suddenly we were having The Conversation and I wasn't ready. And all the time my cat was purring as the vet stroked him. It seemed so wrong. But she said it was kinder to do it now before he really started to suffer (he had abdominal fluid swelling plus a tumour and it was making it hard for him to breathe or eat properly) though I barely had time to digest what she was saying before it was happening. In reality she was actually patient and kind, it just seemed fast considering I only brought him in to get him checked out.

I've never had to have an animal put down and I'm a bit overwhelmed by how upset I still feel about the whole process. I stayed with him and sobbed like a baby. I felt so cruel, like he trusted me and I led him to his death.
I know that sounds over-dramatic but I can't help it. I keep thinking stupid things like, he would be lying out in the sunshine right now instead of buried in the garden were it not for me deciding to take him in(DH was suggesting we wait as he was still active/eating,etc but I insisted). I feel so guilty.
I had expected him to be in a much worse state so that it would be like relieving him of his pain/discomfort but it seems really wrong because right up until I took him he was still walking around, eating (though not much), purring when stroked,etc. so it feels very wrong.

Sorry, this post is rambly as fuck - my emotions are all over the shop and I'm not very coherant. I know I'm repeating myself. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 03/08/2015 20:15

Oh Heidi, so sorry . It's a tough place to be xx

DaftVader36 · 03/08/2015 20:22

My little one is 10. For seemingly no reason, she just stopped eating. Blood tests and x rays later, and we now know she has an infection. But no idea why or how. No obvious injury.

I'm keeping her going on syringe feeding and pain killers, and antibiotics. She refuses to eat other than licking stuff off my fingers. She's getting thinner and thinner, and is sleeping a lot. But when she's awake she purrs and pootles about much as ever.

I know that unless something miraculous happens, then we are at the end. We have an appointment at 5 tomorrow. I'm crying already. So wheesht, you're a couple of days ahead of me. you have my every sympathy.

TheoriginalLEM · 03/08/2015 20:30

You did the right thing.

Yes your cat might have been laying out in the sun but the reality is that he would mist likely have deteriorated over the weekend and potentially died gasping for breath.

You saved him from suffering and preserved his dignity. Gave him a peaceful passing with you by his side. He will have felt safe and loved.

The guilt is awful i know as I've been there too often. It does subside though and you know you did what was best.

TheoriginalLEM · 03/08/2015 20:32

purring, especially loud purring is often an indicator they are nearing the end- so sorry daftvader xxx

CharleyDavidson · 03/08/2015 20:35

You most definitely did the right thing. Our old man had a tumour in his belly and was starting to have fluid build up. We took him to the vets when one of his paws started to swell and he was given a jab of something to help and were advised to rub the leg to help with his swelling. We had an idea that it might be something to watch out for, but not how much of a problem it was going to be.

By the next day lunchtime DH was on the phone to the vets asking for an emergency appt (it was Saturday, naturally) as the cat was unhappy, not wanting to be in the house. Then, as they were offering DH an appt time he told them it was too late. Our lovely cat had lain down on the grass, taken a few breaths, mewed a bit and passed away. He didn't seem in too much pain, but if by taking him to be PTS could have avoided whatever discomfort he was in at that last moment, then I would have done it without a doubt.

Original poster

hudyerwheesht · 03/08/2015 21:27

Oh Heidi and Daftvader, my heart goes out to you both.

Daftvader, my cat had the same thing a year and a half ago. Was probably the start of what eventually got the better of him but he seemed about to go then turned around and we had some more time after all. Please do come back after the appointment and let us know, regardless of what happens - if you feel up to it.

Heidi, such an awful place to be as a pp has said.

At the risk of being repetitive, thank you all for posting. I'm so grateful for the responses, I really am. For the first time since Saturday morning I'm starting to feel just the normal grief and sadness instead of the gut-wrenching guilt and doubt I had, not to mention the awful feeling of letting him down.

OP posts:

Original poster

hudyerwheesht · 03/08/2015 21:30

Forgot to say, Bertsdinner, so sorry for what you've gone through.

OP posts:

Original poster

hudyerwheesht · 03/08/2015 22:07

Actually, Bertsdinner, please re-read this thread as a lot of it applies to you too, especially re your guilt. As a pp said, yes, he may have been lying in the sun but he would likely have deteriorated and ended up suffering more. You haven't really cheated him out of a few good days, you've saved him fro some potentially awful ones.
As I've realised, this way, ie, pts before the real suffering kicks in, is harder for us but is kinder in the long run and we should try to take comfort in that.
Today is going to be the worst day for you, tomorrow will feel slightly better.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 03/08/2015 22:12

You did the right thing. Had my old (19) year old girl pts a couple of weeks ago. It felt so wrong cuddling her and having a conversation about ending her life. But she was losing weight, dehydrated, messing herself and possibly kidneys starting to go.
Better a day too soon then an hour too late.
My boy cat had cancer and we tried to keep him going. It was horrid. Yes he had his day in the sun but he was hit by a car. We were out. He had to be collected by a vet.
It was shit.
Girl cat's ending was peaceful and dignified. I gave her that.
Cried buckets though.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 03/08/2015 22:19

Girl cat's ending was peaceful and dignified. I gave her that

That's it exactly. A real act of love

gamerchick · 03/08/2015 22:27

I'm sorry am OP

I want to say as its been mentioned a few times about the purring and seemingly feeling guilty because of it. Cats don't just purr when happy and contented.. They can purr when in pain or suffering as a way to comfort themselves. It doesn't mean they trusted you to the end and it wasn't their time to go as they were purring which = feeling happy.

Let go of that guilt, they were all
Obviously well loved animals.

Original poster

hudyerwheesht · 03/08/2015 22:34

Shipwrecked, what you said about keeping your cat alive longer would have only been benefit to you not her really hit home with me, thank you.

This whole thread has been a comfort to me, though I feel for the others who have been or are still going through such sad losses.

OP posts:

LittlePeasMummy1 · 03/08/2015 22:59

We had our 16yr old pts 3.5 weeks ago due to an illness that sounds v similar to your cat's op, although we did wait longer and I don't think it was for the best- I'm now struggling with 'did we wait too long?' In any case, I know how broken you feel and I'm so sorry, but it does get a bit easier- the few days after are very traumatic but I felt quite peaceful once the initial shock had worn off, and now just really miss him. just be good to yourself, what you are feeling is v normal x

Kreeshsheesh · 03/08/2015 23:01

This thread has been helpful to me as well. Thank you for starting it op and to the others who posted. to everyone.

bertsdinner · 04/08/2015 07:11

Thanks Hudyer, I've found this thread very helpful. You are right about the guilt thing, I know in my head it was the right thing/time to go.
Like Kreesh, I would also like to thank everyone on this thread, I have found it a huge comfort.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 04/08/2015 07:39

Yes, it has been good to share, thank you x

thunderbird69 · 04/08/2015 14:34

to everyone on here for what you've been through/are going through.
I can associate with so much of what you are saying and feel a bit tearful again!
I couldn't quite get through the call to make the appointment at the vets without crying and sobbed all the time I was there, was with my DS 13 who insisted on coming. We were allowed to stay as long as we needed afterwards and hugged and cried together. Everyone at the vets was lovely (as vets always seem to be), completely understanding what it is like for per owners and doing everything they can to ease the pain.

It hurts so much because we love so much

hiddenhome · 04/08/2015 18:09

You've done the kindest most responsible thing.

Whodathink1t · 04/08/2015 20:36

I'm currently keeping a close eye on Dcat1 - she's of undetermined age, but vets guess is around 18, we've had her 2 years, and she's minus a few teeth and quite a few faculties & senses. She's currently able to toilet & clean, but she's less & less like herself as each day passes. We're dreading taking her to the vets - apparently, when we know it's time, it's time. She's currently yowling the place down at night, as she likes company, and can't sense anyone about. It's heart breaking, and very tiring. Poor thing.

My heart goes out to you, OP, I'm dreading making that call x

Original poster

hudyerwheesht · 04/08/2015 21:02

Awww, whodathink, that's so sad.

OP posts:

Whodathink1t · 04/08/2015 21:53

hudyerwheesht It could be a lot worse - I've lost elder cats because they've been outside cats and got lost with dementia. Much worse not to know what's going on x
I generally tend towards older cats - so this sort of thing is supposed to be expected, but it's still crap when you spot the change happening. OP - you did the right thing, you took your Dcat to the vet with love x

DaftVader36 · 04/08/2015 22:41

Well mine has had a reprieve for now. She has licked an entire sachet of cat food sauce (no meat) off my fingers, and whilst she still has a temperature (despite nearly two weeks of antibiotics), vet thinks we keep going.

So, today was a good day, but I'm not counting my chickens. All depends whether we can build on it tomorrow.

Wheesht thank you for your concern, especially given what you are going through. As the vet said to me, these feelings of immense sadness are payback for all the years of joy.

Also, was at the vets when a family arrived to identify their cat's body after it had been knocked down. So sad.

Very comforting to read everyone's experiences and know that so many of us go through this.

Who da, our old lady used to yowl in the night when she woke up. The vet called it geriatric anxiety. Poor things, so sad. Just waking up and not knowing where they are.

Whodathink1t · 05/08/2015 06:41

Awww, geriatric anxiety - that's exactly it.

Original poster

hudyerwheesht · 05/08/2015 09:44

Daftvader, so glad to hear you've had some good news for now. If the vet is suggesting you keep going that is a positive sign. As I said before (I think) - my cat was the same 18 months ago and pulled through, even though he had been up at the vets on an antibiotic drip for several days and we were prepared for the worst.

Maybe she has just used up one of her lives!

Glad others are also finding comfort in this thread - it's been invaluable for me during the last few days and has really helped me feel less guilty and start to believe I did the kind thing.

OP posts:

HolidayHeidi · 05/08/2015 14:10

Am just at the vets now . Just don't know what they are going to say.

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