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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

How long should I let this go on before I think about rehoming?

37 replies

ImNoClownIWontBackDown · 25/09/2014 20:50

Right, tricky one. I have 3 ds's, aged 2.5, 5 and 8. They are lovely boys and the middle one in particular has always wanted a cat. We recently got two from the local cats protection, they are lovely but they won't go anywhere near my children! They are fine with me, initially quite nervous but getting better, and with dh too. They are much younger than I was told (8 months rather than 14 months!) so I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I feel really guilty even considering giving them back, but I can't bear my boys' disappointment every time the cats run away every time they come in the room! I didn't get them for me (although I love cats!), I wanted them for the boys. They love to play with and stroke cats that we see out and about and they are not doing anything wrong - no chasing or pulling tails etc. I think it is partly the noise that the cats don't like but we can't all be treading on eggshells round the house! How long do I give it? Sad

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBags · 25/09/2014 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ImNoClownIWontBackDown · 25/09/2014 21:03

Not long, only a few days, but I feel like there is a pattern emerging where they just wait until the children are out or asleep before they will venture out. I have tried stuff like getting the children to feed them.

OP posts:
code · 25/09/2014 21:05

it's really early days, it can take weeks for animals to settle. Teach the boys to ignore them for a bit and they will learn they mean no harm.

kilmuir · 25/09/2014 21:11

Blimey give them a chance. My sister has 4 cats, 2 of which are outside cats and only appear when its food time!
Be realistic

FlossyMoo · 25/09/2014 21:12

If you rehome these cats will you get another?

AlpacaMyBags · 25/09/2014 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Questionsquestionsquestions123 · 25/09/2014 21:14

Definitely don't give up on them. We re-homes our car as she was a stray when we found her, she was practically skin and bone. She took months to be comfortable around us and is slowly starting to get more comfortable around children. They need to learn to trust you first, it takes time.

Questionsquestionsquestions123 · 25/09/2014 21:14

Oops cat not car !

rideyourbike · 25/09/2014 21:19

Be patient, it will take a few weeks for the cats to settle. We have had ours since February and he can still be skittish with the children if he's in the mood, but he sleeps on their beds. Give them time, don't send them back, they just need time. Sad

Original poster
ImNoClownIWontBackDown · 25/09/2014 21:22

The thing is, the cats protection lady knew my situation and knew that I wanted adult cats that would be fine with children, so I do feel I have been misled somewhat! I just feel really Sad for ds1 and 2.

OP posts:
FlossyMoo · 25/09/2014 21:22

I feel sad for the cats Sad

AlpacaMyBags · 25/09/2014 21:24

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LingDiLong · 25/09/2014 21:24

Are you kidding? This is exactly why you don't get a pet for young kids. These cats are actual living creatures, are you really going to try and return them like faulty toys? And after only a few days?! I could understand if the cats were scratching the kids or something but they're still settling in the poor buggers. They're bound to be skittish right now. Give them time to settle but also manage your child's expectations. If they want something to stroke and pet then you should get them a soft toy - seriously.

geniusloci · 25/09/2014 21:26

In two years time you will see the cats sleeping on your son's bed and laugh about how you thought they wouldn't bond. I promise.

They are only young cats, give them a bit more time to adjust.

Mostlyjustaluker · 25/09/2014 21:28

It does matter if the cats are 8 months, 14 months or 8 years they will still take time to settle I to a new home. You need to teach your children to be quite and not make sudden movements around the cats. Cats are not the most cuddly of animals and unlike dogs they do things for their benefit not yours.

Original poster
ImNoClownIWontBackDown · 25/09/2014 21:38

Thanks to those who have had kind advice! I KNOW they are not toys. I also know that there are some cats that just don't get on with children! And really, a 2.5 yo boy being quiet for more than 10 minutes is just not going to happen! I will give them time and see what cats protection think when they do the follow up visit. Thanks

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 25/09/2014 21:43

It takes weeks for some cats to settle. This is really traumatic for them.

Have you had cats before?.

Cats are very sensitive souls.

PolterGoose · 25/09/2014 21:55

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slippermaiden · 25/09/2014 22:12

Your cars will settle. They need time, weeks probably. Just feed them and they will soon be fine.our cat sleeps with our children but they rarely get to stroke him when they are awake.

PoohBearsHole · 25/09/2014 22:17

we settled ours by putting her in a dog crate, she then had a haven to go too if it all was too much. also for things that we didn't want her to interrupt (meal times, trying to get on the table) we would out her in there with her own food.
now sleeping on dds bed :) we got her in June :)

NewEraNewMindset · 25/09/2014 22:24

I've recently rehomed a female cat, around four years of age, and she spent the first two weeks hiding. She still wants nothing to do with my son (understandable!), but I'm sure, given time, she will learn to trust him and he will learn not to squeal and frighten her constantly.

I think you are expecting too much too soon.

Original poster
ImNoClownIWontBackDown · 25/09/2014 22:32

Thanks. They really are fine with us, one came and sat on my lap this evening and the other sat on the sofa next to me. It's not that they haven't settled with us, it really is just the children! I really hope they get used to them. It's not much fun for the cats if they lead a life where they are constantly startled and have to go and hide all the time!

OP posts:
BuggersMuddle · 26/09/2014 00:43

Bar my kitten as a child, my experience is of older moggies. Having said that, they take time to become accustomed to humans.

Our elder statesman (who ran away from a neighbour's home when he got a puppy) took a long time to trust us, even longer to allow stroking, picking up etc. We started with a skittish cat and years on we have a cat who will lead us out to the decking to stroke his tummy in the sunshine. He gives kitty kisses and jumps on the bed when I'm sick. He'd still leave us for someone with better mog food - he's a cat Grin but he seems as fond of us as a cat can be.

Point being it takes time and it should never be forced. I was crap with the cat as a kitten. Also, moggies will do what they will do. I have to accept that despite the fact I never approach him with the lice comb, I am a secondary human in out moggie's affection. I'm an adult, so this is really not a big deal, but your cat is a cat. He might decide he's more fond of your older kid, or that something is okay with one human, but not another. This is all fine - he's a cat. Provided the behaviour is not abnormal, surely just teach the kids that cats are lovely but fickle?

(Oh and for those who wonder, I spoke to neighbour about it both at the start and later and agreed we took him on before he moved house. He admitted the cat and dog weren't compatible but he wanted the dog despite having the cat for 8 years Sad. On the plus side, and years on we wonderful and incredibly fit 16 year old moggy who is neighbourhood top cat. He's awesome.)

CatWitch · 26/09/2014 00:58

Please please be patient with your new felines! It took one of our cats almost four months before she did not run under the bed when approached by family member's and then one morning we woke up to find her sleeping at the end of our bed.

Our youngest child is almost seven. She has been with our cats all her life. She LOVES them but they are not always enamored of her. She knows to treat them with kindness but she is a noisy, active child and our cats have been known to scatter when she comes clattering through.

Please give your cats more time and space. They really need to settle in.

Lovethesea · 26/09/2014 07:49

Get the children to give them food, and dreamies. Explain it takes time to build trust. That they could really hurt the cats as they are so much bigger and the cats need time to be sure they won't hurt them. Give them dangly cat toys to play with.

I've two rescues who sleep on the kids beds daily, last night one was snuggled up to DD.

But its a time thing, and it is a valuable life lesson that we don't control other beings, that they can choose not to be what we want.

Cats are fantastic for kids, they teach kindness and care, gentleness and that creatures are bloody minded independent souls we enjoy but we don't control.