AIBU - what would your cat post?

[Pointlessfan]

I spent all morning sunbathing in front of the big window and all afternoon asleep on the spare bed. When I woke up Slave 1 and Slave 2 were too busy eating their dinner to play with me. All I wanted was a lap to sit on. AIBU?

That's the totally unreasonable behaviour our cat complained about loudly throughout our dinner tonight, complete with wide-eyed guilt-trip look that he has perfected. What would your cat post?

The cat next door would say, you're gonna spend a fortune on that eucalyptus green goo before you realise it's pointless right........... i'm gonna do little poos on your pavements slabs and you're just gonna have to get used to it. And don't look at me with that water pistol slow coach. Your reflexes aren't fast enough and you and I both know it.

Isn't it about time you put the heating on so I can lounge about on top of the kitchen radiator.

It's getting a bit chilly in the evenings.

Why the fuck am I locked on the kitchen because you can't deal with a spider on the kitchen wall? Get a grip woman

AIBU to expect breakfast when I wake up instead of when they wake up?

This would be one of those ones where everyone says 'YABU' and they say 'No I am not here's why' followed by everyone saying 'No, YABU'. Cat leaves thread.

AIBU to have an enormous vicious strop when they try to brush me?

This would be full of drip feeding, starting out with people saying YABU, cat would counter with a load about their traumatic early life experiences, people would change their minds and be sympathetic, then it would come out that by refusing to be brushed cat develops dreadlocks which have to be shaved off as they get poo on them, which it hates even more, and people would go back to 'YABU'. Cat leaves thread.

AIBU to be afraid of the hoover?

YANBU, and suggestions about ways to mitigate the issue. It comes out that the issue is already mitigated as much as possible and cat would like the hoover to be set on fire. A shift to YABU. Cat leaves thread.

AIBU to think that she should throw away the pet carrier and quit bringing new animals home ffs??

my reply would be:

haha Lil face the fact its never gonna happen and you will continue to be subjected to more ferrets, hens, cats, dogs and chinchillas forevermore.

AIBU to expected the human to curl round me at night to keep me toasty warm until I choose to leave the bed.

AIBU to crap on the bath mat because my unreasonable human took my upstairs litter tray away for 10 minutes to clean it?

It was FAR too much effort to walk downstairs to my downstairs tray, but my human seemed quite put out!

AIBU to expect my humans to sit very, very still and not touch me at all when I sit on their laps? Then bite them viciously when they have the audacity to even breathe?

AIBU to bite every foot that I see until I'm given my milk in the mornings? It seems to speed up the biggest human, she doesn't even fill the kettle first anymore!

I think this thread is hilarious!

Glad it's not just my mog who has unreasonable expectations! Love the answers too! Imagine if there was catsnet and they could all get together to discuss how to deal with their unruly humans - we'd be in trouble then!!

AIBU to bite my human for touching my foot, even though my claw was caught in the back of the mini-human's pants? They know I don't like my feet touched.

Aibu to only leave the wings, feet and head of pigeons on the stairs? I used to leave the whole thing for them, but they don't seem to really appreciate it - in fact I definitely caught Slave 2 bagging the previous one up and chucking it in the bin - so I might as well eat the tasty bits mightn't I?

AIBU to expect them to buy me toys that I can't shred within half an hour?

Better quality feather toys please.

AIBU to be really narked with the staff round here for trying to get a disgusting tablet down my throat. You know, it doesn't matter whether you hide it in a bit of meat or grind it into powder - Î still know it's there and won't eat it^. People are so primitive! I am currently giving them The Look.

Bobcat1- AIBU to turn my nose up at all but 'my' brand and flavour of food? I think not, my human thinks I won't notice the difference and repeatedly tries to fob me off. Then, as punishment, AIBU to rub my face all over hers thus covering her with my delightful calico fur and to sit on her iPad, closing or opening tabs to my heart's content? I think not!

Bobcat2- AIBU to whinge all the time? Even when I'm purring because I am happy? Human thinks so, because I never do anything about it, but I think not, I am merely alerting her to the fact that I am not a pushover and I could attack at any given moment. (I won't, I'm a pushover, but don't ever let her know that!)

Bobcat3- AIBU to piss in the bath? And sometimes poop too? Just because? Resounding YANBU coming my way, I feel. Human disagrees. Dickhead.

AIBU to want to sit on my owner's face at 3am? Even though she's sleeping?

You've all lived with cats & you think they give a rats furry one wether you think they are BU or not?.

You have learnt NOTHING about cats.

AIBU to stick a thorny paw in my slave's face at 5am because I wanted breakfast? My tragic backstory is that I was recently rescued from a life on the streets and I'm starving.
(Cat was cured of this behaviour because the slave would take him downstairs and shut him, unfed, in the back room until she deigned to get up. He was not starving: on the streets he had been fed by a policewoman, a pub landlady and DD/Slave-to-be.)

Move on half a decade:
AIBU to really quite enjoy it when the dog cleans my ears for me?
Catsnet would of course tell MehCat that this is VU, he should be planning the dog's death not sucking up to him, and MehCat would flounce off the thread, because he loves the dog just as much as the dog loves him*.
*He is the only cat the dog loves. All other cats would dinner, if they were stupid enough to let a complete clown close enough to catch them.

AIBU to chatter and yap excitedly all night long because I can see moths?

AIBU sit by the front door asking to go outside, even though I have my own personal door to go out the back of the house? And then once I am out, I hop onto the windowsill, watch the Human sit back down, pick up her book and only then complain loudly and scratch at the window to be let back in?

As I dictate this, Humans are scrunched either end of the sofa whilst I completely stretch out in the middle, resting my tired head upside down. I've only slept for 19 hours today, I'm exhausted.

AIBU to sneak into the nice warm spot in the slaves' bed when one of them gets up to deal with baby slave-to-be in the night? After some initial concern about having to share the slaves I am starting to see the appeal of this tiny new one, some of her toys look like fun too but they always catch me looking. WIBU to get them out of the toy basket when everyone is in bed?

AIBU to have a mad half hour at this time of night and cling onto my humans leg when she walks up the stairs, then launch myself at the pin board in the other humans bedroom and swipe all the pins out.

My cat says that Catmints cat is perfectly reasonable to be excited by moths.

AIBU it is my food, mine not the slaves so why does she object to me bringing in kitty friends in the middle of the night to have a snack?

I mean she claims the crunching wakes her up, but really if that's a problem she could put down wet food. Or some of that yummy beef casserole I had a taste of.