Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Are we ready for a puppy despite my worries?

32 replies

Darksideoftheprune · 10/08/2026 07:26

Grew up with a german shepherd and she was amazing. My own mother insists that she still hated having a dog, too much hassle etc.

I have wanted a dog since our childhood dog died but only now that I am nearly 40 am I in the position to have one. I have 3 children 6-11 years and the two oldest have been asking to get a dog for around 6 years now. One child is Asd & adhd so finds school very hard and can often go into burnout, she loves animals and she finds dogs very theraputive and they seen to turn her mood around.

We relocated last year and now live in a 5 bed house, big garden, in a village and have the most amazing walks right on our doorstep, including hills and a reservoir. I work a few hours a week on the laptop but really I don't have to work, so I can offer a lot of time to train and raise a pup and not sleep for a while. My husband also works from home 3-4 days a week so there is always someone home.

Decided on getting a golden retriever due to temperament and how active they are (I love walking in nature) and have found an amazing breeder from champdogs who has just had a litter of pups and we will reserve with her once we have met them/our pup.

I'm so so excited to finally be getting a dog but the more i've researched and read online a little bit of anxiety has crept in about the puppy blues and the regrets people seem to have once they get a dog and feeling 'trapped'.

I can't think of any huge reasons why we shouldn't get a dog, we prefer to holiday in the uk (went to crete this year and was hard hard work). We sometimes separate the family to do different things due to conflict with the kids (Asd child doesn't want to do what others want to do) so we have a lot of flexibility.

Someone please reassure me that we are a good candidate for a puppy and i'm doing the right thing and I've got this? I've so wanted a dog all my life but in the back of my mind I'm still just an irresponsible teenager figuring life out (never mind I've birthed 3 children 😅). My husband is on board but i'm going to be the primary caregiver in terms of training and day to day. My mums negativity (she doesnt want us to get one but cant tell me why other than they are hard work) also plays a bit of a part in the niggling feeling.

OP posts:
Melsy88 · 10/08/2026 07:33

You sound like a great family to have a dog. But I wonder if an older one would be better?
All puppies, but especially golden retrievers are notorious for nipping, jumping up and being very boisterous in the first couple of years. Given how big they will be at 1 year old for instance, will the ND cope with that?
You also don't know what personality the dog will have if you get a pup. My brother got a golden retriever pup, expecting a loving family dog.. in reality the dog is pretty aloof with the family and only interested in chasing small animals and getting into fights with other dogs. He couldn't have had more love as a pup so it not to do with how he was brought up 🤷🏻

TheBabyFatmoss · 10/08/2026 07:36

I think you sound like a much better potential dog owning family than loads that get dogs without putting any thought into it. As long as you’re happy to do the necessary training needed. Your mum obviously didn’t like dogs enough for the pros to outweigh the cons, if you’re a dog person they really aren’t a consideration in my opinion. Good luck and don’t forget to post puppy pics!

PuppySnores · 10/08/2026 07:39

I think you're about as prepared as anyone for your first puppy except for the age of your youngest. Six is quite small, and retriever puppies are big, lively idiots who will knock him/her over.

The time you have available for the puppy is great, but do you have a lot of school meetings for your child with ASD?

Our first puppy was something of a dream. The next puppy was (is) a bit of a git, despite our greater experience. They do vary!

Iworkmiricles · 10/08/2026 07:51

From experience, I would not go for a pedigree. They are much more prone to a wealth of genetic problems and again in my experience,don't live as long. My lab/collie is 13 and 3/4 and doing OK, I've seen full labs aged 11 in far worse health and die. Cross breeds often live longer.
If you have the time, a rescue dog is a much better solution. Even with a young child, the perfect dog for you exists and you can still put the time into training. Many rescue dogs are the result of an owner not being able to cope rather than a bad dog.
The health problems, cost and worry of a pedigree just don't seem worth it to me.

labradorservant · 10/08/2026 08:06

Sounds perfect. As long as you know what a retriever puppy will involve. We have a lab and she was a little land shark. Are the younger ones calm? I would suggest crate training so the dog can escape too.
Also be prepared for the mud and fur and I assume the food obsession.
And have the breed you want! All the rescue dogs I know have an issue. Even my mums rescue lab, was the most gentle dog, but was a Velcro dog and wouldn’t wee in the garden! They all have a history that you need to untangle. With a puppy you learn together.

redboxer321 · 10/08/2026 08:18

As pp said, you're better set up than many people. Whether a GR pup is the best choice for you I am not sure but you'll likely get advice from a poster who has a wealth of knowledge on GR soon.

You'd be unlikely to be able to get a rescue dog from a reputable centre with a six year old child. If you can wait till they are 8 or even better 10 you'll have many more options if that is the way you want to go.

With regards cross breeds vs pedigree, it is not true to say crossbreeds are more healthy or live longer. If you do buy a pup you need to check that the breeder has carried out tests going back generations and to see proof of that and that their test results are as good as possible. That they are breeding two healthy, well matched dogs who are less likely to suffer from inherited diseases. A breeder who does this is essentially doing what mother nature does in non-domesticated animals. Rather than survival of the fittest, it's creation of the fittest if that makes sense?

Darksideoftheprune · 10/08/2026 08:31

Melsy88 · 10/08/2026 07:33

You sound like a great family to have a dog. But I wonder if an older one would be better?
All puppies, but especially golden retrievers are notorious for nipping, jumping up and being very boisterous in the first couple of years. Given how big they will be at 1 year old for instance, will the ND cope with that?
You also don't know what personality the dog will have if you get a pup. My brother got a golden retriever pup, expecting a loving family dog.. in reality the dog is pretty aloof with the family and only interested in chasing small animals and getting into fights with other dogs. He couldn't have had more love as a pup so it not to do with how he was brought up 🤷🏻

It's almost impossible to rescue an older dog unfortunately due to having young children, rescue's just cant risk it. I've actively looked into it and its almost always teenagers only. I've followed lots of rescues online and virtually zero puppies have come up too. A local rescue 5 mins down the road had older puppies but weren't considered because of the children.

Aware we cannot know the personality of the pup we get but with young families puppies seem to be the only option. I guess you don't know the true personality of a rescue either until they are established at home.

ND is aware of what a puppy would be like and all the nipping and zoomies, I think she'll be ok and adapt well. She has told me her friend at school had to wear wellies for a year at home so she understands. We also have lots of rooms that can be puppy free to escape to.

OP posts:
Legomum789 · 10/08/2026 08:32

You sound more prepared and realistic than a lot of people who get dogs. We got our dog when my kids were just a few year older because I wanted them to be able to sometimes walk the dog round the block themselves and also be able to be assertive and confident around it to avoid the dog thinking she was in charge. However I worked full time in terms of time so didn’t have as much time for long walks as you do. (My partner worked from home so she wasn’t left alone). Now the kids have left home and I’m single (through my own choice). Our dog is now 10 and has a good few years in her yet. She’s great company but sometimes a bit of a burden now I’m looking after her on my own. I wonder if when your mum said a dog was ‘too much hassle’ it was because she was the one doing more of the care. That was the case in my household and, as much as I love our dog, I did resent it sometimes when others could’ve helped but always had excuses not to.

Darksideoftheprune · 10/08/2026 08:37

PuppySnores · 10/08/2026 07:39

I think you're about as prepared as anyone for your first puppy except for the age of your youngest. Six is quite small, and retriever puppies are big, lively idiots who will knock him/her over.

The time you have available for the puppy is great, but do you have a lot of school meetings for your child with ASD?

Our first puppy was something of a dream. The next puppy was (is) a bit of a git, despite our greater experience. They do vary!

6 year old is very tall for his age and is pretty chilled out. We have lots of space so we will make at least 2 rooms downstairs a puppy free zone and will also give the pup their own space too the children can not go in.

My ND is a huge masker and school have never once called me in. I've had to request any meetings and she was diagnosed through private assessment because she masks so well at school (to her own detriment). She has no ehcp only a learning plan and is academically on target so we dont really have many meetings at all unless I raise it. Her issues are social and anxiety based, which is why I think she will love a dog so much.

OP posts:
SpanielsGalore · 10/08/2026 09:25

Have you researched the differences between show and working lines and which would best suit your family?

user293948849167 · 10/08/2026 09:29

I think you sound like an ideal family.
Puppies are always hard work and there will be times you’ll be asking yourself why you did this. As long as you are realistic about the hard work involved (and it sounds like you are) you will be ok.
It’s worth it in the end when you have a lovely well trained dog, will be amazing for your kids

RunAlongDoggy · 10/08/2026 09:30

Iworkmiricles · 10/08/2026 07:51

From experience, I would not go for a pedigree. They are much more prone to a wealth of genetic problems and again in my experience,don't live as long. My lab/collie is 13 and 3/4 and doing OK, I've seen full labs aged 11 in far worse health and die. Cross breeds often live longer.
If you have the time, a rescue dog is a much better solution. Even with a young child, the perfect dog for you exists and you can still put the time into training. Many rescue dogs are the result of an owner not being able to cope rather than a bad dog.
The health problems, cost and worry of a pedigree just don't seem worth it to me.

This is so full of wrongness that I don't even know where to start.

Nousernameideaaga · 10/08/2026 09:32

You sound prepared , have given it lots of though.

The puppy stage can be hard work , but so rewarding.

Your life will be forever changed with a dog , in a not dissimilar way to when you have your first child. But absolutely for the better.

Echointhedarkness · 10/08/2026 09:40

We got a Goldie when our youngest of three was six so my DC grew up with her. They are amazing dogs and we all loved her so much. When my eldest DC got married he insisted the dog attended ❤️.

They are great dogs for a family. The downsides are the fur, it gets everywhere, ours was greedy and would raid the bin, given the chance, or steal food if she could. Finally ours loved water, the muddier the better. These are known Goldie traits.

Pearlstillsinging · 10/08/2026 09:44

You sound like the perfect home for a GR pup.
Please learn from the pp who talked about the aloof adult GR that couldn't have been given more love, as a pup. Allow the pup to set the pace and approach the humans, rather than letting the children smother it in 'love'.
I would never recommend an adult rescue as a first dog for a family, they usually come with behavioural challenges of one kind or another.

Iworkmiricles · 10/08/2026 10:11

As I said, my experience. Three pedigree all dead before 11 (one at four with a heart condition) . Three rescuse all made it to 14 + (one a small. Dog and two collie/lab cross.
Other people with cocker poos getting hip displacia at 4 yes old.
I'm just sharing on that basis.
I know rescue centres don't do under 8, but there are lots on non pedigree litters or cross with a collie or something, that are still gr, but without the potential health issues. See images of breeding causing changes for the "perfect" dog. They can also breed healthy dogs, but please check.
The op is potentially looking for pedigree. When a non inbred GR is less likely for health conditions.
I will always advocate the rescue, but appreciate that a puppy has advantages esp with a young family. Just check the breeders and health screening out.

Are we ready for a puppy despite my worries?
sallydoodlecat · 10/08/2026 10:19

I had the puppy blues hard. Genuinely thought we had an agressive land shark. The nipping really got me down. Despite being as prepared as I could have been. But now it’s so lovely. The thing I’ve found hardest is holidays and leaving him. We do like to go abroad. Or even a holiday in the uk without him. Often we take him with us. But I’d get the puppy used to being left with others early on so you and they can get used to it. We had friends who used to have him but only for a week. Now found a lovely boarder who gives him a home from home but it’s taken me 4 years to get comfortable with it. Having a dog is very hard work. But the joy they bring is amazing. Especially for kids.

SpanielsGalore · 10/08/2026 10:20

@Iworkmiricles Other people with cocker poos getting hip dysplasia at 4 years old.

You do know cockerpoos are cross breeds, right?
That's an argument for getting either a pedigree cocker spaniel or poodle from fully health tested parents.

Newbabylabrador · 10/08/2026 10:24

Iworkmiricles · 10/08/2026 10:11

As I said, my experience. Three pedigree all dead before 11 (one at four with a heart condition) . Three rescuse all made it to 14 + (one a small. Dog and two collie/lab cross.
Other people with cocker poos getting hip displacia at 4 yes old.
I'm just sharing on that basis.
I know rescue centres don't do under 8, but there are lots on non pedigree litters or cross with a collie or something, that are still gr, but without the potential health issues. See images of breeding causing changes for the "perfect" dog. They can also breed healthy dogs, but please check.
The op is potentially looking for pedigree. When a non inbred GR is less likely for health conditions.
I will always advocate the rescue, but appreciate that a puppy has advantages esp with a young family. Just check the breeders and health screening out.

So you’re basing your blanket statement on 6 dogs? 🙄

cockerpoos are mongrels, not ‘pedigree’ so your argument doesn’t make sense. You’re saying a cross breed was riddled with hip dysplasia at 4… but also cross breeds are healthier.

The difference between pedigree/KC reg and well bred with a breeder doing health tests for multiple generations is worlds apart- you can’t plonk them all together.

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 10/08/2026 10:27

@redboxer321 has given some excellent advice and @SpanielsGalore is right about show/working lines. There's also show-gundog (SGWC - the dog will have this acronym by it's name) which are often higher-strung and more energetic. SGWC dogs are 'show line' dogs that have proven their ability to 'work' which is why they tend to be more energetic.

I've linked an example above of what you should be looking for (what I consider a 'good standard') of health tests for a pedigree Golden Retriever. Dam should have similarly good results. If they don't, walk away. They should also have heart tests done (it's not recommended, but there is an increasing risk with the breed and good breeders have been testing for it for years).

I would also add, be wary of the breeder. Obviously you haven't linked them, so I can't say if they're good or not...but there are quite a few litters up on Champ Dogs atm that have all the hallmarks of bad breeding and puppy farming. Mum should not be having a litter before she is 3 and not after she is 6. She should not have more than two litters in a lifetime. The breeder should not have more than a single litter at any given time.

Onto Golden Retrievers more broadly, personally I don't think they're suitable for families with young children. They don't just mouth - they bite, and they lunge, and it can look incredibly vicious and it will hurt because Golden's are like that. There's never any malice, but they are vicious little gits. But that's not the main problem...the main problem is that by 6 months old they can easily be 20kg and still doing that behaviour because they are so slow to develop. Everyone says 'oh it's fine, it's only a puppy' but when that puppy is 20KG and lunging towards you to play with it's teeth bared...people are less happy. And it is always play, but people don't realise that and children don't either.

Golden's are essentially puppies until about 4(ish) and then suddenly they grow up overnight. They are also prone to some pretty unpleasant behavioural issues including resource guarding, separation anxiety and over-excitability (the 'wank gene'). All of them can easily be managed and or avoided by consistent training - but that's where children come in. Children wind up dogs and make everything much harder than it needs to be.

If you do press ahead, which I imagine you will, please remind your children that Golden Retrievers are not toys. That tormenting them will end in a bite. These dogs are far too sensitive to respond well to being bothered. And I spend far too much time helping to re-home Golden's who have bitten young children, or who's family cannot cope with them because they failed to do basic training, and it's soul-destroying to see dogs being failed by the owners simply because their owner got the breed based off you-tube videos of Emma and Ellie, or Teddy or Tucker and Todd. Golden's are absolutely lovely dogs, but they are not as easy as social media makes out and they are not just 'fluffy labradors' (as someone once said to me)!

If you're willing to put in the work, and have very clear boundaries with your children about the dogs, then go ahead. And if there's anything I missed, very happy to answer any questions 😊

Finally, please remember: breeding is a huge part of what makes a dog healthy - you can fuck up a well-bred dog, but you can't un-fuck a badly bred one.

Just to add to previous posters and a bit of misguided 'help' they have offered;

1.Mongrels are not automatically healthier. What makes a dog healthy is the health of it's parents and it's relative COI. All dogs being used for breeding should be fully health tested. For Golden's this is; hips, elbows, DNA PRA-1, DNA PRA-2, DNA ICT-A, ISDS. Just because you breed two dogs of different breeds, does not mean thay re healthier, particularly given so many breeds have such serious (and similar) health issues. Poodles and Goldens, for example, both have hip, elbow and eye issues along with heart issues. If one of those parents has a bad 'score' then chances are the offspring will as well. My own dogs are extensively tested - my oldest girl is 14, still capable of doing 3 mile walks twice a day. THAT is what a healthy pedigree dog is capable of.

The photos PP have linked actually just show how the 'show' world has changed - you can easily tell the dogs structure has not changed that much, simply the position of how the dog is made to stand to show off it's attributes. The 1950 dog is almost exactly the same as the 1990 dog (and the 2000 dog is just impossible to actually see...), it's just the way they are standing and angle of the camera that is different.

2.Golden's do not steal food when they are properly trained and they also do not raid the bin. They do not have the 'gene' (like labs do) that makes them act like that. It's simply a matter of training.

r0ck · 10/08/2026 10:35

We've got a 4 month old GR (I grew up with one and like you, waited a long time until our family was ready, our kids are 9 and 12 so a bit older). I haven't had puppy blues yet, but I'm sure there will come a day when I wonder why on earth we got her. That's not to say she is an angel... she can be mouthy, especially at her 'witching hour' before bed... lots of redirecting and training... they are hard work as I'm sure you know. She sleeps through the night but it's still up early, walks, training, and I think I'd have struggled if we had younger kids. BUT she's added so much to our family already.

One thing I'd add- Champdogs don't always have the most reputable breeders, I gather it is hit and miss. There is an amazing GR Facebook page where they help vet the breeders and give information on upcoming vetted litters, best practice etc. They were very helpful when I was looking for our girl, and she was on Champdogs but also on this Facebook page too so I felt reassured we weren't getting her from anyone who wasn't reputable!

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 10/08/2026 10:41

@r0ck just to say, on that facebook page...they really aren't that great.

There are quite a few good breeders on there who aren't ever recommended because we refuse to sell to people with young children. That's it. Despite the fact we breed selectively, fully health test our dogs above and beyond breed standards...we're not 'good' in their eyes because we won't risk our puppies in environments with young children (and I include myself in that, as I am apparently 'evil' - an actual quote - for not selling to people with young kids).

Evil. Like I'm Stalin or something 🙄

r0ck · 10/08/2026 10:46

TheHungryHungryLandsharks · 10/08/2026 10:41

@r0ck just to say, on that facebook page...they really aren't that great.

There are quite a few good breeders on there who aren't ever recommended because we refuse to sell to people with young children. That's it. Despite the fact we breed selectively, fully health test our dogs above and beyond breed standards...we're not 'good' in their eyes because we won't risk our puppies in environments with young children (and I include myself in that, as I am apparently 'evil' - an actual quote - for not selling to people with young kids).

Evil. Like I'm Stalin or something 🙄

Oh that is interesting. We found the admin really helpful as new dog owners but appreciate it must be frustrating when you know you're a reputable breeder and don't get treated as such! I'm definitely glad we didn't get a Goldie while our kids were very young- for my own sake if not the dogs!!

Also just noticed your name- love it and very true 😆

Dunnocantthinkofone · 10/08/2026 10:58

I’m a trainer and Goldie owner and you sound better placed and informed than the majority tbh.
I’d echo @TheHungryHungryLandsharks comments in the main. Goldies are ace, but overexcited dumb arses for the first few years. That can be quite a lot to undertake. Jumping, lunging,mouthing and flag out zoomies!! And at just under 40kg for a big lad, you’re definitely going to find that hard to ignore! It does vary though - my current one at just turned a year is pretty chilled around the house but that’s due to my input (and most likely the death stares from my other dog keeping her in line!)
As long as you go in knowing that and not expecting a ‘guide dog personality’, exercise mentally and physically adequately and have management measures in place to stop bad habits forming or kids getting mowed down with enthusiasm, you’ll love every minute

Well, most of them anyway……😂

Dunnocantthinkofone · 10/08/2026 11:34

Just to add……mental stimulation is a vital but poorly understood element generally. A Kong or food puzzle doesn’t do what most people think it does!. It’s pleasant and strings out feeding time but it isn’t a challenge or a substitute for actual ‘work’
As an example, my baby has had a 50 minute walk early. Including some training/practise variety of gundog work, memory and blind retrieves,impulse control etc.
she’s also had ten minutes of precision heel work ,trick training and other exercises in my garden. She is now peacefully content and I won’t hear from her until much later. She’ll get up and participate if asked, but will now happily settle herself all day. Not jacked up on adrenaline and unable to decompress due to rampaging after a ball for ages!
But common viewpoint? Exercise the dog more! Ie physically. Which goes wrong