Should we adopt a rescue dog with our dog-wary daughter?

[Greenwriter76]

We’ve wanted a dog for years. We have a 7yo daughter and I WFH all week. Nice house, garden etc.
Finally after years of ignored rescue centre applications for rescues, and almost being scammed when trying to buy a dog, we were successful in enquiring about adopting a 3 yo rescue French Bulldog (my favourite breed) and today went to meet him. It went very well, but for info I add that our daughter is high energy, quite loud, chatterbox etc and a bit scared of dogs - particularly barking - after being chased by 2 little yappy ones on a beach years ago.
However the description of this Frenchie was that he is great with kids, as the fosterer has young grandchildren.
So when we met him today our daughter stayed in the car while we knocked on the door as the fosterer has 4 other barky dogs and we didn’t want to scare daughter from the outset.
After meeting the Frenchie inside (he was v excited and friendly, toilet trained, knows basic commands, fantastic condition) we took him out to meet daughter and take him for a walk. He was calm but daughter wouldn’t pat him or approach directly but was keen and happy to hold his lead for majority of walk and there were no issues, apart from when 2 dogs in a house started barking and jumping and down and Frenchie did same and daughter let go of lead. Fosterer retrieved Frenchie and all was fine for rest of walk.
But when I called the rescue later today to say we’d like to take him, they said they’d noticed I’d messaged 6 months ago about another dog but had said in a subsequent message that I’d changed my mind after finding out that particular dog had issues which made her reactive and we needed a calm dog as our daughter was anxious and reactive around dogs herself.
The rescue said it wasn’t that they didnt want us to have this Frenchie, but we needed to make sure daughter is confident and excited about having a dog and not being swept along by us. I told her we’d sleep on it and speak to her again tomorrow.
Of course our daughter is our priority but we are of the mindset that we have to bite the bullet at some point or how is daughter ever going to gain any experience or confidence around dogs?
Based on the description of this dog and the meet we were happy he could be the one. I will add that that he has bitten a vet after a bad experience and he went for his fosterer after she grabbed him by the collar in panic when one of her dogs tried to attack him. Personally I think those are understandable reactions to those situations.
Interested in hearing from anyone with a dog-wary child who has taken on a rescue - successfully or unsuccessfully. Or any opinions on what others would do in this situation - take the dog on? Get a puppy? Leave it until daughter is older?
Thankyou.

We’ve struggled with our reactive rescue … I’d get a puppy if I were you but I wouldn’t recommend anyone to get a rescue based on our situation.

Why would you get a dog when your daughter is scared of dogs?

Even if you find a lovely, non-reactive dog who she feels comfortable around, having a dog naturally leads to having tons more interaction with other dogs. Dogs interacting with your dog on walks, dogs barking at your dog when you walk past their house, reactive dogs crossing the street barking at your dog, etc. Doesn't sound like it'll be much fun for your daughter?

And this dog has already bitten two people....that you know of

Madness. The poor dog & your poor little girl.

If your daughter is "dog wary" then it's a big fat "no" from me.

A rescue dog may be unpredictable and getting one that already bitten people is a recipe for disaster.

Are you aware how many health issues Frenchies have? Short-faced dogs are bad news and often have breathing problems.

Omg, don't get a dog if your DD is nervous of dogs.

Not a good idea with your daughter's anxieties and the fact this dog has bitten twice already that you know of.

I would never take a dog that had bitten anyone. Let alone if I had a daughter - and yours is nervous of dogs.
You also seem to have very little experience of dogs other than wanting a dog.
YABVU

This dog has bitten at least twice. If your DD is fearful the dog will pick up on her anxiety and it could make it behave unpredictably. I really would not do this.

“biting the bullet” to give your child confidence around dogs doesn’t mean actually getting a dog (as opposed to spending more time around them), especially one that has already bitten someone! If the dog you were looking at was barking and jumping around other dogs then that will be happening repeatedly every time you go out and encounter other dogs in the park. The rescue lady obviously doesn’t want to tell you what to do but is pretty clear she doesn’t think it’s a great idea. Listen to your daughter.

I agree about being wary of getting a dog at all, but I disagree with not getting a rescue. Good rescues will have spent time assessing the dog and will know its temperament, how it is with other dogs, cats and with children of different ages. They will also assess the family because they want a good fit.

A mature golden retriever, labrador, staffy, greyhound or a Newfoundland could work very well.

You don’t have to bite the bullet. It’s not essential to have a dog. Your daughter is scared of them. Why would you make her home a place that she is scared when it’s totally unnecessary

The dog being great with kids is entirely different from your kid being great with the dog.
I can’t believe you are even considering this, and especially not with a rescue who will inevitably suffer further from being returned again.
Your daughter is scared of dogs, don’t get a dog.

One example of a scenario where getting a puppy is the right thing to do.

The rescue are totally right. If everyone in a family isn’t happy to be adopting a pet, then it shouldn’t happen because it’s not fair on the pet.

As for getting a puppy, I’d expect any responsible breeder to say the same.

Be patient and get experience with dogs if friends and family. Wait for right rescue or come up with different plan.

A dog that has bitten is not a good fit for a scared 7 year old.
A nervous 7 year old is not a good fit for a dog that has bitten.

it isn’t appropriate to rehome a dog with a bite history with a child, especially not one afraid of dogs who may panic and frighten the dog.

Thanks for your replies, and most verbalise my own creeping doubts. It’s difficult in the immediate aftermath of meeting a rescue and having a positive experience to judge rationally, which is why I asked for outside opinions here.
We are all learning aren’t we, & both my husband and I grew up with dogs & have looked after dogs as adults, which is why we have wanted one of our own for a long time.
But yes of course our daughter’s happiness and safety at home comes first and we wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise that, so this will be a no.

Get a cat

NO unfair to the dog and the child

No I don't think you should get this dog, or any dog right now, and definitely not a puppy (they're very bouncy and bitey). I think you should get your daughter ok with dogs by being around any calm adult dogs that friends or family have. And even then you might have to accept your daughter doesn't want to live with a dog.

Absolutely do not do this, a nervous child and a dog that bitten when spooked you are asking for a disaster

Completely irresponsible and cruel to both daughter and dog to introduce a dog who has already bitten (at least) 2 other people to a nervous child. So selfish and really lacking in understanding of the needs not only of a rescue dog but your own daughter.

I would love a cat… have had a cat (before dh and dd) previously. Daughter says she would like one but can be wary of them too due to another past experience! But husband thinks he is allergic, so may not be possible.

Good Lord! No!

I wouldn't have a French Bulldog given tbh. They are a walking vet bill, with all their health issues.
But the best thing would be to find someone you know who has a nice calm middle-aged dog who is known to be calm and tolerant around children. Then introduce them slowly, no NOT ask a child to pat a dog, they don't particularly like the sensation and really it is best not to approach a dog you don't know well, allow the dog to come to you in its own time.
I would never advise someone to get a first dog from a rescue, you need experience to deal with a dog with an unknown history, far better to get a pup from a supportive breeder and take it to training classes run by a recommended trainer.