Should we adopt a rescue dog with our dog-wary daughter?

[Greenwriter76]

We’ve wanted a dog for years. We have a 7yo daughter and I WFH all week. Nice house, garden etc.
Finally after years of ignored rescue centre applications for rescues, and almost being scammed when trying to buy a dog, we were successful in enquiring about adopting a 3 yo rescue French Bulldog (my favourite breed) and today went to meet him. It went very well, but for info I add that our daughter is high energy, quite loud, chatterbox etc and a bit scared of dogs - particularly barking - after being chased by 2 little yappy ones on a beach years ago.
However the description of this Frenchie was that he is great with kids, as the fosterer has young grandchildren.
So when we met him today our daughter stayed in the car while we knocked on the door as the fosterer has 4 other barky dogs and we didn’t want to scare daughter from the outset.
After meeting the Frenchie inside (he was v excited and friendly, toilet trained, knows basic commands, fantastic condition) we took him out to meet daughter and take him for a walk. He was calm but daughter wouldn’t pat him or approach directly but was keen and happy to hold his lead for majority of walk and there were no issues, apart from when 2 dogs in a house started barking and jumping and down and Frenchie did same and daughter let go of lead. Fosterer retrieved Frenchie and all was fine for rest of walk.
But when I called the rescue later today to say we’d like to take him, they said they’d noticed I’d messaged 6 months ago about another dog but had said in a subsequent message that I’d changed my mind after finding out that particular dog had issues which made her reactive and we needed a calm dog as our daughter was anxious and reactive around dogs herself.
The rescue said it wasn’t that they didnt want us to have this Frenchie, but we needed to make sure daughter is confident and excited about having a dog and not being swept along by us. I told her we’d sleep on it and speak to her again tomorrow.
Of course our daughter is our priority but we are of the mindset that we have to bite the bullet at some point or how is daughter ever going to gain any experience or confidence around dogs?
Based on the description of this dog and the meet we were happy he could be the one. I will add that that he has bitten a vet after a bad experience and he went for his fosterer after she grabbed him by the collar in panic when one of her dogs tried to attack him. Personally I think those are understandable reactions to those situations.
Interested in hearing from anyone with a dog-wary child who has taken on a rescue - successfully or unsuccessfully. Or any opinions on what others would do in this situation - take the dog on? Get a puppy? Leave it until daughter is older?
Thankyou.

“husband thinks he is allergic”……. He thinks? Whats stopping him from getting tested……

Hell no!

I was chased by an alsatian when I was about 5 and was very scared of dogs after that - not surprisingly!

My parents decided to get a dog to "cure" me. What a nightmare - I spent my whole childhood wary in my own home. It cured nothing, just stopped home feeling like a safe place for me. Dreadful! Appalling decision!

I was hugely relieved when it died.

Don't do it!!!!!!!!

No

Are you nuts?

Nothing lol… we haven’t gone down that road yet, I only said may not be possible

Please don't force your daughter to live with a dog when she clearly does not like or trust dogs.

But why not…… One would think that, before you consider getting an animal that would scare your daughter, you’d consider one of those lovely, gorgeous, cuddly feline love bugs 😻

Don’t be so ridiculous. Put your daughter’s needs first!

Absolutely bonkers idea
can’t believe rescue are thinking of rehoming it to any home with a child
it’s bitten twice
whatever the provocation, that’s a no no for a home with children , children are unpredictable.
you need something rock solid if your daughter is wary, or better still just don’t if she’s not on board

Feel like we need placards that say DAUGHTERS OVER DOGS

French bulldogs are a fearful persons worse nightmare. A topic for a future Mumsnet thread “If your parents made you have a nightmare fog” thread.

Also I hate the term ‘rescue dog’. It’s falsely sentimental. You could also call it a dog no one else wants to look after.

Owning a dog inevitably means you will be interacting with other dogs. So while you may find a lovely dog that your daughter feels comfortable with, your daughter will be exposed to other dogs at dog training classes or on walks who may run, bark, jump etc. And unfortunately you have very little control over this, unless your daughter never goes anywhere with the dog which sounds rather miserable.

I think the PPs concerns around this dog are valid, but I also don't think a puppy is necessarily the answer either. Puppies are unpredictable, bitey, bouncy, and they destroy things - not great for a child who is scared of dogs!

She's still very young. Maybe as she gets older the fear may fade and you could revisit it.

A puppy is a terrible idea. They bite and lunge and snap.

Poor thing would probably end up being PTS in a week for being ‘aggressive.’

Plus no good breeder would sell to OP either a daughter who is scared. So she’d be doing to the Doodle Donna’s of the world for a puppy farmed thing…and thus supporting animal abuse.

No

I don’t think you can magically ‘cure’ someone who’s nervous and anxious around dogs. I was chased when I was younger by an aggressive dog and it has stuck with me for years. I find myself on edge in people’s houses that have dogs but I can deal with it fine in short doses, give them a stroke etc but I couldn’t live with a dog in my own home.

My husband is desperate for one but having one wouldn’t ’cure me’ if would just make me on edge all the time and it wouldn’t be fair on me or the dog as it would end up being me doing the bulk of the care. In the OP’s case, the nervous one is a child who actually can’t really advocate for herself at 7. She might grow out of it and grow to love dogs or she might spend every day feeling on edge in her own home. I’m really not sure you can take that risk at this stage.

Has your daughter said she is unhappy at the thought of getting a dog? Is she scared or just a bit wary?

The reason I ask is that my DS was exuberantly greeted by an Italian greyhound (stranger’s dog) when he was about 3 or 4 and he got a little scratch to his face. After that, I wouldn’t say he was scared of dogs per se, he just wouldn’t choose to go to one. He’d ignore dogs largely. He is 8 now (will be 9 in October) and I got a Labrador puppy last year and they’re as thick as thieves now. I won’t say it wasn’t stressful managing them together when my dog was a puppy but it was a relatively short period of time where I had to manage their behaviour around each other. My DS adores our dog now and seems more confident around them in general. I wouldn’t get this dog from the rescue but in my opinion, you may not need to discount getting a dog altogether.

Do not adopt the dog, it is not fair on the dog.

You are many years away from owning a dog, your daughter is not ready and may never be.

Not every family needs a pet.

I wouldn’t get a dog if your daughter is scared of them. That’s cruel for both your daughter and the dog. The poor dog will end up rehomed. My daughter is scared of dogs and I would never bring one into the home due to that alone.

Do not get a rescue.

I would start with contacting a therapy dog owner and using that dog as an intro to dogs. It will be predictable and obedient in a way many dogs are not. If that goes well, try the ‘borrow my dog’ scheme to walk other dogs with her. After a couple of years, think about a dog of your own.

Thankyou.
So our daughter loves animals, and dogs that have become familiar to her, eg calm ones we see walking on the school run etc where she has been able to interact with them, she has enjoyed. Her natural instinct is to talk to dogs but not get too physically near them and she generally takes a wide berth if we need to walk past one. Small yappy ones, we cross the road!
Since viewing this rescue however (which DD very enthusiastically and happily wanted to walk on the lead at her own request) she has said she doesn’t want a dog at home and would prefer a cat. So perhaps we’ll explore this for now as I love cats myself.
However, she went through a phase of being petrified of those as well after she stroked one as a preschooler and it nipped her.
Now she will happily approach and fuss cats - I think she prefers them as they don’t bark and are less exuberant than dogs.
It’s great to hear about your experience with getting a dog and your son, as I know there is such great potential, fun and learning for a child to have a pet (we did have a hamster who my dd adored and handled but sadly they only live a couple of years and we miss having a pet in the house).