40 weeks pregnant and grieving our dog after a terrible accident

[bubblecity]

I’m not a regular poster on here, I mainly just lurk but I need to get this out somehow without traumatising my husband over it again and again.

I am 40 weeks pregnant and this past Friday was my due date. Our dogs were out with their dog walker in the afternoon when we got a call that one of our dogs had run off and he couldn’t be found. This was very out of character for him so my husband drove to the area where they were to help look. Eventually I decided I’d join as well but halfway there I got the call that our dog had been found but he’d been struck by a car. I saw him on the opposite side of the motorway as I drove there in hopes he’d somehow still be alive and that we could still save him. When I got there, our dog walker was hysterical, I was hysterical and my husband just about kept it together for my sake.

I posted in a community group looking for my dog and every single commenter piled onto me about how I shouldn’t have let my dog go with a stranger. I want to make it clear that the dog walker is not a stranger to our dogs. They knew him very well and are submissive to him. We do also walk the dogs ourselves in the morning but I am too heavily pregnant and they are too energetic for me to keep up on my own with them. He had just turned four and we’d had him since he was a puppy. We all love him a lot but I felt like he was my soul dog.

I’m really struggling to get myself to a stable enough place to have this baby and to even look forward to what should be such a happy time in our lives. In a way I don’t want to stabilise because I don’t want to stop thinking about him. I’m scared I won’t be able to enjoy our new baby and I’m scared that I will enjoy her so much that I forget my dog. I have moments where I can fake it long enough that my toddler son doesn’t notice. I feel like I am grieving so loud that my husband isn’t getting enough space to grieve as well. Our other dog doesn’t even seem to notice that someone is missing. Everything reminds us of our precious dog. Genuinely everywhere we look is a trigger because we took our dogs everywhere with us and he was virtually never out of our sight.

If you got this far, thank you. I don’t know what I’m asking for here other than reassurance that at some point the pain will be less sharp. Advice? A hand hold? I’m a mess and I don’t know how to carry on during such a vulnerable time.

I am so sorry. Losing a beloved dog that way is heartbreaking and being so heavily pregnant your emotions are running so high. I'm sending very unmumsnetty hugs. It will take time but you and your husband must be kind to yourselves. Maybe create a special spot in your garden where you can plant something lovely to remember him by. If you feel it's easier to talk here please do so. if you feel up to it please tell us about your dog. Other dog lovers are here for you. 💐

Thank you. I do feel the need to talk about him but I am worried that I am placing too much of my grief onto my husband who is grieving too.

my dog was beautiful. He was a yellow working cocker spaniel who was regularly mistaken for a puppy golden retriever. He was clever and sweet natures and just really lovely. Family was very important to him and if we weren’t all together he would run between the rooms in the house trying to shepherd us all together. He was a shadow. I felt very very connected to him but I felt like he took a back seat since my song was born in 2024. I was just thinking the other day how I was so looking forward to having this baby because I feel so much more confident having a dog with a baby.

my heart is completely shattered without my companion.

Oh that’s absolutely awful for you, I am so so very sorry 😔

I’m so sorry.

@bubblecity you might find this link below helpful if you need to chat but don't want to discuss with your husband. There are links to helpline and online support. https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-loss-support Don't be afraid to ask for support x

That's heartbreaking - I'm so, so sorry. Cocker spaniels are the most wonderful dogs. I can't begin to imagine how traumatic that must have been for you, and it's unbelievable that people piled on you for letting your dogs go out with a walker, which is a perfectly normal thing to do! It will hurt less in time, I promise you, but that categorically won't mean that you're forgetting him or leaving him behind. You just need to get through this one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I hope you have a smooth delivery and that your newborn brings you some comfort. Thinking of you

I’m so sorry , that sounds so traumatic, big hugs xx

I am so sorry. 😔 I lost my 15 year old dog two months ago and it’s the hardest grief I’ve known yet. Harder than when I’ve lost relatives. And I didn’t lose him in the traumatic way you did.

I can tell you this. The first 2 weeks after he passed away, I’m not kidding you when I say I was catatonic. I had panic attacks, sweats, cried morning, noon and night, barely ate, hyperventilated, woke every morning at 3 am on the dot. I was an absolute mess. I couldn’t keep it together in front of my young children and I was like a shadow of my former self.

I could not have loved my dog more. He was my nervous system regulator, my best friend, my partner in crime. He was also a spaniel. They are simply the best.

But time is a great healer and over the last few weeks my nervous system has caught up and things feel less overwhelming. You will too. It’s just time. I still cry randomly and I still get stomach punch episodes of grief, but I am entering the acceptance phase. You will get there I promise you.

Also, I lost my father suddenly when I was 38 weeks pregnant under traumatic circumstances and I was very worried, like you, that I’d be unable to cope with a newborn and it would ruin it. Actually, the second I held my baby in my arms, some peace came over me. It’s primal.

You’ll be ok. It’s terrifying and unsettling but you will be ok.

PS You will enjoy your new baby, you’ll just enjoy the baby whilst also grieving your dog. And that’s ok. Two can exist at the same time. We all said when my baby arrived two weeks after my dad died that she arrived just in time to pick us all back up. And she really did.

Thank you so much 🥺 he was a wonderful, beautiful dog

Thank you, I appreciate this and hope it is my trajectory too. Right now it just feels unbearable and I’m struggling to deal with the fact my baby will be here any day now. I shall look forward to a day when the grief is less overwhelming.

This is exactly how I feel. Just shaking with anxiety. Can’t eat. Crying constantly and forever on the verge of a panic attack. I’m devastated that my son will never remember the dog he was meant to grow up with.

We lost our beautiful cocker spaniel suddenly too. He went downhill very quickly over 1 day, and the shock and utter heartbreak was just awful. The following day I was booked in to have breast cancer surgery. I went through the terrifying prospect of that, and subsequent surgeries too, without our lovely dog to help heal and take walks with. My husband had to deal with both of these things and he missed the dear dog so much. I really sympathise with you…. You are in a state of shock. That will wear off in time, and things will get better, especially if you have all the busyness of looking after a newborn too. Shock is very difficult to deal with - try the best you can to look after yourself during the next few weeks. X

I am so sorry 😞

My goodness, I’m so sorry for your loss. That must’ve been a really difficult time for you both.

Very sad for you OP. Expect yourself to grieve. And take no notice of people who were unthinking in their comments to you. They don’t know you. So please don’t think about that anymore.
Sometimes in life we don’t get over things, we just get through them. And this situation could not have been at a more complicated time.
Best wishes for your coming baby. You will get through this.

I'm so sorry to read your incredibly sad post. It sounds like such an awful shocking accident. Give yourself time. I've had a few dogs in my life and I still love them all so much. But when I was 14 we had a beautiful tiny rabbit who adored our dog and followed her around. One day someone knocked at the door and the dog barked and the rabbit jumped back and hit her head on the wall and had a haemorrhage., blood was everywhere and it was awful. We were distraught. Shock is bloody awful.
Be kind to yourself. I hope your baby comes soon and you can stop worrying. You will probably feel the spirit of your dog looking after you still. I hope you do and find comfort there.

Your dog sounds amazing and it's clear they were so well loved. I'm really sorry for your loss.

We lost our 8 year old golden lab last May when my daughter was 6 weeks old. She had a freak grand mal seizure on the sofa after a blissful day of family walks. Although she survived, she continued to have minor seizures and deteriorated over the next week. It was hugely traumatic for me. I was on maternity leave but terrified to leave the house in case I returned to find her. I would sob uncontrollably and then feel horrific that my baby might be affected by this. I beat myself up thinking that we hadn't prepared her for my daughter's arrival (though we will never know the cause).

We have thought about getting another but it's never felt right. We do have another dog - a cocker spaniel - and while I know she would adore a friend (she'd never lived without our lab), we aren't quite there yet.

I'm sending you all the love, it is impossibly hard but that is because they were so unbelievably special

What a devastating thing to happen, for you and for your dog walker too. Unfortunately, dogs will be dogs and do sometimes get themselves in bad situations and behave in uncharacteristic ways. The only way to guarantee a dog will never get hit by a car, or go down a badger set, or hurt themselves on a fence is to keep them on a lead all the time but that is absolutely no life for a dog so don’t allow yourself to give in to the online bullies or your own dark thoughts. It sounds like your dog lived a life that most dogs could only dream of.

I’m so sorry to hear this OP. I wasn’t pregnant at the time but our show cocker died at 4 years old in a similar accident. This was 8 years ago and yes, the pain lessens over time. Of course you will be distracted by your new baby and that is no bad thing. It doesn’t mean you love your dog any less. Take care and be kind to yourself.

Thank you to everyone for being so kind and for sharing your stories ❤️ I can’t explain how much it means to hear from people who understand what we are going through 😕😞 it’s a really horrible thing to have in common but through the tears I can see that I am not alone.

So very sorry, what an awful thing to happen and a terrible shock. Your dog Walker must also feel terrible. You were being a very responsible owner by making sure your dogs were still getting the exercise they were used to while you were unable to do it yourself, and it is just a terrible, tragic accident.
Be gentle on yourself, your baby needs you. Sending so much love 💐

To add - we lost our first lab very suddenly after she was attacked by another dog in the woods - she had seemed ok after but when I went to get her out of the car less than 10 mins later she was gone. I’ll never forget it, she was only 5 months old. It feels absolutely awful but it does ease with time. We got another lab, then rescued another and it has helped us hugely x

Oh im so sorry. This is heartbreaking 💔

I’m so very sorry for your loss , I have a 4 year old dog too whom I adore with everything I have ,
just yesterday my niece screamed my name & shouted that he’d got out of garden ( gate was left open by child ) , well I thought I was going to be sick on the spot , luckily he was fine .
My heart goes out to you , it’s the most horrendous loss , but more so when it’s untimely and the result of a tragic accident . Sending you big hugs x