I don’t think I like our dog, but I’m the only one

[drivinmecrazy]

We have a three year old dog who everyone in the house dotes on.
I tolerate him.
he’s not a bad dog but is a challenge in so many ways.
Hes highly intelligent and affectionate, and by and large a good dog.
But im the one at home with him.
We had two cats when we got him, but quickly had to partition the house to give safe spaces for the cats.
Tonight has just made me realise I dont like the dog. And never really have.
Ironically I’m the one to take care of him a majority of the time.

this evening the cat came down to see me in the kitchen. I thought the dog was sleeping with DH so didn’t think much of it. But the dog came out of nowhere and tried to rip the cat to bits.
i think I’m maybe exaggerating that a little, but that’s what it felt like.
Had to pull the dog away and give the poor cat a safe escape.

im just so sad that everyone else is so in love with the dog except me.

There is no option for the dog to go because they all love him so much.
I actually feel that if I gave them an ultimatum of ‘it’s either the dog or me’ that they will actually pick the dog 😔

If they all love it so much they can step up and look after it more? Or put it thru training so you and your cats can have your home back?

Have you considered a 1:1 dog trainer/ behaviouralist to adress the cat issues?
A lot will depend on the breed and the cats themselves but with time & patience this could be fixed.

Think of it this way, dog training is conditioning the dog to perform certain behaviours. Most dogs will sit when you have a treat in your hand because they know sit = treat. In simple terms your dog sees cat = chaise. You need to be reconditioning to cat = do nothing.

I would love this but don’t think training will help due to his breed.
and to be fair DH does the lions share of walking him but I’m the one at home with him every day.
it feels as if I’m stuck in those awful toddler years when you love your child but don’t like them very much.
but at least toddlers grow up.
He’s just turned three and he’s a breed that doesn’t really mature for another year or two, so every one just says to stick with it.
But really!
today he opened the tumble dryer and took all the clothes washing out and made himself a little nest to have a nap.
Id only left the house for twenty minutes.

he’s exhausting and I’m exhausted.

and I feel so sorry for our cat. She lost her brother last year so wants more comfort and company these days.

the only light on the horizon is that DD2 is home from uni soon and the cat loves being in her room with her

Unfortunately he’s a Weimaraner so is unlikely to see a cat as any more than a target.
usually it’s fine and we can stop it before it escalates. But with a very feisty cat in the mix it’s not great sad

Do you do any fun stuff with the dog, or just the grunt work? Having a dog is just like having a toddler, someone you have to watch over and keep out of trouble. Taking dogs for walks is over the nicest parts, or go you go consider this dog-free time?

I would love this but don’t think training will help due to his breed

Training would help, why not at least try?

Of course training will help. And brain games to tire him. Create a safe space he can be left in when you leave the house.

Is he bored? Does he get long enough walks? At 3 year old id expect a dog to be quite happy pottering about the house and lounging around without causing mischief.

I think this has become the nature of our relationship.
when the family come home at the end of the day he’s just so excited to see them, I think I’m just a part of the wall paper.
in my heart I know I have to make time to enjoy him but just can’t think where to begin.
obviously I care for him, feed and walk him. But don’t think I actually have fun with him.
im always saying ‘down’ or ‘no’ or ‘leave’.
I actually think he’s naughty for me sometimes because he wants my attention, but I just don’t know how.

Isnt that pathetic!! He’s a dog and I do feel I’m failing him. All he wants is me to love him but he’s just such a chore

How old was the dog when you got him? If he was a puppy, your family obviously missed the opportunity to train the dog to leave the cat alone- and the breed is no excuse, tbh. Other people train Weimeraners to be sensible, trustworthy family members.

He gets plenty of exercise and I’m the one who actually does the brain games with him.
He has plenty of off lead and sniffing opportunities.
He does sleep during the day but the slightest sound will put him into alert mode.
when we’re all here he is so calm.
i think it’s just me

You need to teach a settle.

He was eight weeks and was fine with the cats as a pup.
but as he grew bigger one of the cats got quite aggressive with him. The other one was a lot calmer so they got on.
unfortunately we lost the calmer one last year and since then the remaining cat is very hissy and snappy with him.
I know it’s not his fault because I’m sure if I was getting hissed at and swiped across my nose just for looking in his direction I’m sure I’d get defensive

And usually ‘leave’ would be enough, but not so much any more.

He knows how to settle. One of the first things we taught him.
I just feel at the moment he’s going through the terrible twos (since he was a baby) and I fear it might last forever.

I 100% get you, OP.
More training is not a simple fix when you didn’t want a dog to begin with.
There are a lot of similar people out there, OP, some in plain sight.

Check out the park where you walk with fresh eyes and you might find a few allies.

Would you consider something like gun dog training or any other type of dog training? That would give you some quality 1:1 time with the dog as well as helping with tiring him out.
But I would still look at 1:1 to adress the cat issues. I bet, you are on edge/ nervous in case the cat appears. Your dog is picking up on this and is on edge with you. Once cat appears, dog has to react- same as you do.

If he’s three he’s still an adolescent @drivinmecrazy - he’ll definitely get steadier as he gets older but a trainer would help in the meantime. They’re a bright breed so you need to find his high value treat and train with that (I currently have a tube of squeezy cheese in my coat pocket for reinforcing “leave it” to my dopey beast 🤣🙈)

Ironically it was me pushing to get him.
we’ve had Weimaraner's in the family for years so none of it was unexpected.
he’s just a little more spirited than others I’ve known.
it makes me feel a little sad wishing away his junior years but I can’t wait until he’s calmer.
having said all these horrible things about him, he still has the capacity to bring joy.

when I go up to bed he’ll climb in next to me and get as close to me as humanely possible and fall asleep gently snoring.
I just need to find a way to enjoy him I guess.
it’s definitely more a me problem

squeezy cheese is saved for his monthly trip to the groomers to have his nails clipped.
reminds me I’m taking him tomorrow and he’ll no doubt do a whole tube in the process.

Thank you.
I’ve done gun dog training with him before but both trainers were more used to spaniels than Weimaraner's so neither trainer could work with him, though they tried!

Training never ends, you have to continue training and reinforce it the first few years. Have you had experience of training Weimaraner's before?

We have labradors, two retired ex military Malinois (DH’s dogs as he handled them) and working collies, training never ends in the first few years, it’s constant reinforcement to build a solid base and we never miss a day of training while they’re young. You brought a dog into a house that had cats, Weimaraner’s have quite a high prey drive and I’m wondering what made you make the decision on that breed when you had cats.

We do know the breed and we do consistent training with him.
every walk is a training exercise.
we’ve had weims in the family that were bought up with cats and seldom been an issue.
until recently it wasn’t much of an issue for us. We have stairgates all over the house to keep them separate and give the cat safe space.
hasnt been such an issue until recently.
He really is a good dog, it’s more about my own feelings toward him.
Many people don’t understand, particularly when I say he’s three. Because people think by three a dog is all grown up , but that’s not the case with some breeds.
it’s been a very long toddler phase and I think I’m just weary of it.
Doesn’t mean I don’t love him (I’m sure really deep down I do) or that he’s a bad dog.
it’s just that sometimes I wish he weren’t here 😢
But he’s very much loved and cherished by the wider family.
think I just need to find a way to connect to him

If funds allow could he perhaps go to doggy daycare during the weekdays, even just a couple of days a week? Wear him out a bit and give you and the cat some respite?

We had a terrier like this, the cats eventually learned not to run if he went bounding up to them. If they didn’t run, he loved them…I even have photos of them curled up together.

We also had a whippet that used to play too fast and rough with aged terrier, we just gave a quick spray on a pet corrector air canister (it just makes a noise) and she did start to get the message.

Worth a try…if not, I’d look at a dog behaviourist. I went through a stage of really resenting our whippet so I can sympathise.

Spend some time massaging him all over (especially shoulders and neck) whilst looking deep into his eyes.

That works for bonding sessions with my dog and gets the oxytocin flowing.