I don’t think I like our dog, but I’m the only one

[drivinmecrazy]

We have a three year old dog who everyone in the house dotes on.
I tolerate him.
he’s not a bad dog but is a challenge in so many ways.
Hes highly intelligent and affectionate, and by and large a good dog.
But im the one at home with him.
We had two cats when we got him, but quickly had to partition the house to give safe spaces for the cats.
Tonight has just made me realise I dont like the dog. And never really have.
Ironically I’m the one to take care of him a majority of the time.

this evening the cat came down to see me in the kitchen. I thought the dog was sleeping with DH so didn’t think much of it. But the dog came out of nowhere and tried to rip the cat to bits.
i think I’m maybe exaggerating that a little, but that’s what it felt like.
Had to pull the dog away and give the poor cat a safe escape.

im just so sad that everyone else is so in love with the dog except me.

There is no option for the dog to go because they all love him so much.
I actually feel that if I gave them an ultimatum of ‘it’s either the dog or me’ that they will actually pick the dog 😔

Three is still young and they’re still learning. We have a saying they have bubbles in their brains when they lose their ears 🤣. You do clearly do like him as you let him sleep next to you. I think the cat situation has upset you tbh, you just wanted time with your little cat and he came in like a wrecking ball? We use dehydrated liver or heart for training, you can buy it in tubes and it’s a high value treat. Do you have a settle mat where he’ll stay no matter what’s happening? Our collies settle in a barn but the labs and Malinois all have settle mats each and they know they stay there until we release them. Is it maybe an idea to work on his settle more so you’re more confident if the cat does appear?

We have 3 dogs, 2 of them are only 6 months apart. I was grieving when I decided to get the 3rd and ot was a breed I had always wanted. So I completely understand the slog of the adolescent phase.

Something we find really helpful in terms of having fun is taking the dogs to a secure dog field. We have some absolutely amazing ones by us, even a indoor soft play for dogs! On average we pay around £10 for an hour. These trips mean we don't have to worry about other dogs and all the other stress of normal walks. We get uninterrupted off lead time to play fun games, Ours love a flirt pole.

Something else we have done is made put garden into a dog sensory garden. It sounds way more exciting than it is. It didn't cost much, some herbs and dog friendly plants, a cheap solar water fountain, a wind chime and a sand/water/play ball pit and we are considering adding in some outdoor mirrors. We don't have them all out constantly as some of it would drive me mad every day but it takes 10 minutes to set up and the dogs can spend hours out there.

When.we just had 1 dog we would sometimes chuck treats outside (if ours were kibble fed I would have used their food) and that could take an hour of snuffling.

Setting up some brain games can take ages and if your the main person doing this then it is a lot.

It could also be worth checking with anyone that walks him to make sure they don't follow the same route as this becomes boring and you essentially lose the mental stimulation part of the walk.

I must look like a crazy person walking ours as I constantly.abruptly change direction even going back on myself or walking around the same loop for a while.

We tried him at daycare when he was younger. Don’t even ask about that!!
would love to use day care but they won’t take him because he’s intact

Thank you.
I’ve been thinking that settle mats are the way forward for a while, but the rest of the family has think he’s fine.
I think I’ll start with the mat training by myself.
I often feel out voted by the family because they say certain things are not a problem for them so I lose my confidence.
but im the one with him 24/7 so need to be a bit more assertive I think.
Also think ive got to be more assertive about his treats too.
I started using dried fish and liver bits but they were all a bit yucky about them and stick to cheese. But he gets bored of cheese.
you’ve given me more confidence. I got a pack of chicken feet and pigs snouts from the butchers last week, he loves them but the family say they’re yuck.
maybe I’ll put some in the casserole tomorrow

Thankyou for your suggestions.
we too do most of these.
he has a slow feed bowl which we alternate with his snuffle knot and scatter his food.
I hide things in the garden for him to find.
we hire a wonderful field with woodland and ponds once a week. We use a flirt pole.

I feel I do everything but I just don’t feel a connection.
everyone else does, even my neighbour seems to love him more than I do

Sorry, OP, this is long.

We've had HPRs for almost 20 years. Ours have all been from working parents, strongly prey-driven and very 'hunty'. They have all lived successfully with whatever cats we had, from earliest puppyhood. No baby gates, no separation, just some very clear boundaries which were firmly enforced, and high surfaces and escape routes for the cats. The result was a pile of sleeping animals in front of the fire.

From what you say, you have two problems: the dog can't be trusted with the cat, and you don't feel bonded to him.

You train every walk, and that's brilliant. But what is your training focus? HPRs are bred to hunt, point and retrieve, and getting a handle on those elements of the dog feeds through into your daily life with them. You have more control and they are more fulfilled and easier around the house. If you can, it helps to play to each of those aspects. If your hunting options are limited, do retrieving, and build up to the complex stuff, because they are by and large clever dogs who enjoy having to think. Of course, you might be doing all this...

In your shoes, I'd try the gundog training route again. Phone around and find one with HPR experience. You need someone who understands what you've got under the bonnet, and who can show you how to harness that. There are also HPR specific clubs. They are aimed at working and trialling the dogs, but IME will also give pet owners lots of help and advice, because they want the best for the dogs. They also have contacts with people who don't advertise but who will help you train your dog.

Training the dog develops the bond, and increases your control. I hope you can sort this issue out and make life better for you, your cat and your Weim.

When you say we, is it the whole family or mainly you? Are you his person? If your doing the main care for him at home, can someone take over for a while?

I used to feel on and off about my dog. Somtimes Id love him so so much and I'd be so grateful for him. Other times Id regret getting him and he would just feels like another chore

Hes a soon to be 4 year old German shepherd cross labrador. He doesn't chase my cats, but if we are on a walk and he sees a cat he doesn't know, his prey drive does try to kick in. He has a crate and stays in there when the house is empty as he does stupid stuff around the house if left alone ( he has massively calmed down these last 6 months or so )

Upthread sure I read somthing about chicken or pig feet, carry on getting him them. I get my dog big bones/ deer legs and he absolutely loves them. I like to put peanut butter in cows ears for him then freeze them too

If you can, I'd delegate some dog chores to other family members - one of my DC feeds the dog now and the other comes on walks with me and the dog ( too young to walk him by himself ) even those little loads being lighter made a difference to how I felt about my dog )

I think somtimes, dogs can bring on a type of PND too 😅

When I had my youngest I had PND and one day the fog just lifted and I was like wow, I love this baby so much...... a similar thing happened with me and my dog a few years ago 😅

It’s not the dog — it’s just that you’re overwhelmed.
Having a dog and two cats, plus a family? That’s wild to me.
Everyone I talk to who has both kids and dogs says the dog takes way more time and energy than the kids.
I think the fact that you’re the one spending the most time with the dog is what’s causing this.

Either way, even if you simply don’t like the dog, that’s okay. Dogs have personalities, just like people. You’re not automatically going to like someone just because you’re around them all the time.
A lot of people don’t actually like their pets: they just think it’s weird to admit it.