Struggling with new dog and mental health, considering rehoming options

[ForgetAbout]

I know I will get judgement for this but I would appreciate if the responses were still kind.
I’m not sure whether I should have posted this under mental health or somewhere else.
I took on a quite a small middle aged dog with some health issues (not life shortening) and didn’t realise what I was getting myself into.
I got her for some company and I thought she would help me get out of the house for short walks.
She is really badly behaved, out of control and it causes a significant amount of stress for both of us.
She has no recall. She is slightly overweight from all the treats that she demands. She is a long hair and the hairs get everywhere, and she needs a bath at least once a week usually at least twice as she somehow gets incredibly dirty and rolls in the mud. I also don’t like the smell of dog to be honest.
She follows me around and trips me over. So there are a lot of issues. I don’t have the time for a dog like this.
If I’m working or busy doing something that’s when she demands my attention and then she puts her head down in her paws because she is sad.
If I open the door for her to go out, she’ll refuse unless I go out as well.
I can’t stand the smell.
She is a very cuddly dog and very cute and I do have an attachment to her, but I’m just not coping.
I have mental health issues and regret getting a dog but I highly doubt she can be rehomed? I’m not willing to pay for behaviourist classes or anything like that.
She is also toileting in the house after being let out. If I let her out, she will literally come back inside and if I make her stay out she will sit by the door shaking.
I know I can’t expect a miracle.
She naps during the day and then is awake in the middle of the night scratching at the door or making a lot of noise and if I leave the door open she comes to my bed and starts crying.
She will stand there staring at me if I’m sitting down and it makes me really uncomfortable.

Where did you get her from?

A while ago, about 2 years ago, I got her from someone who was giving her away locally on Facebook. I don’t think they live there anymore. I thought I got really lucky to find her. I honestly thought that it would be fine and great fun to get a dog. Most families have dogs. Dogs can be great friends. I knew it would be some responsibility but I didn’t realise it would be SO hard.
I honestly don’t blame the dog, she’s had a hard life and it’s not her fault I’ve got mental health problems.

Do you feel that you are in the right headspace to ensure the training that she needs (there does seem a lot, especially basics).

No judgement here BTW.

Well You'll have to pay for some training support, or try to rehome her yourself. I'm not sure that will be easy but maybe contact rspca for advice on how to go about it?

If you don't think you can rehome her and you don't want to pay for training then the situation is just going to get worse.

Could you find someone who breeds that type and ask for help?

Like children you need structure, boundaries and routine. Treats are only for good behaviour and training classes are a good idea, often more for the owner than dog.

I have an unruly labrador. She use to be well trained but has had some health problems, back injury and more recently a slipped disc so our routine had gone out of the window. She has been on strict rest which meant moving her bed to the living room so we could stop her because no too active. She lived it since she has strict boundaries in the house.
She now rules the roost because she’s had so much attention.

We are gradually returning to normal but she’s not happy. She is not allowed of the lead any more so is miserable when we go for short walks. Is a whole new regime but she will get used to it.

Training doesn’t have to be a chore you just have to stick to your guns and not give in to the sad eyes.

Yes, I need to be stricter with her. I give in and give her treats all the time. I do feel sorry for her and I’m compensating through that.
I also somehow feel bad being strict like I’m treating her terribly.
Yes, she essentially rules the house and dictates everything.
That is an insightful response

I don’t think I do. I don’t actually want her sleeping on my bed, but if she comes in, I do let her because I know that she has anxiety. If we go on a walk she dictates where we go or she refuses to walk and if she gives me the big eyes which is often then she gets treats. God, maybe I’m the one that needs the behavioural classes.

You can of course rehome her through a reputable charity if you really want to - it sounds like you're fed up with her not being properly trained.

Or you can train her, set boundaries etc - even after 2 years, you can start. It's like with kids, you need to be consistent. It's unfair to complain about her sleeping on your bed if you don't want her to - just leave her downstairs.

Surrendering her to a rescue may have a negative impact on your mental health, so you need to consider that aspect too.

Either you put in the training, or rehome her. There are plenty of videos on YouTube they can help with training.

You say in your title it’s a new dog, but then said you’ve had her two years. Which is it?

However, I think rehoming would be the best option. You’re not prepared to do the necessary training and time needed to look after this dog, which will soon solve some of these unwanted behaviours.

Another one for training.

It sounds like she's wrapped you around her little paw... if you genuinely struggle setting boundaries I would suggest you contact your local dog training club. They run classes for all levels. The good citizen dog scheme is a good start, but also have a chat with the trainers there about the other unwanted behaviours. They will have some good advice tailored to your needs. And it will open a new perspective on dog ownership, you are not alone with your struggles!

I think if you’ve got as far as posting here then you’ve already decided to rehome her. When you do please please don’t do it the way you found her. You need to have an honest conversation with a rescue charity.

As for managing now and if you do keep her. She needs safety, firmness, calmness and consistency. Firmness isn’t unkindness. Never shout, never use aversive methods. Try not to read human emotions into those big saucer eyes. Could you afford to use a mobile groomer who comes to you and can help with her coat? Sometimes a dog can be extra smelly due to their diet. My late Labrador didn’t smell at all until I changed her food to a cheaper version, then her coat was more oily and she smelt. I soon switched back!

Can you find a local dog behaviourist? Their job is often as much about correcting your behaviour as an owner but it could be really helpful in a one to one situation (classes might be a bit too stressful for both of you and not tailored enough). I know all this costs money. Getting that support from people who understand dogs might help you feel you can cope. If you really feel you can’t cope then being in contact with the above dog-oriented people who know your dog and her sad history may be helpful if they are able to suggest safe, ethical and professional rehoming routes in your local area. You could also ask at the local vet about diet or local (kind and gentle) groomers and behaviourists.

OK. You don't like the dog. You don't want the dog. You want to rehome her.
You should never have homed a dog from facebook. Please do not advertise her on facebook.
You have a duty of care to make sure she is looked after and rehomed responsibly.
I don't know where you live. Google Dogs Trust; Blue Cross; Battersea Dogs Home, RSPCA. Maybe you have a local dogs home. Find out where your nearest centre is. Contact them. Explain the issue. Tell them that you have mental health issues. They will not be judgemental. They deal with these situations every day. Once the dog is in the hands of a responsible charity they will take over the house training issues etc. It will no longer be your problem.
Many charities do home to home nowadays. If this is not suitable for you say so. They may place the dog into a foster home before rehoming her. The charities are there to help you, please use them.

I too am confused like a PP, you say new dog but go on to say you've had her 2 years.

That’s just what you say, got a new bag two years ago, got a new car two years ago, it’s just what you say

Actually taking responsibility for putting the effort in with a dog can be stressful, time consuming etc
by mental health do you mean you aren’t up for putting the work in ??

Certainly make some enquiries about rehoming. Some absolutely awful dogs manage to find new owners

What are you on about?

How often is she walked and for how long?

Being under exercised and under stimulated can have a major impact on behaviour.

I wouldn’t waste any more time given that you fundamentally don’t like having a dog around, with the smell issue etc. Talk to proper rehoming charities then she can find someone who’ll put the time and effort in before she gets any older and more unhealthy.

Well nice to see that this issue is genuinely concerning @ForgetAbout

Just seen latest thread about being pissed off friend lying about fake nails

Do your dog a huge favour and find a new owner

So what I have a life

Your dog doesn’t