Dog ownership seems very onerous today, need some encouragement

[Olddognewtrick]

The New Trick is not so new any more, 5 this month. I was married when we got him, now divorced - my XH suggested rehoming him when we split up and that seemed unthinkable. It's still unthinkable, but I'm quite overwhelmed with life in general at the moment and he's just adding to that.

I work full time and he can't be left for hours so he goes to day care 5 days a week - price has just gone up by nearly £100 per month. Overall he costs me over £900 a month, which would make a massive difference to my life if I didn't have to spend it. I'm not interested in a relationship at the moment, but I am trying to have a social life (which I think is fair enough!) and he's a huge constraint on what I can do.

And then while I was fretting about all this today, he jumped over the garden wall into the neighbour's garden to presumably chase their cat 😭I only have a low wall on that side, have put trellis up all the way down but hadn't realised a bit had broken leaving a gap. He's always out on a long line anyway because of the cat issue, so it was quick and easy to get him back, but I'm upset and mortified.

I think I am going to have to get proper fencing put all the way down and it's a long garden so a few grand that I'd rather not spend. I'm thinking about moving in the next two or three years and I'm already worrying about finding day care for him when I move.

Argh. Life is a struggle at the moment anyway, and he's making it worse not better 😭 I'm not able to think about solutions at the moment - any suggestions? Please don't tell me I'm a shit dog owner, I already feel like that!

Far from being a shit dog owner you are an excellent owner who prioritises her dog's needs over pretty much everything else. It's hard and expensive. Any flexibility to work from home? Or use a mesh fence as a cheaper option?

@Olddognewtrick don't feel like you're failing - I am constantly surprised at how much work/stress/money being a dog owner takes considering how so many people have them!
What is your work schedule like? Could you get a dog walker instead of daycare a few days a week. A dog work costs around £15 for an hour and with collecting/dropping them off they're out for usually 1.5hrs. If you did that a few days a week that could save a bit. The dog will likely sleep before/after anyway.

If you don't have friends/family who would help out, have you looked at the Rover app? You can find people locally who will board your dog. It's really handy if you're going away for a night etc but I also use it if I am working away for a long day at the weekend - could be useful for social plans. Once you find someone you like it's really helpful having a backup

Why does it cost you £900 to keep him? How much is daycare?

I would be walking him before work and leave him with a frozen Kong. Dog walker at midday and walk him immediately again after you finish work. Not ideal that he’s left all day but with three walks he will hopefully sleep in between unless there are separation issues etc?

It really shouldn’t cost you this much to own a dog.

Thanks. Exactly the sort of supportive answer I was hoping for. FFS.

Lots of dogs can’t be left all day with “three walks and a frozen Kong” 🙄

OP specifically said her dog can’t be left for long periods!

I would definitely look at a dog walker who could do maybe two walks a day and you before work and after if needed, he will get used to sleeping in between and as people have said all kinds of things you can get now to keep them entertained, I’m sure he would soon get used to it, has to be cheaper than daycare and he may prefer the quiet in-between, something he won’t get in day care. The bottom line is he should be fine for a few hours on his own and if not get him used to it.

What lighter and brighter said.
What sort of dog is he?

Life is hard work for you right now, op, but it won't always be that way.

Are you trying to meet new friends or socialise with your old crew? You could look at things like dog-friendly pubs to meet up with people, or search for meet ups with other dog owners.

If OP could leave her dog home alone don’t you think she would have done it by now?

It’s not always possible to “get them used to it” - my beagle is 8 and still can’t be left for longer than an hour or two each day, and even that is pushing it.

Two walks a day would likely be as expensive than daycare.

I’m also surprised at the £900 amount. £900??

I have a large breed who I spoil rotten with good quality food and it doesn’t cost me anywhere near that. Probably £50 a month at a push.

Having dogs is becoming a rich person’s pursuit nowadays OP.
It is quite shocking how much more keeping dogs is costing compared to, say 20 years ago as a proportion of income in general. Quite extraordinary.
I am sorry I can’t offer any real practical advice but I completely understand you must be feeling overwhelmed at times with all the expenses, especially as you had a big change in circumstances from two wages to one income.

Well I imagine most of the costs are for day care if the dog is going most days. I assume that would add up.

You need to be rich to have a dog these days.

Could you shuffle anything around to drop one day at daycare? Rejig to do slightly shorter hours that day with a dog walker in the middle and a really long walk before you go in the morning maybe?

5 days a week at daycare isn’t cheap.

I send my dog to doggy daycare once a week, or twice depending on the week. He comes back exhausted and face plants in his food and water bowl. I can’t imagine him going there 5 days a week.
Anyway, I wouldn’t give up my dog either. Do you not have a neighbour who might be able to have him during the day? Older neighbour or stay at home mum?
I leave the tv on for my dog and leave him with a Kong, snuggle mat and yak chew, until I pop home at lunchtime. I must be lucky with mine.

I don't think you are a shit owner. Sometimes shit happens and circumstances change. Pets are meant to enhance life, not make it harder.

£900 a month is not sustainable for a lot of people. And the garden situation is adding to the stress. My dog has just had an operation and is only allowed outside on lead. It's a pain doing it for a few months, let alone a few years.

Perhaps you should look into rehoming him through a good, breed specific rescue. It might be the best thing for both of you.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

No insurance? No jabs? No grooming or putting a bit aside for kennels for holidays?

But yeah, day care is expensive, which was part of the point of my original post 🙄

Well unfortunately (not really, but!) three years of 5 days a week running around an enormous field means my dog is very fit and active. E.g. he's come home from day care and I've taken him out on a 9k trail run, which made him very happy. At this point he's basically a working dog without a job!

And yes, if you can pop home at lunchtime you are very lucky.

Yes, it would.

And I'm not sure I've got the energy for proper walks before and after work, I already go out at about 7.35 😞

Thanks to those who have offered considered suggestions and some empathy, much appreciated.

I could ask for condensed hours at work - I did 4 long days in a previous similar role so that might be an option.

And yes, I'd love it if he were happy to be by himself for more than 3 or 4 hours - the trouble is I don't have the time to do any consistent training - I'd have to have a couple of weeks or months off work to properly work on it! I do try at the weekends and he is way better than he was, but he's never happy about it.

Anyway, my neighbour locked himself out this week and was glad there was still a gap in the panelling because he could climb over and let himself in! That made me feel better😀

Any chance your ex would want shared custody?

Have you thought about trying Borrowmydog? It is mainly for people who will walk other people’s dogs but you can also ask if there is anyone who would like them for the day. Even if you managed to find someone for just one day a week it would cut your costs.

Look into ‘Borrow my dog’. There maybe people nearby that want the company without the burden of owning the dog.

No offence but you aren’t feeding him good quality food if you only spend £50 a month on him, my dog gets the best rated fresh food on all about dog food which costs £60 per month and she’s only 10kg, then insurance is £50 a month, then the walker, parasite treatment, day care and training. She cost me circa £400 a month, it’s a lot and I’d like to reduce it but she had a great life and I’d rather keep it that way.

Sorry you are struggling @Olddognewtrick , it can be so stressful. Is there any way you could wfh one day, or take the dog into the office at all, saving a day a week will add up.