Would a poodle suit us? If not what else?

[Sprookjesbos]

Lost our darling border terrier 18 months ago and starting to feel ready for a new fur baby.

We love borders but he took a lot of training, had a high prey drive and was reactive to other dogs despite a lot of work with him.

We have two children 10 and 8. The 8 year old has autism and ADHD and our house is often loud/ unpredictable. DS doesn't have the best boundaries (doesn't hurt animals but can get in their face/ hug without warning etc. obviously we're working on this)

I work fairly flexibly but we may be out for a few hours at a time during the week - not every day. We have a large garden.

Our main criteria are:

1. Reliably great with children. This has to be number one!
2. Easygoing/ chilled in the house
3. A breed that is usually good with other dogs. We don't want to go through that again!
4. Preferably non or low shedding as my husband isn't great with pet hair. A friend's lab stays with us sometimes and that usually gets to his chest whereas the border terrier never did.

We have looked at poodle mixes due to the hair type but I know they are often crossed with small dogs (eg cockapoo/ cavapoo) and I don't have the best experience of spaniels.

We're considering a straight standard poodle. Does anyone have any experience with the breed ?
My main reservation is the size!

Poodles can be a bit nervy. have you thought about a lab or retriever - good family dogs....

If your main reservation is the size why would you go for a Standard Poodle and not a miniature or toy Poodle?

We would absolutely consider it but I've been told they are more barky/ not as calm. Isnt this the case?

We have but the shedding is an issue. We look after a friend's golden lab and the hair gets everywhere. DH is asthmatic and the lab really gets to him.

What about one of the cross breeds lab/poodle in that case?

DS doesn't have the best boundaries (doesn't hurt animals but can get in their face/ hug without warning etc. obviously we're working on this)

Im sorry but NO DOG of any breed is ‘reliably great’ with this sort of behaviour and it would be hugely unfair and high risk ti all involved to expect it.

The OP has said she wants a low/non shedding dog…that rules out a lab or a retriever.

OP, a poodle or poodle cross would be great, but have you looked at the little Maltese? Lovely family dog, low shedding and hypoallergenic coat. Does require regular grooming to keep coat shiny and smooth, but they have great temperaments and are very easy to be around.

This!

Fur baby 🤔🤑
There are plenty of lovely rescue centres btw

If you're going for a poodle please get a true-bred rather than a cross. Poodles are an exceptionally intelligent breed- I've never had one (border collies) but my best friend has a standard so I know one intimately and he's lovely - a clown, loving, very bright but a bit hapless. The only thing is that he 'mouths' andI think this may be a thing with poodles.
Germaine Greer spoke to hers (a pair of standards) in French but I don't think that's necessarily compulsive.
And you do have to factor in the grooming.

I agree with the pps that no dog is reliable great with kids getting in their faces and most dogs dont like to be hugged. I dont think your home sounds like a good environment for a dog. Maybe once your child is older and understands how to interact with dogs.

Maybe go meet a few breeders. A trainer said the main thing is to get a dog from a good breeder and that's more important than just the breed, because a good one will work with you and be available for support. Also line up training asap, as this is crucial too, and some trainers allow children to come to learn about handling dogs. There was a boy with ASD at ours, and he loved it.
I know this doesn't answer the breed question, and apologies if you knew all this. But some people just google what breed suits my family, and then buy any animal. Decent breeders breed for health and temperament.
Good luck, lucky kids to have a dog!

Doodles aren’t hypoallergenic and they’re often synonymous with poor breeding and puppy farms, so not sure why PP mentioned that. And their temperaments are often pretty dodgy given the poor breeding that goes into them - not a risk to take with children, let alone a young one with autism.

I don’t say this lightly, but a child that struggles with boundaries (getting in a dogs face) and a dog don’t seem like the best mix. Dogs are unpredictable and this could very quickly end in tears. The amount of re-home requests my (Goldie) rescue gets in about dogs who have bitten children - often on the face - is shocking. I personally wouldn’t risk it with a child who has boundary issues - the child should come first, and no responsible parent would put them at risk IMO. And no dog lover would potentially put a dog in that situation. Sorry OP but either way a child this young, I just don’t think it’s worth the risk.

I would also add that, given the circumstances, I don’t think a good breeder would sell to you - they fear for both your son and the puppy. I certainly wouldn’t, as I know how quickly dogs can turn and I wouldn’t want a possible life-changing injury from one of my puppies on a child on my conscious.

I have a miniature poodle and she’s amazing. She loves my grandchildren, she loves playing with her dog friends at the park, recall is 100%. She’s very intelligent and picks things up very quickly. I dreaded having another puppy but she’s been so easy. Poodles aren’t known for chewing and my poodle has never chewed anything. She’s also very quiet and hardly ever barks.

I grew up with toys

they were only reactive if there was unexpected noises outside, like the clattering of bin day

they aren’t barky at all

calm lovely perfect dogs

but the toys are a bit more princessy than minis. They attach to their owners, like to be on laps and touching you

i think minis are more…doggy if that makes sense

The 8 year old has autism and ADHD and our house is often loud/ unpredictable. DS doesn't have the best boundaries (doesn't hurt animals but can get in their face/ hug without warning etc. obviously we're working on this

Don't get a dog.
How can you guarantee your child's safety?
How can you guarantee the dogs safety?

Would you have time to train & socialise the dog? Because even the most chilled breeds can develop behaviour issues like being dog aggressive or nippy towards children if not trained properly.

I thin you should maybe wait a few more years and see if your son grows out of the in your face thing. Dog's don't really thrive in loud and unpredictable homes, so it's very likely that you will end up with a very nervy dog that will snap or if he doesn't he will be miserable. Maybe wait until your son is a teen to see what he's like then. You have to consider what's best for the dog too.

A bit left field but can I recommend the dog of the cat world ... a ragdoll cat. very intelligent (you can teach to fetch) and go floppy when picked up - we got our's because our daughter wanted a cat for her pram and the cat would just stay in the pram without moving by their own choice.

Ragdoll - TICA - The International Cat Association

I have a poodle / border collie cross (mostly miniature poodle, but great granny was a sheepdog) and she's fabulous. I don't talk to her in French, but she's exceptionally clever...

Eminently trainable, energetic, sociable and sweet natured. I know that poodle crosses aren't well regarded on Mumsnet (with good reason - lots of terrible breeders and vile puppy farmers involved) but if you can find one like her, a backyard pup from a good home, OP you would be happy you did.

She's great with kids, well socialised with dogs and strangers, easy to train. She doesn't shed and has long fur, a bit like the kind of dogs I remember from being a kid in the 70's (mutts, basically). She needs a lot of grooming and a lot of walking (2 / 3 walks a day, one a proper hour long off lead romp).

If you need any more recommendations for poodles Chris Packham has two of them, so did Steinbeck (wrote an excellent book about camping with his - Travels With Charley). And, Greer. Job done!

Apologies. I missed that you have an unpredictable 8 year old... I would wait until they're a bit older maybe? Puppies are a lot of work and definitely need their downtime.

When my kids were around that age we got a cat. No regrets.

I would get a poodle, but... I've recently met three soft coated wheaten Terriers, one of which was bought as a therapy dog for an autistic boy, and had been a great success. A quick Google supports their suitability as therapy dogs.

Between various friends / family they have a miniature poodle, cockerpoo , cavapoo and a labrador - cockerpoo cross.
None of them shed but I believe that's pot luck with the cross breeds.
Some of the dogs would meet some of your requirements but others don't e.g. one is absolutely fine with dogs but often not with people, one likes some dogs but not others (no logical explanation or way or predicting which way it'll go!!), one barks but others never bark unless another dog starts first,
I don't think any of them would tolerate a child in their face and they all LOVE cuddles (some of them a bit too much if you value personal space!).
Point being it all very much comes down to the temperament of the individual dog - same with BT's, a friend has one and it's possibly the best dog around other dogs that I've ever known!!

@TheHungryHungryLandsharks Yes. The one near us is a total lunatic. Still - after 3 years. I’d avoid.

In fact, like others I would wait. See how DS improves and don’t let him practice improving on a dog.

We have a toy poodle in our family, she is very smart and loving and just takes her self off when any kids become a bit too much for her to deal with! First time having a poodle and would absolutely have one again :-)