Please tell me your seperation anxiety success stories

[Tunamelt]

We have adopted a little dog who has absolutely no tolerance of being left at home .

I am aware that separation anxiety tolerance is normally build up such as one minute , then two and so on .
However, she starts screaming in panic at a few seconds, so there is nothing to build on .

With out pups , we allowed a short period of crying , then returned the second they stopped crying.

This dog barely stops crying , and her anxiety sounds as if it escalates.
The vet advised not to let her cry( which I wouldn’t) as she may turn from a happy dog in the house , to
a more anxious one if we keep trying to leave her .

We have been applying the principles of the book ‘Be right back ‘ -How to cure your dogs separation anxiety…. But apart from standing up and walking round the house, if we go anywhere near the door to practice de sensitisation of the door, she gets anxious.

We are unsure how to orogress as the door and obviously standing outside for a few seconds trigger s her anxiety.

Are we better just letting her settle for a few more weeks - with us for 4 now.
Or work on this now.
I have no been able to
go to work , so in longer term we need to
somehow address.

She seems so chilled in the home.
She appears to be getting v attached to me and if i go to
the shed to get something out of the freezer she also squeals.
But when we attempt to step out of the house , even returning immediately, she gets in , what the vet confirms is utter panic .

Any success stories and methods much appreciated.

Reconcile.

Then do Door is a Bore.

I got my dog up to 90 mins in 6 months (starting from me not being able to get up off the sofa without him following suit immediately)

Get another dog. A really chilled one.

What is reconcile please ?

i did think of that , but realistically we cant afford one.

The vet has suggested fluxotine is it persistent but says we cant have it yet .

Reconcile is fluoxetine

I have a rescue dog who had separation issues although not as extreme. He's now fine to be left 4 hours but it took me months to get to that stage (luckily while I was wfh during covid times). It was like you say graduated exposure but also a routine that he'd go for a walk then I'd tell him I was going out (he used to be hypervigilent to see if I was leaving and this allowed him to relax) and then low key leave. However, I'd recommend talking to a good local behaviouralist (or through the rehoming charity) for advice where to start and also support during the process. I think the first step in a dog who can't cope with being left at all is a baby gate and you in sight but briefly separated. However I really would get someone who knows what they're doing to see you dog and advise so you can get it right, you know whether to start now or leave her to get to know you more, you get support and you're not mistaking separation issues for confinement issues.

How long have you had the dog OP? Have they had chance to settle in properly within your home? I think they say 3 months is needed minimum.

I would also say that a few seconds is something you can build on. They say for example with puppies that just briefly stepping out and coming back in to reward is a place to start. You may only get 2 seconds in, but it’s better than nothing. You can then build that up further. If dog is whining or making a noise, make a novel sound to stop them like tapping on the wall (or wait for a natural break in the whining) and come back in and reward for calm. Practice several times for short sessions of ten minutes, a few times a day and slowly build from there.

4 weeks
The book we are using - says if a dog is distressed - go in - dont wait for a break - which is what you suggest and also what i am used to when training pups.
She does not break in crying and it escalates to screams very fast - awful.

I would maybe wait another couple of months until she has settled in to your home and try again if that’s possible. I know it’s not the same as having a pup but I feel like the logic is similar - wait for them to grow a little in confidence and then try.

Just to add OP, your username is making me hungry

We rescued a lurcher at 12 weeks old and she was very much like that.

After a year, we rescued another dog who's very chilled and he's been such a calming influence on her.

But even now (8.5 years on) we couldn't take the other dog out and leaver her behind as she'd scream the house down.

Please don’t think I am being rude but why have a dog if you are all out at work ? Would be better if the poor dog to rehomed to a retired person who doesn’t go out

It will take time. I recommend you take some very short videos of her behaviour and then go back to the vet and ask for Reconcile to be prescribed, but it does take 4-6 weeks to really start working. If the vet refuses it may be worth looking at herbal remedies such as Valerian as an alternative. Meanwhile, continue to do what you are doing, get her used to your routine and let her see you in another room but behind a baby gate, do a brief task (e.g load the washing machine), keep calm and then return to the same room as her, pick up a book, check your phone, fluff a cushion, sit down. Only ever praise/respond to her if she is quiet for longer than a few seconds otherwise make no response, even when her shrieking is driving you bananas, turn your back and remember positive reinforcement only. If she is in utter panic then obviously stay in the room to calm her and to make sure she doesn't injure herself but redirect her to her bed if possible as it's a safe place for her. She will hopefully learn that you are actually quite boring to be with and when she gets anxious will take herself to her bed. This can take weeks so use your videos to observe the difference in her behaviour and to keep you motivated, there will be small changes. It's really hard and you have my sympathy, the distress is very difficult to witness and even harder for your DD. Going outside, the same again, very small steps at a time, make yourself as boring as possible, so shoes on but walk around, take them off, fuss free is the way to do it. Recycling, do it everyday, take a few pieces out and then return- it will be boring but predictable for her eventually. It has taken our latest rescue several weeks to accept my DH leaving the house for work (we had a major blip in his training over Xmas as my DH was on holiday for two weeks), now DD just shivers for a few seconds and then goes back to sleep; only three weeks ago he was inconsolable for two hours or more. Best of luck, you will get there.

tillyandmilly
I only work 4 hours a week . But my job is when husband needs to be at work also
sometimes so I need to
be able
to
leave the house in the lomger term .

Four weeks is absolutely nothing when trying to re-home a rescue or manage behaviours such as separation anxiety. 3/3/3 is the principle when re-homing a dog - 3months for them to feel at home (at the earliest), and only then should you begin to try and manage any behaviours.

It took DMum - who had dogs her entire life - over 4 years to be able to pee with the door closed when she bought home a rescue. We've had rescues come into our Goldie one who have never been 'cured' and can only manage 5-10 minutes at a time without having a meltdown.

What I would say, is bloody good on your vet for not proscribing medication straight away and saying it's too soon. It is too soon. It's nice to hear of a vet refusing to proscribe medication unnecessarily.

Ignore people saying get another dog. If you can't cope with one dog, you won't cope with two - what if, actually, your nervous dog ingrains that behaviour in the second dog? What if they hate each other and fight? It's the dog owners equivalent of getting their toddler an i-pad tbh - do anything but work on the issue and actual 'parent.'

Contact the rescue, tell them you need support and help. If they are any sort of decent rescue they will be available to help you. The worst thing with a nervous dog is to push them too hard too early because they will never trust you - and no book is ever going to be able to teach you what should really be relatively instinctive and based on dog experience. It's no 'one fits all' - you have to work with your particular dog, not read a book and hope for the best!

Even retired people go out believe it or not. OP, I'd say four weeks is far too early to be stressing dog out. Can you put things on hold until dog's been with you a bit longer? Its a very gradually process and takes a while.

We are currently working on this. Agree with 1st poster. We started with door is a bore and are now up to 90 minutes.
The other thing our behaviourist suggested was anxiety medication. You still do the separation training starting with door is a bore but use the medication alongside to help. We haven’t had to go down that route but it was a option.

As it’s been Christmas he hasn’t been left at all and soon reverts back to struggling to be left. Our behaviourist gave us warm up steps to use with him to get him back into being left which I started with him on Monday with the aim of leaving him 90 mins tomorrow.

The other things we were told were not to leave him at all whilst doing the training, if he does become distressed wait 3 days before trying again and anything he needs to lick, sniff or chew are great for helping dogs to soothe. So things like lickit mats or scent games all help a dog relax.

You really do have my sympathy. Separation anxiety is really challenging.

When we adopted our whippet she had separation anxiety, I suspect that she didnt have it before and it was triggered by moving to a new home. It was very stressful, I do feel for you. We couldn't leave her for more than 10 seconds. We both work outside of the house and had dog sitters constantly.

We started doing the "door is a bore training" after about four weeks, with some small improvement. Then after we'd had her exactly three months she started improving almost overnight, it was a real relief. Theres definitely truth in the 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months thing with dogs settling in.

We've had her nearly two years now and can leave her four hours without any issues. We have a camera to check on her and she just sleeps ❤️ good luck.

The only way to train this is to use sub threshold methods. Julie Naismith is the best visible one - she has a book, website, app and free facebook groups. My dog didn't have SA but I did use the same methods when training her to be alone as a young dog and she is now absolutely solid.

It is worth putting the work in on this but it needs to be at her pace. A month is IMO too early to start. Give it another 2 or 3 before starting but you can build confidence generally with games.

It's a big myth that you wait for a break in crying. You want the end goal for them not to care you are going out not that they learn that crying achieves nothing.

Thanks everyone.
The behaviourist came yesterday.
She suggested that she goes on fluxotine.
Also she suggested that as she sleeps fine in the living room at night, to build up thet room as being a room were nice things happen and give her lick mats and treats in there, then go to the kitchen. If she follows to be busy and not give attention ( ie reward) .
I did this then made lots of noises in the kitchen so she knew were I was - but out of sight.
She also suggested that she spend more time with my dh as she seems v bonded to me and this may help.
I / we have no idea how to move from this to leaving the house.
She seems so anxious of the door and when I nipped out , leaving dh with her , there was , again , 15 min a of whimpering .

A behaviourist who suggests drugging a dog who has been in the family home for four weeks shouldn’t have a job and is a charlatan.

This is going to take months if not years to get to a manageable state. I wish I could be surprised that a ‘behaviourist’ first solution is drugging a dog rather than working on managing the issue, but I really can’t. Poor dog.

Not necessarily although I’d give it longer to settle in. Drugs can be excellent to get the dog into a place where it was absorb the training. Much like human medication for depression.

I’d also agree with the rest of the advice too. Sounds modern up to date and very humane.

@survivingunderarock you need at least 3 months for a dog to begin to settle in a new home - usually lots longer. Personally I think that any behaviourist who suggests drugs after one meeting, and knowing the dog has only been in the home for 4 weeks, is abhorrent and lazy.

To be honest, the real criminal here is the rescue who sold a dog with such severe issues to an OP (no offence OP) who clearly is struggling. The dog should have gone to a home who is experienced in handling cases of separation anxiety.

That’s by the by. The dog is in what sounds like a good home and is taking advice. Personally I’d give it longer before going down the drugs route but it’s not the wrong thing to do. At the right dose they can even things out to help the OP. A lot of people would return the dog to rescue. The OP clearly doesn’t want to do that.