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If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

How do you know when it’s time?

32 replies

bridgetreilly · 09/01/2026 23:39

My dog is about 11 years old. He’s a rescue Lhasa Apso. He has long term problems with arthritis and acid reflux, which have been well-controlled with painkillers and probiotics.

In the last two months he has suddenly developed the appetite of a labrador, started foraging and scavenging, resulting in one emergency vet trip after he ate a packet of supplements meant for me. He’s put on about 20% of his body weight in that time and is always asking for more food. He is also drinking a lot more than usual, and is constantly restless. He’s much grumpier in general, too, and has even snarled at me once, and bitten more than once.

He’s also struggling with continence, both weeing and pooing. Most of the time it’s fine but we have started having accidents which has never been a problem before.

This week we saw the vet and he has had blood tests and scans which have ruled out both diabetes and Cushing’s disease. Still waiting news on Addisons or thyroid. But the vet thinks both are unlikely. The most likely outcome is no medical diagnosis.

He’s not happy. I am going to ask about maybe increasing his painkillers to see if that helps. But I just don’t know whether it’s kind to carry on like this, when he’s sort of okay, just not his normal self. Without any diagnosis or treatment it’s hard to see things improving. They aren’t terrible, but should I really wait until things are terrible? I’ve always said I want him to have the happiest possible life, not the longest possible life. And I don’t think he’s happy any more.

OP posts:
Hello19834 · 10/01/2026 02:50

Aw bless him
It's so difficult isn't it. My mum had a similar dilemma with her old Retriever years ago but he passed away in his sleep bless him. He was deteriorating and she knew it would soon be time. He was 13.
I'm so sorry I don't have any advice but wanted to say that he sounds so loved and cared for and he will know that. 💐

SoSoPredictable · 10/01/2026 03:01

Juggling with a similar 12-year-old with arthritis and eyesight issues, she's beginning to start getting up and looking confused or walking somewhere in the house, then stopping as if not sure why she is there, but nothing medical to lead to passing away. But she's not happy, she's beginning to hate her walks, which I think is both the arthritis, but more the eyesight, as she's getting snappy and growling at other dogs, which was never a problem.

It doesn't seem to be the right time yet, but how do we know when? I'm gradually coming to the conclusion that it's about quality of life, and she's getting close to the point where the balance is shifting, so she seems more miserable than happy. I know that sounds ridiculously vague, and it is. I can't even really pinpoint what would make me decide, but something in my gut tells me it's soon. I really do think without medical issues that will force the point it can only be a gut feeling. I did come across this https://www.lsu.edu/vetmed/veterinary_hospital/quality_of_life_assessment.pdf which maybe can help you make the decision (mine is sitting around a 2 at the moment)

bridgetreilly · 10/01/2026 07:35

Well, he woke me twice in the night to go out, and I’ve just got up to find a trail of poo around the house. That’s not great.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 10/01/2026 07:38

Thank you for that link @SoSoPredictable, really helpful. We’re probably a 2 as well, which is a lot worse than even a week ago.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 10/01/2026 07:39

Hello19834 · 10/01/2026 02:50

Aw bless him
It's so difficult isn't it. My mum had a similar dilemma with her old Retriever years ago but he passed away in his sleep bless him. He was deteriorating and she knew it would soon be time. He was 13.
I'm so sorry I don't have any advice but wanted to say that he sounds so loved and cared for and he will know that. 💐

Thank you. He does still come and squeeze up next to me on the sofa.

OP posts:
Cluckycluck · 10/01/2026 07:50

I'm sorry you're going through this.

The best advice I was given was it is better to be a week too soon than a week to late.

I knew it was time because my girl wasn't happy. Various medications tried and no matter what improvements she made she was still just unhappy and not enjoying life.

Pennyplant19 · 10/01/2026 07:56

I’m so sorry, it’s so hard isn’t it? We are going through similar with our dear old 14 year old boy at the moment. I always remember a vet saying to me, they’d never had anyone say that they’d done it too soon, but plenty say they’d waited too long, and that stayed with me. Sending hugs x

SpanielsGalore · 10/01/2026 09:26

I found this helped when I was trying to decide.

How do you know when it’s time?
How do you know when it’s time?
Clutterbug2026 · 10/01/2026 09:35

The biggest thing that stood out for me is “he isn’t happy” just based on that alone I think it’s time.

WheresMyWimpleCrimper · 10/01/2026 09:39

Cluckycluck · 10/01/2026 07:50

I'm sorry you're going through this.

The best advice I was given was it is better to be a week too soon than a week to late.

I knew it was time because my girl wasn't happy. Various medications tried and no matter what improvements she made she was still just unhappy and not enjoying life.

That's the best advice. It's just so difficult and I really sympathise OP. Infact just thinking about making the decision last year with my lovely old girl is making me cry now. She was nearly 17 - dementia, arthritis, kidney disease, deafness. She was struggling but wasn't in a desperate state - but I didn't want her to get to that state! So we made the decision, because we loved her so much, to save her from getting to that state. It's such a tough call 💐

bridgetreilly · 10/01/2026 14:08

Thank you so much, everyone. We had a bad night, getting up several times to let him out and then waking up to find a trail of runny poo all over the house. He is happily snoozing next to me on the sofa now, but if we are still having continence issues by Monday, I think the decision is made.

OP posts:
Perimenipausalmum · 10/01/2026 20:11

My beautiful boy had to go over the rainbow bridge on Wednesday, he had kidney failure, he lost 5kg of weight in 2 weeks, and you could just see it in his eyes that he was ready to go! It's heartbreaking for us but the best thing for him! I would speak to your vet and see what they say!

Legofan70 · 10/01/2026 20:32

Had the same thoughts with my 15 year old dog. His health had declined over the years, hearing loss, eyesight, mobility. I asked a friend about when I’d know and he said you just will when the time comes. And he was right. One day he went of his food looked like he was ready to go. That same day I took him to the vets and said goodbye one final time. Although I knew it was the right decision at the right time for ages afterwards I kept thinking maybe he’d of been ok for a little longer but I know deep down it was the right thing to do. Never an easy decision.

Jllllllll · 10/01/2026 20:48

Sorry I haven’t read all the posts but have you tried CBD oil? It’s made a huge difference to my 12.5 year old lurcher. Can buy online. Totally legal of course and he’s had no arthritis issues this winter compared to last

ButterPie1 · 10/01/2026 21:11

We are in this situation. Kept him going over Christmas and he is booked at the vets on tuesday. There are moments when I think its too soon, but 90% of the time he is in pain and unhappy so hope we are doing what's right for him, not us xxx

Phoenixfire1988 · 10/01/2026 21:16

Let him go ! I had my dog pts a few months ago due to hip dysplasia and she started struggling getting up i let her go before it got any worse and more painful keeping them alive doped up on pain killers is selfish .

Confessionsofa40yrold · 10/01/2026 21:35

In my opinion and it doesn’t mean it’s right… ‘better be a week too early than a day too late’
its the hardest thing in the world but also the kindest. The fact you’re even asking the question says you already know the answer.
sending love ❤️

mondaytosunday · 10/01/2026 22:06

Our dog died last night. 14. Some issues and had been to the vet a couple times over the last three months but the last two days she really started to struggle to breathe and wouldn’t eat. Took her in and they called later, after finding masses in her liver and fluid in her lungs to say she was dying. We couldn’t get there in time sadly but the vet nurse said she’d give her lots of cuddles.
Our other dog (15) was PTS 18 months ago. He went off the cliff as soon as he turned 15. He struggled to get to his feet and like yours would wander then stop and just stand there. But if he couldn’t get up to go outside and soiled himself I knew he’d get very stressed. He went from walking around the block to me carrying him into the vets in four days. It was time and we knew it.
Don’t wait until it gets to a crisis point. One day too soon is far better than a day too late. His change of personality, his messing inside, his biting and confusion - he sounds in pain and it’s better to let him go now.

Idratherbebythecoast · 11/01/2026 08:10

When I was debating this exact scenario with my gorgeous dog, someone once said to me ‘better to be a day early than a day late’ and it has stuck with me. I realised I was keeping them alive and in pain out of my own selfishness- I didn’t want to let them go despite the fact I knew they were going to. In the end making the decision to put them to sleep was the best decision for them. As their carers we have to advocate for them all their lives and this is the last act of love we can do for them. Sending love x

Seasidelife1 · 11/01/2026 10:53

SpanielsGalore · 10/01/2026 09:26

I found this helped when I was trying to decide.

Hi, where did you find this? It makes so much sense and With a difficult vets visit tomorrow I think it would help everyone to read it. Thank you

Seasidelife1 · 11/01/2026 10:56

bridgetreilly · 09/01/2026 23:39

My dog is about 11 years old. He’s a rescue Lhasa Apso. He has long term problems with arthritis and acid reflux, which have been well-controlled with painkillers and probiotics.

In the last two months he has suddenly developed the appetite of a labrador, started foraging and scavenging, resulting in one emergency vet trip after he ate a packet of supplements meant for me. He’s put on about 20% of his body weight in that time and is always asking for more food. He is also drinking a lot more than usual, and is constantly restless. He’s much grumpier in general, too, and has even snarled at me once, and bitten more than once.

He’s also struggling with continence, both weeing and pooing. Most of the time it’s fine but we have started having accidents which has never been a problem before.

This week we saw the vet and he has had blood tests and scans which have ruled out both diabetes and Cushing’s disease. Still waiting news on Addisons or thyroid. But the vet thinks both are unlikely. The most likely outcome is no medical diagnosis.

He’s not happy. I am going to ask about maybe increasing his painkillers to see if that helps. But I just don’t know whether it’s kind to carry on like this, when he’s sort of okay, just not his normal self. Without any diagnosis or treatment it’s hard to see things improving. They aren’t terrible, but should I really wait until things are terrible? I’ve always said I want him to have the happiest possible life, not the longest possible life. And I don’t think he’s happy any more.

So sorry you are in this position, it’s incredibly hard. I’ve always thought the kindest thing we can do for them is not let them suffer, but in reality when it comes to making that decision it’s so difficult. We are also at the vets tomorrow 😢

SpanielsGalore · 11/01/2026 11:58

Seasidelife1 · 11/01/2026 10:53

Hi, where did you find this? It makes so much sense and With a difficult vets visit tomorrow I think it would help everyone to read it. Thank you

A friend posted it when I was struggling with making the decision for my boy. It was written by a vet, but I don't know their name, so can't find it on line.

It really helped me to know I was doing the right thing. I hope you vet visit goes as well as it can.

SpanielsGalore · 11/01/2026 12:08

@Seasidelife1 This is the original article I posted earlier. (I typed the first paragraph into google and it found it this time.)

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-biggest-mistake-pet-o_b_8166102

LateLifeReturnee · 11/01/2026 12:34

Confessionsofa40yrold · 10/01/2026 21:35

In my opinion and it doesn’t mean it’s right… ‘better be a week too early than a day too late’
its the hardest thing in the world but also the kindest. The fact you’re even asking the question says you already know the answer.
sending love ❤️

This.

I had to say goodbye to my lovely girl on Tuesday. One more health issue - I wasn't sure but then I just knew in the sum of her days, she was more unhapoy than happy. It was better to let her go before she fell down the stairs or had another painful issue.

I'm really sad but it was time.

Seasidelife1 · 11/01/2026 14:54

SpanielsGalore · 11/01/2026 12:08

@Seasidelife1 This is the original article I posted earlier. (I typed the first paragraph into google and it found it this time.)

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-biggest-mistake-pet-o_b_8166102

Edited

Thank you so much. I’m going to send it to my husband and daughter to read. Thank you again

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