Should we get a dog? Independent opinions needed!

[GeneralMelchetsMoustache]

Morning all.

I have 2 autistic tweens, both very anxious, especially when outside the home. I have been reading about dogs for autism therapy and I can see how a pet dog would really benefit them.

I've never had a dog before, and I'm worried that although it could be therapeutic for the kids I've already got two high-need kids to deal with, and a job, and I don't want to take on even MORE responsibility. WWYD? Am I setting myself up for even more stress? Or is it worth it?

FWIW, we have a decent size garden, live next door to two big parks, and I work from home so doggie would have a good quality of life (if I can manage it all!).

Thanks

Could you try some dog walking at a shelter to rest the water? Personally I wouldn't as it's too tying although in principle I like dogs. Have you looked at therapeutic activities with horses, lots of rda groups do ground work as well as riding which may be suitable for them.

How flexible is your job?

I love dogs so my first thought was yes do it. Do you have a friend with a dog you can borrow? Anyone needing a hand with their dog so you can have a try?

I wouldn’t, not least as it’s luck of the draw if your dog is of the therapy dog kind, with few issues. Would not recommend a puppy, they’re hard slog and dog adolescence is hard work too. As pp said you can get what you’re looking for without 2 and 5am wake ups, 3x walks in all weathers and adding what is basically a 4 pawed toddler to your set up. Dogs for Good and autism charities may be able to help, as might eg horse and donkey sanctuaries to get you some family volunteering and contact with animals.

I would say no, not unless you are sure it's what you want to do. They are a huge commitment, daily walking and training for a start without all the other ties that come with caring for another living soul.

We did 'borrow my doggy' several years ago and to be honest, it really put me off! I know that should be a clear answer, but I feel like it would be different if it was our own, full time dog. Obviously, MORE work and responsibility but I assume it's like the difference between looking after your own exhausting baby and someone else's annoying kid!
What is life like with a full time dog at home?

I have an autistic tween and a teenage dog and it is VERY hard work. I don’t regret getting him (right now at least) but it has made my life much more difficult.

Dd is such an animal lover and has been wishing for a dog since she could speak, but the puppy months were incredibly hard for her. She really hated him for a long time. She loves him now, and often he’s the only thing that can snap her out of a meltdown, but there’s still moments where she needs her space and he bothers her. Only because he’s a bloody Velcro dog and has to be all up in your business 24/7 😄 We are lucky that he’s a cuddly dog as that’s what dd wanted, but her friend has a dog a similar age who is very independent and not really interested in his humans at all.

The things we struggle with most is that I have to walk him 3/4 times a day and dd is not willing to join. She’s responsible enough to be left at home but there’s often times where she’s not very happy about it. Or she wants to do something/go somewhere but we can’t because of the dog. It can be a logistical nightmare sometimes.

Plus all the training etc - I can’t tell you how much hard work it is. Dd has been having a tough time at school recently which has been taking up so much of my time and emotional energy, then having to think about being consistent with training the dog and walking him, cleaning up after him all the time etc. it is a lot. Dog is almost 18 months and I’m hoping we’re nearing the end of the teenage stage soon but my god it has been awful. I feel like I’ve aged 20 years.

If Borrow My Doggy put you off, I wouldn't get a dog. Puppies are very hard work (though delightful and a lot of fun). If you have autistic DC in the mix finding the dedicated time to give a puppy and young dog what it needs could be very tricky.

I had puppies and young DC, and it was bloody hard going at times, but from my POV 100% worth it as we had all wanted a dog for years, DH and I had grown up with them and we knew what having a reasonably well-behaved adult dog would look like.

As an autistic adult who has a dog for therapy I'm going to say no. You shouldn't get a dog at this point.
These threads crop up on a weekly basis and the honest answer is that if you were 100% committed to the idea of a dog, you would not be asking for opinions or validation from strangers on a forum.

As @YorkshireFelix says, it will be 10 times more work than you envisage and that's if things go well.

So what I'd advise would be putting more thought in without being influenced by anyone here suggesting their own breed as the perfect dog. There is no one-size-fits-all multi-purpose dog. Saying "should we get a dog?" on any forum is going to result in 100 people all suggesting their own breed. Which is not helpful in any way.

The first things to consider are:
Puppy or adult
Breeder or rescue
Large, medium or small
Long-coat or short-coat (clipped or natural moulter)

After that you need to research how to avoid puppy farm dogs or backstreet breeders.
Also consider things like energy levels, prey drive, guarding, barking, basically what instincts or breed traits to expect from your chosen dog.

I'm not being negative but the reality is that there is a world of difference between a Yorkshire Terrier and a Scottish Deerhound.

It's easier to get it wrong than to get it right, particularly with ND kids. I know because I was one. Getting a dog will change your life and it can be the best decision you ever made but it could also be the worst...

In your situation I would say no. The dog is likely to end up in rescue due to your commitments.

Yes, the last post has really nailed it.i also agree,if you wanted a dog,you wouldn't be asking on here. You can't "buy" a therapy dog,they are specifically selected and specifically trained. I've had dogs all my life since a child. I have 2 sitting next to me now,border collies. I have a 15 year old dgd who comes to stay, she's gorgeous, funny, sassy, clever, ADHD (still waiting for autism confirming) she talks loudly, just in a teenage way,my 2 year old border collie is frightened of her, and that extended to other female friends and relatives. She was fine with me, but very wary of women and often hides between my legs.

What is life like with a full time dog at home?

Chaotic and stinky.

Worth it. But you have to really be a dog person to appreciate it.

I 100% agree with @YorkshireFelix and also this bit from @CoubousAndTourmaIet

These threads crop up on a weekly basis and the honest answer is that if you were 100% committed to the idea of a dog, you would not be asking for opinions or validation from strangers on a forum.

Dog ownership is not for everyone, and you have to be sure.

What is life like with a full time dog at home?

14 years of responsibility.
Daily cleaning up.
Insurance cost = expensive.
Vets bills = expensive
Twice daily walks every single day. Rain. Shine. Christmas day. In the winter those walks are often wet and muddy.
Then you have a wet and muddy dog in the house. Wet, muddy carpets, sofas, towels, wet leads and dog coats, your wet coat dripping around the house.
Your dog will roll in shite and eat it. Then roll on your car seats or carpet.
On a dog walk, you want a pint of milk but can't go into the shop as the dog can't go in.
Feeding your dog twice a day, buying food and treats, administering medicine, grooming, or visits to the groomers.
If you got out for the day, or to training course or medical appointment your first thought has to be "What about the dog?".
Family wedding/holiday/hospital stay - "What about the dog?"
Holiday accommodation can be harder to find, more expensive and not so nice.
Doggy day care and kennels can be hard to find and expensive.

Not all dogs like/can tolerate doggy day care and kennels.
Hours and hours of training and socialising your dog. This never really stops.
Not all other dogs are friendly - you'll have to watch your dog all the time to make sure it isn't at risk.
You will need a very secure garden or your dog will wander out for squirrels.
Who will manage when the dog is ill, needs the vet and you have an important work meeting?
Then your dog gets old. Perhaps a bit incontinent. They get sicker (more vets bills, higher insurance costs). They can't walk as far. You will feel bad about leaving your old sick dog alone and will be tied to the house just as your children are getting older.

I adore dogs. They are loving, fun and a total joy. They steal your heart deservedly so. I loved my dog more than I can say and would have her back in a heartbeat, but the above is the reality.

Think VERY VERY hard.
It's is the next 10 - 18 years of your life you are handing over to your pup.

Reading both posts the answer would be a definite no from me.

Do you really yearn/pine/long/dream of a dog? Does your life feel incomplete without a dog? Are your kids drawing pictures of dogs/looking up puppies/rescues on the internet? Making powerpoints called 'how to persuade your mum to let you have a dog'.

If you have answered 'no' to at least 3 of these questions: Don't get a dog.

IMHO there has to be someone in the family who is 100 percent batting for the dog. 100 percent ride or die for that mutt. If it's you - fab! Get a dog. If it's a kid - fab! (and they've done the powerpoint): Get the dog (with the caveat that you will be picking up its poop).

One thing I have to say is that puppies are a whole different ball game to an adult, well trained dog. They are as demanding as a baby and should you go ahead you have to bear it in mind. However the right dog does enrich your life no end. But like most things, you only get back what you put in.

We bought a dog for a similar reason. The dog is a much loved part of family life and i wouldnt be without him.

However, my non autistic child gains more out of the experience than my autistic one. The autistic child is very good with the dog, but it didnt help with anxiety and going out. He does hug him before going to school. Its ended up as a young carer support dog more than an sen support dog.

The puppy stage was incredibly hard. He became nice at about 12 -28 months.

He costs a lot. Going out for a walk is complicsted as my child still doesn't want to go out and cant be left alone. Luckily his brother likes walking him, and I can go during my lunch hour.

If Borrow My Doggy put you off, the last thing you should do is get a dog.

SO true about puppies. Also, different dogs take longer to settle.

When my Jack Russell was very young and 'lively' I asked someone with how old his JRT was before he really settled down.

He replied 7 years old!

No. The environment would be completely unsuitable for a dog.

Other people's dogs are like other people's children, it's not a test of whether you would be a good parent/owner if you like or dislike someone's child/dog when you look after them for a short period!

I agree, puppyhood is very challenging and also you have NO idea what your dog will be like, it could be a sweet cuddly dog or a savage.

I would think about adopting a dog in your situation, one that is used to family life but is through the puppy stage and you know what its temperament is like

If it's you - fab! Get a dog. If it's a kid - fab! (and they've done the powerpoint): Get the dog (with the caveat that you will be picking up its poop).

I'd disagree with this second statement - only get a dog if you want it, don't get a dog for your kids (irrespective of sn)

Thanks everyone, you've confirmed what I suspect. I don't want a dog. I just want my ASC kids to be happy and less anxious and able to leave the house independently. I will have to think of an alternative. (And ban myself from looking at photos of well trained Labradoodles on my phone!)

To be honest, the pressure of having to walk a dog actually increases my social anxiety rather than decreasing it.

And please don't get a Labradoodle - they are almost all puppy farm dogs. Go for a purebred if you do change your mind about a dog at some point.

We were in the same position, both DH and I grew up with dogs, so know how to handle / manage with them. We went to a breeder of the dog we wanted (Samoyed) and got a really bubbly friendly amazing dog. I would say that the woofing can upset the children at times of extreme overwhelm, but she’s been amazing for the 3.5 years we’ve had her so far and she brings a lot to the children and family
good luck but take care finding the right breed for you, the right personality and decent breeder who knows their personality type

I cannot see how a dog would help anyone feel less anxious going out. It just creates additional responsibility and stress.

Last time I went to the park with my friend, her autistic son and their dog, the dog chased another dog. Her DS chased after the dog and the owner of the other dog started telling off her DS for not having the dog under control. He then started screaming and running around in circles which got rid of the other owner but made the dog even more excited.

It ended up being one of the more stressful outings that I have been on.