Should we consider a dog?

[SilkieChick]

We've thought about it a number of times over the years but practicalities and work (office based/long hours) has usually been the main reason not to. Now our circumstances have changed - I'm full time freelance and WFH every day. So it's got me wondering if we should consider it, or if we need to confront the fact it might just not be for us (me)?

So I'm going to lay out our situation and ask for your opinions/advice!

I WFH and go for a morning walk before work almost every day.
We're surrounded by fields and woods, loads of places to walk on or off lead.
We have a decent sized, enclosed garden and I spend lots of time outside/gardening.
DDs are now teens - 15 and 19, and more than capable of helping with general doggy care and daily needs. DD2 is at uni but living at home and doesn't seem likely to go far anytime soon - I would anticipate being able to rely on her for doggy daycare/holiday breaks if DH and I were away.
We've had a rough couple of years, losing DH's mum, and DD2 has had issues with friends turning on her, she has been a bit miserable at school.
Also I wonder if, as the girls are older, a dog would encourage us out and about more at weekends as a family - Saturdays and Sundays can be a bit lazy/aimless.
Also, I do like the idea of having a wee furry chum around the house when I'm working, for company. I am an introvert, but it can get a bit lonely working alone all day.

However...

I don't love the idea of smells, mess, picking up poo, the extra hassle of dealing with muddy paws/dirt every day.
Fleas and ticks - nope.
Extra hassle in general? More routines and habits to layer into the day, remembering walks and food and any medicines etc., more regular life admin - which would inevitably fall to me.

Are these dealbreakers? Or things which would be outweighed by the benefits/enjoyment of having a pooch?

I'm already finding midlife a bit of a struggle - and in many ways it seems like getting a dog would be kind of a mad idea - but I have the notion it would either improve life and make us closer as a family OR it would be the worst thing we could do. I honestly wish there was a crystal ball I could look into to find out!

And before anyone says it - why don't we get a cat? I would get one in a heartbeat but DH is firmly against it. But I know the emotional benefits of having a pet and I know how much they can add to a household. So I'd begin to consider a dog if we could find a breed that's fairly quiet, laid-back, not needy or difficult to train - I think something like a whippet? It seems the most cat-like dog IYKWIM.

A dog can be an amazing companion & mood enhancer. They are always happy to see you & love joining in with you pottering around the garden. Walks are more enjoyable as you have someone to share them with. Caring for them isn’t a hassle, it will become part of your routine.
Do some research on breeds and see what appeals. Big dogs are harder to clean after a wet muddy walk, some dogs shed, some need grooming etc. Yes there will be a bit of cleaning and clearing up to do but that is insignificant compared to what you get back from them. Definitely go to dog training lessons as a well trained dog makes it easy to manage.
You can probably tell but I have had dogs my whole life and couldn’t be without one, or two! My children have grown and left so I love having my furry companions around in the day. We enjoy walks, have a play and they are just there taking an interest in whatever I’m doing. Dogs are just the most loyal, loving and protective pets to have!

With the amount of doubt you have I would say no. It’s a huge burden and makes so many things that bit harder.

Only you can decide if for you the benefits of having a dog would outweigh the disadvantages as you see them.

I have an Italian Greyhound/Whippet cross and she does tick most of your boxes, she doesn't smell & isn't fond of mud or water, after our morning walk she's very chill, sleeps mostly until her second walk. I think most dogs benefit from 2 walks, could you manage that?

Also don't bank on help from kids, I have one that's great & one that, despite all the promises, is not. So factor in doing it all yourself & any help being a bonus.

I love my dogs, have never had any problems with fleas or ticks, I treat them regularly to prevent them. I walk once a day, do playing and training later. I think some breeds are smellier than others, I wash throws and beds regularly. In wet weather obviously you get more mud but you get used to it. I think when you have them you love them so much you don’t mind, just adjust to it all and if all becomes routine (with lots of laughs and cuddles)

On balance, sounds like a bad idea. Dog sit for a week at least to see how hard it is before you commit

We have two dogs, and I couldn't imagine being without them. So I'm biased - but to go through the issues:

You're already doing one walk a day. Do you quail at the idea of another quick walk at 4pm, as it's getting dark in December with horizontal rain - or do you quail, but then say, 'Nah, what's the issue, I could do that with a warm coat on!'?
The hassle. Our two are close-coated, so if they come in wet they're confined to a warm kitchen until mostly dry, any damp undercarriage is mopped off with a bit of kitchen towel, and they're free to go and lie on the sofa - which is covered with a throw that is v easy to wash and dry (we have two). Their paws rarely track mud into the house - we have a Turtle mat by the back door which seems to get 80% of it.
Poo picking is a very small part of dog ownership.
Ours are very rarely at the vet. I have to stop by to collect flea and worm meds every quarter, but I do en route to somewhere else and it takes 5 mins.
Fleas, ticks etc: treat the dog, at least during the summer, and you're very unlikely to have an issue. I think we've taken off maybe 3 or 4 ticks in 20+ years of having dogs (usually 2). I make a note in my diary to apply flea drops etc, and you usually have a few days' grace anyway.
The extra hassle is limited. We can leave ours for 4-5 hours sometimes, they're very happy together. If longer, we find a local teenager with good recommendations who can let them out to run around the garden and play ball for 30 mins. It does mean that you sometimes get home shattered (in the aforementioned horizontal rain with the light going/gone) and have to go AT ONCE to walk the dog.
One of ours sheds noticeably once or twice a year; I just brush her out every week (which she loves) for the month it takes, and she sheds relatively little around the house. The other one, who sheds less, queues up to be brushed as well, so she has to have a go...
Feeding them takes 5 mins 2x/day. Now and then I have to divert to buy dog food, but I could order it online if I wanted to.
Kennels are expensive if you go away without the dog.
Life can be stressful if your dog is ill, injured or spends the morning loose in the countryside and won't come back. You need to have the head space and time to deal with repeated vet visits for a bad cut, for example.
And dogs cost. We don't insure ours, because we have the funds saved to cough up a small fortune if necessary, and this has saved us thousands - but I accept that not everyone has this option, and we have been very lucky.

On the plus side:
I get lots more exercise than I would otherwise, as does DH.
Over the years we have done many more walks with the DC than would otherwise have been the case.
Having dogs has definitely expanded my social circle.
The dogs are honestly bloody funny. The younger one is an idiot and does the most ridiculous things. They are also excellent company. Some dogs are very empathetic and will nurse a teenager through a break-up - our old boy did this.
And they are lovely company. They hang around me when I'm gardening, they're there when I'm cooking, they conk out next to me on the sofa in the evening.

So it's a bit swings and roundabouts. Cats are lot less work...

Edited for typos...

Your DD’s are 15 and 19, their free time that they spend with you is only going to decrease. So I would rule them both out of being involved/relied upon. I would only include yourself and DH in the plans.

if you got a puppy now and it lived say 14 years your DD’s would be 29 and 33 by that point! They will likely have long moved out of home. This will very much be your and dh’s responsibility.

does that change things? If not then get a dog. Dogs are amazing.

I can only speak from what we’ve seen in our own family.

Someone close to us has always had a dog and not just any dog, always a big one. For years that was just part of their routine. One of them works from home full time, the other does shift work, and they have two kids who have their own challenges…. Generally busy life, lots of moving parts.

When their old dog passed away from old age, they were genuinely looking forward to a bit of a break. As much as they loved having a dog, it was also limiting holidays, spontaneous plans, even family get-togethers had to revolve around the dog. But after a few months, they missed having a dog around. They thought long and hard, asked the rest of us what we thought. We all advised them to wait a bit longer, to make sure it was the right time. But their hearts won over their heads, and they brought home GSD puppy.

Fast forward, and things have changed dramatically. They’re now in the middle of a divorce. The big home they bought together has to be sold. The one working from home is trying to juggle school runs, the kids’ needs, and work, and the poor dog isn’t getting the time, walks, or attention he deserves. On top of everything else, they now need to find a new place (post divorce) considerably smaller that will be fit for them and the dog. Their current home looks like a bomb side where the dog manly lives, he is crated for the night, that also takes up a lot of space, and their garden door is always so dirty - snot, mud 🤢

I adore dogs, big or small, doesn’t matter. I love seeing people out walking theirs, the way dogs trot along so happily. But watching all this unfold in our family made me realize how much responsibility it really is. If we got dog and something ever went wrong and our marriage fell apart I don’t know what we’d do. We don’t have family nearby to help, and I couldn’t stand the thought of having to rehome an animal that depends on us completely.
So I’d only say, think about worst case scenario, what would you do then, who can help etc.

The downsides you list are only 'a small part of dog ownership' to those of us who really don't mind them. If the thought of picking up poo (and, sometimes, inadvertently getting it on your bare hand!) disgusts you, I don't think a dog is for you.

If you do decide to go ahead, as others have mentioned, do not be fooled into thinking your teen children will help for very long - evidence suggests they really will not and it'll all be down to you.

And please listen to those saying how limiting it is to get a dog and how very expensive. The cost of feeding, insuring, kennelling (for holidays without her and when we need to be away from home, even for just more hours than we can reasonably leave her) is much more than you think.

Please - only do it if you can be certain you won't regret it and want to give up the dog.

In answer to your question and, having read your post: no, do not get a dog.

And yes, the items you list that you really don’t want to be involved with, clearly are, or should be, dealbreakers for you.

You don’t want a dog and you wouldn’t be able to give a dog the home it needs.

Please, do not get a dog.

Thanks all! Interesting to hear everyone's views. Some fairly reassuring and others definitely making me think carefully.

I think there are elements of ownership I'd easily adapt to, and I have no problem with walks in the rain etc - but I do wonder if it's madness when we're just a few years off the so-called 'empty nest' to think about taking on something which is such a tie to home and daily routines. As a PP has said, it's a commitment well beyond the age when our children will live at home - and I don't plan to divorce any time soon/at all but inevitably I'd be the one responsible, and I'm not sure I want the added stress in my life. It's fine when pets are well and happy, but it's so hard when they're ill/injured.

It's also making me think - as I suppose I'd suspected - we're probably just not dog people. I think maybe you are or you aren't, and if we were we'd probably have done it by now.

From what you've said, it doesn't sound like you really want a dog. Nothing you've listed mentions actually wanting a dog, just a vague mention of a furry companion.

I wouldn't. Now my kids are older and at uni, it's such a pain having a dog. I do love my 9 year old, but it was much better with more of us in the house. I'm really struggling with not being able to go anywhere for more than 4 hrs, having to rent a dog friendly cottage when visiting kids etc. I will not get another dog.

I think that having a dog would have benefits for each of me, DH, teen DD and teen DS as well as us as a family. The DC are very keen, DH is happy to get one and so the final decision rests with me. And I have just come down in the “no” camp again. The way I end up deciding is taking a look at the week I am having and working out when I would walk the dog (or when someone else would be able to) or, if it was a day when we couldn’t (both DH & I in the office for example), how we would get it to doggy day care. I run this mock up through on the basis that we end up with a well trained dog who can be left for a few hours, has bomb proof recall & isn’t too energetic and on the basis that we had an anxious dog or one who was an escape artist. The logistics just aren’t workable for us

No. You have too many negatives on your list, and you can't rely on a 19 year old long-term to help out with holiday care either.

@EdithStourton Do you quail at the idea of another quick walk at 4pm, as it's getting dark in December with horizontal rain

This made me laugh as my dog would definitely quail at this! He'd have a look out of the back door and go 'actually I don't think I need a poo after all, thanks.'

Didn't we quite recenty have a thread about this - late teenage son refusing to dog-sit, as had been previously agreed?

When you list what you don’t want in a dog it makes me think definitely don’t do it. Also if you assume your teens will help- all kids say they’re one hundred percent in but actually most people I know say their teens walk their dog under duress sometimes. My biggest thing is always whether your family visit or go places a lot because eg days out in shopping centres/ visiting family / going away are cut way down because you can’t leave the dog.

Ps search for puppy/ dog regret etc on mn and read the threads. If you still think you want a dog then definitely go for it!

We did. I'm sure there was also one about a son sneaking his girlfriend round while he was dog-sitting too, and not turning up when the OP wanted?

My feeling exactly. ^^

If you are not sure, you cant have a dog and be half in or out.
In my experience they are expensive, thrive on routine, and take up a lot of time. They are prairie animals so like going out on the prairie more than once a day.

As for picking up poo, occasionally dealing with vomit or worse, I was not unhappy when I no
longer had to cope with that albeit her passing broke my heart. 💔

@SilkieChick I think if you were really dog people, there wouldn't be any doubt in your mind.
You mentioned the idea of a cat-like dog, so why not get a dog-like cat? A couple of Maine Coons would perfectly fit the bill. I know you said your DH is against a cat, but trust me, a MC is an honorary dog. They'd be furry companions for you while you're working but a lot less tying overall. There are none of the negatives like muddy paws, digging up the lawn, barking at a pin drop, but loads of positives; they're big and playful and full of attitude. My DH is really not a cat person but we've had 8 Maine Coons and he is adamant that they aren't really cats.

@SilkieChick

I've read your comments carefully and I would advise you against getting a dog. Firstly, the idea that your near adult children will share responsibility is highly optimistic. They may want to be involved in the "fun" bits now and then but I have no doubt you will be bitterly disappointed if you rely on them for anything beyond that. Besides, they're won't be living at home forever. That aside, you are very concerned about illness and medication which is, I'm afraid, almost inevitable with pet ownership. So are muddy paws, shedding hairs and other assorted messy situations. Finally, dogs are an enormous tie. It really is like having another child and I don't think your expectations are at all realistic. Sorry, but it's a no from me.

I was bought up on a farm animals and the commitment of owning/caring for animals have been part of my life ever since I can remember. I used to own horses they make dogs look like a walk in the park in terms of commitment/time/money.
I live alone and have 2 dogs they are a lot of work, my none doggy friends comment on how much time I devote to them. I walk before and after work come hell or high water, currently in the pissing rain and pitch black, if I go out I’ve always got one eye on the clock because I’ve got to get back to the dogs ( non doggy friends find this irritating), I have a dog walker who walks them every day when I’m at work or they go to doggy day care. I do go away but usually to family because I can take the dogs with me, if I can’t they go to doggy day care and stay in kennels which they love but it’s expensive. Mine shed like nothing on this earth, (I have mainly wooden floors as it’s easier), its rains ALOT where I live so from now till April they bring in wet/mud all the time, they are low slung. I buy my food from an our local pet shop and use a local vet who’s sensible and very reasonably priced. Picking up poo doesn’t worry me but I doubt it would bother anyone who’s worked on farms, poo is just part of life!
But they are great company, they love you unconditionally I’ve made lots of friends through walking my dogs, I love the outdoors and they get me out everyday twice a day, from March to October I walk about 17-18000 steps a day with them, I find walking before and after work very relaxing, I walk places I wouldn’t normally walk, on lighter evenings we go to beaches, walk besides rivers. through ancient woodlands, see a whole variety of wildlife, I watch the seasons change, even in the winter I generally enjoy our walks. At one stage I toyed with the idea of getting another horse, my dog was old and coming to the end of his life but then I came to my senses I knew I couldn’t juggle horse and a dog. Dogs just give me so much pleasure and joy (horses rarely do this just lots of disappointment and heartbreak) I wouldn’t be without them.
I have cardigan corgis (a vulnerable/rare breed) they are big dog personalities of short legs, they are not needy or clingy, they like to walk but if you can only walk them “ round the block” on occasions they perfectly happy. They are happy go lucky easy to train and have a bit of a sense of humour. Their big failing is that they shed, hair falls out all the time and then twice a year it’s unbelievable there’s hair everywhere.

I am about to seek a referral to a behavioural specialist for our seven year old cocker spaniel because I am dealing with yet another evening of miserable barking, yelping, pacing, and although he has been very upset by the fireworks, we’ve not had any for three nights now and the reactive distress that sets in at sunset hasn’t stopped. He’s supposed to be losing weight on a restricted diet, but he’s hungry, bloated, flatulent and his stools have become really disgusting piles of diarrhoea, impossible to pick up properly. He’s not a happy boy, and seems to become worse the older he gets although we have tried hard to train him, exercise him, lots of walks on and off the lead, jolly times in lovely places, give him mental stimulation with recall and sniffer training. He just struggles to relax or be at peace for long stretches of the evening especially. He seems anxious, distressed.

We can’t go on holiday without him as we can’t ask friends to manage this degree of noise and neediness and DH won’t kennel him or countenance dog sitters. So we haven’t been further abroad than France since we got him and it costs a fortune in vet certification for him. I want to go back to Japan! Or even just jump on a flight to a romantic city with DH, and no worries, no dog in tow. We have the income, we’re sort of empty nesters, but that’s a carefree option that isn’t open to us. I feel my golden decade (60-70) is going to be usurped by this little creature’s demands.

worst of all is the feeling that although we have done everything we were supposed to do, and tried hard, we have failed this animal with the wrong approach and are just not very good dog owners. His noise makes the house miserable for hours each day- our son walks around with headphones on permanently and my husband, the most contained and calm of men is reduced to yelling, ‘Shut up!’

So think carefully, OP. I am about to throw yet more money at this problem but I am really, quietly, and sincerely wishing this whole period was behind us.