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Puppy Blues

45 replies

daydi · 27/10/2025 18:31

Hello
I I have a (very cute to look at) 16 week old puppy and I’ll admit, I didn’t foresee it being so hard Sad I guess I was naive. I am really struggling!

I am home most days and when I’m not my DP works from home in the same room as him so we are usually always around. He jumps up at the worktop and table and it’s relentless. No matter how much training we do for that matter it doesn’t change. If there is food around he becomes chaotic on another level! He barks when he’s shut in his pen and when we are in the house and it’s so loud and non stop but we struggle to eat if he’s out of the pen. He still bites sometimes, is that normal? I have an almost 4 year old and he tried to bite her the other day when he was playful. He also harasses her when she’s walking around so she spends all her time at the table drawing unable to play in the lounge anymore Sad

We take him to puppy training but his attention span is really minimal so it feels like we get no where with training. I walk him twice a day for 20 minutes as advised and that helps him quieten down for a nap but after that it’s back to chaos!!
Please tell me it gets better. It’s making me resent him. DP and my daughter love him but I don’t Sad

OP posts:
daydi · 27/10/2025 18:32

He is a golden retriever I should add!

OP posts:
LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 27/10/2025 18:34

I understand as I was there myself, the dog I wanted to give back is currently 7 snoozing between me and my 4 year old. It is hard, it does get easier, one day you’ll wake up and it’ll be easier.

my saving grace we’re chews that lasted a long time, look at natural chews like venison / beef scalps etc avoid anything fatty like pig ears. They’ll chew for hours and tire themselves out. We also got those kong things and filled them layering yoghurt and kibble, then freeze. It takes them ages to lick it all out, we’d give them in his crate to get used to being in there

Lennonjingles · 27/10/2025 18:43

Yes, it does get better, it’s way harder than you think having a puppy. We stuck to short walks, but soon upped it to 30/40 minute walks and then our boy became calmer. I did some training with him at home making him sit at kitchen door until I gave command that he could come in, it helps to show that you are in charge. I used to make up a frozen kong which kept him occupied in his crate whilst we had dinner, but if you don’t leave food around and tell him no when he begs for food, he should get the massage. Can you try a play pen to keep him away from your DD, until you get through the nipping stage.

21ZIGGY · 27/10/2025 18:46

I feel for you because I went through bad puppy blues and my dog was a maniac, and now he's four and I couldn't live without him.

Yours is four months old. What was your four year old like at that stage and what did you expect from her? Plus golden retrievers are crazy puppies. This isn't going to be a short-lived issue. You re looking at until their eighteen months really, but things will slowly get better if you manage and train and teach the pup what you want it to do instead of the things it's doing that are annoying you.

Biting/ mouthing is going to go on for quite a while until say six months. It will get less and less up to that stage. But until the adult teeth come in, you're going to have to deal with at least some mouthing.

Take a deep breath. Give yourself and the puppy a break. You ll have good days and bad days. Try and keep the puppy's brain engaged.But not with food based activities ( unless it's training). I really don't like all the food puzzles and kongs. Etc.Which are just plug in a gap for 5 minutes and not teaching the dogs anything

There's a puppy thread on here that you could join for support

Junax · 27/10/2025 18:46

Omg I remember the puppy days so well 😅
It is relentlessly hard for what feels like forever, but it DOES get better (at least it did for us). We love our almost 5 year old Vizsla more than anything, but MY GOD was it tough in the beginning. The zoomies, the shark teeth, the chewing, the constant never-ending energy! It was a wild ride, and I’ll be honest, it crossed my mind whether we could keep her. But looking back, I’m so glad we persevered. Although she’s still very excitable when we get home or collect her from daycare, she is pretty chilled and easygoing the rest of the time. She’s also extremely loving which is honestly so lush. The only thing we didn’t crack was her sleeping in her crate - we gave up 3 weeks into having her and she’s been in our bed ever since 🙃 (not ideal, I know).
We didn’t have children when we first had her (we now have 2), and whilst it isn’t exactly the same as having kids, it isn’t far off! Puppies are an absolute eye-opener for anyone who hasn’t had one before (us included) so don’t beat yourself up too much. If you’re able to keep going then I promise it’ll be worth it.

Pricelessadvice · 27/10/2025 18:47

Puppy blues is a real thing. I’m a long time dog owner but I still get puppy blues when we get a new puppy.
They are far harder work than people realise and your whole life changes. You are completely tied to them and both day and nighttime is disrupted.

You WILL come through the other side and start enjoy in your dog more. I much prefer once they get to 18 months-2. I don’t enjoy the puppy or young stage much at all.

Hang in there!

VanGoSunflowers · 27/10/2025 18:53

I think we are all naive when we go in to something we have never experience before. I got my first puppy (a lab) back at the beginning of June. He is now nearly 7 months and an absolute sweetheart (for the most part 😂)

There are far more experienced people on here than me, and hopefully some more of them will be along soon. But my main two questions would be - is your puppy sleeping enough? And can you walk for longer than 20 mins each time? I’m not talking about suddenly upping to a ten mile trek of course, but that bit longer may help.
Mine is very calm at home and has been for months. I was vigilant about him sleeping enough when he was younger (he’s better at settling himself when tired now)
Having said that, it could just be his temperament rather than anything I did 😂

Pancakeflipper · 27/10/2025 18:54

Golden retrievers can be appalling behaved until they are older. Try and find a trainer who knows GR's and their behaviour as some need training longer than other breeds.

Also look at dog safe field areas to rent for an hour to try out recall and other training exercises.

It will get better. It's just really hard.

SM33 · 27/10/2025 18:55

We really struggled with our puppy at this stage and got a dog trainer to come for a couple of hours - their advice was super helpful and things hugely improved.

daydi · 27/10/2025 19:00

Thank you so much everybody for your replies. It’s really reassuring - I was starting to think I was a horrible dog mum!

I think he maybe doesn’t sleep enough in the day. I wonder if I up the walk it’ll burn energy and he’ll end up sleeping more which will help.

After we got him I did discover that golden retrievers stay puppy like for a few years!Shock hopefully he will grow out of it. I try to remember that one day he’ll be sleeping peacefully and won’t be so naughty but it’s hard juggling a 3 year old and him!! I definitely had a different idea of what it’d be like

OP posts:
LandSharksAnonymous · 27/10/2025 19:13

Most of this is down to training.

By 16 weeks, the average Golden Retriever should be able to walk to heel off lead, be fully house trained, and understand most societal norms. Training should be done around every meal - don't just stick a food bowl down and let them have at it. Use meal times as a training opportunity. Reinforce that he sits and waits for food, for attention etc. They are incredibly intelligent dogs - more intelligent than their owners, the majority of the time - so training is a walk in the park, particularly given their food drive.

Your boy barks when he's shut in the pen because Golden Retrievers are social animals. They can suffer with severe separation anxiety. You cannot leave him in the play pen crying. Again, a firm no if he bothers you when you eat will fix this. As will giving him a small reward once you've finished eating - so he knows his reward comes after you have eaten. Eventually he'll lean to wait. But leaving him to cry will only end badly.

Finally, on the biting. He did not try and bite your 4 year old. He mouthed. Golden Retrievers mouth their entire lives. They can literally spend hours with something, the same thing, in their mouth. They were bred to have something in their mouth. You need to feed that desire - that means toys, pillows, towels (all supervised) whilst your puppy goes through teething and gets used to understanding the force of it's bite. The mouthing will go on your dogs entire life - you need to get used to that because in six months, you'll have a 30kg dog that still mouths and no amount of training will fix that because it's inherent in the bred.

Most of all, your puppy needs time alone with just the adults - without the child around. Children wind up puppies something chronic and, being honest, it'll be much easier to fix some of these behaviours if you keep your child and the puppy away from each other as much as possible.

But, what I will say, is this is going to be 2+ years of work. Most Golden Retrievers, even if they are well-trained and 'calm' still have wanky moments daily when they're 2-3 years old. It's why effective training - not puppy training classes which are a complete waste of time - is so important.

I would be careful upping the walking. I always tell owners of my puppies not to pay attention to the five minute rule - but to be mindful of their dog. Just because a dog can walk that far, doesn't mean it should. And walking your dog so it sleeps is not a long-term solution. Neither is using a kong or a puzzle mat. Puppies need to learn to settle, and be calm, and not bother people- and that's only learnt through experience, training and age. No one ever got a good dog by neglecting training and using Kong's or over-exercise to solve all their issues - but they did through training. 😊

VanGoSunflowers · 27/10/2025 19:16

@daydi my pup getting enough sleep used to drive me crazy. He’d only sleep if he was next to me! So I had many hours of sitting still and staying in the same room! He’s not so bad with it now, so I can get up and pop in to the living room or to the bathroom and he will still wake up but he will stay put. He was like a totally different dog when he was getting enough sleep.
What kind of walks do you do? Have you let puppy off the lead yet or do you use a long line? Do they get lots of mental stimulation too? Short training sessions still tires mine out!

daydi · 27/10/2025 19:31

LandSharksAnonymous · 27/10/2025 19:13

Most of this is down to training.

By 16 weeks, the average Golden Retriever should be able to walk to heel off lead, be fully house trained, and understand most societal norms. Training should be done around every meal - don't just stick a food bowl down and let them have at it. Use meal times as a training opportunity. Reinforce that he sits and waits for food, for attention etc. They are incredibly intelligent dogs - more intelligent than their owners, the majority of the time - so training is a walk in the park, particularly given their food drive.

Your boy barks when he's shut in the pen because Golden Retrievers are social animals. They can suffer with severe separation anxiety. You cannot leave him in the play pen crying. Again, a firm no if he bothers you when you eat will fix this. As will giving him a small reward once you've finished eating - so he knows his reward comes after you have eaten. Eventually he'll lean to wait. But leaving him to cry will only end badly.

Finally, on the biting. He did not try and bite your 4 year old. He mouthed. Golden Retrievers mouth their entire lives. They can literally spend hours with something, the same thing, in their mouth. They were bred to have something in their mouth. You need to feed that desire - that means toys, pillows, towels (all supervised) whilst your puppy goes through teething and gets used to understanding the force of it's bite. The mouthing will go on your dogs entire life - you need to get used to that because in six months, you'll have a 30kg dog that still mouths and no amount of training will fix that because it's inherent in the bred.

Most of all, your puppy needs time alone with just the adults - without the child around. Children wind up puppies something chronic and, being honest, it'll be much easier to fix some of these behaviours if you keep your child and the puppy away from each other as much as possible.

But, what I will say, is this is going to be 2+ years of work. Most Golden Retrievers, even if they are well-trained and 'calm' still have wanky moments daily when they're 2-3 years old. It's why effective training - not puppy training classes which are a complete waste of time - is so important.

I would be careful upping the walking. I always tell owners of my puppies not to pay attention to the five minute rule - but to be mindful of their dog. Just because a dog can walk that far, doesn't mean it should. And walking your dog so it sleeps is not a long-term solution. Neither is using a kong or a puzzle mat. Puppies need to learn to settle, and be calm, and not bother people- and that's only learnt through experience, training and age. No one ever got a good dog by neglecting training and using Kong's or over-exercise to solve all their issues - but they did through training. 😊

I appreciate your time to reply but there are a few things here which I have to respond to!!

I do not leave my dog in the play pen crying, that makes it sound terrible! He gets put in sometimes when he’s snatched my child’s food off the table but I don’t leave him for ages. He has had about 1000 ‘firm nos’ and it has absolutely zero effect on him..so of course we can’t do a small reward after eating. He jumps up every 2 minutes!

The mouthing was absolutely not mouthing. I have had labradors all my life so know mouthing vs biting. He bites us too sometimes and it’s painful and that’s fine as he’s a puppy, but I do know the difference Smile

When it comes to my daughter and him, my daughter doesn’t wind him up at all, mainly because she is scared of him so doesn’t tend to go near him! She also knows not to wind up animals as I have raised her not to. She goes to nursery 4 days a week so they don’t exactly spend much time together. I do think it was a bit unfair to assume I allow my child to wind my dog up and that they spend too much time together.

We do spend a lot of time training but it seems like it’s going no where at the moment. You’ll probably put the whole blame on us I’m sure but we can only do our best - hence why I made this post!

Thank you to everybody giving kindness and sympathy to the situation. We are all learning how to do our best Smile

OP posts:
daydi · 27/10/2025 19:33

VanGoSunflowers · 27/10/2025 19:16

@daydi my pup getting enough sleep used to drive me crazy. He’d only sleep if he was next to me! So I had many hours of sitting still and staying in the same room! He’s not so bad with it now, so I can get up and pop in to the living room or to the bathroom and he will still wake up but he will stay put. He was like a totally different dog when he was getting enough sleep.
What kind of walks do you do? Have you let puppy off the lead yet or do you use a long line? Do they get lots of mental stimulation too? Short training sessions still tires mine out!

Ahh bless him! You’re obviously his safe space Smile I let him off the lead in enclosed fields or large spaces as his recall is good. I wonder if perhaps he needs more mental stimulation Hmm

OP posts:
LandSharksAnonymous · 27/10/2025 19:38

Putting your dog in the pen when it has done something naughty is not training him not to do it. It's punishment after the fact. Which is never going to work.

The mouthing absolutely was mouthing. If I had a £ for every time a novice Golden Retriever owner said their dog bit them, when it mouthed, I'd like Elon Musk look like a 16th century peasant. Your dog might have lunged, or curled it's lip, or done both, but it was still mouthing - that's how Golden Retriever puppies mouth and play. It looks vicious, but it absolutely isn't.

But, if your DD is already scared of the dog, and you think he's biting, I am slightly bewildered as to why you've not taking him back to the breeder tbh.

I wasn't putting any blame on you - quite the leap to make. As someone with significant knowledge and experience of the breed, including breeding, rescue/adoptions and showing, I am well versed in seeing people struggle with the same issues and was offering good - practical - advice. If you don't want to take it, and think it was all pointed remarks, that's fine.😊

Quite frankly though, and now I will be a bit rude, as you were quite dismissive of my advice, you don't seem like someone particularly knowledgable if you can't cope on week 16. With a Golden, it's going to get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better.

Good luck.

daydi · 27/10/2025 19:41

LandSharksAnonymous · 27/10/2025 19:38

Putting your dog in the pen when it has done something naughty is not training him not to do it. It's punishment after the fact. Which is never going to work.

The mouthing absolutely was mouthing. If I had a £ for every time a novice Golden Retriever owner said their dog bit them, when it mouthed, I'd like Elon Musk look like a 16th century peasant. Your dog might have lunged, or curled it's lip, or done both, but it was still mouthing - that's how Golden Retriever puppies mouth and play. It looks vicious, but it absolutely isn't.

But, if your DD is already scared of the dog, and you think he's biting, I am slightly bewildered as to why you've not taking him back to the breeder tbh.

I wasn't putting any blame on you - quite the leap to make. As someone with significant knowledge and experience of the breed, including breeding, rescue/adoptions and showing, I am well versed in seeing people struggle with the same issues and was offering good - practical - advice. If you don't want to take it, and think it was all pointed remarks, that's fine.😊

Quite frankly though, and now I will be a bit rude, as you were quite dismissive of my advice, you don't seem like someone particularly knowledgable if you can't cope on week 16. With a Golden, it's going to get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better.

Good luck.

Thank you for your insight!! Let’s be kind and not comment on someone’s knowledge without knowing them Smile I’m happy for you and your intelligence!

All the best Smile

OP posts:
Theweedygarden · 27/10/2025 19:59

Why do people ask for help, get good advice from someone who is widely agreed to be fairly knowledgable about the breed, and then get rude?

@LandSharksAnonymous method of delivery might leave a bit to be desired, but she’s not wrong. We’ve all been on the receiving end of her rather cutting remarks, but I don’t think anyone would deny she is enormously knowledgable and cares about dogs being raised well.

21ZIGGY · 27/10/2025 20:05

Theweedygarden · 27/10/2025 19:59

Why do people ask for help, get good advice from someone who is widely agreed to be fairly knowledgable about the breed, and then get rude?

@LandSharksAnonymous method of delivery might leave a bit to be desired, but she’s not wrong. We’ve all been on the receiving end of her rather cutting remarks, but I don’t think anyone would deny she is enormously knowledgable and cares about dogs being raised well.

It comes off so 'know it all' every time. Not everyone is a professional.

Theweedygarden · 27/10/2025 20:10

21ZIGGY · 27/10/2025 20:05

It comes off so 'know it all' every time. Not everyone is a professional.

Not everyone is. But perhaps people who post asking for help should take the advice of ‘the professional’ so to speak?

As I said, the delivery style might be lacking but it doesn’t mean she’s wrong.

VanGoSunflowers · 27/10/2025 20:11

I’ve been on this forum since before I got my pup. My first post was questioning whether getting a German Shepherd would be ok for a first time owner. @LandSharksAnonymous told me absolutely not. I ended up with a Lab and she was right. I could have made a huge mistake there instead of getting my dream dog.

I have learned a lot from her. Her advice (and advice from the many other lovely ladies on the puppy and adolescent threads) have made raising a pup so much easier. I don’t care about tone or delivery, I care about getting the right advice so I make the best choices. The wrong advice and making the wrong choices when it comes to dog ownership can be extremely detrimental. Not everything needs to be sugar coated.

21ZIGGY · 27/10/2025 20:12

Theweedygarden · 27/10/2025 20:10

Not everyone is. But perhaps people who post asking for help should take the advice of ‘the professional’ so to speak?

As I said, the delivery style might be lacking but it doesn’t mean she’s wrong.

I don't disagree with you, but perhaps saying I m a professional breeder and have been for x years and I would advise xyz would be much preferable to the way she currently communicates. But that's just my preference. I'm on this board a lot, so I see how she communicates and can lump it, but people who don't know, don't know that she knows what she's talking about and you can't infer that from what she said above unless you really read into it

Edit to add, we can only take someone's word for what they say, they know or what their experience is etc. There is no proof

daydi · 27/10/2025 20:20

Completely agree @21ZIGGY

So many people aren’t a professional (obviously!) and don’t get things right. Also, how am I to know she is a breeder or whatever she is!! I’ve never read or posted about a puppy on here so how am I supposed to know that this lady is apparently so helpful. It comes across as an attack the way that she speaks. I’m happy for advice but don’t assume that my child does something that she doesn’t and don’t assume things that aren’t true! If it was delivered better there would be no issue. I’m sure I’m not the first to comment back to it and I won’t be the last.

OP posts:
SomethingWitty44 · 27/10/2025 20:24

I could have written this post myself! My GR is 10 weeks old and so challenging, I felt I was having a breakdown today! People tell me it gets better and he does have some amazing moments but my god it’s tough! No advice but solidarity. Good luck OP!

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 20:30

Oh, the puppy days had me questioning my choices BIG TIME, lol. We have a beagle (he's nearly 8 now) and he was an absolute nightmare in those early weeks. I cried a lot 😬

It does get SO much better though. Perseverance, patience and maybe a good dollop of wine (and sleep) and you will come out the other side, I promise.

Can we see a photo of your terror? 😍

Arran2024 · 27/10/2025 20:38

Hi. I have had four bernese mountain dog puppies and they have all been incredibly challenging at times, but in different ways. Our third one had the most unbelievable separation anxiety from day one for example. We didn't do anything different with him. In my experience every dog is different and a one size fits all approach is not useful.

Thing is, getting a new puppy requires a lot of interaction with the puppy, as a lot of his development comes from positive moments between you. Pup needs to learn to bond to you and to trust you.

Games are good - just get some tennis balls and roll them to him across the floor, then get him to give them up and give lots of praise when he does.

I would recommend getting a buggy to take him out in, with you removing him from the buggy for 10 minute walks, then back in again. This will give him more outdoor time but with less wear on his growing joints.

Finally, what are you feeding him? Some dogs are very sensitive to food and do better on a wet food than on kibble.

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